I Thought I Could Do This Alone

[younggranne]

I told myself talking with strangers wouldn't help. I told myself I could do this alone. I was wrong on all accounts. I can't do this alone. I've only been a widow for 3 months, but it seems like a lifetime already. For some reason I thought by now I wouldn't be crying so much. But each day I cry in the morning while I work and in the evening while doing nothing at all. I chose this forum so I wouldn't be crying in front of others. But now after reading some of the responses I'm rethinking that and now I know that would be okay if I did.

[kayc]

Younggranne,

Welcome to this site...if you went back to my earlier posts, you would see plenty of tears. We don't have to "be strong" for someone, it's okay to cry, scream, or be mad. What you are going through is probably the hardest thing you'll ever go through. You have found a wonderful site with some of the best people in the world...they have been through a lot and have developed empathy and some of them have discovered strength within themselves that they never knew they had...but that comes later, right now it's important that you express yourself and not keep it bottled up. Whatever you experience and feel is normal and there's others here who've gone through it. Please keep coming here, you don't have to do your journey alone.

[Anne E]

yourgame,

I have been a widow for 3 years, 3 months and 10 days, but who's counting? I still cry, but the difference is that FINALLY I don't really care who sees me. It's OK to let people see that you are hurting and in pain. I think a disservice has been done to us in that we are told not to show emotion, especially if we are in emotional pain. We have been raised to - be strong - soldier on - don't burden others with your problems, and on and on. It's much healthier for us to feel the hurt and express the pain.

This site has been wonderful for me to underscore what I am learning in counseling and from my support group. I would suggest that if the opportunity to attend a support group comes your way, try to go. It will be helpful.

Hang in there and know that we care.

Anne

[MartyT]

Dear One,

Since your husband was on Hospice of the Valley's service, you have available to you all the support and resources of our Bereavement Services department, including meeting individually with one of our bereavement counselors as well as the opportunity to participate in one of several "in person" support groups offered at various locations all over the Valley. This is some of the hardest work you'll ever have to do, but you don't have to do it alone. Just as you've discovered by reading through some of the posts on this site, there is great comfort in finding yourself among others who share in the common experience of loss, and there is no need to explain or apologize for crying in front of any of us. We are all kindred spirits, bound together in grief and more than willing to support one another in our individual journeys. I encourage you to reach out for and take advantage of all the help that is there for you. Begin by visiting Hospice of the Valley's Web site. Look over the Bereavement Programs offered by HOV, and consider contacting our Bereavement office for further information, either by email or by phone, 602.530.6970. You are not alone!

[Perkins808]

Younggranne,

Welcome to the club that nobody wants to belong to. When I joined this group 10 months ago I had no idea what to expect from everyone here, and I had no idea what exactly I was even looking for. I just knew that I felt so all alone and needed to find some way to deal with what is such an overwhelming thing to go through.

You have found a wonderful group of people - we come from all walks of life, we all have our own unique ways of dealing with things....but we are all tied together by the common thread - we have lost someone that meant the world to us.

We can't take your pain away, but sometimes it helps to know that you are not the only one going through all of the things associated with the grief process.

I am reminded again of this quote:

"Grief is neither a sign of weakness nor a lack of faith. It's the price we pay for love"

I hope you are able to find some comfort here.

Hugs,

Tammy

[ksbeachbum]

Dear Younggranne:

You are at the right place. I am only 53 days into this horrific place that I don't want to be. I lost my husband of 15 years to maxillary sinus cancer after 4 months earlier we thought we beat the throat cancer. The grief and lonliness is huge for me. Our time was our mornings together before work, coffee, small talk and I miss that SO MUCH. I cry every morning and everyone has been so kind but it doesn't bring him back. There is nothing anyone can do to make the pain go away. BUT... knowing there are others out there like us, in this group helps and makes me think that I am not crazy. They tell me crying is good, well I am good at it. Days will get better they tell me also. Please use this forum and support group to help and I am available for you any time. You are not alone in this.

Hugs to you

Becky

[Lainey]

Welcome to the site, As has been said,we're all grieving in our own way.

I lost my husband almost 18 months ago, and for the most part, I'm doing okay. Then the depression sneaks up and I'm back in the blak hole again. I understand that it get better as time goes by, the pain stays but lessens.

You may find going to a group session may be helpful, these people are experiencing what you are and cabe of great help.

Lainey

[Dwaynecg]

Younggranne,

Welcome to this group. I also am at the 3 months, I too cry every day for my Pauline. I always knew she would pass before me. She had MS for many years. When they told us she was end stage I could not believe it. You would think with so many years know she was slowly slipping away bit by bit. I still was not ready for this. I am glad I am here. I also go to 2-3 hospice support meetings a month. It is so hard to walk down this road of my new life that I never wanted. I am going to go to school for nursing. I am hoping to start sometime in July. My last hospice meeting the counselor told me as of today I was not ready to take the classes. I have a lot of healing to do first. That is why I come here every day, even if it is just to read. I know I am not alone in the way I feel, and thoughts I have. Just keep coming back.

God Bless

Dwayne

[Dimcl]

I told myself talking with strangers wouldn't help. I told myself I could do this alone. I was wrong on all accounts. I can't do this alone. I've only been a widow for 3 months, but it seems like a lifetime already. For some reason I thought by now I wouldn't be crying so much. But each day I cry in the morning while I work and in the evening while doing nothing at all. I chose this forum so I wouldn't be crying in front of others. But now after reading some of the responses I'm rethinking that and now I know that would be okay if I did.

Younggranne, I lost my darling Glenn 7 months ago, after 34 years of being together. We had no children and for a great length of our time together, we didn't live near family, so we were a tight team of two. I live in a town where I know very few people and have no family here, either, so I knew that I would have no support in my life.

Fortunately, I came across this site and joined and am very glad I did. I was on the site constantly in the first two or three months, but as time went on, I found my own ways of coping. People were here when I needed them and I'm so glad for the support and information I obtained. I haven't been on the site much in the last 3 or 4 months, but it's wonderful to know that everyone is here if I need them. In fact, I recently posted about a phase I find myself in right now and I simply needed to know if others had experienced it or whether I was just simply going bonkers!

After 7 months, I'm coming out of that muddled, foggy-brained state I was in. I cry over my sweetie pie all the time, but I'm now able to recognize when I'm crying for him or for myself. When I lie awake at night and wish he were here, I'm crying for him. When I can't get the !@#$%* lawnmower started, I'm crying for myself. It helps me to stay objective and to understand my grief. I don't like to feel sorry for myself, so it's one way I have of staying rational.

As for your comment that you didn't think you'd be crying as much as time goes by, I think we all thought that - I know I did. It goes in stages, Younggranne, but coming here and learning that will be of help to you.

Please keep coming back, Younggranne. We all come here to gain help and, hopefully, to give it as well. Please tell us about your husband and your life together. You may have tears dripping on your keyboard, but I promise that talking about him will help.

Hugs.

Di

[sunstreet]

Dear Younggranne,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I congratulate you for pushing through and making a post here. No-one need go through the pain of loss alone. I am so glad that you see now that it would be okay if you cried in front of others. Feelings are totally alright and allowed and I encourage you to let the tears flow when they want.

I am sorry that your loss is the reason you are here but I welcome you. I hope your experience here proves to be as cathartic in your healing as it has been for mine.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann