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Where do you even begin.......my wife passed away May 13th of this year after a brief recurrence of lung cancer.......the void, emptiness and sadness is never ending.......a whole new world emerges that only death can be a ticket to enter.......

.....everything I have read since then is so true, HOV newsletters and all of your posting makes it feel that atleast were not alone........friends change so quick and the phone stops ringing.....I'll give people the benefit of the doubt that they are scared as well, not knowing what to say.....you feel hurt that there is no one to share your deep despair with, but yet, you dont really want to talk with anyone....you just want others to listen and show they care.....but I know thats not fair......would I be any different situation reversed?.......confusion, forgetfulness, feeling fragile and vulnerable reigns most of the time......I'm fortunate I travel every week to beautiful western states of the US.....it relieves of the daily reminders....until I get home......but most of all......I just miss my wife of over 30 years.......2 close-by beautiful daughters and 3 granddaughters w/ twins are great......but its not my wife......we still go home alone, dont we?

I have to say though Hospice of the Valley made my wife happy her last 13 days while she was there.......they are truly special people..... sent down to us.....I owe them a lifetime of gratitude and thanks for my late wife.....she was in-Hospice because of her terrible condition and they were unbelievable to her......thank you to Hospice of the Valley Sherman Home......

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I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious wife. It does seem people do not know how to help the grieving unless they have gone through it, then they understand all too well. It sounds like you travel a lot, which can be a good diversion for a while. Is there a time when you are home that you can attend a regular grief group? That was an immense help as is talking here. I lost my group when I went back to work, but the friends on this site are truly a godsend.

Go gently on yourself. As you so aptly described "confusion, forgetfulness, feeling fragile and vulnerable reigns most of the time" is temporary, but totally expected. I really had no idea the depth of the trauma this takes on us physically, emotionally and spiritually. My favorite quote came from this site, it says something like, "It's not time that heals all wounds, it is love." To have that love for 30 years is something to treasure. It will help you on this journey.

Take good care,

Kath

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I think most of us here have felt the despair of the loss of friends. One of my sisters in law told my daughter she doesn't talk to me because she doesn't know what to say. My reply is just say something. I've gotten so sick of it from Tom's family that I have pretty well "divorced" myself from them and it has really helped because I don't get hurt every week. The new friends I have from my face to face grief support and some of the old friends we had that I have reconnected with are a God send. But the people here have probably been my best support because they truly know how it is. I'm glad you found us.

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I too was promised the support of all kinds of people. Now there is only my Hospice family, big brother and the couple that set me and Rob up on our first date. I find that I need to talk to peopole about Rob. Not about me and my feelings but those that knew him well. I seldom post because it usually helps for me to simply read this board. This past week has been a rough one and its been 6-1/2 months since I lost my Rob. I find myself missing him even more now even though I didn't think that was possible. I whole hearted agree that without Hospice, I don't know what I would have done. I too thank-you Hospice as well as all of you that have helped support me when I didn't thinkI could go on.

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Mark, welcome to our "family". We are all here for you. Please keep posting ... it has helped me so much that I will always feel indebted to this Forum, the wonderful members who help one another, and Marty and HOV. This place is a gift to the bereaved.

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Mark,

I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. I think the confusion and forgetfulness are perfectly normal and much what I found too. I had to double check everything to make sure of what I was doing. Driving a car was challenging, eventho I did it. I would start crying in the car and knew that made me unsafe. I am better with that now.

To have people who will listen to you say whatever you need to say is important. You can always find them here, even if it isn't face to face. My husband died just months before our 30th anniversary so I do know how hard it must be for you. Nothing prepares us for this kind of loss. I am with you. So glad that you have your daughters nearby, but yes, we do go home alone.

Kath I loved what you said when you say "It's not that time heals all wounds, it is love". That really means something to me and I want to carry that inside me today for strength. Thank you.

Mossfire, I am like you too. I want friends to talk to me about my husband, to remember funny stories and time spent with him. I think it is great that you want people to talk about your Rob. I actually have brought this up with my friends and told them, please do not hold back as I want to talk about and listen to their stories of Tom. It is good for me, not bad. Maybe it is just a way to actively keep him alive for me, to put him into our conversations. For me his force was magnetic and I need and want that still.

Love to all of you dear people. All of you.

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Mark,

Welcome to this group that no one want to be a part of. I too have found such comfort and actually look forward to coming home to my empty house and reading the posts at night. I don't feel so alone. Someone else mentioned a support group and I have found griefshare. It meets once a week and is a journey through the grieving process. (they have them all across the country) This program has also helped me so much. www.griefshare.org - they also send me daily emails that are just so nice to get wherever I am in the day...

I read, pray, go to a support group, post on this forum, all in hopes that I can try to get through this and somehow come out on the other side. To understand why God has this as my life, to let go of some of my anger and frustration, to try to find my mind some days... (I actually went to get out of the car the other day and forgot to put it in park!!) and I am relatively smart... OMG!!......

I pray every day that I come out on the other side somehow whole again.

I am so very sorry for your recent loss. It is so hard just to be able to go back to work and act as if...

we are all here for you :excl:

laurie

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Mark,

I am so sorry you have to be here...I wish we could meet under better circumstances. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy in the loss of your wife. Everything you say is true. It is when everyone goes home and you're all alone that it begins to really sink in. Time does help us learn to adjust, but the question I had when it happened to me is, what do you do in the meantime when you are waiting for time to pass and your heart feels like it can't take it? The only answer I know at the stage you are in is to try to take one day at a time...or one hour, one minute, if that's all you can handle. Be kind and understanding to yourself and don't expect too much too soon. And express yourself, as you have done here, it really does help to get it out and share it. We've all been through it, you'll find someone to listen, someone who understands, when you log on here. We're all going through this together, at our varying stages and differing parts of the world.Take care of yourself,

Kay

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