One More Day

[amw]

I was recently given an assignment in class to write a paper about "If you could have one more day with someone you lost, who would it be, what would you do for that day, and what would you talk to that person about?"

I know we probably all would say our spouses, partners or significant others. I wanted to spend it with my beloved husband James!

How would you answer that question? How would you want to spend you day?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if it would come true?!

[HAP]

Dear AMW,

I don't know that I would be able to handle such a day, knowing that at the end of it I would have to lose Jane all over again. Losing her once was hideous enough. Even a vivid dream of her, when I awake from it, is a crushing experience. I'd have a very tough time with that assignment. I'm not sure I would even attempt it. You are considerably braver than I am for having taken it on.

This reminds me of a scene in "Our Town." The young woman who has died is told she can go back and relive one day from her life. They warn her not to take a special day--that she should stick with an ordinary day. She chooses a birthday instead. The scene always reduces me to tears. I played the stage manager once and the woman who played the girl who died--Webb, I think--was so powerful with those lines in that scene that tears were streaming down my face by the end of it.

I won't deny wanting more days--lots more days--days without end. But one day, knowing that when it was over we would both go through what we went through all over again is, a gift I would not want.

Be well,

Peace,

Harry

[enna]

Hello amw,

I so agree with Harry on this one. As much as I would love to have my Jim back it would be way too traumatic for me to have him back for only one day! The deep pain of grieving all over again would be more than I could bare. I am having trouble thinking about who would give you an assignment like that! Perhaps I am too selfish to wish anyone I loved to be back with me for only one day. I too would not be brave enough.

Good luck on this asssignment. Anne

[Queeniemary]

Ah, that is really a hard one.....Harry, we have also done "Our Town" a real staple of most community theatres. I played the Mother of the girl you are talking about. Classic play. If I am not mistaken, the family she came back to visit did not remember that she was dead, it was like she just went back in time. I

suspect it might be that way, if Mike came back for a day, I would just wake up with him there, and his death would be forgotten for one day, and I suspect once the day was over, the day he was back would be forgotten also. But I would love the thought of the one day, but would hope I would appreciate it enough.....if I thought it was just an ordinary day, and did not remember that he was gone, I might not know the reasons I needed to cherish that day. (not that make any sense??)

Interesting subject. If he were back and I knew everything, I don't know if I could let him go again.

Mary (Queeniemary) in icy Northern Arkansas

[kayc]

There is no way in the world I could turn down a day with George! Not even if it meant going through all that pain all over again. I'm not sure I'd want to "do" anything! I'd just want him to hold me. Maybe we could find a special campsite, far away from others, and just enjoy the peace and beauty of our beloved forest and river...as for talking, I don't know, maybe find out what's been happening to each other. Talking always came easy for us, but sometimes not talking is good too.

[LarrysGirl]

thats easy, holding my Larry again... sigh

[kountryvet]

Amw,

It never ceases to amaze me how similar some of our thoughts are. Not necessarily yours and mine, but people going through grief. Every time I get on this board someone is going through my exact stage, my exact thoughts, my exact experiences. And so this morning I am writing about one day with Di. Or at least I will try.

I would want it to be a warm spring Sunday, but like some of you any day would be fine. We would sleep in until 8, most likely Diane would get up ahead of me. I would smell the coffee on. I would go get the paper up town and the two of us would share a cup of coffee and process the days news. We would be sitting on the Sun porch, watching the traffic go by. Watching the locals as they walked their dogs, maybe even call out to an aquaintence or two. On several occassions one of us would read a news story to the other and then we would discuss. Why it was important, why are there so many injustices, how it effects us. It could even get a little heated as we "discuss".

I would turn my attention to breakfast. Possibly biscuits and gravy, maybe just bacon. We would continue to read the paper as we ate our meal. Once the dishes were washed. Diane would do them, she always did and I would watch her move. Paying particular attention to how much grace she had even in the simple tasks. I probably would hold her as she finished. Smelling her hair, allowing myself a playful touch, we both knew what was happening and it was going to be that kind of Sunday.

After our lovemaking we would return to the Newspaper. Its time for the crossword. We could spend hours doing the NYT crossword. Using computers, dictionaries, what ever to find the most obscure answers to questions. Our favorites would have many questions relating to literature. Once done, we would hop into the shower. Maybe together maybe not. I would listen to the hairdryer going, I don't know why but that is a sound that I miss so much. Every morning that squeal always told me that Diane was getting ready for the day. Now, I hear quiet. Funny the things we miss.

Since we know this is our day and we have nothing to be concerned about but what we want to do together, we would throw the "Buffy the Vampire" Cd in. Watch her favorite episodes. Diane loved the show. The references to shakespeare, the hidden meanings of certain passages, the brilliance of Josh Whedon as he brought his characters to life. I could take it or leave it but I loved watching her eyes dance as she explained how this scene had these nuances.

As evening got closer, it would be time for Dinner. I think homemade Pizza on the grill. The two of us talking and working as one to bring the most simple meal to life. Probably open a bottle of Cab. Something nice. Sit on the deck as the sun was setting, talking about everything and nothing. The smell of the wood fire and the sound of her voice giving me the knowledge that all was good in this world.

As the night progressed, we would retire to bed. I would hold her dear and tell her once more how truly special, how deeply I loved, and how blessed I was that Diane had come into my life.

That is my day with Diane.

[kayc]

I would watch her move. Paying particular attention to how much grace she had even in the simple tasks. I probably would hold her as she finished. Smelling her hair, allowing myself a playful touch, we both knew what was happening and it was going to be that kind of Sunday.

As the night progressed, we would retire to bed. I would hold her dear and tell her once more how truly special, how deeply I loved, and how blessed I was that Diane had come into my life.

That sounds so much like how it was with George and I...he was always watching me with a look of pure love on his face. Our interaction was the same, very, very loving.

You mention her hairdryer being on and "funny the things we miss". Sure is.

[amw]

Harry, Anne, Kay, Mary, Larrysgirl, Kountryvet,

This was a very hard assignment for me, I want more days with my James, and one seems so painful to think about in many ways, yet if that is all I could have I agree with yoy Kay, I would take it. But I also understand where some of you are coming from by saying how painful it would be, almost a tease of who we no longer have, and want so desperately to have back in our lives. When I did the assignment I cried the whole time, but if I could have him for one day I would want to make it special for him, because it made me happy to see James happy.

Yes, Kountryvet the people you meet here have many similarities, and thoughts. I think it's because we have all gone through probably one of the greatest losses of our lives, if not the greatest (which I know it has been for me!) and are going through the grieving process, some farther along, and some around the same place we are, and others a ways behind, but we all have the loss and the grief that connect us to this forum.

Thank you all for your replies.

Peace to you all

amw

[Cakes01]

I would spend it with MM (my Marcus). We would be cuddled up on our couch. Our bodies twisted together fitting so perfectly as they always did. I'd hold him as tight as i could. Kissing him and smelling him. Telling him how much i love him and that i will never let him go. How sorry i am forarguing that night and being a selfish stupid child. Just hold on to him no matter how painful it would be for his body to leave again i want him to know how much i love him and how he was and is special-unlike any other. He has my heart and i know i have his. To have one more day i would give anything!

[dickd]

I would give anything for one more day with my Judy if she would be pain free for that day; I wouldn't want her to suffer physically so I could have that day. The last 6 months of Judy's life were very painful for her with the brain cancer robbing her of her life. Knowing that she is not in pain anymore makes the loss almost tolerable. We had 46 & 1/2 Years together in a wonderful marriage. If I could have one of the good days where she was smiling and so full of life, I would give anything. We would just cuddle and remember the good times.

[kayc]

Kristen, I'm sure Marcus knows how much you love him. George and I never lost sight of our love, even if we argued.

Dick, I wish we could have that one more day to cuddle and just be together. I'm glad that she is out of her pain now, you're right, it almost makes it bearable.