enna Posted February 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 Thank you, Marty. You know I will climb my mountain and do what has to be done. I am grateful for your prayers and for your continued support by always being with me and encouraging me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 Oh Anne my dear friend I am very very upset for you and I so hope it won't be bad news. You have had too much. Yes I know you are a brave brave soul and you have had too much thrown at you since losing your beloved Jim. I hope you are getting emotional support from others. You know you have it here. Jan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 Anne, I am speechless. We wait with you and hold you up in prayer as you await the test results. Your courage and attitude astound me but I don't know why, it's who you are, who we've known you to be. Don't be surprised if you have an "off day" or "off moment" and cry out, that is okay too. I know you will face all of your challenges with the same courage you have the previous ones. We are here for you and of course, you can call me any time. I love you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted February 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 Thank you, Jan. I am doing fine. I will do what needs to be done and try not to think about what things might be rather focus on what we know. Kay, your kind words touch me deeply. Thank you for your genuine concern. One thing I am learning on this grief journey is to allow the emotions to flow freely. Sometimes I feel like I have permanent creases where the tears flow down my face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted February 25, 2015 Report Share Posted February 25, 2015 The thought occurs to me, dear Anne, that it is water that over time has created the beauty that is Grand Canyon ~ and if tears are leaving permanent creases in your face, then in time they will only make you more beautiful than you already are. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 26, 2015 Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 Anne, I will never ever forget that it was YOU who called and checked on me when I was in recovery from surgery...not my kids, not my church, not other friends, YOU! You are very special to all of us, and we want you to know we're here for you as you face whatever comes your way in this journey, just as you have been here for all of us. We love you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted February 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 Only you, Marty, would think of our beautiful Grand Canyon. I still remember how awestruck I was when I first visited it after moving to Arizona. I had seen pictures but never imagined it to be as beautiful as it was while standing looking out at its awesomeness (is that a word!). Kay, you are a prescription for my soul. I will survive on your positivity. Thank you, friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted February 26, 2015 Report Share Posted February 26, 2015 Dear Anne, I hold you in my heart and in my prayers. You are indeed special and easy to love. Love and warm hugs, Carrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 I am asking for prayers for me during these next days. When I had my appointment with my neurologist yesterday he told me that he wants me to have a brain and cervical/thoracic MRI since they are still trying to figure out what is going on with me! From what I have been told, there could be something either in the brain signal or in the thoracic part of the spine that is not allowing my kidneys to do what they are suppose to do! I am scheduled these tests in the next week. I will do what I have to do to get back to the healthy me I was several months ago. Thank you ahead of time for keeping me on your prayer list. Anne Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 4, 2015 Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 Good heavens, Anne ~ What more must you endure?! I am so very sorry to learn this disturbing news. While I appreciate your dogged efforts to learn what is causing your symptoms, I can only imagine how terrifying and nerve-wracking this must be for you, living with all of this uncertainty. Please know that we are carrying you gently in our hearts, and certainly keeping you in our prayers. ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted March 4, 2015 Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 Dear Anne, I woke up thinking of you and wondering how you are. I prayed for you, and I promise you that I will continue to do so without fail. Jerry has begun praying with me for you as of a few weeks ago. He understands what you might be feeling more than I understand (he had fear combined with hope, trust, and peace; all can live in one place, so emotions take their turn, lap over each other, and combine). I understand only what it's like to go there with him. I care very much. MRI shows soft tissue, and X-rays show bones and joints. I'm sure your doctor either has or will order Xrays as well as MRI. Warm hugs, Carrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted March 4, 2015 Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 Dearest Anne Medical science is wonderful these days but it has advantages and disadvantages in that so many tests can be suggested. And they may all turn out negatve. And your problem may be a small one. You have done so much for yourself over the last few years and been so brave and determined. I hope you will feel the strength of all these prayers coming through to you. And that the results will show something that can be quickly cured. Jan x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted March 4, 2015 Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 Dear Anne, The very environment and language of the medical community can be overwhelming and at times frightening. This series of ongoing visits, treatments, questions, tests, and the PT is a lot to endure. I have been impressed with all you have survived and how you have continued to focus on the return of your good health. You are in my heart and prayers. I hope that by this time next month, we are smiling at all your good news and your wonderful progress. *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 4, 2015 Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 Dear Anne, I am glad you are keeping us up to date of all that is going on with you. One day at a time! One thing at a time! I pray they discover indeed what the problem is and can fix it. I am glad you are brave, I know it's not because you were born any stronger than anyone else, but it is a choice you make and continue to make. I'm sure you get weary and there are times you must feel like screaming. That's okay, have some chocolate, it'll help see you through. We all love you and support you as you go through these diagnostics and therapy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 4, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 Thank you for your thoughts and prayers ~ maybe I should think twice about the MRI of my brain! With my warped sense of humor, I'd be afraid of what they will find! Perhaps I'll change my mind if I have enough chocolate to eat. Who knows, with my obsession with chocolate my brain may be all fudge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted March 4, 2015 Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 LOL I think I have an entire troop of those guys in my brain some days. Perhaps they will find fudge with nuts. Your sense of humor is so precious, Anne. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 4, 2015 Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 Haha, I love it! That's better than some things one could find... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 4, 2015 Report Share Posted March 4, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted March 5, 2015 Report Share Posted March 5, 2015 Anne you continue to inspire us. We are all with you. Hugs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 8, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Thank you, Jan. I have struggled with a situation these past few days. I have a sweet daughter who wants me to move back to IL so she can "take care of" me. As I have done in the past, I keep her informed with want is going on about my medical issues without saying too much as I do not want her to worry. I will not go into detail but will tell you that she is again insisting on my moving so I'll be closer to her. She really laid the guilt thing on me. "You should be here where you'd be closer to me and your grandchildren." "I can take you to doctors. etc." It took me by surprise because she did not think that there was anything that should keep me here in my home where Jim and I have lived for fifteen years. My home is here and I am not anywhere ready to think of leaving this place. I do not need taken care of. I do not need to go somewhere where there are no memories. I know she meant well. I told her that any move I'd make would be because it was my choice. I have made a list of Positives and Negatives, but I still struggle with guilt. I know I have done nothing to be guilty for so perhaps there is another word. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers dear friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Dear Anne, I am awake, and I am praying for you. I'm asking God to hold you gently, and meet your every need in the very best way for you. I care. Carrie ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Oh Anne I totally understand this situation. Mine has some similarities. Pete and I moved here in 2001 but we had been coming here every weekend for many years. This place, and particularly our cottage, garden and the friends we made define me now. Our daughter lives two hours away in a big city. I know some people expected me to move when Pete died but I find enormous comfort from being here. It feels near Pete. Also I am independent. I do also understand your daughter's point of view. She is a busy person and she can't come over and see you often. And she feels she wants to be near you when you are going through medical problems. But you don't need to feel any guilt that you aren't prepared to go and live near her if you don't want to. I guess apart from how hard it would be to leave the place you and Jim have been so happy you feel that you would no longer truly be an independent person. Maybe that isn't so, but if you feel that way you need to listen to your heart and put away guilt which isn't relevant in this situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Anne, my dear, I wonder if your daughter is feeling just as guilty and as frustrated as you are. After all, she could be closer to you if she were to move her family to Arizona, but that would be just as difficult and unrealistic as it would be for you to move to Illinois. I feel so bad for both of you in this situation, as I'm sure her concern stems from her love for you, her need to be closer and her desire to take care of you. Still, she is looking at this from her perspective rather than from yours. All of this just adds to the pressure and anxiety you're already dealing with ~ and I imagine it prevents you from leaning on your daughter for the emotional support you need and deserve because, as you say, you don't want her to worry ~ or to ramp up the pressure she's already putting on you to move. I am so sorry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 8, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 Isn't this what we all do as we struggle to accept our present situation? Sometimes it is not only your immediate family who gives you the support you need. I am learning that it is not selfish to put yourself first. After all ~ if we don't love ourselves, how can we love others! I know my daughter loves me as I love her, but love does not only happen when we are in the same state! Her life with her family may take her to yet another state and then what's mom suppose to do ~ move again! Right now, my life and home are here and I need only to gently help her to see that. Pressure happens when I allow it, it is my work to not dwell on what might be, but to try to keep myself in the present. It sounds good, but doesn't mean it is easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 I understand, dear Anne. I learned a long time ago not to live my life through and for my adult children, and I don't expect them to live their lives that way for me, either. I think you are right to base your decisions on your current circumstances and needs, and on what you believe is best for YOU. You know your daughter better than we do, and I'm sure you know best how to convey to her what you want and need. I just wish, for your sake, that your "present" wouldn't be so difficult to stay in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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