Perkins808 Posted October 30, 2010 Report Share Posted October 30, 2010 Good morning all, JennaLee had posted a while back asking people to share any positives that had happened to them recently. I know that for me, it was a boost to hear that although we may all be grieving, we can probably find something to be grateful for. And looking for a positive in every day helped me to not focus so much on all of the negatives. So I am asking today - does anyone have any positives to share? Tammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostmyHoney Posted October 30, 2010 Report Share Posted October 30, 2010 I went to see "Hereafter" today. The first movie I have ever gone to alone, I was ok. God Bless us all! Rachel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perkins808 Posted October 30, 2010 Author Report Share Posted October 30, 2010 Before Jeff died I was an avid reader. I have found since he died my attention span is terrible and I would find myself having to read the same sentence over and over whenever I read something. I am happy to say that last night I was home alone - both my girls had plans so it was just me and my "boys" (our two dogs). I spent 6 hours reading.....I read the latest Nicholas Sparks book cover to cover. Not only did I spend the night alone without crying a boat load of tears, I was able to focus on the book and actually enjoyed it! Now I need to work on the procrastination thing.......well, maybe tomorrow?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lainey Posted October 31, 2010 Report Share Posted October 31, 2010 I'm also finally able to concentrate enough to read again and am happy to say that in the past month ,I've read three. I am also slowly getting back to my backlog of pictures to scrapbook. Thanks, Tammy for bringong this post back to life. It's wonderful to hear of the progress we are making. Lainey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wmjsca Posted November 1, 2010 Report Share Posted November 1, 2010 Hello all. All I can say at this point is that I am managing to get through each day, moment by moment. I'm trying to catch up in school since I've missed quite a bit, but I don't want to take any 'incompletes'. I've left the house much as it was when he was here, but I'm moving toward packing up his clothes for his adult sons. I'm trying to decide which to keep. I went to the library and checked out some books on grief, specifically for loss of a partner. This loss is different than any other, and one of the passages stated that although I won't ever get OVER this, I have to get THROUGH it. It's like I've been given permission to hurt and it's ok, as long as I don't lose myself in the process. I still have to raise my nine year old so I can't totally collapse. Thank you all for your support over the last week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Korina Posted November 1, 2010 Report Share Posted November 1, 2010 Kailyn and I had a lot of fun today, first to the football game (even though only 21 months, she has been going to games since last year - in fact, going to the football game with her was the first venture into the world I made after Scott's death), and then to 4 or 5 houses for her first trick or treating ever (she didn't know quite what to make of that). She is quite fascinated by pumpkins and jack-o-lanterns. It was a good day. (Scott loved Halloween - hope you were watching us!) Korina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted November 1, 2010 Report Share Posted November 1, 2010 Hello Everyone, These threads are good....I have found positive in just being alive and healthy each day....during the last month's I have found that life is special and even as I live each day adjusting to Ruth not being here still missing her and always will, life has a new meaning....I notice the breezes, birds, flowers, sunrises, sunsets and a spiritual closeness with God I never had before, I also have met an indivdual that provides a closeness and companionship I thought was never obtainable again...while we both still grieve our spouses, we have found a New detour in our path of grief and that's our ability to Live again one day at a time with no rush just taking life day by day and savoring the present...this is a differant closeness than I've ever felt not sure why but I don't question it....I have also found a new connection with my wife as she is pleased and at peace knowing I am continuing my life, I feel her happiness in sutle signs she sends me daily....sometimes I ask myself if this is all real and why am I so Blessed, it's scary at times because I am a differant person than I was 9 months ago, as part of my old self truely left when Ruth left and I'm re-discovering the person I really am and most of all I like that person which makes life easier each day....I still have waves of grief and always will but I am using them to learn and to guide me on this journey....may God Bless Us All... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Posted November 1, 2010 Report Share Posted November 1, 2010 Last year the neighborhood started a tradition of blocking off the street from cars on Halloween. Neighbors pulled out firepits, set up candy booths and mingled with one another. One neighbor set up a movie screen made from a sheet, brought in bales of hay and projected the Great Pumpkin movie. Last year it was only two months since Mark's death. My friends helped set up Mark's firepit. Poured me a glass of wine and I cried off and on all night. I was heartbroken that he was not able to see the new event that he would have enjoyed so much. I felt like everyone looked at me and thought, poor thing! I remember wanting to die. I was so sad and felt so alone without my Mark. But this year was diffirent! I made all kinds of food, carved pumpkins, helped put up a tent in the driveway, decorated and set up the candy booth. We made a little memorial to Mark. Three candles and his picture on the table with all the drinks. One person commented how Mark would have spearheaded the evening had he been alive. Another said that it was Mark who brought the neighborhood together on Easter and X-mas and it was his fun attitude that inspired them to start a new Halloween tradition. I had a great time. It felt good to be with my friends. I went from house to house and really enjoyed the little kids. I teared up only once. I'm gettting used to do things without Mark. It's not as good as it was, but it's easier and less painful. I must be starting to heal some. Yes, one more positive! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted November 1, 2010 Report Share Posted November 1, 2010 I am grateful to be alive today. I am grateful for the love I shared with Melissa. I am grateful to be back home from the hospital and grateful for my cat who says I have been on the computer long enough. I am grateful for all of you here. I am able to enjoy my writing and painting again without succumbing to weeping. I am healing and I am grateful. Blessings, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostmyHoney Posted November 1, 2010 Report Share Posted November 1, 2010 My Honey took me fishing in my dream last night...though we did not fish with rod and reel. We were on a boat in a lake then in to a river where I saw a school of carp like in the Japanese gardens. He told me to just reach out and grab one, when I did the boat disappeared and I was flying...almost as if the fish caught me. I woke feeling so amazing... Rachel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted November 2, 2010 Report Share Posted November 2, 2010 Hello All, Nice Positive's, the responses we have provide such positive energy it's great....today I'm thankful for another day of living, and sharing the evening with a friend.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted November 3, 2010 Report Share Posted November 3, 2010 Hello All, Today was All Souls day in the Catholic faith and tonight was the Mass to honor, pray, and light a candle for our departed, I am thankful I was able to attend and participate, I thought it would be hard but it was really comforting....and I have now conquered another first, what a wonderful positive feeling....God Bless All NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perkins808 Posted November 3, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 3, 2010 Since Jeff died I haven't seen much of his family. I understand that I am a constant reminder that he is no longer here - after all, we were always together, it was always Jeff & Tammy. Now it's just Tammy and it's hard for people to see just me. It's like when I walk into a room, they are always waiting for Jeff to be a couple of steps behind.....and he's not. Well, I am happy to say that the ice has been broken. I had everyone over to my house a couple of weeks ago for Jeff's family....the first time any of them had been over since he died. There were tears, there was laughter....it was nice to make that connection again. My sister in law emailed me yesterday - we're going to get together next week for dinner. I thought I had lost a big chunk of my family when I lost Jeff, but I see now that they just needed a little time. Wishing positives for everyone ~ Tammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Billw Posted November 3, 2010 Report Share Posted November 3, 2010 I have a lot to be grateful for. The weather is finally nice enough to get out in the yard to finish some projects that were started when my wife took ill. She loved her back yard, it is a very peaceful spot. I took the day off today to get some work done out there, I am very fortunate to have a job these days, let alone one that allows me time to take time off to spend doing things I enjoy. I am grateful every day for the time I was given with this woman, she enriched my life in every way. Every time I finish another project or do something positive I feel her joy in my life. Time is moving a little quicker now and I am getting through this deal a day at a time. I have spent some quality time with our oldest boy the past month and it has strengthened the bond between us. Something has changed in the past month or two and my attitude towards others and quick trigger to anger has softened. It is a welcome change and I feel more calm physically as well as spiritually. I am hoping to stay in this state of mind and I believe it is possible as long as I practice gratitude on a daily basis. Thanks for the topic and have a great day everyone...BW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted November 3, 2010 Report Share Posted November 3, 2010 I bought a ticket yesterday to a benefit event on November 27th entitled "from Shadow to Light" This will be my first social event without Melissa, but she will be right there with me as she is part of me forever! There will be a 100 voice choir performing from Karl Jenkins "Adiemus" series with solos by Shari Ulrich and Rachel Landrecht. Also dancers from the School of Irish Dance. The money raised will benefit people living with mental illness so they can attain healing, purpose and wholeness. I am sure Melissa is smiling now as I am telling you all of this. Hmmn.....perhaps one day I will sing again. Encouraging us all to let the pain flow as it comes. Blessings, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostmyHoney Posted November 7, 2010 Report Share Posted November 7, 2010 I woke up this morning thinking I was going to be late for work...then I realized I was a day and an hour early. The hour came from the time change but how did I gain a whole day...oh well I like it anyway lol. Rachel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted November 7, 2010 Report Share Posted November 7, 2010 Rachel, I had that happen to me as well taking a nap...I woke franticlly seeing it was 7 o'clock, jumped to get ready, called my job, then discovered it was 7PM not AM....your correct it's a nice feeling and a funny as well.....these little things are what we need to keep the positive energy flowing, they are little things but things we find OK.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perkins808 Posted November 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2010 I live in Massachusetts and was pleasantly surprised when I got up this morning to find that it had snowed overnight. While everyone else was complaining about it at work, I walked away with a smile in my heart.....because it reminded me of so many days that Jeff and I were able to play in the snow with the kids. I was glad that the snow didn't reduce me to tears and instead made me smile. Baby steps! Tammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wmjsca Posted November 8, 2010 Report Share Posted November 8, 2010 The main positive in my life is my son, who is trying so hard to be strong. He's nine and I've told him it's ok to be sad because mommy is sad and probably will be for a long time. He is amazed at how I'm able to function and I tell him that life does go on and that I'm learning that death is a part of life. My son is teaching me so much through all this. We have cried together and we both miss Clint, but things just have to get done anyway. He has to get through fourth grade and I have to finish my junior year. I took two tests during the last two weeks, and God knows it was almost impossible to concentrate, but I managed to score B's on both tests. I could easily have just thrown in the towel and not cared one way or the other, but something inside me is a survivor despite adversity. Clint and I talked about my goal of getting this degree and I know he'd want me to succeed. So, I guess my positive is that through all the tears and pain, I've managed to at least attempt life on my own, without him. It's hard every day and I keep getting hit with these teary episodes; but then it hasn't even been a month yet. Here's hoping for more positives for all of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HML Posted November 9, 2010 Report Share Posted November 9, 2010 I went to my first grief meeting today not sure what to expect but I found out I'm not crazy and crying all the time is ok and have new friends for attending and will be going back it was a very positive thing for me and so glad I went this month will be 7 months since my husband Harold died and its been tough.We had been married 34yrs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted November 9, 2010 Report Share Posted November 9, 2010 I live in Massachusetts and was pleasantly surprised when I got up this morning to find that it had snowed overnight. While everyone else was complaining about it at work, I walked away with a smile in my heart.....because it reminded me of so many days that Jeff and I were able to play in the snow with the kids. I was glad that the snow didn't reduce me to tears and instead made me smile. Baby steps! Tammy Thanks for sharing. I smiled when I read your post about the snow. Melissa taught me what snow angels were and how to make them and we made many. I am glad it made you smile. Baby steps for sure..... Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted November 9, 2010 Report Share Posted November 9, 2010 The main positive in my life is my son, who is trying so hard to be strong. He's nine and I've told him it's ok to be sad because mommy is sad and probably will be for a long time. He is amazed at how I'm able to function and I tell him that life does go on and that I'm learning that death is a part of life. My son is teaching me so much through all this. We have cried together and we both miss Clint, but things just have to get done anyway. He has to get through fourth grade and I have to finish my junior year. I took two tests during the last two weeks, and God knows it was almost impossible to concentrate, but I managed to score B's on both tests. I could easily have just thrown in the towel and not cared one way or the other, but something inside me is a survivor despite adversity. Clint and I talked about my goal of getting this degree and I know he'd want me to succeed. So, I guess my positive is that through all the tears and pain, I've managed to at least attempt life on my own, without him. It's hard every day and I keep getting hit with these teary episodes; but then it hasn't even been a month yet. Here's hoping for more positives for all of us. Thanks for sharing and bravo! What a testament to your love with Clint! In the midst of a torrent of grief and you pull off B's! What a gift you are giving your son to share your grief with him, teaching him it is ok to feel.....Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted November 9, 2010 Report Share Posted November 9, 2010 I went to my first grief meeting today not sure what to expect but I found out I'm not crazy and crying all the time is ok and have new friends for attending and will be going back it was a very positive thing for me and so glad I went this month will be 7 months since my husband Harold died and its been tough.We had been married 34yrs I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I applaud your courage to go to the grief meeting and I am so happy that you had a good experience and found some new friends....courage to you....Blessings, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted November 9, 2010 Report Share Posted November 9, 2010 I had a very difficult night, the kind that in the past would have rendered me lost in my pain for days but I feel lifted tonight and already moved through that piece of the work. I am praying I have a better night and get some very much needed sleep. Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wmjsca Posted November 9, 2010 Report Share Posted November 9, 2010 Thanks for all your encouragement, Carol Ann. I'm praying for your peace as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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