Holiday Anxiety - Creeping Up On Me....

[LindaG]

Hello -

After getting thru Thanksgiving, I have since avoided the "Malls, Garden Centers, Christmas Stolls, Party Invites, and the Rest...", as I know it will put me in a spin. I feel it getting closer or closing in me if that makes sense. The Holiday Hoopla. I'm getting a sense of anxiety over the coming weeks. I don't know if I should try to embrace some of it or just avoid all or as much as possible? I've deliberated for two days about buying a wreath for the front of the house. To the extent of stoping and picking one out and then not going forward. I won't put up a tree this year as all of the ornaments are "ours" and it is too soon. I had to send a few thank you notes after Joe's funeral in October and signing just my name was horrifying. I can't imagine sending Christmas Cards. I love Christmas. I love the music and all that it represents but I'm worried that I will be exposing myself to too much too soon and that will shut me down? Does this make sense?

What are the rest of you planning to do for your first Christmas alone? Is it okay to set boundaries verbally to your family and friends? I've found I did receive a lot of e-mails this week to see how I survived Thanksgiving last week?? Which I thought was very kind.

Please let me know what you all are thinking about how you will handle the rest of the month. Thank you - peace and prayers.

- Linda G

[derby]

Hi LindaG,

I did a memory tree (if interested I started post under that headline). I am sending a few Xmas cards I ordered from Hospice. Planning on having my annual Xmas Eve drop-in. My husband's birthday is Dec 16th so my son and I are planning on starting a tradition of going out and celebrating his life. Its is going to be a very tough time for all of us here. Told my siblings and parents I was going to try to do as much as I could for Christmas, but New Year's is mine. I don't want anyone around. Movie, computer, junkfood, and tissues..... I took a surviving the Holiday Class and it was suggested we do whatever it is we feel we can or want to do. Wishing you peace and blessings, Debbie

[kimi]

Hi Linda im somewhat like you not going to the stores im not putting up tree this year its too hard,it was my sons bday the 30th of this month and it was so hard to just put from mom he opened it and both of us had tears,his dad always signed it and dated it.I wasnt gonna do thanksgiving either but my son said wheres the turkey so i just bought a tiny boneless one it was so different and we didnt eat in dining room,we havent since my husband passed in june,We just have to take baby steps but its hard.God bless you-kimi

[Kat2005]

LindaG,

If I could blink my eyes and already be in the middle of January I would. If I could I would skip Christmas all together this year. We talked about the holidays at my grief meeting and they said we should do whatever we need to do this year for the holidays. Family members should understand. We shouldn't feel guilty for anything we decide. I just feel I can't totally skip the holidays. My mother is 84 and then there is my son. I couldn't do that to them. Pat knew how much I enjoyed the holidays and I don't think he would want me to stay at home by myself. I know it won't be an all day affair like it usually is. I will be able to do only so much. As for New Year's I have decided it will be me and my journal ..... and maybe a glass of wine. I want to hang on to 2009 for some reason. I don't know why. I guess it is just starting a new year without Pat. Starting a new year all alone.

Take care,

Kat

[LindaG]

Hi LindaG,

I did a memory tree (if interested I started post under that headline). I am sending a few Xmas cards I ordered from Hospice. Planning on having my annual Xmas Eve drop-in. My husband's birthday is Dec 16th so my son and I are planning on starting a tradition of going out and celebrating his life. Its is going to be a very tough time for all of us here. Told my siblings and parents I was going to try to do as much as I could for Christmas, but New Year's is mine. I don't want anyone around. Movie, computer, junkfood, and tissues..... I took a surviving the Holiday Class and it was suggested we do whatever it is we feel we can or want to do. Wishing you peace and blessings, Debbie

Debbie-

What a fantastic idea!! I am going to do this. You've given me a wonderful way to remember Joe. Thank you.

- Linda G

[LindaKoz]

Hi Linda G.

I escaped to the beach with my son for Thanksgiving. It's not an otpion for Christmas because he wants to be with our family. I think I will go to my sister's house but a little later. I don't want any gifts and I really don't want to be there for the gift giving extravaganza (my parents tend to go a bit overboard). Hopefully they will take Kevin with them and then I'll just go when I am able. I also attended a grief seminar on surviving the holidays and learned that we have the right to set boundaries. I'm only going to decorate the mantle or the entertainment center with a candle, some lights and garland, and a picture of Brian and me. I'm considering a wreath for the front door if I get the motivation. I'm really scared about New Year's Eve because we always did something special. I might go on a retreat where I can spend time alone, with my journal, and with God. Just not sure whether this is a good idea or not.

Hugs to you, my friend. Please remember that you can only do what you are able to do. Set your boundaries and if you feel overwhelmed you can always escape or change you mind. You have the right to walk your own unique grief journey. Never mind what others think, feel, or say. It's YOUR grief journey.

Peace, love, and blessings,

Linda

[jrm]

Hi everyone. Yep, I survived Thanksgiving. I had 15 family for dinner. I shopped, cleaned, peeled, cooked the 28 pound turkey. The boys 39, 38, and 32 helped peel, clean, and mash. You see their Dad was "the cook all the family loved". This was our tribute to him. We sure were busy for the whole week and because I planned for the day a week ahead, I did not stress out. Oh, of course after everyone left, I walked around "talking" to Duke then crying my eyes out. But Christmas. Oh boy we have a really tough couple of weeks ahead of us. There is no way to plan what will happen. I will decorate (minimally) No tree. Just some signs of Christmas. Bought cards but still not sure if I will send them (yes signing just my name is painful) I will continue to take my anxiety meds and refuse alcohol. I will not shop if it stresses me. I'll wait to the last minute and get gift cards if I have to. Only presents bought so far is for our one and only grandaughter, Danica, who will be 2 in February. I've bought a Madame Alexander "Ballet Dreams" doll and a "Ballet Dancer" jewelry box with some play jewely (All Hearts) from Pa. I cried in the store when I watched the dancer twirl in front of the mirror. Pa will be missing so much and that's what really bothers me. How will I ever be able to watch her open those presents for I know my son will cry and I'm afraid of upsetting my daughter-in-law and Dani. No amount of meds are going to help me. This is the only thing that will be on my mind for the next few weeks. How to celebrate the day with Dani without Pa by our sides.

[LindaKoz]

The only gifts I have purchased so far are guitars for two of Brian's grandchildren. Brian was a very talented guitar player (I miss hearing him play). Before he passed away I saw these great guitars in a catalog. We talked about it and he felt it was a good idea for Connor (he's five) but not for Bella (she'll be 2 in Jan.). After he passed away I decided to get one for Bella, too. They will be from their "Boom Boom" and I hope they will treasure them forever. I'm not sure how many more gifts I will buy. I've been trying to think of something special to get for Brian's children, especially his youngest daugher who is 13. I'll also get some gifts for my son because he has really supported me the past 9 weeks. I think that will be about all I am able to handle. Personally I don't want any gifts. The only thing I want is Brian but nobody can make that dream come true. Oh, here come the tears . . . . .

Peace, love, and blessings, my friends,

Linda

[mrspapajohn]

Hugs to everyone who, like me, is trying to survive the holidays. I believe that Derby's idea is wonderful and I love and admire the strength that it must take her to honor her husband that way. Since we all handle our grief differently, I believe that how we handle the holidays depends on us doing what we can as individuals. To those of you who are thinking about your family and friends and trying not to "spoil" Christmas for them, I admire your strength and unselfishness. Personally, I spent Thanksgiving alone, trying to pretend that there was no holiday. It has been eleven months since my husband, Stephen, died and as yet, the memories of the holidays we spent together (over 28 years worth) are still too painful for me. My friends and family are very understanding and they know that I plan to spend Christmas the same way I did Thanksgiving. My brother-in-law is coming to visit after New Years and that gives me a double reason to wish the holidays would be behind us. I wish you all peace and hope that these days will bring you happy memories. Please remember that the greatest gift that you can give is to be kind to yourself. I will be thinking and praying for all of you.

Kathy

[Rochel]

Hi Tim,

When I read that your house is bare I got sad...at least, go out and buy a beautiful pointsettia..the bright read ones that you see all over the place...dedicate it to Lucille and everytime you look at it think of her beauty and how she would not want you to be so sad...Oh Gee," now I'm saying what everybody says...."She wouldn't want you to-----------I would think to myself, how do they know what he/she would want....but I say to you Tim, the plant would make you feel better...I will pray for you......Rochel

[azusaman]

I don't plan on doing any decorating or Christmas cards either. Adrianne would buy several poinsettias and place them around our bee-hive fireplace every season but I don't know...I might still buy a few just in memory of her.

Ted

[Jsph110]

I can't imagine sending Christmas Cards. I love Christmas. I love the music and all that it represents but I'm worried that I will be exposing myself to too much too soon and that will shut me down? Does this make sense?

Its a good idea to send Christmas Cards

are the rest of you planning to do for your first Christmas alone? Is it okay to set boundaries verbally to your family and friends? I've found I did receive a lot of e-mails this week to see how I survived Thanksgiving last week?? Which I thought was very kind.

Please let me know what you all are thinking about how you will handle the rest of the month. Thank you - peace and prayers.

- Linda G

You are going to survive this Christmas too Linda.

[Maryo]

Hi Everyone,

If it where possible I think we would all blink our eyes and have the holidays over, but it's not so the tree is up, the lights are on outside and the cards are on the table waiting for me.This is my second Christmas without my husband and it feels a little harder, but my daughter keeps me from feeling to sorry for myself. I promised her Dad near the end we would look after each other but she mostly looks after me. Even at 25 she loves Christmas so her enthusiasm has to rub off a little on me.I still cry and she tells me it will be ok, I trust in God that it will be ok. I just need a little more time.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[Korina]

I have decided not to send Christmas cards, instead finally get around to sending out thank you cards. Everytime I sign the cards "Korina and Kailyn" instead of "Scott, Korina and Kailyn", another piece of my heart withers.

I have always loved Christmas as did Scott. I actually have found listening to Christmas music enjoyable, but maybe that is because music was not really important to Scott. I am going to visit his family for a week over Christmas, and then to my parents over New Years. I know I cannot be alone over the holidays; plus, everyone wants to see Kailyn. I know there will be tears, but I truly believe being with family will be comforting. In fact, Scott's mom is planning Christmas dinner at her place for the first time in 19 years, when her husband died.

Korina