mfh Posted September 10, 2014 Report Share Posted September 10, 2014 Our pets leave big holes. Something I thing about doing when my Golden Bentley died (he has lymphoma) is to volunteer to walk dogs at our local shelter. I doubt I will want to get another dog right away so I am thinking that would help a bit when the day comes. Just a thought. No matter what we do, we need to grieve and will. Grieve our losses even if we opt to get another dog right away. We can do both....grieve and enjoy another dog be it walking them at a shelter or getting one of our own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted September 10, 2014 Report Share Posted September 10, 2014 Your loss is so raw. My heart just hurts for you. We grieve for the loss of our pets. You will know if and when it is time to bring another pet into your life. Our hearts are very large and we have room for much love. I am sorry that this is so painful for you. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 10, 2014 Report Share Posted September 10, 2014 That is true. After Skye passed, my son's other dog, Mozzy, was lonely, so they got Bruno. My son fell in love with Bruno. It did not change our grief for Skye, but he did create his own space in our heart as we got to know and love him. I know the empty feeling all too well, it is what we have had to deal with as we lost our husbands. Losing a dog is a huge loss, not altogether unlike that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 11, 2014 Ok so people think after 1 week all is good......The crematorium just called that I can bring Bailey home this Sat..OMG I get sick to my stomach whenever I enter my apt....or walk past where she slept I hope I gave her every chance she deserved...I could never live w/ myself if I ever short-changed her of anything Was I stupid thinking this one would be different?/ would live on and on???? Or is it just because I am now 16 years older, lost my husband 32 years ago and had a long term relationship w/ a boyfriend that ended last thanksgiving and now I realize I AM ALONE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 12, 2014 Report Share Posted September 12, 2014 You are only alone for awhile, until you build other relationships, be it another dog or a friend. It's important to get out and be around people, I have a hard time forcing myself to do that but it helps. I was scared of being alone when my husband passed, but it's a little less frightening to me now...still, every now and then it hits me. It's true that dogs give us incentive to live, purpose, enjoyment, so what you're feeling may be in response to that absence in addition to missing your dog. I'm sure you did everything you could for Bailey, she knew you loved her, I've never had a dog live that long, that is quite a feat! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 This is Bailey's Mom again it is Sat 9/13. I just brought Bailey home again this morning. I picked up her urn. OMG I can't describe the saddness I feel it has been 12 days and I am still very devastated. My apt is so empty, even tho' I have a fairly new cat (resued 1 year ago) not having Ms. Bailey here is a huge void. I hate being home now. I have lost dogs in the past, but this time is the worst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 It is so difficult to lose our pets. I do not think 12 days is a long time at all. You lost a friend who adored you. Each dog, like each person in our lives, is a different relationship...I know I will miss Bentley more than I missed Buffy when he died in 2000. I am closer to Bentley in many ways and Bill is now gone so it is a different situation. And bringing that urn home has to be difficult....I am so sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 Thank you, Mary. I really appreciate your help. It is a heavy heavy weight on me everyday...because I catered to her every need, even while trying to work full time, etc. She is the center of my universe, because everyone else has left it. I have spoken several times w/ Bailey's breeder..she has only little boys right now...but is attending a large BT meeting in 2 weeks and will speak w/ her fellow-breeders about a little girl.....for me to love again Starting w/ a new pup is going to make some people think I am CRAZY at my age (60) but I think it's the only way for me... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 I can assure you, my dear, that no one here thinks that you are crazy for wanting to bring another animal into your life. If you think that is the only way for you, then you are wise to pay attention and follow your own heart. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 13, 2014 Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 I agree with Marty. And if it is any consolation, when Bentley does die which I hope is a couple of years off yet...I plan in what will be my mid to late 70s to get a puppy. I do not think 60 is at all old. In fact as I think about it, I was 63 when we brought Bentley home and he was 8 weeks old. then. Bill was actually 72. You go for it. Get that little girl and don't give it another thought. As Marty said, "follow your heart". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2014 Thank you for your understanding and acceptance of where I am "coming from" My breeder here in CT is "working" on finding me a little girl to love..it may not happen right away She is attending a regional meeting next Sat and will ask her fellow-breeders about a little girl for me, or who might be "expecting" soon....It's the only answer for me, I believe. I love Bailey so much I am bursting at the seams w/ caring, nurturing and being "needed" I can't get another husband, or long-time boyfriend just like that..but I can find another special 4 legged friend to share and love with. Bailey and I had a very active life..we did almost everything together when I was not w/ the boyfriend......which I now realize, Bailey made me feel happier than he did. Today has been a tiring day I have had a headache and heartache all day...But I am somewhat more peaceful that Bailey is once again back home w/ me tonite..altho' in a different way....OMG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 You will do what is in your heart, Sending {{{{hugs}}}}. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Thank you. I miss her so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 I hope that while you're waiting for them to get a little girl for you, it brings you hope. You are not crazy at all! I am 61 and if something happened to Arlie I would get another dog, although I don't think I could possibly ever be as attached to another dog as him...he's very unique and just perfect for me, but I would give it a chance and love the new dog for who they were and what special qualities they have. I'm sorry it was so hard to bring her urn home. I hope in time that having her ashes there brings you some comfort. I am still mourning Skye and it's been a year, I think I always will, he was also very unique in his own ways, I loved him so much and always will. I think you're doing the right thing, you don't want to be alone and you have so much to give. Any dog that would be yours would be very fortunate indeed! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 I never had children...so my pet was many many things to me.......NO one never stops mourning just as I think about my husband whose birthday would be Oct 3.....and I will cry and talk to him..or my sweet Mom...... I was talking w/ someone and they are not happy that I would want another Border Terrier. They think I should get a rescue. Which is fine...but it's my choice and right now that's what I want....I don't take vacations, I don't drive a fancy car,,,and I no longer own a home so with my money, I wish to find another BT breed. Well, they went on and on w/ me about cost.....etc..... Some people always buy a Cadillac...or BMW or whatever.....so I choose to bring another BT into my life... Today is hard..tomorrow is 2 weeks...can't believe it Yes perhaps having her ashes home with me will give me some solice eventually she's safe w/ me...... OMG this is so difficult.....I keep having to leave my apt....because I see her everywhere!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Whenever someone tells you what you "should" or "shouldn't" be doing ~ especially when you are in the midst of mourning ~ I hope you give yourself permission to ignore such unsolicited advice. You don't need anyone laying a guilt trip on you, especially now! Whether you buy a purebred puppy or bring a rescued mixed-breed into your heart and home, the choice is yours and yours alone. And if your heart is set on a breed you already know and love, there is nothing wrong with that, either. You also have better insight into the puppy's breeding, bloodlines and health history when you work with a reputable breeder. I've had pure-bred dogs as well as mutts throughout my life, and they each have their endearing characteristics ~ but I think when you are already familiar with a certain breed and you know you like it, you have a better idea of what to expect from the dog as he or she grows into adulthood, as well as your own reactions to it. You really don't need to justify your decisions and your choices in this matter to anyone, my dear ~ and certainly not to all of us. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 I totally agree with you, Marty!! It might be good if we would drop the words "should" and "ought" from the English language. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Isn't that the truth, Mary? When someone uses that language with me, it makes the hair stand up on the back of my neck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Yes, it is so simple for others who have no clue about anything to tell people what they "should" or "ought" to do and those folks are the very ones who would rebel if someone did that to them. Amen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Thank you all....today is very difficult home all day trying to do things...but can't still have Bailey's things in the kitchen I can't bear to move them..... You know, I have a lovely portrait of her in the living room done a few years ago and I can look at it now..but I can't move her stuff from the kitchen. I would never tell someone going thru' this" what to do"...I would love them and accept where they are.....maybe a GENTLE suggestion.....but strong opinions...no....I would let them know they are "OK" Marty, you are correct that's how I feel about the breed.....I know it, I love it...sure..maybe a rescue may meet me at the right time and spot and all will change but I have to have a plan and that's my plan. I need something to hang onto right now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 14, 2014 Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 No need to move anything...just follow your heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 14, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 14, 2014 Thank you for caring so much......I have have a lot of mourning / grief to cope w/ in my life...and this one is among the most difficult but you know, when my husband died suddenly, I was only 31 and it took me 5 years to totally clean out his clothes and scatter his ashes...........people could not believe me..they called my crazy..... I am a sentimental softie and this stuff is not hard wired in my brain or heart..... I am a little bit hopeful my breeder will find me a little girl on the 9/27 weekend maybe by the holidays I will have a new "someone" even tho' the holidays will be difficult. Bailey had her own little tree w/ the appropriate ornaments and of course an custom made stocking which is still hanging. I vowed last year to keep it up for her!!! I am going away for the first time in ages to visit some friends in VA for 3 days....I got 97.00 R/T flights and said...I need to go I was always home to care for and be here for Ms. Bailey..my vet said take a little break before bringing home a new girl so this is my "break", I guess Oh God.....pleas esay alittel prayer for me and Bailey... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mkroberts16 Posted September 15, 2014 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2014 Ya know..I can't just get past the fact Bailey is not in the apt.. in the kitchen it's awful....I see her everywhere here the mornings are the worst when I would get up and go to her immediately to take her out..make sure she was ok and then feed her and give her meds. And cuddle her and kiss her before I lift for work and say a prayer over her..... Oh God this is so hurtful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted September 15, 2014 Report Share Posted September 15, 2014 You have my permission to ignore that person! Mentally put up the hand! I recently lost my mom and my sister tried (notice I say "tried") to tell me how I should/shouldn't grieve, not accepting that! It is totally YOUR business what kind of dog you get! If I could handle it, I would always own a Husky, but I'm afraid Arlie is my last one because I'm getting too old to handle their strength/power. I'm not sure what I'll do next time, I'm totally enamored of the breed. But you have a breed YOU love, why NOT get what you want! Sort of as a memorial to Bailey, take in another that you can love and be loved by, that way it never stops giving. I think you're on the right path, but you need to do what YOU feel is right! I know it hurts, I'm so sorry. Yes, I'd take a break while you can, they are full time, aren't they? For years I couldn't leave Arlie because when I tried he almost died. I now have a friend that Arlie dearly loves to stay with so I don't have to worry about him while I'm gone, and I reciprocate with his dog. It helps and the dogs look forward to their visits, just like kids love their slumber parties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mfh Posted September 15, 2014 Report Share Posted September 15, 2014 I wonder if a Bailey oriented project might help a tiny bit...like creating a scrap book of pictures, your writings about and to her, perhaps information about her breed etc. Scrap books stores are loaded with wonderful formatting equipment and it might be a nice tribute if you have not already done something like that. Just a thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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