Young & Heartbroken

[Angee]

Hello,

I do not know how to start and I feel a little silly writing my story after reading the endless love stories of over 10,20, or even 30 years. But I will attempt to give a brief explanation of my situation. I have attempted to reach out to people or resources that I think can understand me but I just feel like no one does.

I am 24 years old and on January 25th it will be 2 months that my boyfriend passed away. On January 23rd it would have been our one year anniversary. He was 32 years old, he was diagnosed with diabetes but his death was very unexpected. The cause of death has not been determined yet.

Although we were only together a short while, about a year and six months overall our connection was so strong, I was his first love and he was my first real love. We wanted to be with each other for a long time. I have had a hard time coming to terms with him being gone, I feel guilty because he was in his apartment for2 days before I finally decided to go check on him. I wish I would have been there with him.

I not only grieve him, but our future together. I thought I had finally found happiness with him, now it seems I'm worse off than I began. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with the fact that he's not here anymore and that I will never find anyone like him. No one will ever love me like him and that breaks my heart.

Although I realize I am young and that life will go on for me and I will most likely find love again, I am devastated at the fact that my future that I thought I deserved has vanished overnight. I thought I was finally going to be happy but I only got a taste and it makes me angry. He came into my life during dark times and made me a better person. He was someone I admired he was so wise and knowledgeable on this thing we call life. He was really so special, and I am sad that he is no longer here. I feel completely lost without him and am so confused by my emotions.

[enna]

Oh Angee,

I am so very sorry for your loss. It does not make any difference how long or short a time we spend with the one we love. When two people connect our hearts are filled with a love that is only understood by the two in love.

It sounds like you and your boyfriend had that special connection.

I can understand why you feel lost and confused. Why wouldn't you? There are many good links that speak to your situation.

I will look for some and get back to you. Our moderator also has a volume of excellent links that she will direct you to when she reads your story.

Anne

[shalady]

I am so very sorry you lost your beloved. I agree, it does not matter how long you were together. I understand how overwhelming it is. Of course you are devastated. I hope you continue to come here. There are many like us who have also lost their beloved. It is a great help to read and post your feelings. I hope you find some comfort.

Shalady

[kayc]

I agree, it is quality of relationship, not duration. I am so sorry you lost your BF. It's understandable that you are feeling the way you are, this has been a traumatic shock and upheaval. I hope you'll continue to come here and post, it helps to express yourself, and this is a very supportive and understanding place for that.

[MartyT]

Angee, my dear, I join our other members is welcoming you to this warm and caring place, and I hope you know by now that there is nothing about your story that is silly or in any way out of place here. The depth of the grief you feel is in direct proportion to the depth of the love you have for the one who has died, and your grief is just as real as anyone else's here.

I am so sorry for your loss. I want to point you to a post that contains some resources that I hope you will find helpful, and I sincerely hope that you will take some time to explore several of them: Resources for Young Widow(er)s ♥

[LadyCarrie]

Dear Angee,

There is nothing silly about your writing. You tell us a beautiful story of young and passionate love. First love is truly special. I am so sorry that your heart is hurting so badly. All of us here care, and are good listeners any time you want to talk. Your feelings are completely understandable.

Blessings,

Carrie

[Queeniemary]

Dear Angee, so very sorry for your loss. Length of time in a relationship does not determine how you will feel. Love does not care how long you knew someone, all that matters is the love. So sorry you are having to go through this. This is a warm and caring place to come, we all have lost someone that we loved dearly.

QMary

[Angee]

Thank you everyone for the support, I really appreciate it. Today is our one year anniversary and as expected I am filled with sadness. Jesse had so many friends, everyone loved him and those are usually the people I like to surround myself with, but not today. I feel beyond lonely, just alone. No one can ever take his place, no one can save me from this pain. It's still fresh enough where I think he will just show up, I can still smell him, feel him. I question everyday if this is real, is this really my life and it is. I don't know, I just wish he was here, we would have been so happy to have made it to one year. But on a positive note I am happy to have known him at all, to have known real love. I'm grateful for that.

[kayc]

Angee, Anniversaries can be quite poignant, my thoughts are with you this day. I do know what you mean though, as much as I wish my George could be with me to celebrate these days together, I am glad I had him in my life for the time that I did. Sometimes I feel the need to be alone with my memories, and I imagine that's some of how you're feeling right now.