Doing Things Alone

[Perkins808]

It was two months ago yesterday that I lost my husband. I have never been the type to wallow, I come from a family that is famous for that and I really don't want to be that way. My Mom will circle a date on the calendar and plan to be miserable the entire day. Me? I don't want to be like that. I will allow whatever feelings come along, but I don't want to look at the 18th of every month and plan to be overwrought with grief and sadness. If I can find a distraction, a reason to smile....I will welcome that opportunity.

I had plans to go to the movies last night, but my friend came down with an awful head cold and she had to cancel. I decided that I would venture out to the movies alone. I've never been to a movie alone and had no idea how I would be once I got in there. I chose "The Town" with Ben Affleck.....if nothing else, Ben Affleck is a hottie and would be a nice distraction. ; ) It was a good action movie, definitely a movie Jeff would have liked. I made it through the whole thing with no tears....and I would definitely recommend the movie. BUT, on the drive home I was completely overwhelmed. I had to pull the car over because I was crying so hard that I couldn't see to drive. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I didn't have anyone to talk about the movie with.....something Jeff and I had alway done after a movie. At first I just cried....then I started to talk to Jeff. He is not with me physically, but I always feel so much better after I've talked to him.

I don't regret going to the movies alone, I proved to myself that I could do it and hopefully the next time won't be as hard. I think as hard as everything is, day by day it does get a little easier.....but I think it's like emptying the ocean one bucket at a time. You won't notice the change until some time has passed!

Tammy

[MZM]

Tammy, I hear you hun. Im sitting at home alone right now...after my friend has just left. To think on a normal Sunday, he would still be with me right now...it just kills me! I miss his smile so so much! Friday, I cried so much on the way home that I too couldnt even see whilst i was driving. Fridays are the worst coz whilst everyone else is making plans, who do i spend my weekends having fun with now? Sure, I have friends - they have all helped me keep busy, but its not the same, they can in no way bring that joy of when I was with him...

I agree its like emptying the ocean one bucket at a time and the more we try getting out there...they less hard each time gets.. lots of love M

[Billw]

Tammy, I just about fell of the chair laughing about your mom circling the date to be miserable (I'm sorry), oh my God can I relate to that one. I grew up the same way and refuse to be held hostage by grief to borrow a saying from our friend NATS. I have ventured out several times to do things that my wife and I enjoyed together, the first trip to the mountains for the weekend proved to be quite the challenge but I got through it, many tears and mixed emotion but I survived. I believe this is very healthy and my wife would want me to continue living. It is hard to do these things without our spouses but there is relief in knowing we can if we want to. My oldest boy told me a few weeks ago we need to get busy living, and I agree, he's a smart guy who has suffered through this also. Thank God fro those boys, they have saved me more than once in this ordeal. Have a good day and thanks for sharing that.....BW

[Lindakay]

Tammy,

I too tried the movie alone...walking in the mall surrounded by people but alone in your thoughts. I am a very social positive person. I had experience saddness and grief but never depression. That was what he had. He was still able to love but not want to live anymore. He actually told me he wanted me to go on and be happy again. I was happy with him. Just sad I couldn't help him at the end. He knew I'd never leave him it was passion for each other for 33 years. He used to joke that I had too much serotonin and him too little. I have eaten in fast food alone but not a restaurant yet.

Travelling now more without feeling bad that he wanted to stay home with the dogs. I'd rather be with him but he moved me out of state from all my family.

So travelling is a new journey and experience. Of course I'm travelling to see family and friends at the other end. Coming home is the good and bad thing. He's not here but the dogs are. I usually have a sitter for them. I think they grieved for him too. LindaKay

[Marion Claire]

Being older and retired we liked to travel when we could. Not often or exotic places but away from home for a few days. I finally have managed to go to church alone. Have little desire to go anywhere out of my house. Go out to my hospise group meetings and that's it, unless I run out of something I can't survive without and have to run to the store. Or have one of my girls pick it up for me. After being together 24/7 after he retired I really can't understand how this being alone works!!

[kayc]

You are to be commended for even trying! You're right, it gets easier eventually, but the first time is usually the hardest.

[Korina]

Way to go. I have done some things, but not others. Flying on a plane without him was tough; I went to a movie with my nephew; etc. But I still have not been able to put a movie into our blue ray and watch it alone (though I have been able to watch dvds with others). And I TOTALLY miss discussing whatever with Scott.

Korina