brat#2 Posted February 15, 2016 Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 I've been reading all of your posts for months now and they have touched me and helped me to know that my feelings of being heartbroken, lost, angry, guilty, scared, being alone and feeling like I'm losing my mind are "normal" through this process. It was 7 months and 5 days ago, I lost my husband, soul mate, best friend, my cheerleader, my emotional support for 33 years. We gave a brave short 4 1/2 month battle against cancer. He was doing well with the radiation and chemo and was making some progress until his bowel perforated, a side effect of some of the chemo drugs we weren't told could happen. The doctors wouldn't/couldn't do surgery to fix that because of the cancer and he was in Hospice care facility for 6 more days, when we lost our battle. I joined this group because I realize I can't do this alone. I can't afford a grief counselor (no insurance and not enough income) and I've tried a couple of support groups in my area but there are not many here and they don't really do anything to address true feelings. I find this group a much better fit for me and seems like true feelings are discussed. I don't have any support close by, we moved far away from family when we got married and it pretty much has been us for 33 years.We didn't have children, he had 3 daughters from a previous marriage but we were never that close (although they are trying a little bit), most of my immediate family is gone, except my brother which is there for me but lives far away, his family has not contacted me and most of our "friends" only contacted me about a week afterward and nothing since. Sorry about rambling on, I just needed to reach out. Thank you. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gin Posted February 15, 2016 Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 so sorry you have to be here with the rest of us, but so glad you are here. This is the place to express your feelings. You will definitely not feel alone here. We are all struggling and trying to heal. I lost my Al 4 months ago and it has been terrible. He was my husband and best friend and it is so hard and lonely without him. I hope we can all help each other. Gin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 15, 2016 Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 Brat#2 Ramble on to your heart's content. I am so sorry you lost your soulmate. It is so very difficult to cope day to day, isn't it. I lost my wife six months two weeks and five days ago after a seventeen month battle with non small cell lung cancer. I live in a rural community but for me I have found the 400 mile round trip to the Valley for a support group is well worth the effort. I'm fortunate to have Hospice of the Valley down there and they have been wonderful for and to me. I want to welcome you here and really am so sorry you have a need to be here. There are some wonderful, caring and thoughtful people here who are experiencing what you are experiencing. Hopefully we can help each other through this miasma of grief. Hugs Brad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 Gin and Brad Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss also. It is lonely and I hope that we can help each other through this. It's unfortunate that we have to be here, but since we do have to be here at least we can go through it with someone who completely understands and as so many have said in other posts, not try to "fix" us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MartyT Posted February 15, 2016 Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 1 hour ago, brat#2 said: I can't afford a grief counselor (no insurance and not enough income) My dear, I am gratified that you've found your way to this warm and welcoming place, although I'm so very sorry for the reasons that brought you here. I know you will feel welcomed and supported here. That said, I hope you know that most hospices offer bereavement counseling at no charge for a family for up to one year after a patient's death, and since your husband was on a hospice service, you might want to contact that particular hospice to see what, if anything, they offer. Bereavement services will vary from one hospice to the next, but in addition to support groups, some (such as Hospice of the Valley in Phoenix, AZ) offer individual, one-to-one grief counseling in the privacy of your own home. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kpl48 Posted February 15, 2016 Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 Please keep sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband died from lung cancer in 2014. I haven't been sharing a lot lately, but I read every post. This is such a supportive place to come to and members really understand and care. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 Marty T - thank you for your welcome. I will call my local Hospice and see what they have to offer. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 Kpl48 I'm so sorry for your loss also, it was lung cancer with brain mets that my husband died from also. I feel I will find comfort here. Thank you so much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CL Posted February 15, 2016 Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 Hello Brat#2. This is a wonderful caring group who all know the score concerning the terrible shock, grief, confusion, etc. that the loss of a spouse brings. My situation is a bit similar to yours in that I lost my husband after 37 years of marriage. I also live far from what is left of my family, and my husband's children have given very little support. And honestly, my family and friends mostly act like nothing has happened - and this, of course, makes the reality of our loss much worse. In my case it was a long journey through Alzheimer's disease, but the final result is the same - we are without our beloved soulmate. I do hope you can find some in-person companionship also, because being in a live support group has also been beneficial for me. You are definitely NOT going crazy, but we FEEL crazed by the profound meaning of our loss and all that it ushers into our lives - so far reaching. My heart reaches out to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 CL I'm so sorry for your loss also. Yes being without our beloved soul mates is devastating and it does seems that the few family and friends I have do act like nothing has happened, but I guess they can't understand cause it hasn't happened to them, which I don't wish on them for a long time. It feels better already being in touch with others that know what I'm going through. Thank you 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted February 15, 2016 Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 brat#2, I hope you are able to get some help through hospice. I lived too far away to take advantage of that, but I did pay for local counseling, although I really didn't click with that particular counselor. I wish you the best with it! You are more than welcome to come here and voice yourself any time, I think you'll find that that a grief counselor serves a different purpose than this does, and both contribute in their own ways. I'm so sorry you also lost your husband. And if it's any consolation, most of our kids are not nearby and are busy with their own lives, so it ends up still landing on us to make our way through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 Kayc Thank you for letting me know that I'm not alone through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 15, 2016 TH I am sorry for your loss also and my best friend moved out of state shortly after my husband died, so I know how hard it is not having friends and family present through this. I'm already glad I finally posted, it's nice to not feel so alone. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted February 16, 2016 Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 Brat#2 welcome and condolences. This incredible Journey is different for all of us but the same....Figure that out. Exceptional people on this board and super supportive over any range of topics....... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 Kevin Thank you for your welcome, it means a lot to me that so many people care, especially after all these months of feeling like no one cared. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Janka Posted February 16, 2016 Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 Dear Brat, I´m very sorry for your loss that brings you here!I also lost my beloved man,the love of my life and my everything,so suddenly from morning till night.He wasn´t ailing or old,and yet died.It were the doctors who killed him.All the more it´s worse,because he could be alive now.We were together 5 years,but those 5 years do mean to me much more than 50 years to someone else.He was,he is and he will be my most beautiful,the best and only one forever.It´s been 4 years,3 months and 5 days tonight and I can´t kiss or touch another man and I don´t want to,because he is irreplaceable for me forever.This love never ends...it is for eternity...and one day I´ll be with him as one again! Hugs from Janka PS: These hearts are from all of us... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted February 16, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 16, 2016 Dear Janka I'm very sorry for your loss also. I completely understand what you are saying, it doesn't matter the amount of time you spend with your true love, it's the depth of the love and the quality of life and time. I'm fairly new in this grief process, but can't see me being with anyone else, my Dale was my everything over the last 33 years and will be over the years to come. I have to believe I will be with him again one day too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enna Posted February 17, 2016 Report Share Posted February 17, 2016 Dear Brat, You are here and you will not be alone. I too am sorry for your loss. Those of us who come here understand the pain of having lost someone. We get through some of the darkest times because we know we are with a group who understand. There are days that are bearable and days that are not. We get through this because we are here supporting one another. Anne 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted February 17, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2016 Dear Anne Thank you and I'm sorry for your loss. It is comforting to know that I'm not alone through this journey and am wishing for all of us more bearable days than not. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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