Stef3128 Posted December 15, 2015 Report Share Posted December 15, 2015 My name is Stephanie I live in Tennessee I'm 41years old. On September 5th 2015 my life changed forever. My husband of almost 11 years had a epileptic seizure at 5:30 am that morning. This seziure was not a bad one like I have seen him have in the passed. I did everything I always did when he had a seziure, I would always get the dog out of the bed and put him up and get the covers off of jason so he wouldn't trip getting up. He would always get up and walk around the house. This time that didn't happen. I didn't know anything was wrong he was still breathing. I decided to lay back down for a little while when he quit breathing my mom started CPR I called 911 but after 40 minutes working on him he was gone. He was only 38 yes old. I am so mad that all the bad people live and my sweet husband is gone, it's not fair. I found this forum yesterday and I c an relate to everyone. I met Jason on the Internet and the next day met him in person and it was love at first sight for us both. I have ever family who is theither for me. My brother passed away 3 yes ago so my sister in law has helped a lot. I'm thankful I've found this site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 15, 2015 Report Share Posted December 15, 2015 Hi, welcome to this site. I'm so sorry you lost your husband, and so young too. My husband was the love of my life and I didn't get even get half that time. You're right, it is unfair. We expect we should get to grow old together, and when that doesn't happen, it's really tough to swallow. I wasn't sure what you meant in this sentence: " I have ever family who is theither for me." Did you mean you have family that is there for you? I hope so. My family was too, but they didn't understand losing a husband except my mom did. She's gone too now, I miss her. I'm glad you have your SIL, it helps to have someone that gets it. I hope you'll continue to post and read, this place has been my salvation. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kpl48 Posted December 15, 2015 Report Share Posted December 15, 2015 Welcome Stephanie. When I found this site I was so grateful to read such honest shares about grief. Reading and sharing here has helped me to know my deep grief is quite normal. Keep on sharing! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stef3128 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2015 I'm sorry yes I meant I have family there for me. They don't understand, some think I should be OK. I will never be ok, I just have to keep going. I want time to go back to when I had Jason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 15, 2015 Report Share Posted December 15, 2015 Stephanie - I am so sorry you are going through the loss of your soulmate. I lost mine twenty weeks ago tomorrow and not a day goes by that I don't feel the void in my life that she has left. I hope you've been able to find a grief counselor. As you read the posts you will see mixed results; for me she was a Godsend, for others not so much so. I think the secret is to keep looking until you find a good fit. I also highly recommend a support group as well. They aren't available everywhere; in my community there is one but it is more of a faith based approach and that does not fit me so I drive from the White Mountains of Arizona to Chandler twice a month to go to a Hospice of the Valler support group. I've been able to network with others who have lost loved ones. It does help to share. Everyone grieves in their own way but sometimes things resonate so strongly that it does help. Again I am so sorry that you have a need to be here. Jason must have been a wonderful man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stef3128 Posted December 15, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 15, 2015 Jason was a wonderful man. Always helping someone. I miss him so much. I can tell people don't know how to act around me, they keep asking are you OK. I want to say NO MY HUSBAND JUST PASSED AWAY. But I don't I say I'm trying. The first few days I thought I was going to die and wanted to die. I knowJason wouldn't want that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted December 15, 2015 Report Share Posted December 15, 2015 People think you should be OK? That is insane. That you are being subjected to that so soon is also very sad. I'm over a year into this and are more accepting of people thinking this isn't one of the most significant losses a person can face. I hope you do keep telling anyone who tries and 'fix' you that no, you are not. Im glad you found this place because you can always come here and fund support and understanding for whatever you are feeling. Be it from crying, wanting to die to wanting to scream in anger.....it's all OK. We've pretty much all been there. As has been said, I, too, am sorry you have to here. I feel that for all of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted December 15, 2015 Report Share Posted December 15, 2015 1 hour ago, Stef3128 said: Jason was a wonderful man. Always helping someone. I miss him so much. I can tell people don't know how to act around me, they keep asking are you OK. I want to say NO MY HUSBAND JUST PASSED AWAY. But I don't I say I'm trying. The first few days I thought I was going to die and wanted to die. I knowJason wouldn't want that. Hi Stepf, I want to say I'm sorry you have to be here, but I"m glad that you find this place helpful and useful. Don't I wish we all met under other circumstances. I don't get why people think you should be OK. But as I said before, people are just uncomfortable with grief. Asking if you are OK are the only things they know how to ask. There are times I flat out said "No". Well, they asked? I answered. None of us are OK, but as you said we're 'trying'. I like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 15, 2015 Report Share Posted December 15, 2015 I, very quickly, grew to hate the phrase: "How are you?" I did not matter if it was someone I knew wanting to show compassion or someone I've never seen proferring a greeting; it always brought tears and still does frequently because the bottom line is I am struggling on a daily basis just to make it through the next minute, hour, day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted December 15, 2015 Report Share Posted December 15, 2015 Stepf, sorry for your loss, you will not find any place better than this site. Unless you have gone through the loss of your Spouse /life mate you cannot feel or understand the pain we all feel.....With that said, this site convinced me I wasn't insane and what I was feeling was normal. Best therapy is taking the time and reading some posts from months back.......you can actually feel how , as individuals, we evolve as this journey progresses,,, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted December 16, 2015 Report Share Posted December 16, 2015 Stef, People think you should be okay because they haven't been through it themselves. Anyone in their right mind who'd been through it wouldn't expect you to be okay! That's why it helps to come here, or a grief support group, or see a Grief Counselor. We all get it. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gwenivere Posted December 16, 2015 Report Share Posted December 16, 2015 4 hours ago, Brad said: I, very quickly, grew to hate the phrase: "How are you?" I did not matter if it was someone I knew wanting to show compassion or someone I've never seen proferring a greeting; it always brought tears and still does frequently because the bottom line is I am struggling on a daily basis just to make it through the next minute, hour, day. One thing I have been doing is telling people that know me that this is not a good way to open a conversation. When I explain I can wearily say 'fine' like most want to hear, but it is just being polite and untrue or I could say how I truly feel which is never a good conversation starter either, they are getting it. They slip up, of course, but that is to be expected. My cousin asked that when I called and she quickly says.....scratch that question and I replied thank you. As for people in stranger situations (stores, banks, etc) I just say....I haven't figured it out could be better or something noncommittal. After decades of parroting the familiar 'fine' it really takes on a whole different meaning now. Such a small thing but it does get tiring when how we feel is all we think about. This is yet another example of just how fragile we have become. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stef3128 Posted December 17, 2015 Author Report Share Posted December 17, 2015 Thank you all so much. It's great to know I'm normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted December 17, 2015 Report Share Posted December 17, 2015 On December 16, 2015 at 7:03 PM, kayc said: Stef, People think you should be okay because they haven't been through it themselves. Anyone in their right mind who'd been through it wouldn't expect you to be okay! That's why it helps to come here, or a grief support group, or see a Grief Counselor. We all get it. Kay, I'm getting that even with my own Mom. She just thinks I shoukd just "be happy" oh, ok, why didn't I think of that?! Just suddenly be happy. Yeah, that works. I have no one that understands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom's angel Posted December 17, 2015 Report Share Posted December 17, 2015 Losing loved ones at a young age is very difficult. I lost my mom, she was 42 on nov20. Those who haven't experienced such lose don't know how to talk to someone who has been through it. Most of my friend starts the conversation with 'how are you?' They just don't understand that its not the right question. How am I supposed to be after I lost my whole world? I know they are concerned but.. Few days after my mom died I went for my exam.. One of my friend commented that " if I was in your place, I wouldn't have shown up for the exam" I was thinking like no you don't know how its like to be in my place..you don't know how hard I tried to get here grabbing all my broken pieces. Its just they don't understand. I'll pray for us all. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hollowheart Posted December 17, 2015 Report Share Posted December 17, 2015 Mom's Angel, Your friend showed no encouragement for you in dealing with your trauma. She could have said "I'm glad you could make it" or just say nothing at all. I'm really sick of people today. When I deal with people who are just not getting it it makes me miss my sister even more and feel even more alone. I'm so sick of people telling me to just magically "be happy". Well, I left my Happy Pills at home I guess. Gee, let me think happy thoughts and I will forget that she's dead. Thanks! I tell people I'm not in a party mood and they look at me like I'm crazy. All I need is a party with co-workers who I don't even like, during my personal time in the evening to make me forget all about my loss! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted December 17, 2015 Report Share Posted December 17, 2015 Dear Ones, you may find these articles helpful: Grief Support: When Others Fail to Meet Our Expectations In Grief: Feeling Let Down By Closest Friends Three suggestions for dealing with insensitive consolations 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dew's Girl Posted December 29, 2015 Report Share Posted December 29, 2015 Stef, I am so sorry for your loss. Like you, I am in my 40's and find it so hard to be a widow at this age. I expected to have many more years with my love. I know how difficult this time is and am so glad you have family there to help and that you have 11 years of wonderful memories of Jason. I also know that 11 years is far to short and that it should have been more. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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