Procrastinate?

[Perkins808]

I used to be a planner. In fact when I met Jeff it was the one thing that we struggled with. I was a planner, he was all about spur of the moment. I was always early for everything, he was always late.

We both compromised....until he was diagnosed with cancer. Then life HAD to be spur of the moment because we never knew how he was going to feel day to day.

Now Jeff is gone and I hate planning anything, I don't want to be locked into anything. I also find that I have become the biggest procrastinator - even the littlest things I find myself putting off because I just can't find the motivation. I wait until the last minute when I then have to scramble to get things done.

Maybe I should be looking at it that at least I am still managing to get things done?? I just feel like such a slacker these days. Anyone else feeling this way?

Tammy

[Guest NancyL]

Yup, describes me some days. After Don died, the house was cleaned top to bottom, anything to keep busy, far into the night. Tonight I noticed the dust on the wood floors. When was the last time I dust mopped? I took some vacation last week and had planned on getting the house decorated for Christmas. Even bought a "festive" shower curtain. Put the tree up, and that's as far as it got. I finally forced myself to hang a few ornaments on the tree tonight. It'll do. The shower curtain however, is still in the sack. I don't feel bad, but I don't feel motivated either. My family insists on coming down for Christmas, I insist they don't travel. Don't know who'll win, but if they do, at least it will motivate me to dust mop the floors! Nancy

[Steven]

Hi Tammy,

It's tough finding a balance after such an enormous loss, so if you're able to function, complete tasks, and hold things together, kudos to you.

It has been almost five years now since my wife died (cancer for her too), and I am only beginning to get it together, and very, very slowly at that. Right now, for instance, I should be studying for a psychology final (I'm an ancient college student), but here I sit reading a grief forum--almost FIVE YEARS after my sweet wife died. I truly admire & congratulate you for your ability to sustain.

Steve

Help me fight cancer? [attachment=594:ryktransparent.png]

[melina]

If it's any consolation, I'm in the same state. Now and then the urge to get something done will hit me, and I'll do it. But after I'm finished with that one thing, it takes ages for me to tackle something else.

The only thing I don't procratinate with is bills - because I'm terrified of financial trouble right now.

Looking at all the dust bunnies hopping around the house, I know I should vacuum sometime soon, but I think I'll just sit here at the computer for a while.

I've always been pretty impulsive - we both were. But I also liked to plan - especially holidays, vacations and fun things like that. Now I don't feel like I have anything to plan - it's lost its appeal.

Melina

[LostmyHoney]

Tammy,

Yes...all of the above is true about me too. Also everything just seems so monumental thease days.

Rachel

[wmjsca]

I've been in some sort of trance since Clint's death and I wonder whether some things will EVER get done. I was pretty meticulous about certain things which now I could care less about. I try to keep up with the housework and I pay the bills on time, although I have forgotten to mail things from time to time. When I do remember, I kick myself because I know I've got to 'get it in gear' because this is how it's going to be.

I'm slowly getting around to certain tasks, but my usual routine will likely never be the same.

I am procrastinating, most, in moving his things from the living room. They are where they were months ago while he was still home, before he went to the hospital. Every time I think of moving them....I just don't.

[Chrissie]

I'm right there with the rest of you! I used to work 2 jobs, keep a fairly clean house, and took care of Tim. Now I'm lucky to make it to work on time. I always have good intentions though

Chris

[Kat2005]

Procrastination is my middle name lately. I was never like that. On a good day, watch out, I will do everything I set out to do and that is such a good feeling. That is not always the case though, I don't know how many times I have decided to do something and then suddenly change my mind and say I can do that later. I get so mad at myself because I wait until the last minute and I am then rushing to get things done.

[kayc]

Tammy,

We lose our motivation the day that they die. It makes planning seem unimportant. We don't care if we go to this or attend that because they won't be there to enjoy it with us. And it's a struggle some days just to put one foot in front of the other. It's been 5 1/2 years for me and this is the first Christmas I remember looking forward to since he died. Why now? Who knows. I put up his ornaments and thought about him as I was decorating the tree, and it felt good.

I can relate a bit because I have been a super organized planner all my life, and George was spontaneous...that was something I always loved about him. I was always efficient but HE was fun!

I have not been able to read since he died. And it was the longest time before I could watch t.v. A friend of mine lost her husband 2 1/2 years ago and she no longer has interest in crafting like she always did. It's weird how it affects us. And I KNOW my brain does not work like it used to, I have a harder time with my memory and focus. It's as if it damaged my brain permanently. And I know I'm not alone in feeling this way.

[Lainey]

Tammy,

Sounds like we've all been there or still are there.

I was pretty excited about Christmas, the girls put the tree up and there are presents waiting to be brought up. I decided to bake a few things, that took three half days. Then the energy left and I have been on the couch sleeping all day and evening. I finally swept the floor and vacumed this afternoon. The gifts are still downstairs.Why bother when it doesn't really matter to anyone?

My concentration levels are at nil, I forget to do things and even if they're on a list I don't remember to check it. Luckily I am able to read again but most of the hobbies are on hold.I do hope this changes soon, I feel like I am living in limbo and don't like it.

Lainey

[sunstreet]

Tammy, I so relate to this. Melissa was the spontaneous one and I was the planner. Well, tears have come as I am typing my response. Just thinking on how great Melissa and I were together. It has been nearly 7 years for me and I am just now starting to plan things again. I understand that feeling of not wanting to be locked into anything. For me, I think it was and is because if I am not locked in, haven't committed, then if something goes wrong I don't get hurt.

I was an avid reader, an avid writer, loved to paint both water colour and acrylics, felt like I could conquer anything. All that changed when Melissa died. I lost all motivation except for my most basic needs and my cat's well-being. It has taken nearly 7 years for me to get out of that procrastination stance. For the longest time, I think I just did not want any life to happen if it did not involve Melissa too. I just did not want to accept that everything was going to have to change.

And yes, for sure you should be looking at the fact that you are getting some things done. I think it alright to ease up on yourself and I am not joining you in thinking you are a slacker. This journey of grief and loss, is so painful that I just can't find words to describe it and it is exhausting. Personally, I stand up and clap my hands in recognization of your courage and strength.

Courage and Blessings, Carol Ann

[grace10]

Thanks for bringing up this topic! In the last year or so of my mother's life, I just struggled to get anything done. Yes, it got done, but not with the usual organization that is normally a part of me. Documents, paperwork, and bills for her were in disarray. Getting it done, whatever it was, was an anxious struggle. Now that mother has passed, and acknowledging that my loss is also part relief that she is in a better place, I am finally getting organized. I think it was the years of

her decline and anticipatory grief that stood in the way of my being productive. And, my procrastination was the absolute worst the last month of her life. Maybe I just 'knew' she was leaving soon.

What I have learned from all of this is that these problems have been all about grief. This is grief manifesting itself, whether it is anticipatory grief or the grief of the loss, or both. As I am picking up the pieces and grieving my loss, my life is becoming more like it used to be.