I'm a stubborn man no more

[Gwenivere]

3 hours ago, Brad said:

it seems as if every time I start a new book, the wife, girlfriend, mother dies half way through and I can't read any further.  Same thing with movies; 

Kind if makes you feel,you have a target painted on your back, doesn't it?  I'm sure many shows and books had these themes, I just never had to know what it really feels like.  They are just fictional.  Until our life is so forever changed.

[KarenK]

Gwen,

I can't watch the animal commercials either. The ones that upset me the most are Cancer Centers Of America. Funny how all their patients seem to thrive.

Dang Kay,

Pack up and come down here to Scottsdale. Arlie and Marley would be fine. Not too sure about the cats. Marley might eat them. She seems to have an intense dislike of cats and small dogs.

[kayc]

Karen,

The cats have a way of showing who is boss.   I take it your Marley is big too?  I took Arlie to the vet Wednesday about his cyst on his paw and she said he's about 140 (he doesn't hold still on the scale very well to be 100% accurate), it's about what I thought.

[Gwenivere]

2 hours ago, KarenK said:

I can't watch the animal commercials either. The ones that upset me the most are Cancer Centers Of America. Funny how all their patients seem to thrive.

CCOA are very strict about what parents they accept so their survival rate looks amazingly high.   Several news shows delved into that and found they would turn down people they knew were too iffy for their bottom line.  Their commercials also bother me very much.

[Guest Janka]

16 hours ago, Brad said:

Oh my dear Janka-

It is easy to see where the inspiration for your poetry comes from. You are so dedicated to your precious Jan. There are so many things that take on new meanings a values after our loved ones have died. Somethings of Deedo's I can remove or change around and not think twice and yet others become sacrosanct, something that has to be enshrined to become hallow ground lest I forget my love.   I don't know if there's rhyme or reason as to which items I give away and which I choose to enshrine. Maybe someday I'll figure it out. All I really know is that if I'm ever to find companionship as Deedo wanted, the gal will have great senses of humor and understanding. 

In my bedroom under the Christmas tree with all of those ornaments bought by my beloved Jan are still staying the snowmen that me and my beloved Jan bought together too.I´ve taken my courage lately to turn them on again.They were dancing and playing the Christmas song as well as at the time we both put them there.There is written "Merry Christmas 2008".Unbelievable!Everything stayed the same there so far.I remember how we bought them in Hungary.I was so happy!It doesn´t matter how much time passes by,it´s a holy ground for me.I´m glad of your understanding and your kind words really touched my heart.

Wish you a nice day!

Janka

[Gwenivere]

On January 2, 2016 at 6:44 PM, Brad said:

I don't know if there's rhyme or reason as to which items I give away and which I choose to enshrine. Maybe someday I'll figure it out. 

It's really interesting isn't it what becomes important as time passes.  There were things like Steve's clothes I got to a shelter within the first 6 months.  I recycled boxes of old computer parts he pack ratted.  Then I will run into little things I can't even move from where they have been since he left.  A little empty space can become a gaping neon reminder.   That is why I was so stunned when one of our friends asked why I still had his van.  Right now between the legal stuff putting everything in my name, I have reached a point of enough 'erasure'.  It's hard enough feeling farther and farther away from him in day to day life.  Not in my heart, but hearing his voice, etc.  I have his recordings, but can't listen to those yet.  I just want to hear him talking about anything.  Anyway, his placemat is still in the table as is his The Dude coffee cup from The Big Lebowski.  May be there forever.  

[Margm]

Kay, I googled close to where you live.  It is beautiful.  I hope this is your home.  Louisiana is my home, and it has its beauty also, but I have always loved mountains, Billy did too.  But, I have to go back to being a flatlander.  I do that best.

Gwen, for one, I am too old to find someone else, for another, that is the only sure way I would get to see Billy again.  That man was jealous, and he definitely would haunt me.  I have enough companionship with my sister widows.  We all belong to a club none of us wanted to join.  

Janka, as usual, you have such a beautiful mind.  Your Jan was a lucky man.  

[Gwenivere]

Marg, I don't know if Steve would be jealous.  He was at times in life, but he came to know that there would never be room in my heart for anyone but him.  We separated twice over the decades and found we couldn't live without each other.  If I never could before, I know I never will again.  I don't feel bad about not having someone the rest of my life because it would just be settling.  Can't forget that after you've had the best.  

[kevin]

To me, if a new Spouse is in the cards, so be it, but it will be at least another 6 months I allow anything to take place. My plan will be to  refurbish/redecorate part of the house by next summer.........Then I may decide to sell the house but then the animals come into the decision again....New years Resolution is to get my head straight, house and belongings uncluttered, legal work uncluttered, and of course, all the Health items........good night to Pacific People, and good morning to the rest of you....

[kayc]

Kevin, What animals do you have?  I wouldn't want to leave my home as long as my animals are living, Kitty is 20, Miss Mocha probably between 12 and 16, Arlie nearly 8.  They love their home and I wouldn't want to disrupt that, esp. since they were all rescues with previous lives.

Margaret,  Yes my home is in the mountains and although the mobile home is old & now a money pit, the land itself is beautiful!  It is the land I love, the tall evergreens, the year-around creek, the wildlife passing through.  AND the peace and quiet of a dead end street!

But I'm afraid we've hijacked Butch's thread and he's nowhere to be found.   Butch, how are you doing, my friend?

[Gwenivere]

Seems a lot of threads get 'high jacked'.  The flow of minds going hither and yon.  It's that insanity thing.  It's like we are minions running amok!  

[Margm]

I don't mind hijacked.  We can all get on the same page or go splat.  Somewhere there is a thread, everywhere there is a thread.  Let your feelings be known and someone will help.  If it loses its original feeling, start over again, someone will follow.  I never know which thread I am on anymore than I know what I went out to the truck to get.  I'll try again in a few minutes.  Nothing stays in my head for long.