David'sGirlStill Posted May 26, 2010 Report Posted May 26, 2010 Hi all, I've been making it. Saturday was David's birthday and Sunday he was gone from this earth 15 months. I had my moments but I was proud of how I got through. I am able to listen to music again without losing it. So, I had this great feeling that I was out of my dark, deep hole. Guess again, I walk in Subway to order a sub and the tears just started flowing. No, there is connection to subway. I just became overwhelmed with the yearning for my wonderful husband and couldn't stop. I sat on the chair and cried uncontrollably for 15 minutes. Am I losing it or what? I expected this 5 months in but not now. I guess I'm not sounding real positive. I just really miss him, I've got through he damn first and figured out how to do stuff but it doesn't take away my longing for him. I just miss him. Love and hope, Phyllis
nats Posted May 26, 2010 Report Posted May 26, 2010 Phyllis, I am at 3 months and I can fully understand, I am dealing day to day and for the most part doing good but some days I just plain miss my Ruth so bad it actually hurts inside real pain, true physical pain, I cry smometimes just at a quick memory flash and that triggers a whole new mood to deal with, most of these come at home after being at work all day and sometimes when I'm out shopping or doing errands and Walmart is the worst because the last year we went there everyweek to shop together, the fisrt few times back there I stood in the isle and just cried, it's amazing no one even ask if I was OK, cried like 10 minutes, but it's OK now I just talk to her while shopping if people think Im crazy Oh well there problem I'm getting thru my conquering my goal....it's OK to be down sometimes but just remember how much energy it uses up, I'll pray you get thru this and the positive returns, even as hard as it is for any of us to find any positive in our losses...each day we make progress in dealing with our loss is positive in my opinion... Take Care and God Bless NATS
MartyT Posted May 26, 2010 Report Posted May 26, 2010 Oh my dear Phyllis, no, you are not "losing it." This is one of those STUGs we've talked about: Sudden, Temporary Upsurges of Grief (aka grief bursts). It's what bereaved mom Kelly Buckley posted about just yesterday on her Gratitude in Grief blog; she called it The Rogue Wave of Grief.
David'sGirlStill Posted May 27, 2010 Author Report Posted May 27, 2010 Nats, Thank you so much for your kind words. I talk to David in public all the time. Thank goodness for all the hands free phones, I'm sure most think we're just on the phone. LOL Dont worry about anything except you. Take care of yourself I remember the first 3 months, all too clear. It was hell. It does get different, I won't say better but different. Hugs Phyllis
David'sGirlStill Posted May 27, 2010 Author Report Posted May 27, 2010 My darling Marty, As always your words of wisdom are invaluable. Thank you for once again for making me know I'm not NUTS. I could never have made it this far without you and this wonderful site. Hugs Phyllis
Sharon3 Posted May 27, 2010 Report Posted May 27, 2010 It has been 15 months for me as well on the 24th of May and I too have those horrible heart breaking moments when you wonder if you will acually survive what live has dealt. Thanks Marty for the link...it really articulates that wave that almost sneaks up on you when you let your guard down to try and find your path....there it comes to remind you of your broken heart.
Kat2005 Posted May 27, 2010 Report Posted May 27, 2010 I have been doing pretty good lately .... or so I thought. I too still have my moments going to and from work since we worked together but for the most part I have been okay. I just feel like I have taken a giant step back. When Pat passed I truly didn't know if I was going to be able to make it. I had never lived alone. Fortunately, two weeks before he passed my son moved back home to attend Medical School. He has been accepted into a program and he will be leaving for most of the summer. Now the reality of really being alone is setting in and I am having a really hard time. I have that empty feeling that I had right after Pat died. I know I need to just suck it up and accept this new life. It is just not that easy for me to do. I am sorry for being such a downer tonight. It is raining outside and it makes me miss Pat even more. He loved listening to the rain hitting the windows. I just miss him. Take care, Kat
David'sGirlStill Posted May 27, 2010 Author Report Posted May 27, 2010 Cmon Kat, Your not a downer at all. There's no such thing as suck it up in my book. This is painful stuff and your helping me not feel so damn alone. Your words echo my hart and I swear those who have been spared this heartbreak just don't get it when we say" I just miss him". I know the alone feeling thing only too well. But we're not alone we have each other and our loved ones right beside us. If I didn't hold on to that I would just slip away. Hugs Phyllis
mlg Posted May 28, 2010 Report Posted May 28, 2010 Phyllis, I don't think it makes any difference if you are 15 hours, days, months or years; I think those of us who truly loved our loved one will miss them for the rest of our lives. Sure we can "hide" behind a smile or laugh but there is still that hole in our heart. Times may be easier sometimes but the hurt is ALWAYS there. I have a friend whose husband has been gone for almost 36 years and she is has been remarried for over 25 but she says sometimes when she looks at her kids she can't hardly stand it. I don't mean to be a downer but just wanted you to know that you are not alone.
Korina Posted May 28, 2010 Report Posted May 28, 2010 I had one of those STUGs the other day. I was cruising along my day, and at one point, thought, "Wow, I can think about Scott without feeling awful. I am doing really well!" Then, for no particular reason, some time later, I just broke down." One little story I would like to relay. Whenever Kailyn, right from the beginning at 4.5 months, has seen me cry, she always giggles (guess I look funny). A couple days ago, again while I was crying, she giggled. However, as I continued to cry, she kinda looked at me, and I then said, "Mommy is sad because she misses Daddy. Come give Mommy a hug." She came over to me and gave me the sweetest hug you can imagine. I am so lucky to have her! Korina
kayc Posted May 28, 2010 Report Posted May 28, 2010 I will always miss George...the difference between now and five years ago is I've learned to hold it at bay, keep myself from going there fully, or I'd be a basket case all the time! (((hugs!)))
Sharon3 Posted May 29, 2010 Report Posted May 29, 2010 It is 15 months for me and I met an acquaintance for lunch yesterday...she is 8 years since her husband passed away (I used to work with him). and she still cried over lunch. It makes me think of the song "How Can you Mend a Broken Heart"...you can't. My Granddaughter saw me crying and having a meltdown on my Birthday....she is just under 2 and she said "Grandma has a boo boo"..........Little ones are so pure and such a blessing. I feel so grateful when I am with her yet sad because her Grandpa isn't with her as I am sure you must feel Korina with your little daughter.
nats Posted May 29, 2010 Report Posted May 29, 2010 I've had my share of waves this week as well, I think mines due to the fact we always have an eventful June, last year we got married on June 17th, then started chemo, all previous years we traveled to Kentucky and Ohio to visit our familys and have our summer vacation, and this year I'll be alone, no anniversary, no vacation, and what seems to be lost in space at times, but I'll somehow find comfort thru God, memories, and my support groups both here and local ones I attend.... NATS
Queeniemary Posted May 29, 2010 Report Posted May 29, 2010 Phyllis, did not know they were called STUGS, but I guess we all have them....out of the blue, and it does not seem to matter how long it has been. It has only been a little over 4 months for me since my husband Michael died. I can be tootling along thinking I am doing better, and suddenly a sight, sound or smell will bring it all back, and I just double over. It is good to know it is common to us all, and that I am not crazy! Praying for us all. QueenieMary AKA Mary in Arkansas
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