Wifflesnook Posted November 16, 2014 Report Share Posted November 16, 2014 I'm relieved that someone is checking on you Kay. It sounds as though you need medical attention ASAP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted November 16, 2014 Report Share Posted November 16, 2014 (((Kay))) sending love and hugs and prayers for your well being.... AnneW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisWife Posted November 16, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2014 Kay, I, too am glad you have someone checking on you. It's very frightening being alone with an undiagnosed medical concern. Please keep us posted. Hugs and prayers. Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted November 17, 2014 Report Share Posted November 17, 2014 Oh dear Kay, I'm so sorry that you're not feeling any better ~ and it sounds as if you may be feeling worse. We wait with fingers crossed and prayers offered on your behalf. Do let us know what your doctor has to say, and take good care of you in the meantime ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shalady Posted November 17, 2014 Report Share Posted November 17, 2014 Kay, I too have you in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you well, waiting with you.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted November 17, 2014 Report Share Posted November 17, 2014 Kay I am praying for you. QMary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisWife Posted November 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2014 Kay, have you heard anything from the doctor? Are you feeling any better today? Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 17, 2014 Report Share Posted November 17, 2014 No news from the doctor yet. Today I have been fighting with them all day about other matters. The office seems incompetent, uncaring, or worse. I love the doctor, but her assistants greatly need replaced. I have to stay on them about every little thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted November 17, 2014 Report Share Posted November 17, 2014 I so understand your frustration with the "gatekeepers," dear Kay. I love my primary care doctor, too, but her office staff is just terrible, with a very high turnover rate, so it's always a challenge to get past them or to get them to do what I ask. I am so sorry that you're in such a difficult position, and not knowing exactly what you're facing is beyond agonizing. Please know that you are being held gently in our thoughts and prayers, and we're all hoping for the best for you . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LarrysGirl Posted November 18, 2014 Report Share Posted November 18, 2014 I had no idea that you were going thru this, I'm so sorry. Do you know what is causing the pain? where is the pain? I hope you will know something soon. I will be watching this thread. Love you, Deborah Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisWife Posted November 18, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 18, 2014 I know it's only been 10 months that I've been adjusting to this new "normal" life but I must say, I really don't like it. Melina mentioned in a different post that she is just plugging along. That's exactly how I feel most of the time. I was talking to my priest and told him I really didn't fully understand the part of the wedding vows that said, "and two shall become one." But I realize I don't feel just right because part of me is gone. Al and I truly did become one. My priest said I should take comfort in that because not all married people have that deep of a love. I guess that might be true because I can't imagine ever being in another relationship because ours was for a lifetime and my life is still going on. But a work friend who lost her husband in April was so excited to tell me that she's dating someone and that I should try it because it helps to forget. I realize everyone handles grief differently but that almost broke my heart for her. I'm sure my feelings will change as my journey of widowhood continues and I get over the holidays but I just don't like the thought of just plugging along. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 18, 2014 Report Share Posted November 18, 2014 I feel like I won one battle (I made phone calls most of the day), the pharmacy FINALLY received the prescription I've been fighting for a week to get my doctor's office to send over. STILL not getting anywhere with my test strips Rx to another place. STILL no word on my ultrasound or blood/UA tests. Deborah, it's been three weeks tomorrow since I first got the pain 2" above my belly button. When an "attack" hits it can last for hours, rendering me unable to move or do anything for myself. It's horrible. The area is where so many things could be the cause: kidney, kidney stones, gallbladder, gallbladder stones, ovaries, intestines, colon, hernia, appendicitis, liver, acid reflux, diverticulitis, even aorta was mentioned. I'm trying not to think about the worst case scenario and hoping for something with an easier fix. I think I can rule out colon, intestines, pancreas, and diverticulitis as that part seems to be functioning fine, plus I had a colonoscopy done not too long ago. The person doing the ultrasound said my female organ look fine so that can be ruled out. I seriously doubt it's acid reflux causing this, and honestly, appendicitis would have probably put me in the hospital by now. I doubt it's gallbladder itself because I don't have nausea, although stones could cause it. So that leaves the other things to consider, and I really have to wait and see what the test results show. It's kind of scary to me, facing the unknown for this long. HisWife, It is true that everyone handles grief differently...certainly people are entitled to date if they desire, but quite honestly, I've seen some date to "forget", in other words, to avoid their grief work. In the end, it will still be facing them. I've seen some return to having to deal with it years later. You and your husband became one, just as George and I were, and although I am a whole person in my own right, that "other half" of me is gone...it is no wonder I miss him so much. That will continue until the day I die, and it's something I've learned to live with. But on the other hand, I derive much comfort from knowing I was loved that much, and that we really had something, something that many people never know in this lifetime. I truly do feel I'd rather have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Some people don't feel that way, regretting ever having loved because the pain is too great to bear. I can never regret one moment of my life with George. He is my soul mate, through and through. What you are experiencing is still quite raw and difficult to adjust to, but you will get through it and it will become more tolerable, by and by. Sometimes the progress is so imperceptible as to not be noticed, it is that gradual, but it is occurring all the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisWife Posted November 20, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 20, 2014 Just wondering if anyone has experienced health issues since the loss of their loved one? Except for my annual check-up and a broken foot 3 years ago, I've rarely set foot in a doctor's office for myself. Now, since Al passed in February, it seems like I'm having all sorts of things going on. I've been to the doctor and the er with things from rapid heartbeat, extreme sweating, spike in blood pressure (even though it's been controlled by meds for over 15 years), feeling as if I might pass out - the list goes on. Doctors feel it's my grief manifesting itself in anxiety. I was put on some type of medicine supposedly to relax me but I had an awful reaction to it, so he gave me medicine that is highly addictive, which I won't take because of its addictive tendencies. I thought I was doing pretty well with all of this and hadn't really had any problems for a couple of months. Now this weekend, the bp spiked again, I developed a slight tremor in my right hand and sporadic numbness at the corner of the left side of my mouth. Doctor still thinks its all grief related but did blood workup and will discuss results with a neurologist to see if anything further is needed. I've been reading a lot about anxiety and it just overwhelmes me that my mind can be causing all this to go on in my body. I have found solace here when I thought I was going crazy so I'm hoping that this anxiety thing is also common. - Sue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted November 20, 2014 Report Share Posted November 20, 2014 Sue, my dear, I can assure you that the anxiety you describe is not at all unusual in the normal course of grieving. In fact, just yesterday afternoon I listened to an online webinar featuring grief expert Therese Rando, who serves as Clinical Director of the Institute for the Study and Treatment of Loss. Her presentation focused on recognizing the critical role of anxiety in all types of bereavement. In a talk aimed at those who work with the bereaved, Dr. Rando emphasized that "Many grief counselors fail to appreciate the importance of anxiety and tend to focus relatively more attention on other emotions, such as depression, anger, and guilt. This is unfortunate, since anxiety after a loved one's loss is often a significant concern and can create many problematic reactions, whether such anxiety is at 'normal' levels (as found in uncomplicated acute grief) or rises to the level of post-traumatic distress, as found after traumatic deaths." You are wise to be working closely with your primary care physician to make sure your blood pressure is under control, and I hope you will find this article to be helpful as well: Anxiety Attacks in Grief: Tools for Coping. (See also the Related Articles listed at the base of the post.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 20, 2014 Report Share Posted November 20, 2014 It's not uncommon to have health problems after losing your spouse. You're stressed to the max, have gone through the shocking jolt of your life, aren't aware of whether you're eating/drinking enough or WHAT you eat/drink, can't sleep, of course it'll take it's toll! Several here on our site have experienced health problems. That's why it's so important to become cognizant of what we're doing, taking care of ourselves, getting some exercise, stress-reliever, meditating, spending time with our pets, trying to incorporate fun and relaxation into our lives, being around people who are positive rather than negative. It's so important to learn to take a day (or break it down into bite-able chunks...an hour, a minute) at a time, live in the present, try not to look at the whole future looming ahead of you, protect yourself against being overwhelmed, accept help that is offered, ASK for help when needed. And stay in touch with your doctor, let him/her know what's going on and any symptoms you're having. Soothing music, watching comedies, working on an enjoyable hobby (QMary's theater group, my making cards, fae's art, Anne's, coloring, Jan's moths). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisWife Posted November 22, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 All my tests came back normal except B12 level was a bit low. Doctor told me to start taking that vitamin. Basically attributing symptoms to my loss. So now that I know I'm just crazy with grief, I'll try to think more positively and use some your suggestions, Kayc, to relax. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 22, 2014 Report Share Posted November 22, 2014 That is good news, Sue! I've been on B12 for 17 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted November 29, 2014 Report Share Posted November 29, 2014 Hello everyone, Thanksgiving went by well enough, just my adult son and me....not nearly as horrible as last year, less than two weeks after he crossed over. I even felt pretty good for a bit about the cooking and it went well. Now, I am feeling a bit more accepting of my fate but the fear and worry of the future and money and work worries me so; I just feel hopeless. Even though it has been a year, I don't feel quite ready, tried to to some volunteer work but that has had multiple delays with training and just getting going. Frustrating! I don't have money enough to last for more than a few years and I am not eligible for SS for over 6 years. I was mostly retired before he died and now I am to start over with work and the job market here is not good for me.....Never thought I would be dealing with this kind of life now. I need so many miracles. Thank you for listening. AnneW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 30, 2014 Report Share Posted November 30, 2014 Anne, When George died and I went into my budet and deducted his income, I saw red totals all the way across. I remember my daughter looking over my shoulder, and she said, "God will take care of you, He always has me." And He has. I don't know how I'll make it but somehow I have so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HisWife Posted November 30, 2014 Author Report Share Posted November 30, 2014 Anne, have you thought about meeting with a financial planner from a reputable company? The first few visits are usually free and you might gain insight as to how to stretch the funds you currently have to get you to SS. Unfortunately, along with dealing with our grief, we must also deal with reality and the loss of an income. I wish you comfort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted November 30, 2014 Report Share Posted November 30, 2014 Thank you HisWife and Kay. It helps to be heard, it is comforting. Much prayers and love for you Kay and your well being. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted November 30, 2014 Report Share Posted November 30, 2014 Last year I had $150 deficit per month which I tried to get by selling things around my house on eBay. This year, however, it will be $400/month deficit because of medical going up, and it's going to be very hard to make that. If I went back to work, it'd go for commuting expense, taxes, and I'd lose the Federal tax credit for ins. It wouldn't pay. Plus, I don't think I could do it, now, too many health issues. I guess we'll be shown a way and somehow, it'll all work out. I do like the suggestion of seeing a Financial Planner...I wish I'd done that when George died because I used a line of credit against my house to pay his medical bills and later found out I wasn't responsible for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted December 3, 2014 Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 The other thing that has been toughest for me is just getting out....it is so hard for me to want ot go anywhere now that I am on my own. Even making plans with friends and finding I am so drained and exhausted so much from the grief that it's all I can do to take care of the household errands and chores and some of my grief group meetings. There is movie coming out on Christmas day I want to see, I even have a friend who will go with. I hope I can make it this time....It's taking a long time to move through all this change. AnneW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 3, 2014 Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 I so hope you can make that movie on Christmas, that sounds wonderful! It's good to have a plan, somewhere to go, someone to be with, it's so hard to be alone through the holidays. Sometimes it helps to do something different because the old ways of celebrating can remind us of what we're missing, not having them here with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annew Posted December 3, 2014 Report Share Posted December 3, 2014 Thank you, Kay. Me too. Big hugs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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