Bits Of Eveything

[MZM]

Im having a day where i cant stop sobbing! I keep asking how is he just not here

How is it that for so many years we were together almost everyday and now im supposed to live without him. What is the point!

What was the point of him being born and being such a gorgeous beautiful person and then being take away at 26! What was the purpose of that!?!

How do I live! Whats the point of living knowing I will never have another memory with him…and that all the memories im left alone with… all the photos, all the texts and emails…

I cant do this!and its not fair that that oneday I will start to forget certain things!I wish my memory would be like it is now, even 50 years from now...

Then, I had a fight with my best friend. She doesnt deal with emotions well and infact, since the accident just over 2 months ago, she has only called to talk about cancelling plans or whether she could make it (and this was when friends would get together and never just she and i alone)

Not once has she called just to ask "are you ok" or text to say "im thinking of you"

When i asked her about this, this is exactly what she replied:

"It isnt as though I went on ‘holiday’ and didn’t call you. And because I didn’t, it doesn’t mean that I don’t care. I assumed we’re on a level where I don’t have to ask you if you’re having a bad day or not because you will tell me if you are.And just how you expect me to be a friend to you during your toughest times, I expect you to understand that during your tough times, I will have my own issues too. They’re not as big as yours but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. You are right about everything else - I am not that person that phones someone many times a week. I like to deal with things on my own so I think everyone else is the same. What you expect from me (phonecalls, staying over), I can’t give you and I’m thinking that we’re just wasting time because I will never live up to your expectations. "

[Kat2005]

WOW! I really don't know what to say. Sometimes people alienate themselves because they don't know what to say or do for us. They don't understand that we sometimes just need someone to listen. I am really sorry that your friend is not there for you. Maybe she is going through something in her life that she hasn't told you because she knows you have alot that you are dealing with. I know it is not the same as sitting down with a close friend but just remember we are all here for you. I will keep you in my prayers.

Take care, Kat

[Lindakay]

They say people reveal themselves during times of dealing with a death. My mother in law was the sweetest woman ever. When she died, two of her three daughters behaved soooo badly the other two wrote them off. They held their behavior in check for her. Then the greedy grasping side showed itself. Some friends are only there when you're down or weak. They don't like it when you're strong. That friend don't like it when you're weak or needy I guess.My family lost dad at 85 and mom a year later at 75. We had six siblings and none fought, all are close with each other. I adopted my one sister in law when my husband her brother died. She loved how my family got along and hers didn't. Those two sisters are like they don't exist anymore. If you want to save that friendship/you tell her she matters to you in your life, you have no real expectations of her. You haven't been acting yourself in your dealing with your loss. You tell her it isn't her loss or burden to bear. I had no idea that you too have things you're having to deal with, Can I help you? Or if she isn't worth keeping, turn your back and walk on.LindaKay

[kayc]

While it is a disappointment and may reveal to you that she isn't the kind of friend you want and need, at least she is honest. You know where she stands and you know not to count on her. My friends dropped off the face of the earth when George died, unfortunately, I don't think it's that uncommon.

On the other hand, my little sister's friend lost her husband recently and my sister invited her over on the one month anniversary of his death...I was really glad to see her reach out to her and also that she accepted her invitation. Sometimes people don't know what to do or say so they do nothing, but my sister watched me go through it so she at least has a clue. I'm sorry your friend isn't there for you, I hope you can find new friends that are deeper.

[Marion Claire]

All my daughters and I found out 3 1/2 years ago when I lost my only son. People disappeared for all of us. One brother-in-law would not come to the fueral even because it was a suicide. He had no feeling how this was for our whold family. Caused a lot of hard feelings from all of us. With losing Ray lots of people's comment was that he was old and had had a good life. Very true but we are all suffering and grieving over our lost regardless of his age. I just can't yet after 5 1/2 months figured out how to go on alone. After so many years together there is no way to fill the hugh gap in my life or the hugh hole in my heart. I know some people just don't want to deal with people who are deeply grieving and do not understand how much we need them. My girls that work said some people were so great about showing they cared and were there is they wanted them for comfort, while others just vanished. Some day everyone will lose a loved one any seems only then will they understand. I figure is they are uncomfortable around me then they don't really count as friends, so I go on without them ..

[nirac]

wow I really don't think u need that person in ur life right now. I am having an issue too with a friend. She is mad at me because I dont return her phone calls or really do anythin anymore. She said I was a bad friend, she just has never been thru this and doesnt understand that I dont want to talk,it hurts to much to talk.I just want to be left alone sometimes!

[MZM]

I decided to tell her that if she hasnt been in my life for the biggest things, then she really isnt my best friend. I actually feel sorry for her that she cant be there for me, her best friend, in times of a death....that means she will never be there for me for anything...

I told her that even a guy that was going to buy my car, a total stranger, texted me a few days later to say "Hope you're ok" and so do all of my other friends...

What hurt me is that even though I said "life is too short and that I can never cut anyone out of my life" she still said "but this is me, take it or leave it"

So leave it is what ive decided...

[Deb625]

Hi MZM, There are a lot of strange things that happen during this process. I too have lost 2 friends of 20+ years for different reasons, since May 17th when my world changed. Maybe our relationships will heal in time, maybe not. Right now, it's about me, just making it through each day one-step at a time, I don't have the strength, nor should I be expected to have the strength to cope with their needs and/or issues - some people just don't understand the loss nor the changes to our world and what we are coping with. It can't be my responsibility to teach people how to have compassion (they will understand when it happens to them, and just pray it doesn't happen for a long time). I don't have to get angry or fight with people, I just have to recognize the reality and appreciate and embrace the people who do respect and understand... Keep strong, take care of yourself, Deb

[MZM]

I don't have to get angry or fight with people, I just have to recognize the reality and appreciate and embrace the people who do respect and understand...

So true deb. thanks!