Jump to content
Grief Healing Discussion Groups

Given Up


Recommended Posts

Shelley,

You sound so discouraged (Do I get the award for understatement of the year?). I don't know what to say to make it better. I just wanted you to know that someone read your message and cares.

I haven't been on this site enough to know any of you very well, but let me ask...Have you seen a grief counsellor? If not, you can contact a local hospice. They will help, even if your loved one was not cared for by them.

I'm sending you BIG hugs and prayers!

((((((((((((((((((((Shelley)))))))))))))))))))))))))

Martha

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shelley

I understand because i feel the same way. i feel like i want to give up but what then. what happens, i am afraid of that. i am trying my best and even have agreed to try antidepressants , i know i am desperate now. i hate medicine. noone really understands and i don't have alot of people to talk to. i go to a group on thurs nights it ends next week, i couldn't go last night b/c i had such a anxiety attack and i needed just to lay in bed. i have one real good friend but i can't talk to her always we have different schedules. i email alot to her. my husband is a wonderful man who loves me very much but i just realized yesterday doesn't really understand how bad this is for me. i think he doesn't know what to do and i think i wear him down when i keep repeating the same things over and over again. i go to therapy once a week and that does help somewhat. oh i can feel your pain, i am here for you and I CARE. love lori

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shelly,

I have the same thoughts go through my head at times also. THere are times I jjust fell like throwing my hands up and saying I give up I am not going to do this anymore. It seems to me like I get frustrated at the simiplest things that I didn't used to before. Life has changed for us and with that we are changing, I hope for the better as time goes on.

Derek

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shelley,

I feel so badly for you. I also would recommend at least trying a grief group or counselor. You say you want to give up. My advice is that you do exactly that. Just stop trying to "feel better". There was a point I reached where you are now and I just said "the hell with it". I just stopped trying so hard, and if I cried, I cried. If I didn't feel like crying, I just felt like it was a little gift for the moment. I just took whatever came along ,when it came along, and dealt with it at the moment as best as I could. I realized that there are going to be a lot of bad moments and a few good ones. I try to do anything possible that I enjoy. But I think "giving up" helped. I was worn out from trying to make everything better. Now I still do the same thing. I still cry a lot but I also really try to enjoy the happy moments. We have to go back to the old "one day at a time" mantra. Just try to believe that SOMEDAY there will be a glimmer of hope for you and until then, just let go and ride it out.

Just try to relax and say "I'll handle it as it comes along". Hang in there, please, it will get better eventually, I promise. And think about the group or counselor idea. At least there would be others to talk with that understand.

A very big hug to you,

Shell

And remember that we all care about you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi All,

There was a big chance that I was going to give up but after reading more and more posts I thought it over and decided that you are all stuck with me.... I am greatful for all the posts written in this area... Take care and thanks again Shelley

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Shelley,

If moving on to you means not coming here, maybe not wanting to talk about your grief anymore and you think that will help you, then I understand and will miss you terribly, but wish you the very best. One thing I'd like to know is who told you that you are grieveing for too long? I read another post by you that mentioned your brother-in-law said something to that effect. If this is who you are listening to, please reconsider. That is one thing we've tried to help people with here, is to let them know there is no such thing as "too long". Anyway, I'm saddened by your news and hope you continue to post, if it helps you. If you feel it isn't helping, then take care of yourself and the best of luck to you.

Hugs,

Shell

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi All,

I would like to tell you all that I am very thankful for you and I am ignoring what my brother-in-law says about grieving and I am coming back this time to stay... Marty can you do me another favor can you pull this post for me PLEASE.... PLEASE.... PLEASE.... PLEASE.... THANK YOU...... SHELLEY

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shelley, dear ~

I am willing to comply with your request, but I'm feeling a bit confused myself, and I want to be sure I understand what you are asking me to do. Are you wanting me to delete this entire topic (that is, all the messages in the "Given Up" topic that have been posted since November 10), or just this latest message posted by you?

For what it's worth, I think there is some benefit in leaving everything just as it is. Your struggle and your ambivalence are reactions that many of our members share (as I think you can see from the kind and caring responses you've received so far from Derek, Lorikelly, Shell, and Trudy).

I think you've been on and around this board long enough to know that we’ve discussed the matter of there being no time frame for grief many times in these forums, and we’ve posted several articles on that topic as well. See, for example,

I Don’t Care How Long It’s Been,

You Should Be Over ‘IT’

We Don’t Have to be Strong

In another post, Shell wisely suggested that you print out one or two of these articles for your brother-in-law to read ~ have you considered doing that?

In any event, since your most recent posts, I hope we’ve all made clear to you that, whatever you decide to do (leave, stay, keep your posts as they are or delete whichever ones you choose) in this place there is no timetable for your grief, nor is there an expiration date on your membership. We are here for you, Shelley, we will not stand in judgment of you and your individual grief process, and we will not abandon you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Marty T,

This reply is from the black sheep of the family, Please keep everything as written... I am finally realizing that I am me and no one can tell me what I am feeling is false... If I am sad than I am sad... I think I just need to stand up for myself and say to everyone this is me and I am here to stay... No one else has to like it except for me.... I also feel if I could just have a good old fashion cry it would help so very much... I start to cry but stop before I can really let it all out.... I have my tickets to Walt Disney World so maybe I can act like a kid for a week and forget some of the confussed and sadden person I feel so much like.... Thank you for all the time you have spent on messages for me I really appreciate it.... I just need someone to take the time and say this is it and you are not alone... I hope that I have not been to much trouble I seem to chase people away because I act such like a little child I think people do not want me around....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't think it would run anyone off, it just shows how much our minds go one then another in just a heartbeat. Hearing that you are going to Disney World brought back a lot of memories as this is where Karen passed away. You are going to where I want to be able to go again some day. Say a prayer for me and if you don't already have hotel reservations stay at the Coranado Springs resort, this is where we were going to stay the whole trip and it ended up that Carson and I only got to stay for the one night. They really rolled out the red carpet for my family and the family that was with us after Karen was gone. Karen didn't even get to set foot into the hotel since we were just arriving from the airport when she died, but I just can't say enough about the wonderful people there. There will be a day when we can return and when we do we will be staying at that hotel. I wish you all the best

Derek

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shelley,

I'm glad your deciding to stay. Remember, the holidays amplify the hurt you already feel in your heart. My counselor wanted me to up my lexapro. I told him I wasn't going to do it until after the holidays. I know I am going to be down during the holidays. I'm not even going to get a new hair style. I don't make good decisions when I am depressed. My spirit is lifting a small bit now that the holidays are passing us by. I'm not going to up the meds. Your brother-in-law is not going to feel what you feel. Never mind him. You've got family here who know what your going through. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We all feel the same pain. Wishing you peace...

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Shelley,

BINGO!!! You hit the nail on the head! You said you need to stand up to people and say, this is who I am, take it or leave it! (Or that's my summation of it!) I am soooo proud of you for getting to that point.

As far as acting like a little child, join the club! I think we all feel like children again and act like it at times. I know I do. So don't worry about that. And DEFINITELY act like a child at Disney World...what better place? Have fun!

Big hugs to you,

Shell

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...