Perspective Needed

[Peter11]

I have very recently lost my world.  My beautiful sweetheart has lost her battle with cholangiocarcenoma which is bile duct cancer.  She was so brave and she was my entire world.  She completed me and made me whole, and now I am broken without her.  She was the best parts of me.  I told her we would do this together, and now there is only me.  I have failed her.  I am lost, and nothing is familiar to me.  I know in my mind much of this is grief, but I will never be able to be a whole person again.  I don't know what to do.

I don't know how to post here, but I read several posts and they shared many of the feelings that I am having.

[KATPILOT]

Peter it will come in time. Hard as it is to write your feelings, just do it as best you can. Lot's of good folks who care are here and you will find their support valuable. I'm so sorry for the reason you have joined us but welcome and please don't think you failed her. That could not be more farther from the truth.

[Guest]

Peter-

I am so sorry for you loss. My world collapsed eleven months ago. I can relate to your anguish and pain. 

You did not fail your soulmate, cancer took her from you. You will realize this someday. 

Grief is a very indivialized thing and everyone moves through it at their own pace. I was very aggressive with trying to fix myself early on. I had my grief counselor, a psychiatrist, support groups, read voraciously about grief.,. For me it has paid off. I still grieve but I am also learning to function better on a day to day. 

I hope you find the same wisdom, compassion and solace here that I have found. 

 

Braf

[mittam99]

Peter, I too lost the love of my life, my sweet Tammy, on March 6, 2015. She was my world, my everything... my once in a lifetime soul mate.

I could have written your post virtually word for word about Tammy. This is the hardest thing any of us can go through.

About the only thing you can do, is live moment to moment. Then an hour at a time. And then one day at a time. I think you'll find solace and understanding here at the forum. We are all living our lives without the person that made us complete. Some here are newly bereaved like you, others, like me, are over a year into our grief journey and many here have been grieving for a very long time. And that's one of the wonderful things about this forum. You truly will get some perspective on grief. And it will help.

For now try to take care of yourself physically by getting rest and eating properly. Try to spend time with people who are supportive, if you can. Consider grief counseling as well.

Last but not least (as Stephen mentioned), you didn't fail your wife. I've also wrestled with those feelings, but, you have to remember the truth is, you loved her with all you had and you did the best you could. Unfortunately, things happens that ultimately, are out of our control.

I'm so sorry you lost your dear wife and I hope you're able to find some comfort in the near future.

[Peter11]

We fought her cancer by trying to put one good minute next to another good minute, and tried to make a good hour, and tried to put the hours together to make a good day.  I keep telling myself that I am doing this for her, but each thought brings more grief.  I am unable to eat.

[mittam99]

Peter, I know how you feel. It sometimes doesn't feel like you want to be here, alone. Life feels meaningless. You're still in shock. You're numb.

One thing I always remember is how blessed I was that Tammy was in my life. I was so proud she chose me to be her husband. Not many couples experience the bliss of being true soul mates. But, with deep love comes deep grief. Your journey is just beginning and while it may feel hopeless. I promise you that at some point you will see hope through the darkness.

Continue to post here, it will help.

 

[Margm]

Peter, I am so glad the male portion of our community show you that this is something they have had to endure also.  I wish it was the hardest part over with, but  you will have more hard times.  I think I am doing good for "the condition I am in" but then something knocks me down.  I am not brave to get back up because I know I am going to get knocked down over and over.  But as long as I can, I am going to get back up.  And the hard part is, I don't want to get back up, I want to be with him.  Eventually you will learn that something depends on your getting up and it does not make you happy, but it is  necessary.  In the back of my mind I still wish I could have disappeared in these vast forests, go to  where I would not be found until hunting season, and even then maybe not.  I am trying to find my faith and my old faith told me that I might not be with Billy again if I offed myself.  So, joining him, as much as I wanted to, it was fraught with danger too.  We, everyone on this forum, we are just making it day by day and sometimes those days are standstills.  I have repeated so many times, at my age, I have many widow friends that understand me and if I need their help, they are with me.  Please follow us.  We, each of us, are only inching our way, but my friends say it gets easier.  I don't know what gets easier, breathing, quitting crying, quitting feeling so guilty.  I don't know what gets easier, but I can tell you in these eight months I have had some "easier" times.  Just keep reading.  You have already seen how many people are reaching out.

[R.Everit55]

Peter, first I want to say how sorry I am that you lost your love.  I lost my wife 17 months ago.  My world.  Second I would like to say you are not a failure my friend.  I too feel that way.  But we aren't failures. The diseases took our loves.  Not us.  Bless you.  Keep coming and writing.  

[MartyT]

I'm so sorry for the reason that brought you here to us, Peter ~ but I hope the warm responses you've received so far will assure you that you are most welcome here. You have found your way to a most compassionate and caring place, and as difficult and as challenging as this grief journey can be, we are here with you, and you will not be alone.  ♥

[Gin]

Peter,. Glad you found your way here.  This is a very hard journey we are all on.  I lost my soulmate Al almost 9 months ago.  I have had several health problems in addition to the grief.  Come and read and post when you feel comfortable.

Gin

[kayc]

Peter,

I am so sorry you lost your sweetheart.  I want to welcome you here, this is the place that saved me when my world became desolate.  Keep reading, keep posting, it helps to express yourself.