Six Weeks

[PopPop]

Six weeks ago today my wife of ten years, best friend, and soul mate was suddenly taken from me at the age of 47, with no advance warning. She went to bed and never woke up again. I thought I was doing OK but now that the initial shock has worn off and I am trying to establish a new routine to life things just don't seem right. I feel as if I'm just sleepwalking through life and doing the absolute minimum from one day to the next. I do have a good, supportive network of family and friends but I just want to isolate myself because I'm feeling a lot of anger right now and if someone were to do or say what I perceive to be the wrong thing I don't know how I would react. It is especially frustrating for me to here someone complain about their spouse when I would give everything I have, ten times over, for just five more minutes with my wife. We married in our late thirties and up until that point in my adult life I didn't know that I could enjoy the love and happiness we had, just like I didn't know I could experience this gut-wrenching sorrow. In our time together we made it through a lot of tough times due to chronic health conditions that she suffered from. I always told her that a lesser couple would never have made it through what we went through. Now I don't know how I'm supposed to get through this alone. Even when I'm surrounded by people I feel totally alone.

[nats]

PopPop,

I know how you feel and also feel your pain and sorrow as my wife joined God on 2/14/10....I have just one thing that got me thru each day as I had no family or support group per say after my wife left and that was God and my faith along with happy memories, this forum has also provided me with many answers and insight to what others are going thru and helps me to share and read what others share, in fact this is better than group support for me...first right now always put yourself first doing what you want when you want, please eat and take care of yourself grief takes a lot of energy and you need food, also rest when you can, I find if I'm tired days are worse than if I'm rested, focus on happy memories and the fact nothing can ever take them from you, and if possible you have to release that anger, many people have suggestions I'm sure but I found out the best for me was screaming and punching a pillow, also writing about your anger helps...so for now I say we are here for you and take one day at a time....may God provide you some comfort...

NATS

[PopPop]

NATS, Thanks for your response and encouragement. Finding this board and being able to just put what I'm feeling out there, to people who are going through the same experience, was a huge help yesterday. As many people who say if there's anything I can do or you need to talk about anything just let us know (and I know they have the best intentions) you really can't understand this journey until you're on it.

Best Regards,

PopPop

[Kat2005]

PopPop,

I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. I lost my husband just over a year to an aggressive form of prostate cancer. This the hardest thing I have had to go through. I have learned that there are going to be ups and downs. You think you are doing better and then a picture, a song or just a memory will trigger the tears. I've learned to just let it out. It does make you feel better. Nats is correct. You must try to take care of yourself. It is very important because this journey takes alot out of you. I know it doesn't seem like it right now but things do get better. You just need to move along at your on pace. You will know what is right for you.

I am right there with you when I hear someone complaining about their spouse. If they only knew how blessed they are to still have them in their lives.

I do find comfort in journaling. I set a time each day to sit down and share my day with Pat. Journaling is not for everyone but it helps me alot.

PopPop, you have found a wonderful group of people here. They have helped me through some rough times. There is always someone hear to listen. I will keep you in my prayers.

Take care, Kat

[Marion Claire]

The jouraling has helped me a lot. Lost my only son at age 48 3 years ago and started a journal. Now in May I lost my husband of 55 years. I can share so much with him in my journaling. Yup lots of us forget to eat meals. I do I know, and my grandkids are afraid I will starve so promised Sunday to go grocery shopping. Seems so useless to fix stuff for one person. I am so very sorry for your loss and know the horrid pain you are feeling. This group and one local hospice one here is the only place I feel I can be just me. (whoever I am now!) We need not be afaid fo what we say. We are all suffering the same pain. Big hugs, Marion

[kayc]

PopPop,

I'm sorry, ten years just isn't long enough, is it? We only got 3 years 8 months. It does feel like a rip. It is hard when the shock begins to wear off and we don't know what to do with what we're left with. I can only say, a day at a time, it takes concerted effort. Hang in there, we're here listening.

Kay

[alone27]

Pop Pop - My heart goes out to you. I know the pain seems as if it will simply overcome you - and, to a degree, it does. I am sad every day - and 5 months have elapsed since my darling husband of 45 years suddenly passed away. I have unbelievable anger and really have lost my faith - since everything was going so well, and then, in an instant, he was gone. I have no advice for you excpept to say that this site and the people on it really do understand and care - they have (probably unknowingly) seen me thru some incredibly difficult times. I pray that you feel some comfort.

Roz

[Queeniemary]

Pop Pop

So very sorry for your loss. my husband died in January, very unexpectedly of a massive coronary at age 62. We were planning our retirement, and now nothing is the same. I understand the anger you are feeling, and the worst part is you don't know who to direct the anger toward. It is hard to go forward, but I think we have to understand that we have changed, our lives have changed, and while we go forward, it is as a different person. Grief changes us. My husband has been gone almost 7 months now, but I still have days where it will just suddenly hit me that he is really gone, and never coming back. I hang on to the memories, and he is always with me in my heart, I just wish I could see him again. Friends are great, and do offer help and support, but unless they have been there, they really don't understand the big hole in your heart and life. I have two close friends who lost their spouses in the past year and year and a half. We have formed our own little support group...we get together monthly, fix a meal, watch a movie, and most important...talk. We can talk to each other about things, that we cannot seem to talk to other friends about, because we know that each of us understands. This forum has helped me so very much, because you can say how you are feeling, and people understand, and no one seems to judge. None of us ask to be a member of this club, but here we are. Will be praying for you, and for peace and support.

Mary (Queeniemary) in Arkanss

[Korina]

For the weeks, I felt as though I was watching myself continue on from outside myself. I ate even though I didn't feel like it, watched my conversations with a certain detachment. Slowly though, I started to do things again that I 'normally' did, but I did not push myself. I knew when I was ready to try and go for a run or whatever the situation was.

Just a while ago, I said to my mom that I though Scott and I were special. She said we were. That made me happy but want to cry all at the same time. I continue to feel like only half of a team. I doubt that will ever go away. But the gut-wrenching pain does ease over time, as we adapt to our new reality.

Take care,

Korina

[Deb625]

Six weeks ago today my wife of ten years, best friend, and soul mate was suddenly taken from me at the age of 47, with no advance warning. She went to bed and never woke up again. I thought I was doing OK but now that the initial shock has worn off and I am trying to establish a new routine to life things just don't seem right. I feel as if I'm just sleepwalking through life and doing the absolute minimum from one day to the next. I do have a good, supportive network of family and friends but I just want to isolate myself because I'm feeling a lot of anger right now and if someone were to do or say what I perceive to be the wrong thing I don't know how I would react. It is especially frustrating for me to here someone complain about their spouse when I would give everything I have, ten times over, for just five more minutes with my wife. We married in our late thirties and up until that point in my adult life I didn't know that I could enjoy the love and happiness we had, just like I didn't know I could experience this gut-wrenching sorrow. In our time together we made it through a lot of tough times due to chronic health conditions that she suffered from. I always told her that a lesser couple would never have made it through what we went through. Now I don't know how I'm supposed to get through this alone. Even when I'm surrounded by people I feel totally alone.

This is a new world we live in. All our hopes and plans for the future are ripped away from us. The reality is we have to learn to live a new life and it is by no means easy. People around us who (gratefully) haven't lost a spouse don't quite get that your "entire" life has changed. Going from being "two" to being "one" not by "choice" but by tragedy is just not fair. We can only try to take just a little step at a time, and then another, try to do the basic of "things" a breath at a time and maybe, eventually we will get to a point we are "living" again. I'm now 3 months into this world of grief and I pray to God everyday to just give my Michael back - it is not to be and I continue life just putting one foot in front of the other, hoping that one day I will feel okay - it is not today, and won't be tomorrow - but one day it just may happen. I know my Michael wouldn't want me to be sad forever - yet I won't ever understand how he could have left me to live in such pain (he was a gentle soul) - losing someone you love, your other half, the love of your life is simply tragic and not fair - but there is a part that screams we are still alive and we matter in this world... Love, Deb