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My Brother's Wedding


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My brother's wedding has come and gone. He married December 30, 2006. It was perfect. Well, almost perfect. My Mom wasn't there. She passed July 16, 2006. He was her baby even at 40 years old and we all new it. She may have not been there physically but he made sure she was the in spirit. If you were a guest and didn't know that she wasn't there, you knew after his dedications. It was absolutely beautiful.

The first came in the unity candle. My new sister-in-law's Mother lit the candle representing her side of the family. My brother asked my sister and I to lite the candle together that my Mom should have lit. We were honored to say the least. I felt so proud to be doing her job. My heart was also so heavy.

The second came in a flower presentation. My Mother's picture had been placed on a white column that looked like it came from heaven. An angel sat nearby and blessed holy candle burned along side of her picture. Beautiful floral arrangements surrounded it. They gave her Mother a white rose as a token of love. Then laid a single white rose at my Mom's pictute while "The Wedding Song" by Peter, Paul, & Mary softly played in the back ground. Many tears were falling at this point. He also had another flower to bring to her gravesite so he could introduce her to his new bride.

Next, he dedicated a song to her. He wanted all of his siblings to get up and dance to a song he heard. We got up with our spouses. I wish there was a way I could let you guys here this song. My Dad left my Mom when she had 6 children to raise. We ranged from 1.5 to 17 years of age. The song was about a conversation between a Mother and a child. Thanking her for raising her children and putting them first. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever been a part of since my Mom is gone. There was not a dry eye in the place. People who didn't know her where telling us "She must have been one hell of a woman." "Ya'll sure made her proud."

In south Louisiana, we got 4 inches of rain in a day in a half. I kept praying for Mom to give us a hand. The wedding was to start at 3:00 pm. I said "Mom, it can rain all it wants before 2:30. We need it to stop so we can get Angela to the wedding. You have first hand connections with the man upstairs. See what you can do." It stopped raining at 2:25. Thanks, Mom.

I love you and miss you.

Trudy

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Trudy:

I cried while reading what you wrote. It really hit me. My brother got married in late Oct and a month later mom passed away. Luckily mom was there, but it was apparent to everyone how sick she was. She didn't even make it to the rehearsal dinner because she wanted to save her energy for the day of the actual wedding. There wasn't a dry eye in the place when she got up from her wheelchair and danced 1/2 a song w/ my brother (my grandmother took over when my mom was finished dancing).

My SIL just sent me the pics from the wedding and I was able to relive the day all over again.

Its so touching that your brother was able to honor your mother in such a sweet way. She obviously was very well loved.

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Jonquil,

Yes, she was. I think everyone there left there with a sense of what kind of a woman she was. It was bittersweet. I would have given anything to have her there. But if she couldn't be there, my brother could not have honored her in a grander way.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

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Yes Jonquil,

We felt like she was there with us. My new sister in law is a good person and so good for my brother that it made the day a lot easier.

I'm sorry for the loss of your Mom. I'm glad you guys have the pictures and videos of your brothers wedding with your Mom in it. I know she was sick in them but the effort she made to be there says what a great lady she was also. Everything that we take for granted is so precious now.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

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Oh Trudy, what a touching example of the power of the rituals of remembrance, and what a beautiful tribute to your dear mother! Surely she is smiling down on all of you right now, from her special place in Heaven. Your lovely story has left me in tears ~ thank you so very much for sharing it all of with us!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Trudy,

I cried also while reading your post. My daughter is getting married on October 5 this year and my mom passed away Oct. 22 06'. I know it's going to be hard, but how your family handled it was very inspiring. I hope that we can figure out something special to represent my mom (and dad who passed away 3 years ago). Thanks so much for sharing that with us!

Lori

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Lori,

I'm am very sorry for you loss. It must be hard lossing both parents. My dad is still here with me. I read some of your earlier posts. I'm glad you found this place. Everyone here is going through the same thing, just at different stages.

I know you'll find the right thing to do at your daughter's wedding. Go with whatever feels right in your heart. Something that gave you a lot of comfort. I asked my future sister-in-law if we could light a holy candle and put it by Mom's picture. This gave be great peace. I lit this candle through all of the holidays. It was like she right there beside us lighting up a room with her wonderful personality just like she did in life. When my husband's mom died, my step-daughter played her favorite song "On Eagle's Wings" at the wedding. A special flower arrangement was also placed at the reception.

My other step-daughter is getting married in Nov. of 07. Coming home from the first hospital stay, my Mom heard the news that Erin was getting married. Her reply was, "I'm going to be at that wedding." It broke my heart right into a million pieces because I knew she wasn't going to be here long enough to see that day. 16 days later she passed away. Even though I will have more time for my heart to heal a little bit, that wedding will be harder to get through than my little brothers. I knew for his wedding we were all feeling the same way. It was a bittersweet wedding. So happy for him but allof us missing her so much. At Erin's wedding, EVERYONE else will be SOOOOOOO happy. I will be happy for her too but my Mom's words will keep ringing in my ears. Peace to you and thanks for the reply.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

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Trudy,

Where was the candle, the flowers and the picture placed at the wedding?

In the dinner room area? Please let me know...I'd love to bring this idea up to my daughter who truly loved both of my parents, but had a particular connection with my mom.

Thanks and take care...Lori

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Lori,

It was to the left of the minister for everyone at the wedding to see. My brother said he wanted Mom close to him. They didn't get married in a church. They were married by a minister who gave them a beautiful nondenominal ceremony. If you can put you email address in your profile, I'll try to send you a picture of what we did. (With my daughters help of course)

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

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  • 4 weeks later...

Trudy,

I just read about your brother's wedding! It sounds like it was beautiful, and I hope all of the guests realize they were included in such a special ceremony and tribute.

My son is getting married in June 07 (about 4 more months). He was extremely close to my Mom, and after reading your post, I am going to ask him what he would like to do to acknowledge/recognize his grandmother. I may have him read your post, so he can see how beautiful the ceremony was, and how it made you feel, if that is alright with you? I will leave the choice up to him, whether he wants to do something public or private. He was always his grandma's "favorite"!

Thanks for sharing. It was very healing to read.

Love you all,

Kim

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Dear Trudy

I too cried as I read your brother's tribute to your mom. My mom died Aug 15/05 just two days after the wedding of her first gandson. She was diagnosed with cancer at the end of June and was determined to be at that wedding - she forced those "ensure" down even when she couldn't eat. At diagnosis she was only given 6 weeks. My sister bought her a beautiful dress to wear and my other sister took pictures of her in it. Unfortunately she didn't get to the wedding, my dad and I stayed home with her - she had just started to have morphine and was pretty unaware of everything around her. My nephew and his new bride came the house after the ceremony. I knew they were coming and tried to wake her. When they came in she opened her eyes and said "oh, for goodness sake" and smiled. They were the last words she spoke. She closed her eyes and never woke again. My cousin took video of the wedding and the next day we all sat there watching the video and talking about it with mom even tho she was not "awake". I think she heard all about it and felt then it was ok to leave. She died early the next morning. I wish we could have done something like your brother, but she was still here. Jane

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Hi everyone,

Jane...I loved your story about how your mom was there when you were watching the video. I have heard that they can still hear what is going on even though they have the morphine in their system. I'll bet you that she knew what was going on...I really believe that! My mom would have said the same thing (oh for goodness sake!)in that same situation!

My daughter is getting married in October and I just found out that a special corsage has been ordered for me in addition to mine to wear in honor of my mother. My daughters mother-in-law to be (who is taking care of the flowers) thought of it which was so thoughtful! I'm glad I found about it now rather than the day of the wedding or I would have been an emotional wreck...which I probably will be anyway!

Trudy...Did you ever get my email address? I would still love to see pictures of your tributes to your mom at your brothers wedding!

Thanks...Lori

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LoriS - I have your email address. I have to get my 14 year old to help me attach the picture because I am computer stupid. My sister-in-law just brought her pictures to me.

Jane - What a beautiful story of all of you sitting around watching the video with her. Her eyes may not have been open but her heart was there. I know the wedding was probably overshadowed with some sadness because you knew your Mom would be leaving soon. Your Mom gave your family the greatest gift ever- she didn't leave until her first grandson was happily married.

Kim - Of course, I don't mind if you let your son read my post. We're all friends here sharing. It helped us so much to include our Mom. I think it would have hurt so much more to avoid the fact that she was gone.

Good luck to all of you on your future weddings.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

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