I Miss My Baby And Don't Know Where To Go From Here

[Orabelle]

I lost my dog Orabelle last May 14. I adopted her last August 2014. She had surgery on her stomach November 2014. When I brought her home after the surgery I thought she's gonna be okay. Took her to the vet again and was sent off to a specialist and found out she had autoimmune meningoencephalitis last December. We gave her the medical and the love that she deserves. After decreasing her prednisone last March 2015, she started acting differently. She loved food, then she became a picky eater. Last Arpil, she started vomiting. Took her to the vet, labs were ok. Vet gave her medicine for N/V. Took her back again this first week of Mayb because she hasn't been feeling well. They did labs and Barium swallow. It was fine. May 11, took her for an ultrasound and result wasn't good. Her stomach was thick and radiologist said it could be from anything including cancer. So I took her to the ER at her neuro hospital. They did endoscopy and found out that her stomach is necrotized. Gave her a 10-15% of survival. My baby was really sick. She had enough going on since November. We wanted to continue on giving her life but her quality of life isn't there anymore. We have to put her to sleep on May 14. It was the hardest thing for us. It feels like a part of me died with her. I've done nothing but cry since I found out that she's not gonna make it on May 11. I miss her all the time. We love her so much. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her face on FB. I don't know how to move on. I have really no one to talk to. My husband is in Afghanistan and my friends doesn't really understand what I'm going through.

[Persie]

I understand what you are going through. We had to put our dog Rosie to sleep just one month ago. It was the worst day of my life.

I have been crying every day this past month. My husband works nights and I'm the caregiver for my mother, who has dementia

and had a stroke. Rosie was a lot of company for me in the evenings. My heart is broken. I'm glad you found this forum,

I know you will find some wonderful, understanding people on here. Keep writing your feelings down.

[MartyT]

My dear one, please know that having found your way to this forum, you'll be surrounded by kindred spirits, as we are animal lovers all ~ and we've all been where you are now. What you are feeling is Til Then

See also Legend of The Rainbow Bridge

[Orabelle]

I thought that things will get better as time passes by, but I guess not. The pain is too raw. Every time I misses her my heart aches. I'm a nursing student and she keeps me company when I'm studying at night or when it's too much, she licks my tears away. I feel guilt for putting her to sleep, but she was not living anymore. I miss her terribly. I hope that she knows how much we love her and can't wait for that day for us to be a family again.

[Kacy]

I wish that I had some wise words to make you feel better, but I can only say that you are among other people here who understand. Many of us don't have much of a support system outside of forums like these, and even if we do, people tend to not want to hear about it over and over again. It makes it very difficult when you're grieving and then feeling isolated as well.

It's obvious that you took good care of Orabelle - probably more than anyone else in her life. I'm sure she knew how much you loved her. It's hard when their quality of life just isn't there. Very difficult decision, but she is not suffering now. Try to remember that.

Keep posting here when you need to.

Mary

[kayc]

I am so sorry you lost your Orabelle. You put her needs (sparing her more pain) ahead of your own desires (to hang on to her) and that is the most selfless and loving act we can do. No one else could have been the mom to her that you were and you did all you could for her. I think you were chosen to be her mom for the time she had here. I personally believe we will be with our loved ones again, including our pets and that gives me comfort.

I hope in reading these threads here that you will know you are not alone and there are many others here who feel as you do about your Orabelle and understand how very hard this time is. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Orabelle]

Thank you all for the kind words. I try to remember the good times with my baby. I loved her so much and if I can just take her sickness, I would in a heartbeat. She was our world for 9 months. So short... But so sweet. I know she is pain free now and probably giving everyone kisses in heaven.

[kayc]

[Orabelle]

Today was not really a good day. Tears can't stop streaming down my face. I miss her so much. My heart aches every time I remember her eyes, the way she looks at me, her paws on my face, and her kisses. She was my baby. How do you move on from this? I start school again on Monday and we have a lot of readings to do. I read to divert my attention, but it's not working. I stop and stare at a distance wondering where she is. If she knows that I love her so much.

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry that you're feeling so bad, my dear ~ but given the fact that your loss is so fresh, I think it's completely understandable. There really is no "moving on" ~ there is only "moving through." Grief is a process, and it takes time and effort.

Have you thought of ways that you could memorialize your baby, to keep her memory alive? When my beloved Beringer died, I spent hours gathering every photograph I could find of him, and later assembled the "best" ones into a photo memory book. I also made a list of all the things I could remember about him, so I would never forget those special little memories. You are limited only by your own imagination ~ but it may help to focus your attention and help you to work through some of those painful feelings.

Here's a list of ideas to spark your interest, taken from my article, Memorializing Pets We Have Lost:

• Have a funeral or memorial service for their pet. Involve the whole family in the planning. Make it as simple or as elaborate as they like and invite whomever they choose, as long as it meets their need to express and share their sorrow, pay tribute to their dead pet and support one another as they say goodbye.
  
• Write an article, an anecdote, a story, a poem, a song, a farewell letter, an obituary or a eulogy for their pet. If they don't want to write for someone else, they can keep a private journal and write about their feelings as they journey through their grief. Say what they are feeling, what they will miss most, what they will always remember with fondness. Say what the relationship gave them and tell how their life will be influenced by having known and loved that pet.
  
• Share anecdotes and favorite stories about the pet who died. Sometimes others need permission to talk about the dead pet. Better to keep the memory of their beloved pet alive than pretend that nothing has changed.
  
• Decorate a candle and light it in memory of the cherished pet (or light a virtual one).
  
• Make a ClayPaws® print of the pet's paw.
  
• Purchase a book — perhaps a children's book — on coping with the loss of a pet, and donate it to their local library or school. Ask the librarian to place a label inside the front cover inscribed "In memory of (their pet's name)."
  
• If the pet had any credentials or certifications, decorate a tree or wreath with all the pet's ribbons or awards, or make a memorial shadow box or scrapbook.
  
• Save something that belonged to the pet (collar, tags, food and water dishes; bed or blanket; toys; a clipping of fur or baby teeth; a feather; a horseshoe, tail and mane hairs from a horse; the wool from a llama.)
  
• Carry a feather, a clipping of fur or a portion of the pet's cremains in a tiny container or locket.
  
• Collect all the snapshots of a pet in a memory box, an album or a collage. Frame a favorite picture of the pet and display it in a special place. Give a copy as a gift to another grieving family member. Have a professional portrait of the pet painted or drawn by an artist from a favorite photograph. Have a favorite picture of the pet imprinted on a watch, mug, stein, T-shirt or sweatshirt.
  
• Buy a statue or a stuffed animal that reminds them of their pet, and put their pet's collar around its neck.
  
• If the pet is buried in a cemetery or in a yard that must be left behind because of a move, take a picture of the grave site and keep that in a special place that can be visited instead. Plant a tree, bush, shrub, garden or flower bed as a permanent growing memorial to the pet. Mark the site with a memorial plaque, marker or statue.
  
• If combings, wool or fur clippings from the pet have been saved, they can be cleaned, spun into yarn, and made into an afghan, garment or rug.
  
• If the pet has been cremated, scatter or bury the cremains in the pet's favorite outdoor place, or put them in a potted plant that can be taken with them should they move. Or keep the pet's cremains in a box or an urn that they can display in a special place of honor in their home or office. Some people place a small portion of the pet's cremains inside a memorial locket or have them incorporated into a piece of jewelry. (See some of the sites listed on my Memorializing a Pet page for suggestions.)
  
• Inscribe a plaque or nameplate with the pet's name, years of birth and death, and whatever else they choose to write in tribute. Put the plaque on a framed photograph or wooden memory box, hang it on the wall, attach it to a garden bench or other piece of furniture, or display it near the pet's grave.
  
• Make a donation in the pet's honor to a pet grief support service, to a favorite animal charity or organization, to a special service organization or to a research foundation. (The cause of the pet's death may guide them in this choice.)
  
• Volunteer for work in a pet grief support service, an animal shelter, humane organization, or other "people helping animals / animals helping people" program. Become an active member of the local Humane Society. Join or help start a pet loss support helpline, group or service in the community.
  

[LadyCarrie]

I, too, am so sorry you lost your Orabelle. My heart goes out to you. I know you hurt so badly, and I'm so sorry.

We lost our Ashely Rose (wee Black and Tan Doxie), age 14, last October 10 due to kidney disease. Our emotions are still raw and tender. We do all right for periods of time, and then something triggers waves of grief. Within days of Ashely's death, our other little Doxie named Callie, her cousin whose date of birth is one day after hers, was diagnosed with kidney disease. We learned she has kidney disease when we had her lab work done in preparation for oral surgery. Her vet dreaded telling us, especially since we had just lost Ashely. This news was/is way too soon.

We relived Ashely's last weeks and days yesterday, because Callie was quite sick all afternoon (severe nausea and vomiting is common with KD). She still plays some, but Ashely played until the day before she died (Doxies live to play). Callie has needed oral surgery for a long time (bad teeth, abscesses due to KD, a growth), but the vet said that the anesthetic will likely cause her to spiral downward as Ashely did. Now, we've come to a time of deciding to go ahead with the surgery or not. We know she is in pain due to her mouth. We don't want her to be in pain, yet it seems we cannot go through the pain of losing her so soon. I think we will need to allow the surgery soon, because eating has become difficult.

My husband, Jerry, is not well. His feelings were right on the surface yesterday. He sat on a love seat in out bedroom, and watched as Callie was so sick ~ several times over a period of hours. I saw his shoulders heave, and then saw the big tears rolling down his cheeks (hurts my heart). Here we go again. Perhaps Callie can get better again on the medications. I must stay strong, but I don't feel so very strong.

I tell you these things to let you know I understand your pain at least somewhat, and that I care very much that you are hurting. All of us here understand and care. You don't have to go through this alone. Come back and share your heart with us whenever you need or want to talk. You will be cared for and understood.

May God give you peace and comfort.

Blessings,

Carrie

[kayc]

I bought memorial stones for Lucky, King George, and Skye when they died, it helped me to have something where they were laid to rest to remember them by. If you message me, I'll give you the website of the place, I think it was only $25-$35 apiece.

[Orabelle]

Hi kayc,

When Orabelle passed away on a Thursday, she was cremated the following day and was able to get her ashes in a cedar box and I got 3 pendants with her ashes on them. I collected her collar, leash, her favorite threats, her hair, flowers that we got from the vet that day she passed away, and the sympathy card from the vet and made a special place for her with her picture. I may be crazy for saying this, but her blankets - I've never washed them and sleeps with them. It gives me comfort. She also loves to chase birds, so I bought a bird feeder in memory of her.

9 months with us isn't a long time, but she captures my heart and soul. The love she gave was unconditional. She will forever be in my heart. I hope she knows that ?❤️?

[kayc]

It doesn't sound crazy at all to me. I happen to love my dog's smell, because it's HIS! I'm afraid I'd be just as "crazy"!

[Orabelle]

Thank you! Just talking to you all makes the pain bearable. I'm so glad I found this site. I know one day, I will be ok. I'm gonna take it one day at a time. I was at school today and someone told me to move on since its been 18 days... and I asked her how do you moved on? When she was my life? I guess some people don't understand and I respect that. They have never loved like we did. My dog made me a better person. I am not ashamed to tell them that she may be a dog, but she gave us happiness and she was family, my baby.

[Orabelle]

 

That picture is forever on my mind.

[Kacy]

It's obvious the love you had for each other. Sometimes even people who have pets don't understand that love, but we certainly do here. The length of time she was with you doesn't matter - it was the love you shared that is important. You can see in the pictures that she knew she was loved.

Mary

[Persie]

I understand exactly what you are going through. I lost my beloved dog Rosie one month ago. I had her for 15 years. We got her when she was

just 11 wks old. My heart is broken and a piece of it went with her. She was our baby, an important member of our family.

I still cry everyday. I have her ashes is a pretty cherry wood box, along with her paw print. I'm not sure we will get another dog, at

least not yet. I was at the store today and started to tear up thinking about her. I'm used to coming home and she would be so happy

to see me. My life is not the same without her, so I know how you are feeling. We just need to take one day at a time, it will get

easier as we live our lives. Take care of yourself.

Priscilla

[KATPILOT]

I so wish we had known of this site where support can be found for the loss of a pet. We are a pack as it is said combing people and dogs in the same home. And there is a pecking order indeed! When I met Kathy, she already had Mindy and having never had children, she was for all intent and purpose, her child. We became a pack when I moved in and I was like Mindy, depending upon the Alpha female (mom). She was the one who fed us, but when thunder would happen, Mindy was on top of my head as I lie sleeping. When Mindy died, it was so devastating to us but more for Kathy. This site would have been such a comfort to her. Before kathy died, she asked me to combine her ashes with Mindy, so now they both are still in my room and sadly there is just one member of the pac who goes on. When you spoke of the urn and paw print Priscilla, it made me smile before it made me sad. I feel for all of you who have so recently lost your pet. I know Kathy could never get another dog and frankly I don't think I could bear another loss. My sister however has had many dogs and gone through so much loss but I found this saying and I sent it to her because it speaks of who she is.

Dogs come into our lives to teach us about love.

They depart to teach us about loss.

A new dog never replaces an old dog.

It merely expands the heart.

If you have loved many dogs,

Your heart is very big.

author unknown

[MartyT]

♥

[Orabelle]

It's obvious the love you had for each other. Sometimes even people who have pets don't understand that love, but we certainly do here. The length of time she was with you doesn't matter - it was the love you shared that is important. You can see in the pictures that she knew she was loved.

Mary

Thank you for your reply. What means a lot to me is how she was loved and cared for until the end. It was an honor to be her momma for 9 months. It may be short, but I know God gave her to us for a reason.

[Orabelle]

Thanks again everyone! It's still a tough day for me. I am back to school after 2 weeks off.

I've been to Iraq during the war to work and seen death and cried. I've been heartbroken before. Nursing is a tough course and felt like giving up a couple of times. But losing Orabelle was the hardest of them all. It can't be compared. 19 days and it still hurts.

[kayc]

That's describes just how much you miss your Orabelle and I well understand.

[Copperpot]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I just lost my dog today to encephalitis. Im inconsolable. He was only 2 yrs old. Started presenting with major nuero symptoms & everyone thought it was seizures. He went under anesthesia this morning to do an mri & never woke up. The guilt I have from not doing the mri sooner, not taking quicker action. Its overwhelming. I know you must feel the same, like you wanted to do more. I wont tell you to be happy for the time you had, it wont help. You have to move forward because you have no choice. You are not alone. The depths of the pain you feel, I know this pain. I will pray for you, that you will find some solice & perhaps someday you can have another baby to share your life with.

[kayc]

Copperpot,

I am sorry for your loss too.