My Best Friend Margaret

[sad]

Still sad. Feeling empty, lonely, withdrawn from life. Not drinking as much, but still crying everyday. sad

[sunstreet]

Dear Sad,

Thank you for letting us know how you are doing. It warms my heart to hear from you. I just want to acknowledge and congratulate you that you have been able to get by with drinking less...BRAVO!

Bit by bit, minute by minute, you'll make it through and you have already started.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[kayc]

Sad,

It's understandable that you cry everyday, you have a lot to cry about, you lost so much when you lost your best friend and companion. It's going to take some time to figure out how to go on, but you will, and we're here as you go through that process. I'm glad to hear you aren't drinking as much, it doesn't help, it only makes you feel worse. It's just a temporary escape and when all's said and done, you still have your grief journey to go through. We've all been through that, the person we couldn't imagine living without has died and we're left to figure out how to go on. Although life is never the same again, we have to look for the little joys, and believe me, at first they seem microscopic and we really have to look for them, that's okay, it's going through the efforts to look for them that saves us for it helps us eventually recognize a bit of good in life whereas before we couldn't see it. Keep coming here, keep posting.

(((hugs)))

Kay

[mfh]

When I see your posts I feel my heart leap with gladness. I am so glad you are posting and that you are not drinking as much. Not drinking as much will help. You will cry every day...we all do. I sometimes have to leave a meeting or a group because i just can't contain my pain. In the middle of anything i am doing, my heart is elsewhere thinking of my love. We are all in the same boat and so thankful for each other. Keep on posting. We need you. We care about you. I care about you. mfh

[Dwaynecg]

Sad, I to say Bravo for not drinking as much. We are all here for you anytime you need to write out your feelings. The more you can get them out the better you will become. I know the pain you are in. I am in pain myself. Days go by without anyone calling to see how I am, that hurts also. I am so glad I am on HOV, because everyone GETS IT!!! It is with their understanding of how and why I have these feelings. It helps me get through each day. I can only hope and pray you keep coming back.

Dwayne

[sad]

Today is another bad one. I can't stop crying for Margaret. I pray and pray that God will help me, give me strength and courage, but I don't think it's helping. All I think about is tomorrow and the fact that there is nothing about the future that makes me want to go on. sad

[HAP]

Dear Sad,

Hang in there. We will get through this. We are all pulling for you. You have a big heart. Otherwise you would not feel what you are feeling.

Today has been hard for me. I have cried a lot. Too many memories. But I will get up tomorrow and do what I need to do. I will go for my walk. I will eat healthy. I will teach my students. And I will look for the small blessings that are in every day even when I am too down in the dumps to see them.

Be patient with yourself. You do not see what we see--that you are a bit better than when you started here. The tone of what you write has changed in subtle but very real ways. You are still down--but not like you were.

Breathe, eat well, walk, keep writing and reading. things will get better with time and with help.

Peace,

Harry

[mfh]

Dear sad,

I agree....you are posting more often, drinking less....those are gigantic steps forward. I cry every single day. I think of Bill so often I can't keep track....we are all in the same boat and we are keeping each other afloat. You are also keeping us afloat as well as yourself. I see changes in your posts. It is an extremely slow process and patience is the name of the game. I feel like I take 5 steps forward and 4 back or sometimes 10 back. I just have to live through this pain because it is there. So do you and we all need to trust it will get better. Keep posting. I watch for your posts every time I log on. I bet others do also. We are all on your side. mfh

[sunstreet]

Dear Sad,

Thank you for feeling the fear and posting to let us know how you are doing so we have a chance to offer our collective support and understanding.

I want to echo both Harry and MFH; that I too see subtle change in your posts; often when we are in the raging storm of pain we can not see any improvement, any let up, any healing but here we three see it and so it must be so.

Healing from loss is a torturously slow process but one well worth the effort and we all keep each other afloat. I look for posts from you every time I log on too and always so happy and heartwarmed to see your posts.

I encourage you to keep on keeping on....you matter!

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[kayc]

Sad,

It is really hard to see changes in yourself because they're subtle but when others don't see you all the time, they can more readily notice those changes because they see them more in chunks instead of gradually. It helps to try and stay in the now, because if we try to look at the future, it's too much and it makes us anxious and worried. Anything you use all of your senses for will help you be in the present...feeling the wind on your face, smelling flowers and berries in bloom, seeing the stars out, hearing beautiful music, touching a kitty or puppy...all of those involve senses and can help you stay in the present and help you appreciate what is rather than focusing so much on the loss. I know it seems like little things, but as we practice it, it does make a difference and helps.

Keep on trying, we're all here to hold your hand as you go through this.

(((hugs)))

Kay

[Dwaynecg]

Sad, I to cry every day. I was even crying at the Doctor office today. She told me that is quite normal. She told me it is hard on them also to see me without Pauline, you would never think that the Doctors, nurses, where both Pauline and myself had treatments. Every little step you take we are all taking with you. It is a hard and lonely battle, so keep coming and typing out what you feel. I know my loss of Pauline is by far the hardest thing in my life I have had to endure.

Dwayne

[sad]

Thanks so much for your kind comments. sad

[mfh]

Hi sad,

I thought I tell you that I cry every single day. tonight i pushed myself to go to a local concert to hear classical music. Bill and I listened almost exclusively to classical music so it was huge for me to do this in public as I knew I would cry...and cry I did. Every day is hard and every day we support each other on the path we are walking. Thanks for posting. I try not to look ahead because it just looks pretty grim so I take one day, sometimes one hour, at a time. I cry at the doctor's office, at the grocery store...wherever I am...and if people do not understand...someday they will. Keep on posting...mfh

[sunstreet]

Dear Sad,

You are more than welcome as you are so deserving of support, friendship and care. It is OK to cry as much and as often as you need. In the early days after my wife took her life, I cried every day; sometimes all day; the first time I went on a trip with my motorcycle without Melissa I had to turn around and come home because I couldn't stop crying. Crying is so OK Sad. I actually tell myself that when I cry I am cleansing my body.

Keep posting when you can...we are here...we care...you are heard.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[sad]

Another bad day. Cried. Feel so depressed. Wish I could curl up and die. sad

[Perkins808]

Hi Sad,

I am sorry that today was especially hard for you. I hope tomorrow brings you something better.

Hugs,

Tammy

[HAP]

Dear Sad,

Sounds like my weekend. Two suggestions: If you have not visited "need to shake this mood" strand on this forum go read it through. I find it helps lift my moods. the new strand on positive emotions also may be helpful to you. I think about you every day even though i do not post to you every day. And when you vanish for a couple of days I think we all worry about you.

I hope you are walking some every day and that you are remembering to eat well. Do try to find some activity you can focus on--if only for five minutes--every day that takes you out of your self.

We are all pulling for you. Keep breathing. Be patient with yourself--and know that we can all see improvements in your state of mind even if you cannot.

Peace,

Harry

[sunstreet]

Dear Sad,

I am so sorry; I understand ; because I use to be where you are now; it is so hard and so painful and I remember wishing God would just take me while I slept. It is so normal to feel so much pain...I know it is hard to see because of your pain...but the pain does get easier to carry...it never goes...but it does begin to weigh less...bit by bit. Hang in dear Sad...we are here... we care...and we hear you. You are not alone.

Today was a beautiful day where I live, the sky was so blue, a little gentle wind, I saw a family of racoons today; so cute the Mom almost talking each one of her babies by hand one by one to cross the road.

Keep posting when you can dear Sad.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

[Issy123s]

I know exactly how you feel. I lost my wife on May 28, 2011 from lung cancer. I quiet work and stayed with her everyday for her last

8 months trying to stop this sickness. She almost died in my arms while helping her take a bath and she pasted 2 hours later at the hospital. My heart is gone and I don't have any desire to go forward but she make me promise her to keep on living. I cry all the time and don't eat much. I feel for you because I don't wish this pain for anyone. God Bless you and hopefully he will help you and me get through this pain. I have been trying to visit family to take my mind off the pain but everyday I think of her. I have never felt such pain in my life. But God does promise we will see them again.

[Susie Q]

Dear Sad

You know, it's hard to imagine that any of us could get on with our life without the huge suffering we are feeling. We loved someone deeply and they are gone. We miss them and what they brought into our life.

It has helped me immensely to be given the advice to take the smiles and 'happy times' when they come and accept the sad and down times as a long-lasting but normal part of missing him. I want the pain to end too, but I know it's not going to lessen any time soon.

Fighting the hurt didn't make it go away so now I'm trying to accept it. I find that the times that it is at its worst, are the times that I feel closest to him. These meltdowns seem to give me the strength to have another go tomorrow. I wish you some better times soon...Susie Q

[mfh]

Dear sad.

As I said, I am always glad to see your posts. Cry, cry and cry some more. As Carol Ann said, it is cleansing and healing. The people who don't cry, I would be, take longer to heal. Tears are signs of deep love. You lost a part of yourself, life has changed and crying and being sad is a natural reaction. I woke up crying today at 3am because of a dream about Bill. I cried much of the morning and felt at first like I was going backwards and then realized healing is not a straight line. Stick with us. We are a family of choice and we all get it and no one judges here. Life has handed each of us something that is so so difficult...but we will all gradually see the pain diminish a bit. I never believed that but I do now. Patience with yourself and non-judgment. We all care about you. mfh Mary

[Issy123s]

Sad,

I feel your pain. I lost my best friend, wife, and companion 3 weeks ago, and I weep almost everyday. I feel like part

of my heart is gone. I was able to care for her during her last 8 months while trying to fight cancer, but in the end she

almost passed in my arms at home and finally did 3 hours later at the hospital.No one can discribe the pain unless they go

through it and my heart goes out to you because the pain sometimes is beyond explaining. My wife was a religous women and

she would tell me that she would not be on this earth one minute longer than she was suppose to, but I refused to believe

that her time was up at such a young age; therefore, I tried everything in the world from surgery, chemo, natural treatments

so we could gain more time. Sometimes I just want to go be with her and not stay here anymore, but she wanted me to keep

living until my time was up. May God give your strength as I have ask him to give me strenghth to wake up each day and

keep living. Sometimes that is very hard as you already know since everything I did was for her. God Bless and I hope you

find some type of enjoyment in life as I am trying to do.

Steve

[sad]

Just wanted everyone to know that I'm still alive, just too depressed to post anything. Don't want to waste anyone's time. sad

[azbrian]

Hi Sad,

I am glad you sent us a shout out !

Come on now, we have told you before that your not wasting anyone's time. We are all here for the same reasons Sad and I have posted some pretty lame stuff in here myself and people have not only read it but also responded.

We all want to know someone is "listening" to us no matter what we write Sad.

Write what you can when you can.

Take care

[Cheryl]

Hi sad I'm glad to see that you are coming to the site.I haven't been posting much because it's hard for me to post when I am struggling. But I read the other posts several times a day and they help get me through the day. It is hard when you don't think anyone understands. It's also hard when you think you are all alone with your pain. Sometimes I feel very alone even though I have a lot of support. On the outside I look like I am doing great and I think by most standards I am doing great but that is not how I feel. I feel like I am always caught in a struggle. I think you might understand how I feel? I hope you know you are not as alone as it sometimes seems.