My First Birthday Without Him

[LarrysGirl]

Today is my birthday. The first in fifteen years without Larry. I've dreaded this day because it is a reminder for me that this day last year things starting spiraling out of control. He went into the hospital again and the news was starting to be bad. We had waited over four years for a transplant and now everything was going to hell and we couldn't stop it. He still made my birthday special, as always. I have my card from last year and the extra notes he always wrote to me. I just don't think I can have a birthday without him. I don't want to. Ten months and this still feels impossible. He was a great guy and I was lucky to have been loved by him. I will miss him forever. As he would say, "Happy Birthday Deb, I love you". I LOVE YOU TOO!

[Roswell]

Well I wont say nothing more than Happy Birthday! Happy Birthday!

That, and the day is yours.

Blessings and regards, William

[chrissy777]

Happy Birthday Deb,

I had my first bday without him this month too.. Didnt feel much like a Bday though. Take care of yourself

[spunkye]

Hi Deb,

I too have a birthday coming up in three days - I don't feel much like celebrating and I can understand your sadness around not being with your honey on your birthday. It will be the first time for me without Dick on my birthday, in 10 years. All of these "firsts" we have to go through - they're not easy, are they?

You'll be in my thoughts and prayers on your birthday.

Love, Benita

[JennO]

Hi there. Today is my birthday as well and I have had a busy weekend. Our son was born one year ago yesterday and I have had a houseful of family and 80 guests yesterday celebrating Rory's first birthday. I don't know if I should have..but I kept busy all day and didn't really have time to think..nor did I today. I have been thinking about whether it was a good thing to have this much going on...but I don't know. Maybe I will hit my wall in a few days when everyone has gone...And now I am quickly approaching the first anniversary of Jeff's death..just three weeks away....

My heart goes out to all of you!

Jenn

[gabrielle_land]

Happy Birthday to you and to Jenn as well, wish all the best, and send hugs and love for you both!

Take care,

Gaby

[dpodesta]

Happy birthday to both of you. My first birthday and hers were in August. It was a very trying time for me. Jenn, you were probably right in having so many people over, it help you to keep busy and dwell on things. You might hit the wall later, but at least you can look back and say you had a good day. We are all going through a lot of firsts and those will be the hardest. Hopefully after the first year since the death we have have it a lot easier the next time.

May God grant all of you peace.

[kayc]

So many people having birthdays, and I wish each of you well. You said you didn't want to go through a birthday without him...so, don't. That first year of "firsts without" is so hard. I remember going through my birthday without him, our anniversary without him, Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. and as Easter began to approach, I rebelled! I didn't want to do any more holidays that first year, none! So I said I wasn't doing Easter. I didn't fix an Easter dinner, didn't even attend church, I didn't have the kids over...I treated it like a very ordinary day and pretended it didn't exist. I am very religious, it had nothing to do with it being Easter, it just had to do with the fact that I was sick of all the "firsts without" and didn't want to do any more of them. I figured I'd tackle it the next year when more time was past. Maybe that will or won't help, but I do know you have to go with what you feel inside of you, and my refusal to do Easter really helped me feel like I was taking back some control in my life, taking charge of what I could. Good luck and God be with you, however you choose to handle it.