I Accidentally Killed My Beautiful Kitten :(

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry to learn this tragic news, and sorrier still that this has happened yet again . . . 

Curious Cats Get Killed in Clothes Dryers

Curious Cats Still Getting Killed in Clothes Dryers

[kayc]

@Rachw  I am so sorry!  Before coming on this site I didn't know the danger that lurked for cats either.  I hope you read the articles, you aren't alone, it's very hard.

I hope you were able to bury your cat, sometimes paying honor/tribute to them can help us with our grief.  https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2013/03/memorializing-pets-we-have-lost.html

I've bought memorial stones here:

https://www.personalcreations.com/product/pawprints-in-heaven-memorial-marker-30192930?q=30192930&start=&spell=&srchSuggestion=y&trackingpgroup=pid

They do a great job, are inexpensive, and you can usually google their name and promo code and find an active one to help with shipping cost.

Some like to plant a bush in their honor or something living.  (((hugs)))

[Jeet]

Dear All,

I just lost my beloved kitten as it likely got crushed under my feet. This happened 2 hours ago.
I have 6 cats out of which 3 are kittens. I returned home from work to see that the light to the kitten and her mom room was not on by maid and that their drinking water had spilled. Even their bowl of food was empty.

I tried walking slowly to grab hold of tissue to wipe the floor as it’s extremely slippery I accidently slipped and was about to fall. I managed to balance myself but I don’t know if in that process I stepped on Portrait’s head or was it’s her own mom who in shock jumped and it so happened her leg crashed Portrait’s head.

Portrait started bleeding  profoundly from near the ears and was flipping in pain like fish out of water. It was the most beautiful and generous kitten and it loved running and holding my leg from behind. This morning it hugged and slept with me like usual. I had no idea I will be holding it’s dead body in blood at night. 
I feel like killer. Potrait forgive me 

[MartyT]

Jeet, I'm so sorry this happened to you and your beloved Portrait. (What a lovely name for a kitty, too!) I invite you to read these articles in hopes that they will speak to you in a helpful way. The individual circumstances differ from yours, but the content is still relevant. Note the additional resources listed at the base of each too: 

Coping with The Trauma of An Unexpected Death

Guilt In the Wake of A Kitten’s Accidental Death

Loss and The Burden of Guilt

[kayc]

I am so sorry.  Things happen beyond our control that we cannot foresee, I know you never meant for this.  I wish I had words that would comfort you, the pain of losing our beloved animals is great, and all the harder when we're feeling responsible.  I went through that many years ago with my Fluffy and will never forget it.  

In addition to the articles Marty has listed, I hope these will be of help to you:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf

http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml

[Jeet]

Dear MartyT and Kayc,

Thanks for the support. Trying my best to overcome the horrific accident and doing my outmost of taking care the mother cat and portrait 2 siblings but still just can’t take out the horrific scene of my mind. It’s like nightmare that seems would last forever. 

 

[kayc]

When we see a graphic image like that, it can stay with us quite a while.  With me, my Fluffy (dog) snuck into my van when I'd left the back end open while tending to my cat.  I closed it and drove to work, hot summer day.  It was totally closed up. My dog's brain burst from the heat while I was working just a few feet away in my office.  When I got off at 5, I opened the door and he rolled out stiff as a board into my arms.  I'll never forget that moment even though it's been over 20 years.  The intensity lessens with time but we do not forget.  If it continues to haunt you, you might want to seek help.  They can do EMDR or EFT.  Professional grief counseling can help.  There are some who specialize in loss of pet.  It can also help to memorialize them (see article listed above in November).   You might try writing a letter stating what you are thinking/feeling...who knows but what they can hear us as we read it to them.  It can be therapeutic regardless as it helps to express ourselves.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2016/03/in-grief-using-eye-movement.html

https://www.healthjourneys.com/blog/ask-belleruth/have-you-heard-of-emotional-freedom-technique-eft.html

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2010/03/using-emotional-freedom-techniques-eft.html

[Tracy stockman]

My Persian cat had 2 beautiful kittens I helped her when she was giving birth I sat up with her for hours and finally she had 2 lovely kittens 1 grey Male and 1 full black female today they are two months old me and my husband love them dearly .. today we planned to do some good cleaning in the house so my husband moved the bed from one of the bedrooms where the kittens played to clean the back of the bed we don’t know when the grey kitten he went at the back of the bed and my husband without checking pushed the bed back after cleaning and then I can’t explain tears just roll down my cheeks my husband feels guilty he just sits and prays and he ask to be forgiven but I know it was not his fault but I just cannot get it out of my head the sight of my poor baby kitten my darling I had to write this down as I don’t know what else to do to feel a bit ok... 

[MartyT]

I'm so, so sorry this has happened to you, to your beloved kitten, and to your poor husband, Tracy. I can only hope that, by coming here and reading the stories of other animal lovers whose beloved companions died as the result of an accident, you will discover that you are not alone. Accidents are not intentional, and clearly you and your husband never, ever intended for this to happen. Please allow yourselves to feel, and to share openly with each other, whatever you need to feel, without passing judgment on each other. Remember that feelings are not facts, and just because we feel a certain way, we need not act upon those feelings. If you're feeling at all angry about this, that is certainly understandable. But if allowed to be felt, expressed and validated, such feelings eventually will lessen and dissipate. It is only when we try to suppress our feelings that we run into trouble. Like steam building in a pressure cooker, such feelings can build and build until they cause us to explode.  Keep the lines of communication open between yourselves, and recognize that this was an accident, that accidents do happen, and because we are only human, sometimes the most horrific accidents can happen to us and to those we love.

Please know that we are thinking of you, and wish only for comfort, peace and healing to your broken hearts . . . ❤️

[kayc]

I am so sorry, I had a dog that died by accident when he unbeknownst to me climbed into my van and I drove to work, it was closed all day in the heat and when I came out to it, he rolled out stiff as a board into my arms.  It's been almost 23 years and I still feel so bad that it happened.  He was the sweetest little dog in the world.

I know this is hard for you, any death, any accident is hard, but when you feel you should have been able to protect them, we feel we let them down.  Just know that this was unforeseen and I know would not be held against either of you.  I hope in time your husband will feel able to forgive himself, your kitty already has.

I hope you're both able to read these articles and that it helps you:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/06/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-kittens.html

 

 

[Jillzafreak]

On 10/31/2017 at 6:30 AM, Mjca said:

I lost my kitten last night in the same way, I'm devastated and I really don't know how to go on with this guilt and pain, my husband doesn't blame me either but I can't help to feel this guilt, I can't stop crying, I adopted her a week ago and last night I accidentally stepped on her little head, I ran to vet but she couldn't make it, can you please give me any advice? I really don't know what to do, this pain is just horrible 

I bottle fed a  tiny lost kitten for three weeks, it was going well I thought, and the crate she slept in, well it was a plastic box, and her last night the lid whiCh normally sat loosely on the top with rags and a blanket looped over the side creating gaps ...well that lid was still too snug ...or maybe she aspirated some milk while I was feeding her, but she wailed horribly and I rushed her to the vet but she had a collapsed lung so the vet gave her the green dream, which I wished she’d given me.  I loved that kitten, but I was too careless, and I don’t know how I can expect the privilege of having another, I feel like I don’t deserve to live.

[kayc]

I'm so sorry for that horrible experience, for the loss of your baby kitten.  Maybe learn what you can from it instead of considering yourself an unfit parent.  You did what you could for this kitten!  It could be it wasn't developed enough to make it, but if it was the crate, try buying a kennel or pet carrier that has ventilation in it, something the lid fits perfectly, the next time you have a little one.  I'm sure you're a fine mom.  As you've read here, there's a number of us that are hard on ourselves.  (((hugs)))

[Jenmarianne96]

Hello, I am Jen. I am very sad right now. It has only been 2 hours since my rescue kitten passed away, and it is because of me. 

I was having some sort of sudden lbm earlier and went to the cr. I left my rescued kitten in my room because we were about to sleep. But my stomach suddenly felt bad so i ran and went to the cr. I fully knew she will go out and wander inside the house. But I didnt expect that she will be just right outside the cr as i step out. I was holding too many things as I step out and didnt notice her. I stepped out the cr with my weight on my foot and I was in shock when I felt somethin under it. I looked and saw her seizuring, blood splattered all over he face and the floor. I picked her up and tried to calm her but I knew that the damage was too heavy. I called my brother who was across the living room. He too was in shock. We both saw our kitten lost her life. Her pupils were dilated, she's seizuring but she's not making any sound. After she stopped moving, I was hysterical. I cried so hard and kissed her while saying sorry again and again. I loved her so much. I adopted her just a little over a month ago when I saw her on the street one night, she was with her 2  other sisters which died shortly because of weakness and underdevelopment. She approached and meowed at me as if she's asking for a shelter. I decided take them home that night. She was the sweetest and most thankful kitty ive ever seen. I hope she forgives me for I am careless. And I hope i forgive myself as well. She's now buried in our backyard. And I prayed for her. I will always pray for her forgiveness and I hope she's in  a better place now. 

[Nicolewinsbingo]

2 hours ago, Jenmarianne96 said:

Hello, I am Jen. I am very sad right now. It has only been 2 hours since my rescue kitten passed away, and it is because of me. 

I was having some sort of sudden lbm earlier and went to the cr. I left my rescued kitten in my room because we were about to sleep. But my stomach suddenly felt bad so i ran and went to the cr. I fully knew she will go out and wander inside the house. But I didnt expect that she will be just right outside the cr as i step out. I was holding too many things as I step out and didnt notice her. I stepped out the cr with my weight on my foot and I was in shock when I felt somethin under it. I looked and saw her seizuring, blood splattered all over he face and the floor. I picked her up and tried to calm her but I knew that the damage was too heavy. I called my brother who was across the living room. He too was in shock. We both saw our kitten lost her life. Her pupils were dilated, she's seizuring but she's not making any sound. After she stopped moving, I was hysterical. I cried so hard and kissed her while saying sorry again and again. I loved her so much. I adopted her just a little over a month ago when I saw her on the street one night, she was with her 2  other sisters which died shortly because of weakness and underdevelopment. She approached and meowed at me as if she's asking for a shelter. I decided take them home that night. She was the sweetest and most thankful kitty ive ever seen. I hope she forgives me for I am careless. And I hope i forgive myself as well. She's now buried in our backyard. And I prayed for her. I will always pray for her forgiveness and I hope she's in  a better place now. 

Hello.  I am so sorry for your loss.  This is such a hard time to lose a pet, with all that's happening in the world.  We had nearly the exact same thing happen to us a few nights ago.  My husband accidentally stepped on the kitten and he died in the same way you described.  He was just a little baby, we had only had him less than 2 weeks.  I am so very heartbroken.  I loved him so much.  But I wanted to tell you that now, a few days out, the horror at what happened is starting to fade a little.  Now I'm still so sad, but not as traumatized.  I know grief is a process and we all go through it at our own pace, but I pray you will start to find some peace in the coming days.  Sending you all the comfort I can as you go through this hard time. ❤️

[Jenmarianne96]

Im sorry for all your loss. I am in grief today as well.

Same thing happened to my little kitten Katya. I rescued her, along with her 2 other sisters almost a month ago. They were malnourished and the others were underdeveloped. The 2 others already died because of diarrhea and unknown causes. But Katya survived. She was a very sweet, strong and intelligent kitten. I already found an adopter but I decided to just keep her cuz I am already in love with her. She eats very well, plays with my dogs, puppies and other cat, and isnt aggressive with people. But last night, my world turned dark.

 

I accidentally stepped on her while stepping out of the bathroom last night. I was holding too many stuff and didnt realized that she was there. She immediately lost her life after seizuring. Blood splattered in her face and on the floor. I am in shock as well as my younger brother whom I called across the living room as soon as i realized what is happening. We were devastated to see her suffer and to see her die. I cried hysterically moments after. I feel so guilty and I feel so stupid. My brother also feels traumatized. How could I do that to her. I am still not feeling better since last night as it is so fresh from my memory.

 

I have experienced this loss last year from my beloved dog who escaped on her leash while we were walking to the bus stop after i fetched her from the vet. But this one is far worse because how can I be so careless. I pray for her little soul, I pray for her forgiveness and I pray that she's now in a much better place. 

[kayc]

I am so so sorry.  It had to seem so much worse because of the trauma.  I went through something similar over 20 years ago with my dog, Fluffy.  I'd taken him and our cat to the vet and when I got home, opened up the van and got them out.  We were tending the cat because he needed medicine, when done I closed the van and drove to work.  It was a hot summer day and it was closed up, unbeknownst to me, Fluffy had snuck into the van and never peeped because he knew he wasn't supposed to be in there.  When I got off work and opened the door, he rolled out into my arms, stiff as a board.  The vet said his brain would have burst...all while I was working just on the other side of the wall.  I wish the vet hadn't told me that, it's a horrid image I can't erase.  

They know we love them and I totally believe they ARE in a better place, but we miss them and it's so hard going through this and trying to adjust.  My heart really goes out to you.

I hope you will read the articles I posted above (April 17) and watch the video.  It's important to realize that we're human, we do have accidents, and to forgive ourselves...they've forgiven uis already. 

[Liza]

I just lost my cat three days ago when I accidentally hit him with my car. 

I was coming home and didn't see him when I pulled in - only when I got out of the car I saw him in a pool of blood, coming out of his face, even one of his eyes had blood coming out of it. As soon as I saw him I knew that even though he was still alive, I had essentially killed him. I looked into his eyes and he looked so confused and hurt, and it's still so hard to accept that it was because of my carelessness. 

I was on the phone with my mom when it happened, and I can't remember if I was distracted and didn't look out for him, or if he ran in front of my car. I keep re-playing it, trying to put the events back together, but I can't remember what I saw or didn't see when I pulled in, and it hurts so much. I'm always on bluetooth, never use the phone otherwise, and I always pay special attention to this cat because he would lay in our driveway and wouldn't move out of the way. I always knew this, but this time I didn't see him until after I got out the car. I didn't run him over because he wasn't squished, just hit... which means maybe he wasn't in the driveway when I pulled in, but possibly ran into my car. I just can't remember and it's killing me, I have migraines for 3 days trying to get my brain to remember and crying. 

I just hope that he can forgive me for hurting him and taking his life. It took me about 20 minutes to be able to put him in a box to take him to the vet, and when we got there, it was another 20 or so minutes before he got the injection that put him to sleep forever. I was holding his paw while he took his last breath and his heart beat for the last time, and I talked to him to make sure he knows I was there, but I know he was hurt and scared and confused and I don't know if it comforted him at all or if he died completely terrified. 

We buried him in the back yard, which was his favorite place. He was a little stray cat my friend found, and I ended up taking him in when we couldn't find a shelter that wouldn't have killed him. He was so happy every day that he had a home and a family, 3 cat friends, and a best friend (my dog), and he loved to snuggle and purr and spend time with us. This was the first place he ever felt safe and loved, and I feel like I betrayed him. I hope he can forgive me and knows that he was loved :( 

[kayc]

@Liza  I am so sorry for your loss and the traumatic way it happened.  It's the hardest thing in the world to accidentally kill your pet...I know, been there.  For me it was about 23 years ago when my dog, Fluffy crawled into my van, unbeknownst to me, I'd left the back end open for a few minutes while administering medicine to my cat, then closed it and drove to work.  When I got off work that night, I opened the door and he rolled out into my arms, stiff as a board.  The vet said his brain would have burst.  I didn't need that image, I felt horrid enough!  There is nothing to do to take that out of your mind, all we can do is try to focus on the good life we did give them...that coupled with the fact that we know they are no longer in pain, suffering or scared, they know we didn't intend this to happen and that we love and miss them tremendously.

https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/06/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-kittens.html
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm

 

[unlucky]

Tonight is one of the nights i will unfortunately never forget.We have a blue/white budgerigar,he was beautiful and its been two years since we met him.Unlike other birds he was way more friendly with us he knew we loved him and he was acting like it.He was the sweetest bird,he would repeat what we say,when we were kissing him he wee kissing us back with sounds and everything.Even when we(my family) had problems with each other he would always help us cheer up again.Its just that even though cats and dogs seem more like-human type of pets sometimes birds can be too.We had an amazing bond.Tonight,I got out of the bathroom and head back to my room.He always tried to be around me and chase me.I got into my room and as i was closing the door he tried to come in.It was like a 2-3 seconds later i realized his head was in between the door and the door trim.As soon as i realized i pulled the door to myself and he fell and didn't get up.I first thought he was injured until he closed his eyes and his heart didnt beat.I can maybe get over a pets death but knowing that i directly caused it (regardless of my intention was never to hurt him) makes me wish i died instead of him.Seeing him die was so hard for me.Thinking how eveything could be different makes me feel guiltier.I have read this blog and seeing im not the only one is ok but i unfortunately cant be ok.Sorry i thought maybe writing helps.The only thing that could help would be turning back time.He loved me so much and i caused his death.Will never forgive myself.Thanks for the supportive things tho this wasnt one.

[6ren]

When I was about 13 years old I caused something this horrible and still can’t shake the sight of what I did even at 24. It’s a horrible and unfixable feeling that still tears me apart when it comes up. I was coming into my room one night and one of my cat’s kittens had found their way into my room through a hole in the bottom of my room door that needed fixing. I accidentally stepped right on the kittens rib cage and as quickly as I pulled my foot back, there was nothing I could do but watch it shake back and forth spitting out blood. I screamed to my mom saying we needed to run to the vet. Suddenly all my 3 siblings, my mom, and the kitten’s mother came downstairs and saw the horrible sight of the kitten still shaking and dying. I just remember backing up while my mom was kneeling over the kitten and everyone in front of me started crying and I ran away for a whole night crying at the end of some street. The next day I buried the cat in my yard late at night wrapped in blankets and I prayed for the longest time. Couldn’t even eat. Nowadays I’m not religious nor feel like I’m going to be punished by anybody else for it, but it still hurts very much inside the fact that I ended this young cat’s one and only life to live. That’s something I wouldn’t wish on anybody because it is really true that you can’t shake their ghost and the vision of seeing their death replay in your head. It’s cathartic sharing this as I wouldn’t tell my friends what I’ve done out of shame. The only advice I can offer is to try to make up for it by saving more lives than we harm in our lifetime. Whether that’s saving another animal or human, that’s what I plan to do..

[MartyT]

8 hours ago, 6ren said:

I caused something this horrible and still can’t shake the sight of what I did

I'm so sorry this happpened, my dear, and clearly ~ horrible as it was ~ this was an accident. 

I'm hoping these two articles will offer you some useful suggestions:

Using Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) in Grief

Navigating Pet Loss (with EFT tapping video)

[kayc]

On 5/30/2020 at 2:03 PM, unlucky said:

Tonight is one of the nights i will unfortunately never forget.We have a blue/white budgerigar,he was beautiful and its been two years since we met him.Unlike other birds he was way more friendly with us he knew we loved him and he was acting like it.He was the sweetest bird,he would repeat what we say,when we were kissing him he wee kissing us back with sounds and everything.Even when we(my family) had problems with each other he would always help us cheer up again.Its just that even though cats and dogs seem more like-human type of pets sometimes birds can be too.We had an amazing bond.Tonight,I got out of the bathroom and head back to my room.He always tried to be around me and chase me.I got into my room and as i was closing the door he tried to come in.It was like a 2-3 seconds later i realized his head was in between the door and the door trim.As soon as i realized i pulled the door to myself and he fell and didn't get up.I first thought he was injured until he closed his eyes and his heart didnt beat.I can maybe get over a pets death but knowing that i directly caused it (regardless of my intention was never to hurt him) makes me wish i died instead of him.Seeing him die was so hard for me.Thinking how eveything could be different makes me feel guiltier.I have read this blog and seeing im not the only one is ok but i unfortunately cant be ok.Sorry i thought maybe writing helps.The only thing that could help would be turning back time.He loved me so much and i caused his death.Will never forgive myself.Thanks for the supportive things tho this wasnt one.

I am so sorry we missed this post!  Around the time you posted we had a glitch in the system and posts did not show up.  I am so so sorry for the lateness of our responses here.

I am very sorry for your loss.  I understand your love for your bird, I had birds years ago when I was young, parakeets and pigeons, we named them all, they all had different personalities, and we were close to them.  

I wish we could turn back the clock and get a do-over, but unfortunately that's not availed to us.  I hope you will read these articles and take them to heart.  This was an accident and I truly believe he holds nothing but the best regard for you in his heart.  It's also my belief that we will be together again and I hope that thought brings you comfort and peace.
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/06/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-kittens.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2015/12/children-and-pet-loss-family-deals-with.html
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html

 

[Beth Seranne]

This morning my little 16 week old baby passed away. During the night (4am) I went to go grab some pillows from the living room. My kitten was currently eating in the bedroom where I was coming from. The pillows were in the storage ottoman which is part of our sofa. I lifted it and got the pillows out. Then I placed it back down and went to bed. I woke up 3 hours later wondering why it was so quiet and our kitten wasn’t in the room which is strange. I went looking for her and turned round in the living room to see that she had been trapped half in and half out of the ottoman. It didn’t cut her but because she was so little and the lid was so heavy it crushed my poor baby. It was traumatising seeing that image. My baby with half her body and back legs hanging out on show. The mechanism of the ottoman is strange and when you put it down it angles and pulls in, so I think my baby darted into the ottoman just as I was closing it causing her to become trapped. My boyfriend tried to do CPR but we knew there was no hope. I feel so guilty because I wish I looked around as I closed it. Or atleast check it. I feel so awful and guilty as it was my boyfriend’s favourite cat. So I was heartbroken and felt like a murderer. It was a freak accident and I couldn’t have seen it coming, but it plays on my mind. She was the light of our life. We will miss our little gem more than anything in the world 

[Stacy_3]

My buddy died last Sunday and I think it's my fault. We were leaving for the weekend, just a short visit away, left Friday evening and came home Sunday around 1:30 to find our beloved cat, Shadow, lying in his cat tree. He was often in there so when I first walked in the door I smiled and greeted him, but normally he would hop out and come for snuggles. That's when I noticed how dilated and slightly dull his pupils were. They were full of pain and I could see the relief he had when he saw us, you could tell he thought we could help him. I gently pulled him out of his little cat tree cave, washed off his back end that was covered in diarrhea and got him to drink some water with a dropper. I could see he hadn't eaten or drank anything from his dish which made me so worried. How long has he been like this? Suffering alone? I laid him down on his soft bed while my daughter pet him and I ran around the house to see what he could have gotten into. My heart stopped when I reached the laundry room. I hadn't put the bleach on the top shelf like I ALWAYS do!!! Why didn't I do that?! Why did it have to happen on a weekend that we're away? We almost never go anywhere! So why this weekend?! I'm so sorry my Shadow buddy, I love you..

The closet vet in my area is half an hour away, the next nearest is another hour and they're both closed on Sundays..  I didn't know what to do. I was so scared of losing him. I kept dripping water into his month which he took willingly while I made calls, trying to get a hold of either of the vets. About an hour had passed of me trying to keep him comfortable and trying to find someone to help. He started moving his head and taking small steps. I was so hopeful that he'd pull through! But then he began to throw up and his little body just couldn't take more. I think his heart might have given out and he died in my arms. I haven't been able to stop crying, I am so heart broken and feel so guilty. I kept telling him how sorry I am, I hope he knows that I am and that we loved him so much. He was family. 

[kayc]

@Beth Seranne  I am so sorry for the loss of your little kitten.  I had an accident with my dog (22-23 years ago) and can relate to how you must be feeling...he snuck into the van and hid as he knew he wasn't supposed to, I drove to work, parked right outside my office window.  It was August and hot but I left the windows closed as it was a mill and lots of wood dust in the air.  I came out that night and opened the door and he rolled into my arms, stiff as a board.  It was one of the worst moments of my life!  I rushed him to the vet, like there was anything they could do!  They pronounced him dead.  (After nine hours, ya think?!)  I felt like a murderer at worst, the worst mom in the world at best!  I had no way of foreseeing this would happen but I've been careful ever since to be aware of where my pets are when I close the dryer, a car door, trunk, etc.  Still with all of our vigilance, things can happen in the blink of an eye.

@Stacy_3  I am so sorry that you too are going through this.  I do hope you can learn to go easy on yourself and forgive yourself for not thinking of every single possibility that your cat could get into...it's very hard to be always vigilant when sometimes we as humans are distracted, hurried, or it just doesn't occur to us.  We don't think like a cat or dog.

FEELING guilty does not make you guilty.  I hope you will read these articles:
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2014/06/pet-loss-guilt-in-wake-of-kittens.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2015/12/children-and-pet-loss-family-deals-with.html
http://media.wix.com/ugd/0dd4a5_e934e7f92d104d31bcb334d6c6d63974.pdf
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
 

I hope you both find peace and comfort as you watch this...remember, they have forgiven us already.