Miss My Husband So Much!

[kimi]

Hi im new here and its been helping reading these heartfelt messages,My husband David passed away june2nd of 09,he battled cancer for 2 yrs and like walt? said i miss taking care of him,its so hard I feel like half of me is gone,I catch myself talking to him right before I wake up,been in my room last 2 months starting to do baby steps,It would of been our 19th wedding anniversary on the 18th of this month,just cant believe hes gone,he worked for the railroad for 43 yrs then 3 months after retirement he got bladder cancer then bone cancer then it went to his brain,im so angry with this disease for taking him away from us.My heart goes out to everyone and I thank hospice for all their support I have a counselor that comes every 2weeks,So hard dont want a new life but I know hes not coming back and its just heart wrenching.God Bless you all-kimi

[Boo Mayhew]

Welcome to our family, Kimi. I know that this is not a family you would have willingly joined, but you have found us, and I am thankful that you have. As you say, it is helpful to read the posts and recognize that your feelings, behaviour and emotions are normal and perfectly natural. This Forum/Discussion Board is sacred to me because it is a safe environment where no one ever judges you, or laughs at you (although they may laugh with you). Despite the fact that all the members are grieving, I am constantly amazed at how selfless and giving they all are. People rally round you to support you, and it helps to know that you are not completely alone on this journey because they are all walking through it with you, albeit at differing stages, reactions, and timelines.

It is the one place in my brave new world where I can tell people everything and not hold back. It is the only place where I absolutely know that everyone really understands me and what I'm going through, and it is a valuable sanity-checker. I'd go as far as saying that the people here are the only people in my life whose opinions I really care about right now, because those who have not been here simply do not understand, not really. It really helps to talk about what you are going through, so please keep posting here.

I am so so sorry that you lost your David just over two months ago, and so cruelly. Cancer is such a cruel disease. I hate the word even. I am glad you have a counsellor because mine is worth her weight in gold, and so is Marty (our own Grief Healing Board Counsellor).

Please be gentle with yourself, sleep when sleep will come to you, try and eat a little and know that grief is a very personal journey, so please don't ever feel pressurized by others who may in the future tell you "you should be moving on" or other such (un)helpful comments. Only you know when you are ready to do different things, such as returning to work.

We are here for you and we do understand. I have grown to learn that the bereaved are given the gift of empathy, and I promise you that you will always find that here.

HUGS

[marsha]

I'm very sorry for your loss, Kimi, and welcome here. Like Boo said so well, it does help immensely knowing that others have the same feelings and fears, and can express them here. My husband died of billiary duct cancer - 4 months from diagnosis to death. It truly is a horribly, heart wrenching disease. A friend said to a long time ago, "cancer is like a hurricane - it takes out everything in its wake". Talk to David - I talk to Joe every day. Take those little baby steps, and know that any emotion you're feeling will be normal in this grieving process. Hugs, Marsha

[valley]

Dear Kimi,

I am so sorry for the loss of your David. Yes, cancer is a cruel disease. I lost my Tom 11 months ago today from a complication of cancer. He lived for only 6 months. I feel your pain, your loss. Please take care and I believe that crying is good for you. It helps to release some of the pain that seems to come like waves, over and over.

Again, I am so sorry. Valley

[LarrysGirl]

Hello Kimi, welcome to this group and I'm so sorry for your loss. Please take care of yourself, its so important to rest and eat. Grief takes everything out of you. I know you miss your husband. Please share your feelings and you will find understanding and much support here. I still don't want a new life and I lost Larry over three years ago. We each have to find our way to cope but you have alot of caring people here. Deborah

[Maryo]

Hi Kimi,

I am pretty new to this group also. My husband died a little over a year ago. I am so sorry for your loss, This is a lovely, kind and understanding group. I don't always post but it is very comforting to read all the encouraging words.

When I felt like crying I never held back, and it helped. It is all part of healing.

Take care.

Mary

[kimi]

Boo, Thank you so much,you are right people dont understand unless they been here,Im so sorry for your loss as well its so hear wrenching to go on without them,It really does help reading these posts,thank you so much-hugs

[kimi]

Thank you all for your support I really love this group and yes grieving does take everything out of you.Thank you-hugs

[lost my best friend]

Hi Kimi, I lost my husband Gary suddenly on May 8, 2009. I know how alone you feel. We would have been married 30yrs on June 9th. I feel like someone has cut my heart out of my chest. On top of the feeling his loss, I am trying to run our business. I haven't had much time to myself and some say that's a blessing. I'm not sure, because like you I can't believe that he is really gone. We spent all of our spare time together and I feel so lost without him here. Sometimes I think I can feel him near me, but I'm not sure if it's real or just that I want him back so badly. I too am wondering if and when I will ever feel better. I haven't been posting alot, but this is a good group of people who REALLY do know what we are feeling. It helps me to know that what I'm feeling is "normal" whatever that may be.

[kayc]

I'm sorry for the loss of your Gary. It is the hardest thing in the world, but with some help from those here, you can make it. Be very understanding and patient with yourself, it takes a lot of effort to grieve and a lot of time to adjust.

Take care,

Kay

[kath]

My heart goes out to both of you. It is so hard to start a new life when you were so looking forward to the one you had planned on. It seems so unfair and I'm sorry for your losses. I came upon a "certificate" from a healing workshop I'd gone to that says, "Those who bear the mark of pain are never really free; they owe a debt to the ones who still suffer...This is your beginning."

That is why so many of us are here....because we understand and it is here that we were validated and comforted. Please allow us the honor of listening to you. Share your story, your hopes, your dreams, your loss. It is safe here.

Kath

[kayc]

Kath,

You are so right...that is why I am here too...I went through so much and I've learned a lot and come out victorious, it's taken great effort, more than I can ever say. I want to be there to listen and care and maybe point some hope to those who are back at the beginning or anywhere along the way. I've learned that grief is forever, but it is not stagnant, it evolves, so that what we are dealing with is no longer the same as it was, but rather something new.

[Korina]

I, too, am so sorry for the loss your husband. I lost my Scott on June 19, 2009, and have found that just being able to vent out my feelings of uncertainty and apprehension in the forum is soooo helpful. You can read articles about grief and what to expect, and understand intellectually what it is all about. But to actually go through it and to feel it is completely different from knowing it intellectually. The people here know what you are feeling, have been there or are there, and that is of great comfort. Keep on posting and reading.

Take care,

Korina

[moparlicious]

Kimi,

I want to start off by saying welcome to a site where you will find love, compassion, sympathy and people who truly care and do know what you are going through. I am deeply sorry for your loss and shake my head thinking dear God not another one. I too lost my beloved Dan at the age of 41 to cancer, we were together for 24 years and have 3 children together. He suffered with this cruel and heartless disease for 13 months, on August 20th sadly he will be gone 2 years, I will forever miss him dearly and feel that gnawing ache in my stomach when I think about how cruel cancer is and how you feel the helplessness and despair of what you did and tried to do? The doubt and wonder if it was enough? or could I have done more? Did I do enough? These questions swirl around in my head till it feels like it will explode. With the love and support here I have finally came to the realization and belief that I did everything possible for Dan and I would have given my life for him if that was a choice that could have been made. Acceptance is a horrible thing sometimes!!!!!!!!!!! I hope here you will find and experience the true meaning of friendship, compassion, love and true loving and warm people. I love everyone on this site and know I would not have made it without each and everyone of you, you are my heros and inspiration, thanks everyone!!!!!!!!!! When this cruel world lets you down so much and you feel like you have no where to turn or sometimes don't want to we have this site. Thank you Marty for this you saved my life, I wanted to give up so many times, but you held my hand and gave me support as well as many many beautiful people here, thank you. This site you can come to anytime, vent whenever, talk to someone always and never feel regret or bad about anything because someone somewhere will always be on and here to help us through.Take one day at a time and take care of yourself, don't forget to eat and be good to you( I know it seems like why bother now) but, this is the life we have been given although we don't understand the whys or any of that and may never, but know in your heart you have us and we will be here for you forever. With peace and love, Kim

[40yearsoflove]

To one and all that found Marty's site to be as helpful as I have. My wife, Wanda and I started an online pet casket business together over 11 years ago and the two of us had the great pleasure of being able to work at home together. I lost her to a three year battle with ovarian cancer on April 23, 2007. When Wanda and I created our web site we added a Grief Counselling link to Marty's site. Little did I know that I would ever make use of her services myself. Shortly after she went to be with Jesus I decided to see if the advice I had given so many grieving pet owners would help me. I, like everyone here was distraught at the loss of my lifelong companion and mother of two wonderful children and five beautiful grandchildren Wanda and I had together. Upon sharing my grief with the wonderful people on this forum I found that I was not alone with my "mixed bag" of feelings. Although the pain of losing her after 40 years together never seems to pass, I have finally accepted the fact that she is in a better place and that whatever God has in mind is something I have to learn to live with. I miss her so much but I take life one day at a time and do my best to be strong for those aforementioned children. I wrote a poem that I truly believe was inspired by Wanda. I shared it with this forum back then and hope it helps anyone choosing to read it now. Good luck to one and all and God bless.

Together Once More

I have reached the end of my life,

Time here has ended for me,

Shed no tears and don't be sad,

Rejoice, my soul is now free.

So many things we leave behind,

Look around you at the things we shared.

But the love we had will continue on,

Even though I'm no longer there.

Memories we’ve stored will forever last.

They will always be there to show.

What wonderful times we had in this life,

In a garden that ceased to grow.

I know this is hard and your pain is great.

But I'm at peace now and I wanted you to know.

There's no sadness, no pain, no worries at all.

I love you but it was my time to go.

Death doesn't end it only begins,

The future we're meant to see.

Eternity in Heaven now lies ahead,

And angels we're meant to be

So now it is time for you to bow down,

And look toward this golden shore.

For the time's coming soon when you will come too,

And we will be together once more.

Author – Hoyt Northcutt

[Boo Mayhew]

Hoyt, what a beautiful poem. Thank you so much for sharing. I am sorry to hear that you too have lost your wife and after 40 years. I can remember my Dad's pain after losing my Mom and they had been married for 43 years.

[kayc]

Dear 40 years of love,

Thank you for sharing your poem with us, it is written beautifully and I know it expresses what most of us feel deep within.