myeverything Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 I lost my husband 4 months and 5 days ago. He was my best friend, soul mate and my everything. I am 48 and never thought that I would be a widow. Every day is difficult. I miss him every hour of every day and I talk to him often to get me through each day. I still feel him with me. I pray often for God to take some of this pain from me. We worked together as well and I think I went back to work to soon. I went from an independent dependable wife and mother to a women afraid of everything. So lost and i'm wondering what to do. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brat#2 Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 myeverything, welcome and I'm so sorry for your loss and that you have to be here. I lost my husband almost 9 months ago and I feel your pain. I wish I could tell you that this new life was going to be easy to get use too, but the best you can do is take it hour by hour, day by day, be kind to yourself and patient with yourself. This is a good place to come and let your feelings out. There are wonderful people here that will give you comfort, validation and hope, I know they have helped me tremendously. Hugs Joyce 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Froggie4635 Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 Dear myeverything, I am so sorry for your loss. The best thing I can say to you is be kind to yourself, and take it hour by hour, day by day. Everything you have known before is changed and different. I lost my husband in December 2014, and just recently passed the 16 month mark. Be assured that he is still with you, and that love you have for each other will carry you through this journey. There are many caring individuals here to lean on. I found reading books and articles about loss of spouse helped me understand that all I was experiencing was normal. Rest when you can; grief is exhausting. My husband was my soul mate, my rock, my very best friend. I have just recently started to not feel so much in a dark place. Come here often and write and post; it will help you so much. you are safe here. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 Dear Myeverything, I'm very sorry for the loss of your husband. I don't know what to say that could ease your pain. I wish there were lists with steps to follow to take away our pain, to tell you what to do. I felt too the way you feel. What helps me, besides this forum, is to stay close to my family (which is my major support) and to go to therapy (people here suggest a grief counselor, but there is not one in the city I live). My therapist helps me (even today, a year and a half later) to understand my emotions, which are many and very contradictory. You will survive although you can't see it today. And better days will be mixed with harder ones. With time, tears will be mixed with a shy smile. It will take time. The journey through grief is hard. It is normal to feel afraid, your life as you knew it is gone, the future is beyond our understanding. Keep talking to him and keep praying. The advise I received in my early days is: one day at a time. One hour at a time, Eat, drink water, take a shower and sleep. I hope you will keep reading/posting here. This is a safe place to express youself. Ana 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted April 7, 2016 Report Share Posted April 7, 2016 22 minutes ago, myeverything said: I lost my husband 4 months and 5 days ago. He was my best friend, soul mate and my everything. I am 48 and never thought that I would be a widow. Every day is difficult. I miss him every hour of every day and I talk to him often to get me through each day. I still feel him with me. I pray often for God to take some of this pain from me. We worked together as well and I think I went back to work to soon. I went from an independent dependable wife and mother to a women afraid of everything. So lost and i'm wondering what to do. Dear Lady........Welcome to the "club" no one wants to join. I lost my beloved husband less than 6 months ago, so, like you, I am quite "new" to this whole "widow" thing.....I even hate the term! You've come to a good place to vent, to scream, to question, to let out what you are feeling! Most here, if not all...."get it".....while no one can obliterate your pain and loss........what you WILL find here is compassion, understanding, and acceptance. And, keep coming back & posting what you feel, no holds barred. It truly DOES help. Our souls are broken & bleeding......but we find some comfort here, knowing that others share this awful journey.......and even can help one another see that there IS a way out of this abyss of grief! Blessings and comfort to you......hang tight......slowly it will get somewhat better! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 Myeverything, I wrote from a book not long ago. It was at a meeting of widows. The old widow told the young widow that "you are young, you have a chance for a life." Of course, that is not what the young widow wanted to hear. Then, or before, the young widow envied the old widow because she had so many years and passed so many milestones. Neither one should be envied. Losing your mate at whatever age is impossibly hard. I read in one of my grief books, your born, your married, you die. It just follows. Somehow reading that did not help my feelings at all. That means the same as "Sh__t happens and then you die." True. Was not what I wanted to hear. Time heals all wounds, shoulda, woulda, coulda, none of those helps. Coming back to Mount Ida from Hot Springs I got into a one sided argument with Billy. Why in the hell didn't he find some young woman that would have made him give up that smokeless tobacco, someone that would have fed him something other than his favorite biscuits and gravy. I really got angry with him and yelled at him because he did not find him a younger woman, someone lots younger, one he would have had to work to keep, one he would not have let himself get old and die. I did not cry. I could have taken him leaving me for someone 20 years younger, if she could have just kept him alive. Oh yes, I have mean arguments with him now that he cannot talk back. Strange feeling blaming his death on him. I did not cry a time. But in reality, I know he could not help it. But, I would rather him be alive, even if it was with someone else. At least that way I would know how to live life without him. Right now, I just don't know how, but know I do have to try. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 8, 2016 Report Share Posted April 8, 2016 myeverything, My earlier reply to you does not show up so I'll start again. I am so sorry for your loss, your need to be here...but I want to let you know that this is a place we welcome you, a safe place, a place to be listened to and heard, a place of respect and caring. I hope this is a place you will care to share in your journey. As is already mentioned, it's so important to take good care of yourself, eat healthy, lots of water, exercise...whether feeling like it or not. Because quite frankly, in the early days, it's hard to feel like it...but that's just when we need our self-care the most. Wishing you comfort knowing you are not alone on this journey. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myeverything Posted April 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2016 i'm sorry for your loss. Thank you for responding i am glad that there is some place to vent. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 11, 2016 Report Share Posted April 11, 2016 MyEverything I too am gald you have found us. Four months is such a short time but I sure it seems like it was both yesterday and a lifetime ago. Here you have found a place to vent when you need to vent, a cybershoulder to cry on, a place of solace and wisdom. It will be a very long, difficult and arduous task to emerge from your grief. To echo what's been said: build a good support system. Grief counselors, support groups, therapists are all worth their weight in gold if they know what you are doing. For me the hardest thing was understanding that while in grief emotions are transient. I would cry so hard and the pain would be so bad and the darkness so all-enveloping that I could not see an end to it; but it did end and then slowly days got better; not so much I would notice day to day nor even week to week but as I look back over the months I see I have changed. I can now sometimes talk to others about Deedo and our love without being reduced to heart wrenching tears. I can look at her pictures, read her notes, watch old videos and find happiness and gratitude that she was in my life for such an amazing thirty-seven years and two months. So my friend while it is difficult for you to believe right now, there is hope and for most of us here that hope is all that keeps us moving one moment at a time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WolfsKat Posted April 11, 2016 Report Share Posted April 11, 2016 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted April 11, 2016 Report Share Posted April 11, 2016 WK, I think you lost your love a few days after Billy left. Some days are better than others. We just have to put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes, we just have to stand still. We just keep thinking we have to have relief some time or the other. Most days I think I hear footsteps behind me and I don't turn around, I am not going to run from them and it won't be hard to catch me if the footsteps want me. Our hope comes from reading the path that others are taking that have been on this path longer than us. And, I just hope for the numbness that comes sometimes. I like being numb. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted April 11, 2016 Report Share Posted April 11, 2016 Back from Cross Country Karaoke event.....And I survived........Great time checking out the " Oil Boom" areas and how this downturn is effecting effecting everyone.....Hope this the bottom.......Met some good people and had lots of fun with my kids......who are all a bit crazy...But after 10 days nice to get back to my garden.....took some great picks going through the Mountains(the shed with the snow is about 5800 foot elevation) 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scba Posted April 11, 2016 Report Share Posted April 11, 2016 Many of you live in so beautiful places surrounded by nature. You are lucky! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted April 11, 2016 Report Share Posted April 11, 2016 This is so beautiful to a flatlander Louisiana mudbug hole walking, muddy bottom murky rivers. We so loved the mountains. I am so glad you had a good time. Thanks Kevin for being brave and branching out. We missed you, but so happy you were working on "you." Wonderful. Gives us all hope. Well, for sure gives me hope. Ana, Louisiana is beautiful with its old plantations, all the bayous, all the lakes. It does not sparkle and shine like mountains and pristine lakes in those mountains, and the wonderful mountain streams. But, it feels like I am going home. My home was always where Billy was. i could have lived in a tent and did live fulltime in a 19 foot 5th wheel. Happiest times of our life. I might buy a little car that gets lots of mileage and one I can reach the foot controls and see over the steering wheels and I might take off for some seedy motel in the east coast since the west coast was Billy's and mine. I still have a sense of adventure. My biggest hurdle is convincing my kids it is not time to put me in assisted living. I am in better shape than they are. I used to love to get in my little red car and ride for miles and miles. Billy didn't mind. He was fishing. Sometimes I would get so far it was necessary to either turn back or get a motel. He would not have liked that. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kevin Posted April 11, 2016 Report Share Posted April 11, 2016 Marg , my back-up Golf vehicle is a Chevy Cavalier and I use that for my trips after mid May.The small vehicles are a challenge for me as I don't bend like I used to......Hey, I went down a waterslide....that was a rush and a half....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margm Posted April 12, 2016 Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 If it is as cold as those mountains look, I know it was a rush. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kayc Posted April 12, 2016 Report Share Posted April 12, 2016 Margaret, I had to laugh at putting you in assisted living. Somehow you just don't strike me as someone who will ever need it! 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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