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Well, I buried Kates' ashes yesterday. Lots of people around, barbecue after and, like the funeral, everbody leaves and goes on with their lives.

Thought I was a few baby steps ahead in this process, but realization hits pretty hard thinking I'm back to where I was 4 months ago.

Started seeing a counciler a couple of weeks ago. Not sure if its helping, but not doing any harm. Hate this feeling.

...Scotty

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Scotty,

People goes on with their lives..we are left with nothing but memories and love to keep us going. I am sorry you're feeling down today, just let it out and keep on posting here. We are listening..

Only you can answer if your appointment with your councilor is therapeutic, maybe, you are kind of feeling numb right now to process everything. Hopefully, it will get better for you. ((hugs))..

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Scotty, my heart goes out to you.

This really hit me hard very hard...I have not done anything with

Lawrence's ashes, he asked me to spread them out in Fairmount Park,

which is the largest Park in this city. I thought I would do it alone

on his birthday, June 8th, cause as you said when it is all said and done

we are alone. Your experience has helped me, think I will give myself more

time as this breaks my heart, I will continue to ask God when is the right

time.

Take care and thanks for sharing

Jackie

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Scotty,

Each and every thing we do, every milestone, every making it through yet another thing, comes with pain and is a difficult feat, yet it doesn't have to be repeated, that one feat is now behind us and we're that little bit further in our journey, even though it may not feel like it. I read a child-rearing book years ago and it was called "Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Backwards". Sometimes I think that is how our grief journey is like, yet if you look at it overall, it is still moving in a forward manner, even when we feel we are having setbacks. Accepting "grief bursts" as a normal and to be expected part of this process helps us to embrace it as something normal we are to go through and not berate ourselves for as if we somehow aren't doing things right or measuring up.

This is the hardest thing we've ever gone through...in fact, as hard as their suffering and dying was, I would venture to say that being the one left is even harder. For them, their suffering had an ending, a finite point in which it was over...but for us, it goes on. We are no longer the same people we once were. We learn about who we are and redefine ourselves...and whereas we used to be a plain diamond, now we are multifaceted, because we have been through so much. With time you will see the strengths you will develop as a result of going through so much. We would trade anything to have them back, if only we could, but in absence of that possibility, we learn to accept, cope, adjust to what we did not ask for or want.

It is hard for me to remember exactly when I scattered George's ashes, but it was quite a while after his death, and it's hard to go through, so I commend you for attempting it this soon...while we're on this subject, if someone can find the link to Karen's story about scattering her husband's ashes, I think we could use that story again, it was great. Anyone???

Love,

KayC

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Scotty,

Thats the thing with grief - it spirals back in time on you when you least expect it. You think your making progress and then "bam" you find yourself emotionally where you were months ago - sometimes it drags you back in time even further.

I am almost at the three year mark since Jack died and it is still amazing what a strong grip this process can have on you. Although I know I have made progress - I can at times be stopped dead in my tracks and mourn his loss as if it had happened yesterday - and all this three years after the fact.

Still, looking back I know there is progress being made - so hang in there - and keep visiting this site. I am still in counseling (once a month)- even now.

We are all here for you! I don't know what I would have done without reading, writing, losing my self in the book I wrote and THIS SITE and all the wonderful people on here. In the dead of night sometimes it is the only thing to hold onto.

Peace,

John - Dusky is my handle on here

Love you Jack.

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Thank you, Marty! That's the story! For those of you who haven't read of Karen's story about her husband's cremation, you need to follow that link, it was great! :D

KayC

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Hi Scotty, You are brave. That was another small step taken that you were able to tell us about it. I still have Gene's ashes (9 months) because he didn't tell me where he wanted them sprinkled. I am not being cremated, so I've asked my children to bury his ashes with me when I die.

Bless you...Lin :)

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Well, I took a week off work after Kates internment knowing full well I wouldn't be in shape to carry out my responsibilities. Glad I did, still pretty messed up. This feeling of being alone is a killer. So many hopes and plans for the future, all down the tubes now. Going to be another hellish weekend.

....Scotty

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I am sorry Scotty, I know the weekends are hard and this is a long one. Come on this site, there will be others here caring and listening.

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Thanks Kayc, planning on spending some time here this weekend. Least here people understand what we're going through. Spent the week weeding her flower gardens. I'm new to this flower garden thing. Only pulled what I know are weeds, dandelions and grass. Sure I'll have some pretty weeds flowering later :). I think the gardens look beautiful again this year but unfortunately, no one around to appreciate them. Such a shame. Kate took so much pride in them. This was always our time of year. Sure not the same doing it alone.

...Scotty

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Scotty, I just came in from working in my yard most of the day. I agree, it will never be the same. My hearts not in this at all. I look at some of my pots of flowers, some Larry bought me years ago, and I've been able to keep them going. I look at them and I'm grateful but sad. He enjoyed being in the yard with me, helping me and maybe planning a cookout for the weekend. I haven't used my grill since he died. I look at it and walk past it. I'm glad you are able to do some work in the garden and just wanted you to know I know exactly what you mean. She's with you and you have her in your heart. Deborah

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Thanks Deborah

This idea of never been the same scares the hell out of me. We were so happy, so many plans for the future. Now, just getting through a day is a chore. Awfully tough going on with out anything to look forward to.

Looking for some peace somewhere and have no idea where to look.

...Scotty

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