I Lost My Best Friend And Husband

[WendyB]

My husband died June 7 after a heart transplant. He was the love of my life and my best friend.

He was 51 years old. We were married for 21 years in February.

I keep thinking that if we wouldn't have done the transplant he would still be here.

I know in my head that he was weak and this was the last resort, but my heart says what if?

What if we would have waited? What if...? I guess this is normal thinking but I feel so

guilty and angry and alone. One minute i'm crying, the next I just want to break something.

June 7 at 3:20am they woke us up and told us they found a donor heart.

I held Larry's hand the rest of the morning and most of the day, now I even feel guilty for leaving to eat lunch.

June 7 at 12:00 pm I was holding his hand and telling him everything would be okay and he was writing what

we would do when he got out of the hospital. At 1:00 I told him I loved him and would see him later then

they gave him a shot and put him under. By 11:00 that night they were telling us he wasnt' doing good and we

could see him a few minutes. By 11:05 they came and told us he didn't make it. I feel like my world ended

right then and there.

I miss him so much! We did absolutey everything together.

[SHeiss]

WendyB,

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I know it probably gets tiring to even hear that much, as I know that there are no words that I can give you for comfort. What I can do is welcome you to the site. I have found a lot of comfort and love here and I hope it does the same for you. We are all here for you. Again, I am so very sorry for your loss. I wish I could take even a small portion of your pain away.

a huge hug from me to you!

Sharla

[Sharon3]

Wendy I am so sorry for the loss of your husband............we are all hear helping each other stand up and take one step in front of the other and live in the moment, not in the past and not in the future ............My heart goes out to you but come here often to have your feelings validated, no one else can do it except someone who has been through it.

[David'sGirlStill]

Wendy,

I too am so sorry for your loss and that you are on this journey. Reading your words brought tears to my eyes. Welcome to our family. My husband passed away Feb 23, 2009 and without this site I wouldn't be here. You are not alone. Please come here and cry, scream do whatever you need to do.

Hugs

Phyllis

[Maryo]

WendyB,

I am sorry for the loss of your husband.

I haven't been on this site for a while and I see there are many new members. I lost my husband 2 years ago next month.It will get easier, but the first few months are the hardest. One day at a time is the best advise I was given.This site is full of loving and thoughtful people who will help you through as they have with me.

Take care.

Mary Lou

[Kat2005]

WendyB,

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. It will be a year tomorrow that I lost mine. You have found a group of very caring people. They have helped me through some really tough times. Although our stories are different we are all feeling the pain of losing a loved one. When you feel like you need someone to talk to come here, there is always someone listening. Remember you are not alone and we are all here for you.

Take care,

Kat

[closs86]

Dear Wendy,

I am so sorry for your loss, what a terrible thing to happen, it is not your fault if he needed a heart he wouldn't of made it without it, That was shocking, your thought everything would be o k, then bad news, I am so sorry, June 7th, it is still so new, do you have any children, anyone that you can reach out to, someone to talk to, this is a really terrible hand that we were dealt, I lost my husband April 6, within 3 weeks from diagnosis of pancreatic cancer to gone, it is very hard, one day and one minute at a time, This is a great site, the people here really understand, and they try to help you understand what you are feeling, so come back often.

God Bless

Karen

[Korina]

Wendy:

Believe me, I understand the whatifs. At a year, I still have them. But we will never really know for sure. I think the doubts and woulda shoulda couldas are all quite normal (if I dare call this whole process 'normal'). I do hope you keep coming back to this forum, as I believe you will find comfort and understanding here.

Take care,

Korina

[Chrissie]

Wendy,

I am so sorry for your loss. I understand the "whatifs" all too well. My husband passed away Jan 31st and I still have them all the time. I too left his side, just to run home for a few minutes, and they called me while I was still on the road to let me know he had passed. I know that there is really not much I can say to ease your pain but I hope coming to this site will help you as much as it has helped me. Everyone is so kind here and they understand because they have all been through it. It is a journey that none of us wanted to take but it helps not to take it alone. Take care of yourself, eat and try your best to get sleep whenever you can. You will need all your energy. Lots of Hugs.

Chris

[Cheryl]

Dear Wendy, Thankyou for sharing with us your last day with your husband. I read your words and cried. I had no idea how painful death is for the surviving spouse until my Mark died. How brave you and your husband were to face such an awful circumstance and then to have such a devestating outcome. How I wish things had turned out diffrently for you. Please know that there are many people here who can help you heal and grow. You are wise to reach out and try to find comfort. Many people suffer alone. cheryl

[Vickie O]

Dear Wendy,

I already wrote to you personally, & I don't want to beat my drum & drown you out, but as I re read your post it brought to my mind...again, the importance of being an Organ Donor.

As you know my Pat died waiting for a Liver that never arrived...he was called twice & both times the organs were not good. We walked the Organ Recipient Balance Beam.

Thousands of lives are saved & healed each year, maybe not our loved ones,but others. So grief healing visitors, we can't bring our mates back, but this a very positive thing we can offer & do. DONATE LIFE!!!

Vickie O'Neil

[WendyB]

I have been an Organ Donor for about 15 years. Thats how long we have known Larry would need a Heart Transplant. It made me see the need for Donors.

[MartyT]

Dear Ones,

Those interested in reading more about organ donation may appreciate the posts in these earlier threads:

Did We Make The Right Choice?

Pat's Story

[Abby48]

wendy,

my husband also died on the 7th of june.

i know you are hurting & your life as you knew it has forever changed.

i am at a loss as to what i'm suppose to do now.

i guess there are no words to express the loss we both are feeling

but please know this site is here for us through the bad days & worse days.

may God hold you close & give you strength

[nats]

Wendy,

My heart feels your pain and loss my wife joined God on 2/14/10, my prayers are with you and I ask for comfort, I also understand the what if's, my wife had a long 9 month battle wih cancer and if she would not have taken the last chemo she might still be here but her quality of life had got past the point she wanted, when she could not walk on her own she told she was ready because she felt like she was a burden to me, Not So, I loved that lady so much I'd do anything for her but she is now at rest and I'm waiting for the day I join her, when God feels I've completed what my mission is I'll be ready, I have no fear, I know it's hard but you must focus on your well being these next few months, grief takes a lot out of you, make sure you eat and sleep as your body and mind allows, and as hard as it is try and remember the happy times you've had with your husband, negative thoughts are not healing and we heal with a little less pain focusing on positive energy...may God be with you during this most rough time....

NATS