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Following Through


STARKISS

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Hi All,

Does anyone have trouble lately with following through with what they say... I always plan to do something on the weekend but when the weekend comes I just stay at home and not do anything or I do something totally different and I always feel bad that I did not do the thing I orginally plan to do... Can anyone say they have trouble doing this now since their loved one has died... Please help if you can Thanks Shelley

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Shelly,

I have had that problem before. After all that I did around the house this summer, once daylight savings time was done, it was all I could do to get up in the morning. I didn't feel like doing anything on the weekends. There was a lot that needed done and I had plans to get it done but once the weekend got here I just didn't have the energy. I know this is easier said than done, but don't worry about it. Do what you want to do on the weekends even if it is sit in front of the TV all day. There used to be so much Karen and I would do on the weekends from working around the house or going places. Sometimes I find myself wondering what I am going to do once the weekend gets here. Just take the time you need for yourself.

Derek

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Shelly, I've been feeling like that a lot lately (see my most recent post). I don't know what it's from. For me, just a combination of things. I guess our lives have changed from caring and worrying about our parents (I know you have lost both your parents in a short time) to figuring out who we are now and what our lives have in store for us.

Take care...Lori

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Derek, about the weather...you could be right because winter definately does bring on a feeling of lethargy for me. BUT...I live in Southern California and we've been experiencing some of the most beautiful weather lately! My husband and I even went to the beach yesterday to get out and have lunch and walk around. It was 85 degrees and the ocean was beautiful. I wasn't happy, though, but I thanked my husband anyways for taking me, but the whole time my mind was cloudy. I don't know...it's wierd.

Thanks everyone for your kind words as always!

Lori

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Lori,

I know what you mean, especially when I am outside and I look around me at this world and the beauty that God has put in place. It is hard to have a clear mind. There are still a lot of times that my mind will be in the dark and so many thoughts going through at once that I cannot desipher them. It is like being in a fog. I wish I lived close to the beach, I was at the beach in South Carolina back in October and I remember the sounds of the waves, and all of the thoughts racing through my mind. I wish I could go back right now and just sit there and listen.

Derek

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Shelley,

Same problem here. I run all week and when the weekend comes I want to hibernate, I think it is more the weather (lori's post was a truth emebdded here for me). It is so &^^#& cold these days and I just do not want to go anywhere or do anything.

I do have some problems following through with plans, but it is more related to my forgetfulness that seems to have settled in since Teresa died. I don't know if my mind is blocking out too much information or if I just don't care as much.

Janine

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Shelley,

The disinterest is normal. Nothing seems important anymore. I'm hoping eventually this comes back. My conselor says it's part of the depression. I used to be avid reader. Since my Mom died 7 months ago, I have read 1 book. I used to spit out one a week. I just can't get into right now. The plans that you make. Yes---definately. When they get here I don't feel like doing them any more. Nothings enjoyable. Hopefully time will make it's adjustments and we figure out have to get through it.

Janine,

The forgetfullness---I can't wait till I remember things again. I ordered checks. I forgot to put my husband's name on them. You know, the husband I've been married to for almost 21 years. I could go on and on with all the crazy things I've done. My mind is always on my Mom. At first I thought it was the meds, but I've done some research. I think we are so consumed with the grieving process. We can't focus on anything else.

Hope this helped a little.

Missing my Mom,

Trudy

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I feeling like i am always waiting for something. i am not sure what it is but i am waiting. the weekend comes and i hope i have things to occupy my mind, i have a husband and two boys so i should. my husband works crazy hours so he it not always home. then when the weekend comes i am not sure if i feel like doing anything. the nights i don't work are the worst i just want to crawl in bed and try to sleep it away. i can;t i have to do homework and cook but i just want to escape. i just want this empty waiting feeling to end. somedays it feels like it goes on forever. i have to really focus my mind on something else. lori

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lorikelly and shell:

Same here. I noticed that lately, too, the idea that I'm waiting for something to happen. I wake up, yak on the Internet with someone for an hour or so, then go through my really exciting day :wacko:, then go to bed, and it just seems like I'm wading through something, that everything is unreal, in a certain way. Sometimes nice and interesting things happen, but on "normal" days, I'm wading. Even on those days that are unusually nice and interesting, something seems off.

I guess it's the "grieving process".

And to get this a little back on shelley's topic, yes, it sometimes does affect my "follow through".

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Trudy,

I, too, used to read all the time, I usually had about three books going at once. Now I can't focus to read unless it's something really short like the newspaper. So much has changed, I don't think I'll ever be the same "me" again.

You're not alone!

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Shelley

After reading your post and my reply, I decided to get off my butt and get out.

I spent all day Wednesday with my Grandmother and it was a good day. She is the one who has been fighting cancer for eight years and was originally given a year to live. It felt good to just be close to her and tell her I love her. It was a beautiful day, the first warm one we have had in weeks so I convinced her to go outside and smell spring in the air. That evening I went to my niece’s college basketball game. She played well and her team won. B)

I realized that there is still life out there; I just have to jump in and start living it again. I know there will be days when I "just sail on", but I will remember the days that I jump into the deep end.

Janine

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Yes, good for you! It takes so much positive attitude and focus to survive this.

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Hi All,

Does anyone have trouble lately with following through with what they say... I always plan to do something on the weekend but when the weekend comes I just stay at home and not do anything or I do something totally different and I always feel bad that I did not do the thing I orginally plan to do... Can anyone say they have trouble doing this now since their loved one has died... Please help if you can Thanks Shelley

You are not alone on this one, at all. Every single day, I set a goal to go out and do something, anything. But it never happens. I sit at home and do anything I can that has to do with Brent (my best friend who passed). I'm normally a very, very social person but that person is gone now. I only go to the grocery store and nessesites like that and when I am at the store or whereever, thoughts of what I can do in memory of Brent when I get home. I know from everyone telling me that this is not healthy but I'm not doing it because I want to, it just is what it is. Besides, the few times that my friends have dragged me out, I always ended up in hysterics and tears no matter where we were and they had to bring me home...I just don't enjoy being out around people right now that are happy and having a good time when all I can do is make it through this day so I can go to bed, then get up and survive another day tomarrow. The only person I will go out with, anywhere, at a drop of a dime, is Brent's brother..thats it. I wish I had an answer instead of stories of disallusion, but just know your not alone. Hang in there.

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Kalani,

You didn't say how long ago your loss has been (and I'm so sorry for your loss) but don't let people say that what you are doing is unhealthy. If it's been said once, it's been said a million times that everyone grieves in their own way, in their time, so whatever you are doing is right for you. And I don't really want to be around other people either, and it's been two years since my loss! So, do what you need to do for you and ignore what others tell you!

Hugs,

Shell

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Ice storm...blizzard...power outages. I had to open the library and was working until 3:30. When I got off I decided to do a good deed and drop off a book for one of the elderly people in our community. I got stuck in his drive way. I then went to get my sister who had lost all power in a nearby community. I am staying in The rest of the night.

We still have power and I am counting my blessings. Thank you Lord for a hot meal, electricity and family. Please watch over those not as fortunate as myself.

Stay safe if you are in this messy weather.

Janine

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Hi All,

Thank you All for all your replies and I am certainly glad I am not the only one having trouble in this area... I did go out to the mall last weekend and it was just nice to get out again and do something... I have not been to the movies since I moved to Pickering so I did go and see a movie all by myself and it was not as bad as I thought it might be... Again Thanks to everyone for their posts Take care Shelley

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