dave s Posted January 3, 2012 Report Share Posted January 3, 2012 Never realized, after yrs of being a nurse and caring for others, the expectations nurses place on each other and how many expectations I have placed on myself......I could go and go, working 60 plus hrs a week,.. as others needed me ,the Pts always come first, so you need to skip lunch, you need to stay late to care for whatever,even if your day is 12 hrs plus! You need to come in extra to cover a shift because no one else is available. Oh the guilt trips nurses and other caregivers place on each other....and themselves. An age old problem in the Health care fields! I really realized this today, for the past 2 days have been suffering from the stomach flu, which I recieved as a Xmas present from my beautifull kids that were here visiting, really a small price to pay for the fun I had with them. I called work again this am and informed them that although was better was still having diffiuclty keeping things down, and a small fever. Oh the guilt trip that was put on me, Wow, people that are so concerned for others......concerned for me? It took all I could to stick to my guns and insist that this was not a good idea to expose others to this.....and thought to myself, Yeah I could fake working today, but at what cost to my health? Was dissapointed in myself for calling back later....and offering to come in if no one was available, guess I am a work in progess.......surprise they had found coverage! Good, for today more rest is needed. I have changed from this experience.....I am finding the strength at times to put limits on what others want and expect from me. I am trying to care for myself more......despite the fact that it is an uncomfortable feeling to me..........it is what I have wanted, for the longest time......if that makes sense?? Damn I miss Mike taking care of me......Miss him making sure I had fresh clothes when I got out of the shower, on the countertop, food ready, house clean, his touch, his laugh, and smile......but think I am learning to handle " this stuff "on my own.......again. Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terp8r Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 That so sounds like something I would do, call back and offer to come in if no one is available to cover. I'm so glad you were able to stay home another day. I understand how you feel- missing Mike for so many reasons. I just found last years Valentine card from Harv. Feeling extra lonely tonight. Love, Pam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 I'm glad you're learning to take care of yourself because we have to value ourselves or no one else will! Besides, it's NOT a good idea to expose vulnerable people to viruses, it might tip the scale for some of them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwaynecg Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 Dear Dave, Glad to hear you are taking care of yourself first, even though you did want to work. We have to put our health first, if we want to help others out there. No it is not easy. I think that it is one of the hardest things to learn, our self first, then others. God Bless Dwayne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave s Posted January 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 Odd feeling to take care of myself during this time, have lived in a culture, which revolved around my career, where nurses dont take care of ourselves......cant tell you how many of my peers have died at a relatively young age. Hear many of my peers from "my era" of nursing complain of the young nurses coming into the profession, who are more "self centered" and not into pt care. I disagree I see them more wiser than us, more realistic about yes needing to provide good pt care, but also the need to put limits to it and to care for themselves, of course the younger generation was raised with the knowledge of the importance of good exercise etc....where I wasnt..... well enough of my "soap box" Today am feeling much better, in fact yesterday afternoon felt good enough to do housecleaning.....to get these germs undercontrol.....in case I should reinfect myself, or others that could come over. The weather has been very warm here, even for AZ highs in the high 70s! Feeling the urge to do the yrly trimming back of the roses. with 50 roses need to pace myself, and perhaps clean out the chicken house, and the jeep, embarassed to say it is filled with hay and other things I am afraid of finding out! And the horse could use a brushing......the list goes on and on at this ranch........and I just discoverd that the dryer is not working......Come on Mike give me a hand here! Everyone take care and will keep you posted on the happenings here. Dave ps the pic I have posted is of me and my bestfriend, lead counselor, nephew Colton Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 4, 2012 Report Share Posted January 4, 2012 Dave, dear ~ I was reading an online journal just now, which contains a link to a site called MySelfCare.org by Dennis Portnoy ~ I think you might find it helpful! See especially his articles, Are You Caring or Caretaking? and Survival of the Helper Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave s Posted January 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Thanks Marty for the info. seems to be fine line between caring and caretaking....as a nurse....I am a caretaker, for there is no other choice. In my personal life, know I have also been a caretaker for my family, and need to revert to be more caring......caretaking has not done me any favors, just has left me so tired, bitter and angry at others, wether it work or family related. My mom a few months ago stated " you are a natural caretaker, it is what you are born to do" I was so irritated with her and asked here why she would ever wish this on her children, she couldnt answer my question and quickly changed the subject......Know all to well that I am a work in progress, and big changes have already occured with me placing limits......but more work and self care, is needed. Today is the 8 month anniversary, my morning has been very weepy ....but realize that this to shall pass.....went for a ride on my horses yesterday!First time since June! It did feel good to be out, and they smelled so good.....actually it was exciting to be on them! Today I am paying for it.....so out of shape, but need to work on pacing myself with exercise.........starting with walking....and then??? This episode in my life has completely physically drained me, more than I ever want to know.... Dave Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terp8r Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Dear friend, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you today. Love, Pam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Dave, my dear, as a fellow RN, I understand that by nature, nurses are more comfortable in the "giving care" role than the "receiving care" role ~ but I also think that is what draws people like us to nursing in the first place. I remember so vividly (as a young clinical instructor teaching Medical-Surgical Nursing in an AD program many years ago), no matter how sick and tired I may have been with whatever bug I'd caught, or how bad the roads were at 6 a.m. on my 22-mile commute to the hospital in the dead of winter after a major snow storm, I truly believed that my presence on the unit was absolutely critical ~ I HAD to be there for my students, no matter what. I truly believed that it was a matter of life and death: Someone could die if I weren't there personally to supervise and guide my students in the care they provided for their assigned patients ~ that's how responsible I felt. I've since learned that such thinking can be unhealthy, irresponsible and in some cases downright dangerous. No one is indispensable. What is more, if we don't take good care of ourselves first, we're not in the best condition to take care of anyone else. I'm so glad that you're doing some things you love. (I know what you mean about the smell of horses. I used to ride when I was a kid, and I still love that smell!) If you enjoyed it that much and it's been seven months since you engaged in that particular pleasure, there is a lesson there. Do whatever you can to get yourself in shape so you can ride again on a regular basis. Your horses will love you for it, and you'll feel better, too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksbeachbum Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Dave, thinking of you today and hoping the day passes gently with done memories for you. Becky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted January 10, 2012 Report Share Posted January 10, 2012 Dave, I just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and what Marty said is spot on, a lesson I learned years ago, we must take care of ourselves or we're no good to anyone else. Part of that taking care of ourselves is not only exercise, but our mental health requires we do things we enjoy. I don't ride, but Arlie (my dog) and I LOVE to visit the horses down the street, bringing them treats and petting their noses...Arlie and one of the horses even exchanged a kiss one time! (wish I had a picture of that) I'm sure you ARE a good caregiver and that's probably what your mom meant by her observance, but you've already figured out, it's a draining field and there's times even caregivers need some TLC...I think you're there. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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