Panic Attacks

[LarrysGirl]

I wanted to ask my friends here on the grief site if anyone has had panic attacks or severe anxiety? Most of your know that I lost Larry alittle over two years ago and the loss has been traumatic for me. I thought I was coming to terms with his death somewhat but it hasn't been easy. Just recently I am having trouble with a constant anxiety, feelings of dread and feel alone and lost. Most of the friends and family have distanced themselves and gone on with their busy lives since his death so I don't have much of anyone to lean on or ask for help right now. I am taking an antidepressant but started that prior to Larry's death. I just thought I'd ask if anyone has any thoughts or advice on coping with this. Deborah

[karenb]

Hi Deborah,

I've had anxiety attacks, but from what I understand not panic attacks. People tell me that when a panic attack happens that it feels like a heart attack and that wasn't what it was with me because I have had heart problems in the past and have a stint in my heart. Anxiety made my knees week, my hands shook and my mind wouldn't cooperate, and it only happened for me when I was driving and I just had to pull over and stop. I'm sure it happens when I drive because three of my loved ones died and a car accident happened. Thankfully, when the anxiety happened with me someone was with me and it ended with them driving. Maybe look and see what is happening before they occur that could be a trigger. It's awful to go through, I know. Mine went away, but occasionally when I drive on a nearby freeway that has had multiple accidents, I get a minor reaction. Mostly I stay away from freeways. So, try to figure out what happens just prior to the attack. You will be fine. These things usually go away. Hang in there, Deborah.

Your friend, Karen

[Elizabeth A.]

Deborah~ I have had both panic attacks and anxiety attacks. The panic was a horrible pain in my chest that actaully triggered my asmtha, which caused a strained lung - very painfull. Luckily for me it only happened once. Anxiety happens more often. As Karen said they happen with I am in the car, but they also happen when I think about bills or if I try to think about this contigent or that one in reguards to my daughter's future. I suppose they happen if I spend more than a little period of time thinking about anything other than the here and now. I try to keep my brain away from those things. I also feel my throat close off if I think about my lost loved ones. Which I suppose is better than the horrible headaches/migranes/tension headaches I had when I first found this place, or the "death loops" I used to get suck in when I coulcn't stop thinking picturing the murders of my friends. I don't know since being rid of these things is fairly new to me, but it rather seems like it's a channeling of the mind. Everytime my thoughts stray to my trigger points I try to pull it back. That is all but impossiable when there are outside influnueses involved, such as being in a car, but can be done especially if you can figure out what is triggering the attacks.

[DoubleJo]

Hi Deborah:

I think we have all felt anxious and panicky in different degrees. Why not? Our lives were turned around with all the expections and familiar daily routines turned on their heads. People need to to feel grounded , and death lifts you off the earth and places you into a realm that no one has experienced before. The new unknown scares people. We realize the first half of our lives are over too. Our partners were just that- we relied on them and they on us. Our days were planned for "us" not "me". You are trying to find your new place in this world, and even beyond this life. You feel unsure of yourself because you no longer have that backup to bounce off of or guide you.

It takes a lot of work to adjust, but your actual world is still there, only different. Try to make the different a good "different."

You are still you.

Take care of yourself- DoubleJo

[kayc]

Yes, I've had anxiety attacks and yes, it feels like a heart attack, although not always. Sometimes you just feel it welling up inside of you and you feel panicky. I think I've been prone to anxiety most of my life (it tends to run in families) but not to the extent I have the last few years. I am on Buspirone and it helps me tremendously and it's non addictive. After being on it, I don't ever want to go off of it because it has been such a tremendous help and the only side affect I've had is weight gain and increased appetite and probably only because I'm on another medicine that also causes that and so I'm double whammied...not everyone experiences that. Even so, to me, it's been worth it.

There are a lot of things out there to try to help people deal with stress and anxiety, yoga, etc., but anyone who lives with it knows it is not easily controlled. You can know it's happening and feel unable to stop it. My sympathies are with you, please talk to the doctor about it, it is different than depression although the medicines used to treat it are sometimes different.

[MartyT]

Deborah, dear, if you haven't read it already, you may find this post helpful:

New Problem: Is This Normal?

[LarrysGirl]

Thanks you guys for responding. Double Jo, you sure said it right, our worlds have been turned upside down. It takes time to find your way again. I know I've felt like I'm on another planet for the most part. I'm not the same person yet the people around me don't seem to notice.

Marty, love you, I really appreciated that link. It was very interesting and I've never heard panic attacks referred to that way (thanks Desert Bob). I knew about the fight or flight response but I seemed to just get stuck in thinking its a problem in my mind, not so much a physical component so actually it made me feel alittle less crazy. I'm going to do some more reading about the subject. Thanks for the help and support!!!! Deborah

[kayc]

Yes, Marty, Thank you for directing us to that link, it's a good thing you have a good memory cuz I don't!

I also want to thank Bob for taking the time to so aptly share his vast research with us...even my doctor didn't explain it so well! Like Deborah, it helps to know it's not just something in our heads, but a physical reason why we have panic or anxiety attacks.

[lorikelly]

I have severe panic attacks and anxiety. i had to start meds to control them, help me eat and sleep. it was one pill so it took of all of it. i took a very low dose and it helped. i was unable to eat and lost so much wt that it became medically necessary for me to take the meds. i jus could not put food in my mouth. i also was having panic attacks where my legs would shake for hours and i could not settle down. i finally am off the meds but i do believe that the meds with good one on one therapy saved my life. lori

[fred]

Yes Deborah, panic attacks can be part of the grieving process, especially when you are experiencing what the shrinks call ¨complicated grief¨ or bereavement which does not diminish appreciably after a year as is quite common among us. Please see a medical doctor soon, not only to discuss your panic attacks and related symptoms, but talk with him or her about your loss and experience. A compassionate physician will have other questions to ask and may want to check on a few particular things. Our loss and grief are very hard on our hearts (literally) and a cardiovascular check-up is probably in order, especially if there is any family history of heart trouble. Migraines are another key symptom that the doctor should be aware of as well as the usual risk factors. Take good care of yourself and thanks for bringing the topic up.

[LarrysGirl]

Hi Fred, thanks for adding to this topic. Unfortunately my physician could care less. When Larry first died the doctor told me, don't worry in about six months your heart will harden and it won't hurt so bad! Makes you wonder if he has ever experienced grief!! Obviously that isn't how it goes. I would have to say my grief journey has taken a serious toll on my health. I was near the point of exhaustion before Larry's death as his only caregiver and after his death the grief has worn me down. I've had very little support. I was so interested to read a physical component to the anxiety and not just a "mind" problem. Thats provided me with some relief. I appreciate your response to this issue. Deborah

[fred]

Deborah, A physician that could care less is not a good doctor, and by the things he has said to you he is doing more harm than good (a violation of the first oath a doctor takes). Maybe you should be looking for a new physician, maybe even a woman doctor who might be able to put herself in your shoes. In fact it might be a good idea to make a couple of phone calls to a few prospective ¨caregivers¨; often the way a doctor´s receptionist, nurse or staff treat you is a indication of what the physician is like. The most important part is that you are taking care of yourself.

[DesertBob]

A physician that could care less is not a good doctor

Yeah, but he's a typical doctor.

Sorry, couldn't resist. I know a couple of wonderful doctors, but I went through about three dozen clinkers to find them!

[AnnieO]

Deborah,

I too am now experiencing anxiety problems...I was surprised by it. I thought I was doing pretty well and then all of a sudden...the new therapist I am seeing tells me my anxiety is keeping me from letting out the "bad and painful" stuff. I am too afraid to deal with it. I am on vacation right now and we are at the same place we have always gone with my parents, and it was my mom's birthday while I was here. So, the anxiety levels are off the chart!

Just wanted you to know , you are not alone. Take care.

[kayc]

Deborah,

I am horrified that your doctor is like that and I encourage you to find another one immediately! Talk to friends and family, neighbors, anyone you know, about THEIR doctors and see if you can find one not only more compassionate, but more versed in what takes place in our bodies with a grief situation. We have to accept responsibility for our own health because if we don't no one will, and I come in to my doctor's office armed with information and don't just take what he hands me, but question it, clarify it, dig for further information. He knows that about me and rather than being put off by it, he smiles and I think appreciates and respects that I prefer to be an informed patient instead of just handing whatever's given me. It IS, after all, as I have reminded him on occasion, MY BODY!

I wish you the best in your search. Obviously your doctor has not been through it or he couldn't be so glib.