Wifflesnook Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 And also I sense you are holding back from telling her about your medical condition and that's a shame though understandable. I wish you could be completely open about that without her putting pressure on you to up sticks and move. You are doing the right thing by being certain that you want to stay and you have no need to feel guilty Anne! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 8, 2015 Report Share Posted March 8, 2015 My dear Anne, You needn't feel guilty for telling your daughter what is in your heart and you do not need to justify yourself to her or anyone. When you are old and dotery and need to move, we will tell you. I have an older sister that acts like she's my mother and ever since George died she's been trying to get me to sell my house and move to Portland. I have many reasons for not doing so...1) I am a country girl, not a city girl! 2) Like you, this is where my memories are. 3) Home are not selling here at the moment 4) I got upsidedown on my house during the recession and need to pay down on it a few more years and make some improvements (which I can't afford right now) before it will be sellable. My sister does not understand that her and I are very different people, and just as I would not dream of telling her how to run her life, so I do not want her telling me how to run mine. Someday when I am old (and I think I will know when that time has come) and "need help", then I will talk with my kids and decide what my next phase should be...until that time, I will remain here. I look at my mom, independent and getting by on her own until she was 90! She could have moved sooner (and probably should have) but somehow, she got by, with a little help from my brother, who used to bring his big strapping kids over to help her with yard work and chopping wood. I don't have that assistance, but I pay for what I need help with, as I imagine you do. What I can't afford (new flooring, replacing the back of my garage, exterior paint, will wait until I sign up for social security. I still have my wits about me and am still able to weigh and consider different factors of something to make up my own mind...as you can. I understand your daughter, I commend her for caring. But right now, with all you are facing, you find comfort in your own home, with your memories, memories of Jim, and memories of Benji. This is what she needs to understand. And when you feel you need help...you can let her know. Right now, if we need help, we do have a friend or two that can give us a ride or be there for us in the ways that our absentee kids cannot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Thank you for all your kind words. Tomorrow morning I go for my brain MRI with contrast. Another test my neurologist has ordered as they look for what might be! I miss Jim. Say a prayer. I thought I had conquered the mountain when I got my heart failure under control. I can't help but wonder when it is time to say enough is enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Dearest Anne, I know I speak for us all when I say that we are holding you tenderly in our hearts. I am praying that tomorrow's MRI will provide the answers for the healing to begin. You have done so wonderfully well with your heart healing. I have no doubt that you will be successful at whatever you undertake, and that you can feel all of us holding you up and cheering you on, dear heart. And I remember with your heart diagnosis, how long it took for you to sort out all the information, seek consultation with many people, and how you courageously refused to settle for what was initially offered to you as "your life" as some doctors saw it. No matter what the outcome tomorrow, I know that you know that this is your life, to manage as you see best. And I am standing with you, sending prayers for healing and peace, holding you ever-so-gently in my heart, and surrounding you with love and great flinging of special, grape *<fairy dust>*. I hope tomorrow goes better than any of us could imagine. There! Now we have laid it squarely in G*d's hands. I wish you sweet, restful, restorative sleep, dear Anne. *<twinkles>* fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Dear Anne, We join all the others who are lifting you up to our Heavenly Father in prayer. Warm hugs, Carrie, Jerry, and Amberly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Anne, You are on my heart first thing as I got up this morning...am not sure what time you're going in, but I'll be praying for you. I hope all goes smoothly and you're back home before you know it. (((hugs))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Ditto what Kay said, and you are on my mind and in my heart. I will probably call you later today to check on you. Sending lots of Love, fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 We are praying for you here, and Amberly just texted me from work to tell me she is praying also. Carrie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 This is a good prayer circle we have going for Anne. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 ♥ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 I am home. Thank you to all those in my prayer circle. I had the brain MRI with and without contrast. I stayed still for an hour. How does one wipe away tears when your head is in some kind of contraption! The results will go to my neurosurgeon this afternoon. Thank you. Peace is a wonderful feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Anne, Thank you for the update and the news. As I understand, you might hear something yet today. We are keeping your prayer circle going until you tell us otherwise. namaste, fae Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 Yes. I know you will let us know when you hear the results. We may not be with you physically but we are there in any other way possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 10, 2015 Report Share Posted March 10, 2015 A guy at my table (senior site) has to go in for one on his heart and they're going to make him hold still for two hours! I don't know how that's possible. It seems you'd get an itch or something. I'm glad you made it home! Now to get the results... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyCarrie Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 We are here with you also. ❤️ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 11, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 Before I turn in I just want to say again how very much I appreciate all your prayers. I will not get any results until my neurosurgeon returns next week. I have the disc and they will send him the written report in a day or two. I will have to get a separate order from my spine doctor for the cervical/thoracic MRI. Our wonderful health care system only allows one test at a time now! Tomorrow I have blood work and on Monday I will have the second cystoscopy with biopsies. I am grateful for all your good wishes and prayers. What a wonderful support group we have. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
feralfae Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 Thank you for the update Anne. I hope the weekend will be peaceful and relaxing for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wifflesnook Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 I'm sorry you have to wait but I hope you can have a quite mind whilst you do so. Big hug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 Anne, my dear, I don't know which is worse: having all these tests or waiting, waiting, waiting for the results. I hope you know that we're all waiting with you, and holding you gently in our hearts and prayers . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 11, 2015 Report Share Posted March 11, 2015 We are waiting with you, dear anne. Our health care system leaves much to be desired. A friend of mine has a hernia and the insurance company told him it's not covered. ??? It's prohibiting him from doing his job! (he's a painter, up and down ladders, etc.) That is what they told me about my torn and pulled tendons! They just leave people to suffer or wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Queeniemary Posted March 15, 2015 Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 Oh my dear Anne, I have missed so much being just sporadic on this forum. I did not know of this new problem rearing its head. Forgive me for not being here with words of support. You, who are so kind to message me with concern and care, I have failed. You, who never gets so wrapped up in her own problems that you lose sight of another's suffering, deserve so much better. Forgive me. You are in my prayers my friend. QMary Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 My dear QMary, you have nothing to ask forgiveness for ~ I send you hugs. How is the play coming along? Wish I was close enough to drop in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted March 15, 2015 Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 Me too! I love going to plays...haven't been to one since right after George died...my daughter and I went together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted March 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2015 I know this is a quote, but I really like this gal and she has a way of saying what's in my heart ~ learning to live with the loss is harder than I EVER could have realized! I struggle, but I do it and always with a limp! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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