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I had a dream Sunday morning...I was driving to work (I commute a long ways) and I was kind of spacing out mentally, you know...like when you get somewhere and don't remember having driven there? In my dream, I fell asleep at the wheel, I woke up with cars honking at me and I realized I wasn't at work, I was at the coast and there was a sheer dropoff cliff on my left going down to the ocean. I was facing an oncoming car, I was in the wrong lane and they were honking. For one moment I thought I was going to die and I could go be with George. If I went off the cliff, I'd die, if I had a head on I'd die, and I glanced over and saw there was traffic everywhere, I didn't even know if I could safely make it back in my lane. I prayed in that split second, you know, how you always pray when your life flashes before your eyes? I didn't feel scared, I was prepared to meet God. But I realized I had a choice and it was up to me. Somehow I felt no one else would die in this, that it was just my life that was being decided upon. I wanted to talk to John, I wanted to call him. In that moment I decided to live and knew I'd swerve my car back in it's lane and even if I ended up in the hospital with broken bones and injuries, I'd live, I'd talk to John, and I'd live. I chose to be with him. All of these thoughts, it all took place in a split second. I woke up and I woke up John and asked him to hold me. I told him about my dream and my choices and decision...he held me tight and stroked my hair for a long time. This was a real enlightening moment for me. You see I still love George, I look forward to seeing him, but I am still alive, and I want to live. There will be a day I will join him, but it is not yet.

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KayC,

What a beautiful dream - filled with such deep meaning. Dreams are such a wonderful learning tool. One of the journals I keep has become almost exclusivly a listing of my dreams which I write down.

Thank you for sharing this beautiful expereince. You choose to live - I do to - and eventually - when the time is right "we will meet again".

Love and Peace,

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack

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Kayc,

What timing on that dream. It kind of ties in with everything. It goes to show God has all of the timing set and all we can do is wait for it to happen. That dream says it all when it comes to living again after our loved ones have passed on. We can chose to live, even tho that means it will be longer before we can see our loved ones again, facing hardships and of course facing all of the feelings that we are left with when our loved ones have died, or we can give up and wither away to nothing hating life in the process. I for one like you choose to live life and live it to the fullest like Karen would want me to. Thanks for sharing that dream Kay.

Love always

Derek

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HI thank you for your caring and thinking about me your dream today gave me hope that maybe there is life that waits for me also .As iknow you are remaried why dont you try to be with the man that is now your husband and make the most of it? I realy wish for you the best I think you are acaring person so your new husband is lucky to have you.I will post soon TENY

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People are always asking me why John and I don't live together...well it's not so simple. We are in our 50's and retirement is just a few years away...I have lived in my home for 30 years and it would be a beautiful place to retire, so we want to keep it. John lives in a small trailer, too small for the two of us plus our animals. Portland is very expensive...too expensive for us to purchase a house there plus finish paying off mine, and he doesn't want to end up there when we retire...if we let go of mine we probably wouldn't find such a good deal when we were ready. Portland has the jobs though and since he started his career over again a year ago, it's not that easy to get jobs without two years under your belt, and there are NO jobs where I live. He'd thought about living in Oakridge and putting his trailer in Spfd and staying there during the week, but the jobs in Spfd pay less than Portland and he wants to go in business for himself, so he's been making the sacrifice by living apart and saving. We just bought a truck last week and plan to do long hauling but it'll be about a year before we can do it, he wants to pay off the truck and make the necessary repairs, little by little, in the evenings, in addition to working full time at his regular job. Plus he has contacts in Portland that we don't have in Springfield. He has someone who is letting him use their shop to store his truck in and work on it, using their tools, in the evenings. So right now we sacrifice and wait. He wants to take me on the road with him to handle the paperwork, make contacts, arrange hauls, handle the phone, etc. That way we could be together. I am both excited and scared. It is a huge change for someone who's never done anything that adventurous before, but I'm willing to give it a shot. If we go broke, we go broke. My views have changed so much since I experienced George's death...I live more for today, and while I try to make plans and be responsible, I still see that we may not ever have tomorrow. So I'm a little more willing to take chances that I might not have before. I'm sure a lot of you were wondering why we live apart, it's not that we don't want to be together, but putting our lives together is taking more time than we would have liked. We're trying to look at everything and plan accordingly. In the meantime we get two days a week together.

Edited by kayc
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