Do Not Understand

[STARKISS]

Hey All,

As most of you know I have been here over two years dealing with the losses of my mom and dad... I have made it through and feel more like I have completed the journey but now I am feeling horrible again and I just do not understand why I am backwards.... I felt as if I ended this journey and now I feel right back in the middle of it.... I just do not understand how I could have fallen backwards that much.... Shelley

[karenb]

Hi Shelley,

You know, I feel we don't ever complete this journey, just get used to living with it. You got through the last episodes just fine....maybe something, consciously or subconsciously, triggered something in you that made you feel like you were stepping backwards. Just remember you got through the last few years just fine so you'll get through this just as well. Keep the faith, girl, you will be fine. Keep coming back and let us know how you're doing.

Your friend, Karen

[lorikelly]

Shelley

I think we all go throught these periods of feeling good and then real bad again. I know that anything little can set it off for me. Today i was listening to a song and felt horrible. i try to get myself out of it as fast as i can. sometimes it works sometimes not. i think this will be likethis for always. i don't think it will ever go away just at times a little easier.

Lori

[shell]

Shelley,

I agree with Karen and Lorikelly. It's a journey that never ends, but you learn to live in spite of it. And I do the same thing...I'll be "fine" and some tiny thing will have me crying. So, it's not easy, but still take it one moment at a time forever. Just have faith that this "storm" will pass too.

Hugs,

Shell

[rosanne]

I am so glad to read that I am not crazy, one minute I am fine and then I am crying... I am still taking my meds, I wonder what I would be like without them, I doubt I would really want to see, I do think they mask the state that I am in.

This time of year hurts so bad, I was watching a decorating show, and if my mom was still here I would have loved it, I love to decorate for the holidays. The thought of putting a tree up makes me sick to my stomach.

I just want to close my eyes and the holidays to be over. My mom worked with me for 6 years and it makes it even harder. The thoughts of a party at work, makes me sick, too- I don't know how I will get through it.

My 50th birtday is the end of this month, I want to sleep all day!

[shell]

Rosanne,

Yes, the dreaded holidays are coming again! I can remember all of us last year cringing in horror. I know what you mean about how you would enjoy something if your mom was there too. I am constantly wishing I could show my mom something I found in a catalog or have her help me decide about a decorating idea. My brother and I found this new brand of breaded shrimp and the get really light and crispy when you fry them. We were eating the other night and I said, "Mom sure would have loved these (she liked crispy things)" and I got all teary-eyed. There are just soooooo many reminders, huh?

Well, we'll help each other through the holidays AGAIN this year. We will all make the best of it we can and be darned glad when they are over!

Hang in there.

Hugs,

Shell

[DoubleJo]

Shell:

I find the change of seasons, especially the fall, to always give me odd feelings. Although its nice to have cooler weather here in hot Arizona it always make the realization of life changes feel bigger with it. And with it of course comes the holidays riding on its' tail. You always miss people who are special to you ( and animals). After all they just are not there anymore. Many triggers, many longings. Take care- DoubleJo

[Theresa]

Dear Shelley:

I'm so sorry for your loss of your mom and dad. The third anniversary of my dear mother's death will be October 28th. I think we greive more around special dates and holidays filled with memories and at times, it just plain happens, a song, a garden, a special restaurant we ate in - can trigger intense feelings of pain and sadness.

I dream a lot of my mother, which surprises me. In all my dreams we are doing common ordinary things together. It's like I don't realize she's gone.

Recovery from the death of a loved one is a very very zig-zag path and like some of the posters here, never truly completed. We learn to live with our loss, but some times feel like we're back to square 1. We really aren't back to square 1 - because we have some recovery under our belt. We lived for a few days, or weeks or hours without a thought and the pain of our beloved, whereas in the very beginning, we couldn't go a moment without the profound pain.

Tell youself if you thought you were on the other end of your grieving process that you are certainly recovering.

I am sorry, dear.

Hugs,

Theresa

[STARKISS]

Hi Karenb,

Thank you for your reply, It is just hard to come to terms with because I figure I am feeling much better about the deaths of my parents but since we just had Thanksgiving I have been feeling gloomy again... Take care and Thanks again... Shelley

Hi LoriKelly,

Thank you for your reply, You have been there when I really needed someone just to talk to.. Thank you and Take care Shelley

Thank you Shell, for being here for me... I do not know how many times I have posted something and you are always there to lend a helping hand... Thanks so much and take care Shelley

[STARKISS]

Hi Double Jo,

Thank you for your reply, I guess I just thought that once you felt really better than it was over... Thanks again and take care Shelley

Thank you Theresa,

Thank you for your reply and your kindness... Take care Shelley

Everyone has given me things to think about... Take care Shelley

[DoubleJo]

Starkiss: Things that happened are never actually over. How we feel about them is what changes. Its' ok to feel sad again. It means you had something really nice, otherwise you wouldn't care. That's special. Death is a really big thing to handle.

Take care- DoubleJo

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

Here we go again, Having a very hard week this week... I have had many good cries about things I would not normally cry about... I really miss mom and dad so very much, I think it is because they loved Thanksgiving so much because it brought the family together and Dad really loved Halloween... Take care Shelley

[karenb]

Shelley,

Bless your heart, it's so hard to miss our loved ones. I get lumps in my throat because I would so love my Jack to be here with me, too. He used to sit in his chair, me at his feet so he could rub my shoulders and neck, and our Sadie Mae (black lab) at my feet and I'd pet her....chain reaction except he didn't have anyone to rub his shoulders (he didn't like that anyway). That was our wonderful evenings! I surely know what missing is about. Crying is good, honey, it's really healing I believe, so you just cry if you want to. I know you know you're getting there, wherever "there" is....you know what I mean. Take care of yourself.

Your friend, Karen

[lyn]

Dear Shelley,

It's been a while since ive last seen u here, i am sorry u are having a hard time now. I dread the coming of holidays too..and wish i can just block them away from my thoughts.

Keep coming back here, we care for u..

Edited October 27, 2007 by lyn

[STARKISS]

Hi All,

Thank you for being there for me, I really appreciate and could not be where I am now without any of you... You are the most caring people I have ever met... Thank you and Take care Shelley

[STARKISS]

Hi All.

I am beginning to understand about the grief journey I am on and now know that I am never going to be over it but will find a way of making it through by learning to deal with it... I have been on this journey for four years for my mom and almost four years for my dad... It has been getting a little better each day that I have woke up on this land Take care Shelley

[Guest Gamer205]

I hope the best for you and that things will get better for you, Wish you nothing but the very best and just hang in there my friend,

I know it can not compare with loseing your parents but my loss of my best friend still stays with me and that was back in 2004,

[MartyT]

Shelley and Robert, you've come such a long way on your individual journeys, you have grown so much, and I am very proud of both of you

[Guest Gamer205]

Thanks MartyT, and I just want to let you know I'm doing very good now and think I am finaly finding my place and I'm at peace,

Also I want you to know I appreate you my Friend!

God Bless You MartyT.

[STARKISS]

Hi Marty,

I wanted to thank you for providing the help and the support all of us, who need to get through our individual grief journeys and I want to thank everyone else for everything they have given especially since they are going through grief too... I have now gone through four years and except for the annversaries I have felt better every day that I have made it through... Take care Shelley

[dravens_rage]

Hi Shelley, I'm now approaching the 2nd year of losing my mum, this time last year was extremely horrible for me but thankfully that part is over, i still have days where i don't feel so good and confidence goes etc etc, but i feel the worst part of it has passed, im not there yet i know that and i know we can't put a time scale on these things, which is what i'd like to say to you, im sure alot of us here are perhaps grieving the love of a lost one, you are grieving two. At the end of the day they were your parents, it's such a traumatic loss to lose one nevermind both of them, im not sure how it works for you but im pretty sure your bodies trying to cope with the loss of two people/relationships not just one, so cut yourself some slack! As we've all heard rome wasn't built in a day, and yeah yknow you may take a back step in your grief, you may take a big one, but you'll get there, take care and give yourself a pat on the back for coming this far!

sean

[STARKISS]

Hi Sean,

Thank you for your kindness, I have given myself a pat on the back and know that I have come along way and being it has been four years I have come to terms with the deaths accept for the anniversaries or special days that do come up from time to time... Take care Shelley