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She Said I Am A Strong Person

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Was at the ranch today where my very good friends took my horses ( thank god they did couldnt handle them and do what I needed to do here) and Nikki walked up and said " Dave I am so sorry for what you have been going through with Mike, youa re such a strong and brave man" hugh? really ?I am that strong? i feel so weak and really out of control, my heart is broken, i function, had a nice day in the garden, did what i could at my own pace, spoke with my 5 yr old nephew who always makes me smile, who asked that i plan to come see him soon because he wants us to have a lemonade stand this summer,love that boy more than my own life but dont know when i will get the energy to drive to denver to see him...God why do you drive me crazy one day give me a "nice day" then ruin it with the kind words of a friend???? yes it is day 26 i am always in control...not ..so much positives but but yeas i am in the tornado of the grieve scale

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I'm so sorry for your recent loss, my husband has been gone less that two months and I am fighting the same demons. I applaud you, you are looking and finding a spec of happiness and kindness in our world of despair. That is huge. The horses, the garden and your nephew are giving you brief moments to smile. I think as time goes on we will see more of these happy encounters. (I am hoping) Until then be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

I am to be at my future daughter in laws bridal shower today and I am in a hotel by myself, without my husband. Who would know that this would cause me a sea of sadness. A mini vacation without my partner and I am alone. Hoping for a good day and better days again for you my friend.


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I'm sorry thatyou ahd to join this group because you lost Mike, but this group is very helpful and understanding.

You're friend is right, you are strong. Doing even the few things that you've been able to is more than alot of us can say we did.

At 26 days I was at my sisters crying day and night. I couldn't begin to focus on anything for at least 6 months. Don't feel you have to be strong or be doing things right now. Take the time you need and mourn your loss.


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Hey Dave, I'm going to echo what Lainey said...Day 26? And you're functioning, even if only kind of? At Day 26 I still wasn't allowed to be left alone, couldn't even physically speak at normal speed, couldn't eat or sleep.

But one thing I learned here is that you do it your own way & at your own speed...all of us experience grief differently.

I'm so glad your horses are being well looked after, such a relief for you. My dogs had to stay with friends for about 6 weeks after Mum died...I couldn't manage them, which seems so odd to me just months later. You will find the energy, later, for the visit, but for now just do what you can & celebrate making it through each day.

So sorry for your loss & that you have to experience this at all.

Warmest wishes


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Hi Dave.

I think we are all strong and brave.

After all, we are here and we want help and we want to give help.

It just a matter of where each of us is on that strong and brave scale and like any scale it will move up and down.

Take care.

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Dear Dave,

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mike. Welcome here Dave. My wife chose suicide on December 25, 2003; so I know the pain you are now in. It is excruiating to say the least.

I understand how utterly wrong it feels when people say you are strong when inside you feel your heart has been ripped to shreds and you don't know what is giving you the strength to be able to even stand; let alone speak. It is like you want to scream to the world....hello I am hurting here....does anyone see me....does anyone care?

You have found a wonderful group of people here Dave who see you and care and know the pain you are in sadly because we all are there or have been there.

One moment at a time Dave. Follow where your feelings and heart lead you, and know we are all here understanding and caring.

Blessings and Courage, Carol Ann

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Please understand that inner strength has nothing to do with how we feel. We can feel like hell, like our heart has been ripped out and yet be strong. It is the same way we can feel scared yet be brave. The strong brave one is the one that continues even when they don't know why and don't feel like it. I guess in that sense we all qualify as strong. But I certainly understand your feeling affronted by that remark, it is the last thing in the world you are feeling at the moment. We understand...we've all been there, still are to some extent.

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Hi Dave,

Your post reminded me of this quote:

"You never know how strong you CAN be....until you HAVE to be."

I've been at this grief thing for 10 months and whenever I respond to someone new in the group I tell them this - be patient with yourself, give yourself credit for every little accomplishment every day - even if it's just managing to get out of bed, and what I think is the most important....allow yourself to feel everything you are feeling.

You will face many ups and downs in the coming months. On some days you will feel like you are not making any progress, but sometimes the progress is so slight that you won't notice. Then months down the road you will look back and say wow, look how far I've come.

Take care,


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