Guest moparlicious Posted February 4, 2009 Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 Hi all,I have not posted in quite sometime. As some of you know I have way more than a plate full to handle. I am moving next week(with roommates)My youngest daughter will be with me, my oldest daughter will be moving on her own to Scottsdale, and my oldest child (a son) is moving to Ca. on the 9th. Him leaving has thrown me into a sadness I cannot explain. He is 21 and I realize he needs to have his own life and do his own thing, but The knot in my stomach hurts so much and I cry and cry. This is another loss for me.The empty nest syndrome has really hit me hard. Dan and I had so many dreams and moments for this day, and all those are gone. My son does not understand why I cry about him moving. Ca is not that far away, but why am I having such a hard time with this? He is a very good son, He is loving, kind and cares deeply about others. We have no family or friends there(just his girlfriend is there) I feel abandoned and I do not know why for he needs his own life. I feel like running and never stopping, where I would go???? I am still trying to figure that one out. I am at my 17th month mark without my beloved Dan, and I miss him more and more everyday. He was my soul, and complete all of us. Our 24 years together were wonderful. His birthday is coming up and he would have been 42 years old. Then shortly after that is our anniversary in which we would have been married 21 years, we were going on a cruise for our 25th. I don't understand anything in life, I feel like I am going no where and in a circle I just can't seem to get out of. Ugh I am so very sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanneC Posted February 4, 2009 Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 Kim:I am sorry that you feel that you are going nowhere. It is just that at this time so many different things are happening for you. Your moving, your son is moving. And you are handling it alone. But you are handling it. Just remember that. I don't have any children, but I can only imagine what it would be like to have your child leave home and on his/her own. Also, remember that you still have your children, even though not all with you. It was bound to happen, but they all love you. Think of it this way, you can visit your son in California. Any time there is change, especially since we all lost our spouses, it is harder to deal with without them.Love and God Bless,Jeanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted February 4, 2009 Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 This is another loss for me.The empty nest syndrome has really hit me hard. Dan and I had so many dreams and moments for this day, and all those are gone.Dear Kim,Why does this feel so hard for you? I think you answered your own question. My first thought was, "Poor Kim, all her jobs are being taken away." Being a wife and a mom are pretty definitive titles. Now, you'll get to find who you are. Because, as good as you were at both those things, there is a wealth of you left to discover. Take the time you need to "mourn" this new loss, remembering to take care of yourself. It sounds like you have such good relationships with your children. That is a credit to you and Dan. I'm sure your son will understand if you show up every weekend for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
singledad2 Posted February 4, 2009 Report Share Posted February 4, 2009 Kim,I've found that the thing I crave most at this time is some sense of continuity. Change is much more easily accepted when we have someone to share our thoughts and feelings with. A husband and wife or significant other would always be there to put things into proper perspective for us and calm any fears that we might have. With that person being gone, we are left to 'fend for ourselves' in this area. Our built-in support staff is gone and significant change is scary. Things that we thought we'd have plenty of time to prepare for, are suddenly upon us. Kids or grandkids are growing up very quickly in a World, that inside our own minds, seems to have slowed to a snail's pace. We just want the real World around us to slow to that same pace so that we can catch up. I think it's just a matter of letting go of some things that in years past, would have had much less severe impacts on our psyche. Uncomfortable?--yes. The right thing to do for everyone involved?--also yes. As much as we'd like, we can't ask the bus to pull over. We just have to keep rolling and find a way to once again enjoy the ride. I certainly know it's easier said than done. You are a tough lady and you will perservere.SD2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 5, 2009 Report Share Posted February 5, 2009 Kim,I can so relate...I was feeling this way too when my son started college last month, he's two hours away and I miss him so much. He's come and gone since he graduated...he spent four years in the Air Force, came home for a while, moved out and lived with a friend for a while, then moved back home for a while again...but with losing John, the timing just seemed really rough this time. All I know is, we can't hang on to our kids, but somehow you'll get through this. Remember we're all here to offer virtual hugs, and just take a day at a time, don't look at the big picture...and there's always visits to get us through the inbetween times.Love,Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest moparlicious Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 Thank you all for your fantastic help. Some of you who e mailed me are confused of whats going on, I hope I can straighten this out. Josh my oldest son who is sick is moving to CA. My oldest daughter is moving alone to Scottsdale. My youngest daughter who is sick also will be living with me and roommates. I am no longer going to North Carolina, some reasons but I do not want to get into all that right now, Tonight I had a kitchen fire and was not home, but the oldest daughter was. We have no stove, hood above stove, kitchen cabnits above stove. lots of ash and dirt. House is covered in it, big hole in wall. Trying to get it all cleaned up and moving all of us Saturday. We had 7 fire trucks here and say a prayer for my neighbor he rushed in the smoke filled house with 2 fire extinguishers and saved my daughters life. my 2 dogs and 3 cats, although 1 is missing. He is currently in the hospital for breathing problems, please pray for him or my daughter would not be here today. Praise the Lord for him. ll. I am so thankful for him. my animals are all sick tonight, have fans going, the air conditioning and the smell is so bad. We all will be o.k.. Love, Kim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 KimI don't even know what to say to you. I don't know how much one person can take, but you are living proof that we can take more than we think we can.You aren't staying there tonight, are you? Won't your insurance pay for a motel? Or are you afraid of vandalism. I'm worried about you staying there and wouldn't think it would do your daughter or son any good either. I know we had smoke damage 30 years ago and was pretty much more than could take.I don't know how many more prayers I can add for you in one day but I'll add another one. Hope the good Lord doesn't say "Here she comes again" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 Thank goodness you and your children are safe. Your neighbor is a hero. I will pray for him and all of you today.Love, Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeanneC Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 Oh KimI have to say you are a very strong woman. Thank god everyone is OK. I will pray for you and family.Love and God Bless,Jeanne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest moparlicious Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 Thank you everyone for your kindness. I do thank God my children and I are safe, the smell is bad and very overwhelming. No insurance, we rent. Anyone in Phx know of any organizations who are willing to be able to feed me and my children today thru Sunday?. we have no way at all of cooking anything, still trying to clean up and I have to go to work. My white cat is not white today. Stayed up till 11 pm last night clean all soot off of belongings, now have to pack it. Ugh. Need many prayers today and thankful my daughter is o.k. All my pans for cooking are ruined, oh well I know they are all materilistic and we are all here today. Amen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 My dear Kim,I'm so very sorry to learn of this latest challenge in your life. You've had way more than your share! Please know that you are always in our thoughts and prayers. I have alerted my colleagues in the Bereavement Office at Hospice of the Valley to see if there is anything we can do to help you in this situation. I will keep you posted as soon as I learn more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoyceV Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 Hi Kim,Do you remember me? I am the Breavement Counselor you spoke with and met at Light Up A Life. I am so saddened to hear of yet another challenge you are facing. I want very much to speak with you. Please call me at my office, 602-636-2257 or my cell phone 602-750-9970.Joyce Vidal, Bereavement Counselor/Resource CoordinatorHospice of the Valley Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marsha Posted February 6, 2009 Report Share Posted February 6, 2009 You have my prayers, big time, Kim - Love, Marsha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corinne Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 (((Kim))), I am keeping you and your children in my thoughts and prayers. One thing my mom always tells me is that when you think you cannot take anymore that is when things start turning around. It actually seems to be true in my life. Love & Hugs, Corinne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeC Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 Kim,You are an incredibly strong person and a great mother. I am sorry you have so much to deal with - you are in my thoughts.Mike Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest moparlicious Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 Awww thank you everyone. Made it through yesterday, family member bought over pizza and wings for the kids. Trying to pack, clean and stay sane, ha ha. Thank heavens for cereal and sandwiches, maybe some neighbor angels will come through with dinner.Never knew how much not cooking would stink, even though I gripe about it, lol. I appreciate all your comments and support. Wish this headache and cough would go away I feel horrible. Thanks Kim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 7, 2009 Report Share Posted February 7, 2009 Kim, OMG, are you guys all okay? I will pray for your neighbor, thank God for heroes like him that put themselves at risk to save others. I hope you are not trying to stay in the house, I know finances can be tight, but my gosh, the breathing problems you can all have. So you're moving now? Wow...I will be praying for all of you. I am home sick this weekend, so that's something I can do while I'm lying around. I'm sorry one of your pets is missing, I hope it shows up and the rest all get well. Do you have insurance?It's got to stop coming, Kim, you've had so much, you've surely had more than your share.I love you, you're so amazing!Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kath Posted February 8, 2009 Report Share Posted February 8, 2009 Dear Kim,I'm glad your family helped with dinner. Now, do you think they could clear a spot for you to sleep? Inhaling that smell can't be good for you or your kids.I'm on the opposite spectrum tonight...melting snow seeped into my computer room and swamped the floor. I gotta say, the longer I am alone, the easier it is to call for help. Please do the same. I worry about you guys.Kath Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest moparlicious Posted February 8, 2009 Report Share Posted February 8, 2009 you all are so wonderful, no insurance I was renting. My cat is still missing, I put food out and it is raining so I hope she comes home. My daughter is sick from the smoke, my neighbor is home and fine he said my daughter followed him in the house and he was telling her to get outa here and she stood there to help.She is such a strong girl. I love all of you too!!!!!!!!!! I have a really bad headache had it for days. My t.v.'s don't work. All my stuff stinks and all of our clothes are ruined, heavy smoke damage, but it will get better I know it. Love you guys, I will post as I can. Kim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 9, 2009 Report Share Posted February 9, 2009 Kim,If you are renting from someone, they have to have homeowner's insurance, check and see if it'd cover you staying somewhere else or any of the belongings. Mine covers replacement value. I hate to see you staying there, you could be major sick from it. Not only from the smoke but the toxins...it's not only wood that burns in house fires, but plastic melts, etc., it's not good to breathe. Keep us posted...Love,Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlg Posted February 9, 2009 Report Share Posted February 9, 2009 I don't know if you have Norwex products out there but they have an odor eliminator that is wonderful. It is a little pricey but you mix it with water and then wipe things down or spray it. A cat had gotten in my friends car overnight and it even got rid of the urine smell which she hadn't been able to get rid of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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