Perkins808 Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 So today is my daughter's boyfriends prom. I'll be leaving work in a couple of hours to go home and help my daughter get "beautiful" for the event.....but right now I'm sitting at my desk in tears. Last year at this time we were out in the backyard taking prom pictures, Jeff standing behind me making faces to make the kids laugh. I'm going to try to get all my tears out now - so that I don't ruin it for her later. One thing I've learned through this process - I've gotten pretty good at hiding emotions! Hugs, Tammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nats Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 Tammy, You are strong and you'll do fine, but I do understand what you mean, those special events we all used to share are hard to take without our other half.....may the Lord provide you strength during your event....and remember Jeff will be standing by you today as well.... NATS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 Dear Tammy, Yes, I am sorry as it so hard to go through these special times without Jeff there in the pysical sense any longer. I see your strength so hang onto that and it will see you through. I believe Jeff resides in your heart so he is with you always. I will be thinking of you and your daughter today and holding you both in gentle thought and prayer. Courage and Bessings, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 Tammy, We are left to attend all of the special events and moments alone, and it's a sad reminder of our loss. Is there perhaps a friend who might come over and be with you at this special moment to share in it with you? It'd be nice if after the kids leave and the door is closed, you wouldn't be alone. Regardless, my thoughts will be with you today... (((hugs))) Kay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marcplum Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 Hi Tammy, It is evident through your postings that you are a kind and compassionate person. You will rise to the occasion because of your strength. There will be tears because you loved your husband, and each milestone reminds you of that. Prom will not be the same for anyone in your life because your life and theirs are not the same. I know it sounds oversimplified, because I get often get this well intentioned, albeit somewhat lame, advice from friends and family, but be strong for yourself and for those you love. Even though Jeff is not at your side in the worldly sense, I have every belief that he and his legacy are with you constantly. Blessings upon you, Marc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pinkpony Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 Oh Tammy I totally understand, I've gone through a lot of special moments in the last 7months alone. My dh & I shared every special moment in my adult life(I married him @ 18)& now it breaks my heart not to. like when my son finally got out of Afghanistan(he was deployed during his daddy's illness & death). But I still kinda share them w/ him, I always tell him whats going on even though its one-sided. Even though I still yell @ people & tell them "but I'm alone" I really in my heart know that I'm never really alone, his memory follows me where ever I go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl Posted June 3, 2011 Report Share Posted June 3, 2011 HI Tammy, I am also in your shoes. My daughter graduated last week from High School. She was the Student Body President and gave the introduction speach. Originally she wanted to go to a diffirent school and my husband strongly encouraged her to attend this one. He was so wise! She has blossomed into such a strong, confident loving person. I couldn't help but wonder what he would have done that night. I missed him by my side and felt so alone even though 15 members of our extended family were there to scream and yell. These are such difficult roads to navigate. My heart breaks each time I face the next event. My daughter broke down the week before missing him also. She rarely shows emotion (unlike me, who can't stop) and I was forced to realize that she is still grieving as well. Tonight we are hosting am open house to celebrate and we will have between 80-100 people in our home. My daughter has put together a slide show of her life. Set to music. I have seen the pictures that she scanned but not the slide show itself. I don't know if I can stand to watch the pictures flip by on the screen. He will be in most of them. But the last year and a half the pictures will be missing one. I am sure my heart will break. I want to run away and skip the whole evening but I know how important this night is to her. I am so tired and worn out. Cheryl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azbrian Posted June 3, 2011 Report Share Posted June 3, 2011 Congratulations to your daughter Cheryl !! I now live about 40 miles from my three kids. I call them once in awhile to see how they are doing and they say they are doing fine but I am not really sure. I saw my two sons at my 2 year nephew's birthday party last Saturday and the do seem okay. My oldest hinted at he was not sleeping well but he also works a lot and his semester just started. And your right Cheryl, there will be someone missing from the pictures of the birthday party. Wow, 80 to 100 people, that's a big party ! It must have been hard for your daughter to put the slide show together. Looking through all the pictures and then selecting the music, she gets a big way to go girl from me. As far as watching the slide show your daughter put together, that would be tough for me to watch as well. I think it will be tough for everyone at the open house when it plays. I really hope you have more fun tonight than tears. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azbrian Posted June 3, 2011 Report Share Posted June 3, 2011 Hi Tammy, How did the Prom go? Did she have a good time? I know what you mean about Jeff missing at events. I was at my now 2 year old nephews birthday party last weekend. This was the first birthday party I went to since Ruth died. I was doing okay until he blew out the candles. That's when it hit me that Ruth was not there at the party and would not be at any other events. Take care Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perkins808 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2011 I think because I got all of my emotions out in the morning (and with some encouragement from my friends here!), I was fine by the time I got home to help her get ready. I think I just needed a reminder that although Jeff is not here physically....he is ALWAYS here in spirit, and he is ALWAYS in my heart! And to answer your question Brian - they had a great time at the prom! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksbeachbum Posted June 3, 2011 Report Share Posted June 3, 2011 So glad prom went well Tammy for you and your daughter. The big events are causing me some anxiety. Our son is getting married July 23rd and of course my husband is not there to celebrate it. He wanted so much to be there for it and the Dr.'s wanted us to try to get my son to move up the wedding date as they knew he didn't have much time left. We chose not to ask them to do it as that was the date they selected and we didn't think it was ours to change. They picked that date with the family eliminating dates that would not work. Family is scattered out and it is a big wedding. I am so scared that I will break down emotionallly and I so don't want that to happen. I know they would understand, but it should be a day of celebration and I don't want to upset that theme. So... today you give me courage. I will cry before the event for my husband not being there and will leave the HAPPY cry for the happy couple. I hope and pray for that to happen. Blessing Becky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perkins808 Posted June 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 3, 2011 Hi Becky, I have found that it is always best to plan ahead for events that may become emotional. I myself attended my uncle's wedding a couple of months after Jeff died. I knew it was going to be hard but I decided to go anyway.....but I made sure that I had a plan in place. I wasn't as involved in the wedding as you will be at your sons, but their wedding was really small so I tried to plan accordingly. Make sure that you have an escape plan....just in case you need to duck out for a few minutes to collect yourself. You are right - they WILL understand! Most of the time if you plan ahead and allow yourself to feel everything (whether ahead of time or in the moment) you will be able to get through it....sometimes even with a smile on your face! I wish you all the best! Tammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hello123 Posted June 4, 2011 Report Share Posted June 4, 2011 Sorry it's late but well done Tammy and to your daughter. And to you Cheryl and your Daughter. I am not brave enough to be involved in any big events, it's my graduation next month and my Mum really wants to go but I can't go I don't want to do it! Reading what you said makes me see that yeah it could be a bittersweet time and taking other relatives but I don't want to be surrounded by all my friends with their parents, I know it will upset my Mum too! Everyone thinks I'm being selfish but maybe just not brave because I can't face going and my Dad not being there!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melina Posted June 15, 2011 Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 I'm getting ready to leave for Toronto tomorrow, where our next eldest son is graduating from college, and the following day, getting married. Two Big Moments. My husband and I had talked about taking this trip alone - when we'd thought he was going to beat the cancer. At that time all we knew about was the graduation. That our son is getting married was sprung upon me this spring, though he's been engaged for a while. So tomorrow morning, my two youngest sons and I will be flying a total of 9 hours to get to Canada. Our eldest son and his wife will be meeting us there. Today I should be excited, packing, doing last minute stuff - and most of all....talking with my husband. I have to get going, but I keep crying. I have been talking with my husband - or should I say, talking to my husband. He's not answering. I just don't feel up to this, but I must. The tickets are bought, we're all set - just the packing left. But I feel like crawling back into bed. Hopefully I'll feel differently once we get there. I hope there's a chance that Thyge is watching and following this from where he is. I wish I could feel his presence. But I just feel alone and nervous right now. Melina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted June 15, 2011 Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 Oh Melina I am so sorry. I do understand the aloneness and your desire to just skip the whole thing even though you would never do that. I am just so sorry. I have not had to deal with a big family thing yet but it is coming down the road. All you want is your husband by your side...and I truly believe he is there. I know it is not what we want to just believe or know our loves are there without seeing them. But it is all we have now. I do hope these days can distract you a bit, if nothing else. I count on distraction to get through life these days. Just know I am thinking of you as are so many here. Peace to your heart, mfh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melina Posted June 15, 2011 Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 Just know I am thinking of you as are so many here. Peace to your heart, mfh Thank you so much. It helps to have friends rooting for me... Melina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perkins808 Posted June 15, 2011 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 Melina, I certainly can relate to everything you're feeling. You're wanting to be at these events, you want to feel the happiness, yet the pain of missing your husband hinders that. My hope for you is that you are able to muster the strength to be at these events with a smile on your face....and that maybe there will be some sign that your Thyge is there with you. Hugs, Tammy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted June 15, 2011 Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 Melina, Know that wherever you go and whatever you attend, you are not alone for you carry him in your heart with you. My George's love for his "little one" has carried me through so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melina Posted June 15, 2011 Report Share Posted June 15, 2011 Thanks, Tammy and Kay. I'm pretty nervous. I keep wondering what it is I've forgotten. Maybe it's just because there's someone missing this year. Melina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunstreet Posted June 16, 2011 Report Share Posted June 16, 2011 Oh Dear Melina, Wow, that is so much to go through and I understand how hard it is without your Thyge right there by your side. I am so sorry for the pain of that. I will be holding you in gentle thought and prayer and know that we all are with you in spirit. I understand how alone you feel and just wanting to skip the whole thing. I hope that you do get a sense: a feeling that your Thyge is there with you warming your heart. Courage to you. Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melina Posted June 16, 2011 Report Share Posted June 16, 2011 Thanks Carol Ann! Melina Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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