Anyone Else Spend Easter Alone?

[PattyAnn]

I can't believe that I had to be alone this first Easter since Walter died. I have tried so hard to nurture friendships, but not one of them even called today to see how I was doing on Easter. I must admit I am so surprised.

Guess I best get used to spending holidays alone. How have the rest of you handled the holiday? Anyone else in the same boat?

Life is so, so different without my husband and I feel like I am being treated differently as a widow than when I was Walter's wife.

Pat

[karenb]

Hi Pat,

I'm sorry you're alone today. My daughter is having dinner and I went to church this morning. I do think we're treated differently because people don't really understand what they haven't been through and some people just don't know what to say or do. Just try to get through this day. It will get better with time and as we adjust to this new life of ours. Hang in there, girl. You'll be okay.

Your friend, Karen

[SusanK]

PattyAnn, so sorry you were alone today. Holidays are like that for many of us now. Life without our husbands is a huge adjustment. Sometimes we just end up alone on special days.

Yes, I agree that widows are often treated differently. I hope you have some peace and comfort today.

s.

[Scotty]

Hey PattyAnne

I'm guessing there are a few of us alone this Easter. Friends are all busy getting on with own lives I'm assuming. I'm trying to treat it as just another day to get through.

I'm also noticing a difference in the way friends are viewing me now that I'm

alone. Don't know if seeing me brings on their own memories they have to deal with or what the story is. Either way I try not to view so much as inconsideration but as ignorance to the situation. Unless you've been through what we're going through, its hard to understand it. I know I never did before.

Take care

...Scotty

[LarrysGirl]

Patty Ann, I too spent this holiday alone. Larry's family did not call and my family went on about their own plans. This is the first holiday in 2 years that I did not go to the cemetary. I just couldn't bring myself to go today. I never even opened my front door. Everything is different now and I'm trying to find my own way. I wanted you to know you weren't alone. Deborah

[Art]

Hi Patty,

It has been a lonley Easter here also. I totally agree we who are alone are left alone. It seems that my friends just don't want anything to do with me now that I need them more than ever. some almost seem to run when I get near. I am sure that I am not the same person I used to be so maybe I should expect my friends to also be different, but I swear I don't know who I am anymore so I don't know where or how to begin to make new friends.

[teny]

Im sorry for all my friends that are so lonely .I do understand.Easter and every holiday is holy and happy only for those that dont hurt.Next month is our Eester my children have organized going away Im going to be alone and april is full of anniversaries for me my birthday Yianys birthday the day we met 9 of april and EASTER follows .I need support as all of you and will keep posting so I can have your thouhts and strength by me.I wish that I could expres my self better I have so much to say but does any of you understand GREEK ?love from far away TENY

[kayc]

My first Christmas without George was very hard and by Easter I'd decided I "wasn't doing it", therefore I decided to treat it like any other day, I did not celebrate it. Easter has always held more meaning for me than any other day of the year, and I just didn't want to do it without George, it was hard enough to see his empty side of the bed, his empty spot in the pew at church, his empty spot in the driveway, etc. So I rebelled and dispensed with Easter that year. I don't remember anyone calling either. My kids were good, I had them up for dinner the following week for a "non-Easter dinner", they understood and knew it was hard. However a person chooses to survive these difficult hurdles is fine and right for them and we all have to find our own way of comfort. I will say this, your first "Easter without" is now done and you survived it and whatever Easters there are in the future will be easier than this one was. I'm sorry the day was hard for you, yes, we've all been through that, I'm sorry to say.

I hope the rest of your week goes better!

KayC

[PattyAnn]

Thanks!

Well said. Easter was difficult...not fun...not pretty (lots of tears), but I did survive. I'm still standing. So I'm heading down the road again...until the next emotional pothole! LOL!

I sure appreciate the show of support from all of you. This grief thing is so different from any other challenge I've had to face in my life

I have great admiration and respect for those of you who have gone through this and survived!

Pat

[WillowZmom]

This is my first time posting. My 42yrold husband died a year and a half ago from a sudden heart attack even though he was very fit and healthy. I didn't anticipate Easter being difficult this year. I don't think of Easter as a real family day, just a religious day. I don't have kids, so that might be why. Anyway, one neighbor invited me to their house for brunch, and another invited me for dinner. I was busy until 7pm. It didn't matter that I was with anyone during the day. I came home and felt even more alone because of the contrast from the rest of the day. I am learning after almost a year and a half that spending time with others does not lessen the pain, but it adds to the healing. Someday, the healing will outweigh the pain. Right now, it still seems like it happened only a few months ago. I'm sorry the day was so hard for you.

[PattyAnn]

Thank you for your kind words. --Pat

[kayc]

WillowZmom,

Welcome to this site. It's been a year and a half for you...I don't know how you did it, I don't know where I'd be without this site and I encountered it just a couple of weeks after losing my husband. You're right and it does take time for that healing to happen.

[WillowZmom]

How long has it been for you?

[kayc]

For me it's been since June of 2005, nearly three years...the first two years were the hardest for me, the third got better, but it's different for everyone.

Edited April 2, 2008 by kayc

[PattyAnn]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I need all the support I can get now. These seven months of grief have really worn me down...and then the loneliness. UGH!

It's such a different world as a widow as opposed to being a happily married woman. People do treat you differently (and not necessarily for the better). It's so hard to understand.

One day at a time, one hour at a time, one step at a time. Looking forward to better days.

Pat

[WendyJ]

spending time with others does not lessen the pain, but it adds to the healing

Patty Ann I love this line you wrote, such big meaning in such a small sentence !

Love,

Wendy

[kayc]

PattyAnn,

Yes people treat us differently now and I don't know why. I don't know why our close friends never again invited us over or called. I don't know why we're excluded from some things. I know not every circle behaves this way, but it's definitely common enough. But in this you will learn to live this new life, you will learn to be alone, you will learn to seek out others, to forge new friendships, and above all, to learn not to ever treat anyone in this situation the way you've been treated. I think most people do so out of ignorance not mean-spiritedness, but it is of little consolation. Maybe people are uncomfortable, thinking it'd be contagious. Whenever a "couple" friendship is altered by the loss of one of them, it changes the dynamics, whether it's through divorce or death. It's unfair and it's most unhelpful, but it seems to be a fact of life.

What does a person do that is alone on the holidays? One consideration might be volunteering to help prepare meals for those who are also alone, there are churches and other organizations that sometimes do this, see if you can help. Or you might invite others who are alone to come to your house for dinner...it'll keep your mind occupied and give you a lift as you perk up someone else's day.

You might also try letting those who were your friends KNOW you will be alone and how you feel about that and see if anything ensues as a result. They may be thinking you might not be up to going out, who knows what people think.

At any rate, I wish you the best as you seek to find the best answer to your situation.

It'll get better...

KayC

[PattyAnn]

spending time with others does not lessen the pain, but it adds to the healing

Patty Ann I love this line you wrote, such big meaning in such a small sentence !

Love,

Wendy

Actually, it was WillowZmom that said those words. I think it depends on which people you are with. People seem to say things that either help with the healing or are very hurtful.