WendyJ Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Good evening everyone ! I was driving home from work tonight and the wheels were turning in my head about a few things. I know once the time comes I will be going through Steve's belongings and I know there will be the special things I will want to keep. What do you do with the things ( not clothes ) that you don't necesarily have a need for and they aren't worthy of selling but you can't bare the thought of throwing something of your loved ones in the garbage. I am also anxious to know how many of you are still wearing your wedding rings and how long it has been.? Nobody has said anything to me, but I wonder if people think any of us are crazy for still wearing our rings.Love,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Here is what I did,I had her wedding ring on a chain around my neck, at around 8 months I took my ring off of my finger and put it on the chain with hers. Shortly before the year mark I stopped wearing the chain altogether and it is now in a jewelry box. As far as clothes and other items, this summer which was a few months past the year mark I was ready for her clothes to be gone so her sister and nieces came over and went through all of her clothes and costume jewelry. They took the rest and had a garage sale and what didn't sell in that they gave to Goodwill. I am still slowly going through things as I find them and I ask family if they are interested if not I save it together and give to charity. This is what I did and am still in the process of doing, the main point here is, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about you still wearing your ring, keeping their stuff, or anything else like that. You will know when you are ready to put their stuff up. Like I posted in another post earlier today, you will have a peace about you when you think about getting rid of their stuff, you will know it is right. No one can tell you when it will be right for you only you will know.Love alwaysDerek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Hi Wendy, Well, here's what I did about those things. It's been 2 1/2 years so these things happened when they happened as time went by. Because I've always been a little bit "hippy"...."off beat" and so forth, I have my engagement ring on the "proper" finger, my wedding band on my little finger, and I had Jack's wedding band resized and I wear it next to the engagement finger. I will always wear his wedding band there...it brings me close to him because that was the last thing before he was cremated (as he wanted to be.) I'm very proud to wear it. About all his stuff. I still have things, but I did sell his multitude of tools and those things that family didn't need. After a while I gave his clothes to the blind (I've always given things to them.) What is left I'll just wait until I feel the time is right and worry about it then. I feel comfortable with what I've done. Just take your time...do it when you feel like it and, above all, don't worry about it. It will all happen when it's supposed to. Take care.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted January 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Derek and Karen thanks so much for your input on this. I am not ready to do any of it yet except I may try to give some coats for the Lupus donation drive next week. Since my Mom has Lupus it will make me feel like I am helping her with the giving of his things for them to sell for money to pay for more research. The tools will be kinda hard as I know nothing about most of them but William will help me with that but it is going to be hard with drawers of personal stuff, but they can stay in the drawers for years for all I care. Like you said Derek, I guess I will know when it is time. Thanks again.Love,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 For the longest time I didn't move any of her things, then I started running out of space and I went for awhile and didn't do anything but finally I had enough and needed the space and that is when I contacted her sister to come and get the stuff. I still have a lot of her things in her night stand drawer, for now that is where it will stay. I may eventually get rid of the stuff in there but for now out of sight out of mind. There are a bunch of things in the computer room that I will go through soon because it is driving me crazy that the room is such a mess. I will do the same thing with those items am give family and friends the opturnuity to use anything they want. Anyway take your time.Derek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted January 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Thanks Derek I will take my time for sure. How is Carson doing these days?Love,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 He is doing well, his psycologist appointments are going well, the Dr. is wanting to set a date for him to start sleeping in his own room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted January 15, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Is there something special you can do in his room that will make it even more exciting to sleep in there? A car shaped bed or special bedding etc ?Love,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 He has a bunk bed with a futon bed on the bottom, he just doesn't like to be alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzanne Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 WendyI too still wear my wedding rings. Like you, no one mentions it but I really don't care. As far as the personal belongings, I have gotten rid of some very old clothes. Will was quite a packrat and still had clothes 10 years and older that he had not worn in years. That didn't bother me. Everytime I would clean out closets he was insistant he might be able to wear them again. Yeh, right but I went along with it. Things he had been wearing from the last few years I still have. When I had my remodeling done, it bothered me more than I thought it would. With each nail I removed, it was like a stab in the heart. Each one was the memory of he drove this nail in with his hands and now I'm taking it down by myself. That was enough for me right now. As everyone else says, I'll know when the time has come to do these things. But not now for me.Suzanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Wendy...His things are still were they where when he died in his dresser and the closest. It will one year on Sunday that he died as for the weddings rings I am still wearing them and like Karen I got his weddding ring resized and wear it with mine...his wedding band my wedding and my engagement ring. His tools the boys are using them but they are still in our driving shed were he left them. I have taken out his clothes so many time I cann't count but I still cann't get give anything away yet...when the time is right I will know but it won't be today. Take care of yourself Wendy. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 At a little over two years, I can tell you the thought never occurred to me to remove my rings. I've never thought about taking them off. His clothes are in the same place and I know at some point I will help others and give away some items but for now they bring me comfort. This is one area where I would not listen to anyone who hasn't experienced this to give me advice. Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teny Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 HI WENDY I wear Yianys ring together with mine.That is what my mother did and most weman in GReece.I did not give away any belongings to strangers my sons took most of them.ALl of memories and thngs we loved are in uor summer home and that is the reason I never been alone snce he is gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dusky Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 WendyJ,I used to wear all my jewelry almost every day. Since Jack died I have a tendency to wear it sometimes. When I do wear the rings I also wear a chain with some metals around my neck. On that chain is Jacks ring. I have no plans to ever stop wearing that chain with his ring. Its been 2 and a half years since I lost him. He was part of my life for 27 years. Personally I see no reason to disconnect from this piece of my past. As for other items in the house - I have always been the kind of person to have keepsakes around the house - both Jack and I were the same way with these types of items. I see no reason to toss things out just because he died. They remind me of him - and I love to be reminded of all he was to me.I have been reading all the posts during the last few months - but very busy finishing yup the book I have written. I apologize for not staying more connected. You all mean the world to me.John - Dusky is my handle on hereLove you Jack Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 About 2 1/2 weeks after George died, the closet rod that held his clothes broke, tumbling all his clothes down...I took that as a sign, and I folded everything up and boxed it up to give away. George and I wrote regularly to a young man in prison, and he was like a son to us...about two months later he got out of prison and went to Sponsors, an organization that helps them transition into society. I attended his graduation at Boot Camp and took him to Sponsors, and when I dropped him off there, I opened the very large trunk of my car and showed him all of the clothes and travel kit, wallet, watch that had been George's and told him to use what he could and share the rest with the other men at Sponsors. These men had nothing but the clothes on their back. His eyes got big, and I could tell he'd never seen, let alone had so many clothes. He picked out a jacket and some shoes right away and we made several trips into Sponsors with these items. The guys acted like it was Christmas, and I'm sure it was for them. I felt not only a huge peace inside, but I intuitively knew that this is what George would have wanted done with his clothes...he always had a heart for people, especially those who were down and out...he'd grown up 2nd to oldest of 11 kids and they'd often gone without heat and food, moved around a lot, he knew what it felt like to be on the receiving end of a bag of groceries left on the back doorstep, and it always meant so much to him to be able to help someone out. Some of the rest of you have shared that you also donated to some of the organizations that were special to your spouse and you. I remember visiting this young man after he had his own apartment with a couple of guys from Sponsors, and seeing his roommate come out of his room wearing George's bathrobe...it startled me at first and then I smiled because it was just as George would have wanted it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gail_R Posted January 15, 2008 Report Share Posted January 15, 2008 Kay..that is so nice I'm not sure where I will send Bruce's clothes...thought maybe the salvation army..where we live there are not mens shelters and like your George..Bruce had a lot of clothes. But like I said before it will not be today maybe tomorrow you never know. Gail Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 We all wonder if we are wierd if we leave something alone of our loved ones here is something I noticed tonight. Sitting on my bed eating dinner I looked over at the night stand by Karen's side of the bed and noticed the clock. This was her clock and I have not touched it since the day she died. The alarm is still set for 4:30 am (it is not turned on) the time we got up on that final day to Disney World. The time is way off now due to the ocassional power failure but the alarm time never changes. This is one of those things I haven't been able to change yet.Love alwaysDerek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Bless your heart, Derak. It's just so hard. So many things remind us of them and how special they were to us. I was just wondering if you two eat dinner at a table together as a special time. I hope I'm not interferring with that question. I would never hurt your feelings. I was just wondering. You do well to have all this happen at such a young age. Take care, my friend. You are such a good dad. Hang in there.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lyn Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 It is almost 7 months for me but I still havent touched nor moved the things he gave me. I set them aside knowing there is a right time to look at them. I will know it when that time comes. I feel weird sometimes, and I wonder when to get the courage to look and sort them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Karen,You are not interfering, however, I haven't seen the top of my kitchen table in about a year. It seems to be the dumping ground for everything.Love alwaysDerek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Dear, Dear, Derek....I'm just sitting here reading that and just chuckling. You do just what you need to....I'm just a "neat freak" and asking a question that I shouldn't have....sorry. Are you guys still going to your church? You appeared to have fun at the camp, I think it was, and I thought that was really great. I'm sticking to the one that I started with a few months ago and enjoy their friendship and, especially, the messages of the pastor. He really hits home sometimes. I'm still in the back pew and prefer to be there, but people are coming up to me and giving me hugs. It feels great. Well, I am trying to get superglue off something so I'll go online and find a fix. You take care, my friend, you're a really good guy!Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WendyJ Posted January 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Thanks so much everyone for all your responses. I loved reading what everyone wrote and some very special stories too ! John it is so nice to have you back, I have been wondering where you were. Derek get that table cleared off...hehehehe and Karen I hope it wasn't your fingers that you glued together ! LOL Thanks again everyone !Hugs,Wendy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Wendy, you're funny. No, I was trying to redo a candle thing to reuse and they glued something to it. I have done the finger thing in the past, though. Not fun. Have a peaceful evening.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dpodesta Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Karen,Nothing to apoligize for, I am a prety open person and will answer just about any question. Yes I am still going to church, I am now also an Assistant Sunday School Teacher in kindergarten. I still work will third graders as well on Sunday night. As far as dinner we usually watch tv in my room while we are eating. I joined a gym and am using a personal trainer and it has given me energy to start doing things around the house. I started cleaning up my room last weekend and found areas of the floor that I haven't seen in over a year.Love alwaysDerek Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenb Posted January 16, 2008 Report Share Posted January 16, 2008 Hey Derek, You're a kid after me own heart (I have a lot of Irish in me). I have two grown boys that are the same way, so I know just what you mean. I'm truly glad you doing all these things. I very much admire you. Keep up the good work.Your friend, Karen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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