Things I Miss About Dick

[Anne E]

Just got back from my session with the grief counselor. Last week she gave the the assignment to list everything I miss about Dick.

I stalled and stalled with the assignment and finally took out a piece of paper, sat it and a pencil by my chair and added to the list as the days and nights passed. The result was a very, very long list.

It was painful to accomplish the task, but was therapeutic to write down those thoughts that pass through my mind like a loop recording. I think maybe it was like "owning it" to see something written in black and white. My counselor asked me to read the list if it was not too painful. LOL So, tissue in hand, I read the list and explained some of the items to her. She and I had a good cry and laugh. It was a truly a healing moment.

If you have been dealing with those thoughts of loss, maybe it would be a helpful exercise. I have saved the list and put it in my journal. I'm not very good at journaling, but it has been helpful for me to write down what I am feeling when I am having my hardest days.

Also wanted to share with you that I think I have had a bit of a breakthrough with my feelings of not being worth much since I no longer had Dick to take care of and don't seem to see much purpose in my life.

For this school year, I volunteered to tutor a darling little second grade girl, Lexus, through a reading program sponsored by my church. Lexus and I meet twice a week and work on her reading and comprehension. Lexus feels very badly about her reading problems and the teasing her classmate give her. We have been working not only on reading, but also on believing in ourselves and building confidence that we can do things and that we are capable, no matter what anyone says.

Last Thursday, Lexus ran across the room so excited that she could barely stand herself. She breathlessly told me that she had completed ALL the AP reading (whatever that is) at school and would be one of the students who earned the reward of a movie. She was going to get to go to the THEATER (a first for her), have popcorn and see the new Easter Bunny movie. She was so excited and so very proud. I could barely stand it! I jumped up and hugged her, tears of joy running down my face. What a totally wonderful moment. Later, it dawned on me that she was not the only one who was working on believing in herself, realizing that she could do things and building her confidence. I realized that I had accomplished much more than Lexus. I felt the same joy, because I saw that I too had accomplished great things! What a great moment!

I felt myself taking a step up out of the abyss of grief I have been living in. Pretty great stuff!

Anne

[LostmyHoney]

Absolutely wonderfull story, thank you so much for sharing, you put a smile on my face!

Rachel

[MartyT]

Oh Anne ~ You've left me in tears. What a wonderful, uplifting post. Thank you so very much for sharing this with all of us. Bless you! ♥

[HAP]

That's beautiful. Made me smile too.

Harry

[Cheryl]

These are the wonderful things that make us heal. Congratulations! You are making something good out of something bad. It gives us all a reason to keep on trying.

[Lainey]

Anne,

I loved your story,it was very heart warming. It's true, when we make an effort to help others the benefits come back ten fold.

Thanks also for sharing your assignment, I've started doing it in the back of my journal that I write to Lars in .

Lainey

[kayc]

I remember making such a list too...and you're right, it's a long list. Surviving all of this, it's something to pat ourselves on the back for!

[Anne E]

Recently, I have started, with the encouragement of my grief counselor, to "celebrate" survival, not matter how small. One thing I have come to realize is that it's much easier to think about how miserable I am than it is to celebrate good moments or sweet thoughts.

Anne