KathyG Posted December 9, 2007 Report Share Posted December 9, 2007 Hi, everyone,I'm posting to this forum for the first time after finding it through Hospice of the Valley. Reading through the previous posts, I have the feeling that this is a warm, supportive place where people talk openly about grief and share suggestions for dealing with it. That's exactly what I need right now. Eighteen days ago, I lost my precious husband, Bill. He had been on life support for four days after suffering a massive heart attack, after which he never regained consciousness. In the middle of the night before he passed, the nurses at hospice called to tell me he was near death - but I had already seen him die once and couldn't bear to see it again.This is my third major loss in the past two years. My mother died in August 2005, and then at this time last year my little cocker spaniel (my baby) passed away in her sleep. I was still mourning both of them, but felt like things were finally getting a little easier. And then Bill had his heart attack. I can't describe this pain to anyone who hasn't experienced it, but I know you forum members have already been there. The other posts here reassure me that many of the things I've been going through - the wild mood swings, chronic fatigue, irritability, etc. - are normal grief reactions and I'm not losing my mind. But I've been through so much, and though they say God does not give you more than you can stand, I think he must believe I'm Hercules. I've been blessed with another sweet little dog and wonderful support from my friends and coworkers, but most of my family is far away. As time passes and my supporters turn back to their normal lives and Christmas plans, I don't know how well I'll make it alone. I can't even motivate myself to clean my house or put up even a few small Christmas decorations. I'm usually a take-charge kind of person, but I feel so devastated and lethargic now that I don't recognize myself.Things aren't all bad. I feel Bill's presence around me all the time and believe he is communicating with me. And I've always been able to handle setbacks in the past. But this time, I can't do it without help.Please forgive me for being so long-winded. Guess I just needed to let this all out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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