Daughter2010

Melina, I agree with KayC. Unfortunately we cannot anticipate what is going to happen. We just need to cherish the relationship, the good and positive will always stay with us. We are not perfect, we can only do the best we can according to our ability. I tell my mom this quite often. I am sure or loved ones are saying...don't beat yourself over this. Be kind to yourself. We are here for you. Big hug for you. -L

Korina, Little by little, one step at a time you are making it....this is a long road but that is what our loved ones would want us to do, to carry on. I am sure Scott watches over you and Kailyn. Children are the reflection of their parents. My mom says that all the time. She says she sees many of Dad's traits in us (my brothers and I). It brings her comfort somewhat. I think the same may be true for Kailyn. Take care, and big hug for both of you. -L

Hello Nats, First of all let me say I am glad everything came out OK with the lung diagnosis. Praise the Lord :-) !! The little things that remind us of our loved us are those that we cherish and keep in our hearts, they will always be there. Any time we want to feel our loved ones near, we can go in our hearts and minds to remember every single moment lived with them. Having a bucket list is a very good thing! I like it! It is true that in the midst of our grief, we have to learn to live again. God carries us through all of this. He is fatihful. You are such an inspiration Nats. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Have a great sunday! -L

First of all let me say I am sorry for your husband's death. The early months in grief are the most difficult, the raw pain, the emotional shock, all of it hurts deeply. I did not loose a husband, but I lost my father last October. Grief is unique to each one of us on this site, our experiences with our loved ones are not identical but we can relate. Please feel free to come by, drop us a line, we are here for you, if you need to vent. Take it one day at a time, if that is too much to bear...then take it one step at a time. Hugs, -L

I echo the responses here. Grief is grief despite someone's age. As for me, I believe it would help me know about your experiences so I can understand more about the loss of a spouse. I want to provide as much support as possible to my mom, whom I know has been very strong through all of this and I know if I am helping her through this process, it would help me and I am sure Dad would be glad we are all sticking together, united. I have found comfort in knowing I am not alone in what I feel and it really helps to know each one of your experiences to understand people in general and yes, like Marty said, be more considerate and compassionate of others. -L

Shelley, First of all, remember to be patient with yourself. I don't think there is anything wrong with you, the job situation is quite difficult at the moment for a lot of people, but don't get discouraged. About the psychiatrist, I recommend not to worry for what hasn't happened yet. You are a strong woman, you can keep going. I know times are hard and you miss your mother very much, but you need to keep going. Do you have a good circle of friends? or support group? When I am feeling down I just let my emotions out to God, in prayer and it helps me. As for your comment about being ready to be called home....I am guessing there is more for you to do here, keep knocking doors, and talking to counselors. Look back and see all of what you have overcome, and little by little you are doing it. Making it through doesn't mean it is obstacle-free....don't get discouraged and please know we are here rooting for you, remember..one foot in front of the other. Big big bigggg hug for you - L

wow Valley...you sound a lot like my mother. She has ended up taking care of a lot of things my dad used to do. All of the things you describe I can see in her, I admire you for how you have carried on with your life. I guess all of us have to in one way or another. I just got of the phone with my mother and tonight was one of those melancholic ones, making plans for the future and I got to understand more about how she is dealing with dad's passing. I guess for all of us, we have to remember to take it one day at a time, we need to keep going. If one day is too hard or too sad, tomorrow will be better, just put one foot in front of the other. I am thankful I found this place, because I feel understood in my grief, it is somewhat of a comfort. Sharing our thoughts, worries, emotions, helps us cope with our situation. I guess only the Big Man upstairs knows why He allows us to go through this process, a very painful one. Big hug for everyone, -L

Kay, There is a lot on your plate. I wished I could provide advice or words of comfort. What I can tell you is to maintain the sanity, rely on the strength that comes from God. I don't want it to sound cliche, but take it one day at a times and try to do as much as you can, but also remember you can only do so much. Is there anyone that can help you with running errands or taking care of other stuff so you can focus on your loved ones? a friend?a relative? sounds to me like you need some support whether is with work duties or home errands, or even helping out with your sick relatives. At the end of the day rely on God to give you strength. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Take care, -L

It is a sad thing for your friend to act like that. Then you wonder, where is the real friendship? Sure people out there haven't lost someone but it is important they understand we are all subject to pain and loss. We cannot be expected to fake it just to please others. That should NEVER be the case. Grief is the time where we need to take care of ourselves, our inner motions, feelings, and the last thing we need is someone who cannot contribute to our recovery. When I say recovery, I don't mean going back to who we were after experiencing our losses. We definitely change and I don't think it is a bad thing at all. Death is part of life and where it is extremely painful and difficult for us to accept, it should not stop us from being who we are or to evolve into this new person. When I hear others say accepting the loss, the death of the loved one, I think they are saying with acceptance comes a new understanding of who we are and how we cope to move forward with our lives. Moving forward feeling that pain in our hearts yes, but moving forward in a way that we keep going for them, for those that have gone home before us, for those who died. I think about what my dad would want and he most of all would say, keep going I want you to be all you can be and live life. Don't grieve for me because I am here, I can watch over you and you need to keep on going even when I am apparently absent. So everyday, I get up and try to keep going for my Dad. I am human and I do miss him very very much, and yes I have my sad moments and outbursts in public. But you know what? who cares! If those that are supposed to be called our friends, cannot understand the meaning of true friendship, and cannot understand we will feel this way probably for the rest of our lives, then they do not deserve my friendship nor yours. I don't say this in a bad way, mean or resentful way but rather with the understanding that sometimes that happens, and you know what? it is going to be ok. Some of my friends have really distanced themselves since my father passed away. Then I think, well...where was the so called friendship? I don't know but don't care to find out if they are not there for me specially after this event in my life. I also have come to find my true friendships, and well, I am thankful to God for that. I have learned to be more appreciative of everything, because we know our time is short, treasure life here. Have i experienced hard times? sure like all of us here, but deep in my heart I know I need to keep going. I have even seen this in my mother. I think little by little she is realizing there is a different life after my father. I know she misses him every single day and will do for the rest of her life. She has had to adapt to her new life, she didn't ask for it, but she is doing it because she has no choice. She always envisioned growing old with dad, they met when she was 15, and married him after a long courtship. She says God gave her the best gift she could ever hope for and that was a husband like my father, 33 years of marriage until he passed away. To conclude, I would say don't worry about your friend. Remember you don't have to fake anything for anyone. Be yourself. You learn to be selective in terms of who you talk to regarding your emotions and grief. So, I don't think it is a matter of trying to keep emotions under control because those who love you and care about you, will be willing to understand there are times you will feel one way or another and there is nothing wrong with that. I seriously think, this world needs to understand more about pain, and be more receptive to it because,in reality we will ALL experience loss at one point or another, so we better be more compasionate and understanding of other's emotions. Big hug for you -L

Of course we change. Maybe not the entire personality traits but the way we react to certain things, events, and people. The way we observe life changes. I wouldn't expect me being all cheerie and bubbly after dad's passing. I guess it takes a while to find our new normal. We will always miss them and they will always be in our hearts and minds. Going through grief helps us find our new normal. Finding purpose in our parents legacy also help us. I have found I don't like the same things I used to. There is nothing wrong with that, it is just different, and it is ok. I don't think you should expect going back to be that same person because you are not. It is a change, but I don't think is a bad one. Yes, our loved one's death is certainly devastating for us, but there is nothing we can do about that. I have too been unsure about making decisions, and at times over thinking everything. However, I realized whether I like it or not I have to make one and see how it turns out (Of course if its a serious serious decision, make sure you analyze and sleep on it). It is a matter of baby steps. I know it is difficult but we must do it. We must go forward, or at least try to. I have my terribly sad days, and others seem to go just ok. It happens, but I guess what works for me is thinking, well my dad is not here physically with me, he is somewhere God needs him most and while we reunite, I have more things I need to get done on earth, so I must keep on going and whenever I hesitate at something, I force myself to make a decision, and sometimes I find it was not the most appropriate one, but hey I gave it a shot. Other times, I find it turned out well. What I would say is don't be too hard on yourself, little by little you will find a new normal. It may not be the same cheerie person from before, but it is going to be ok. We have managed to keep going after our loved ones passed, I think we will do ok. Allow yourself to grieve, but also remember you need to be brave and keep going. Also, it is a good thing you can come here and talk about how you feel. I don't know how I would have managed had it not been for this forum. Big hug for you, -L

I can relate to this as well. In a way I am glad my brothers and I have stepped up to fill some of the duties and roles in the house Dad used to perform. Most important of all, taking care of mom. Losing a loved one also means embarking on a journey of self discovery to understand who have we become. For me, I can feel the void my dad left in us as a family, I guess I always will. But I have also realized that little by little we have found the way to keep going without everything fall into pieces. I am sure that would make him proud. Our parents would sure be proud of us, we need to keep going for them. :-) -L

Angel, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father 8 months ago or so. He was 58. I think no matter how old they are, we will always miss them. They are our parents, they always provided that sense of security to us, even as grown ups. I miss my father everyday and think of him every morning. The bond parents-children is so strong, even death cannot break it. It is true a part of us left with them, but I guess we have no choice but to go on without them. Last night in prayer, I simply broke down in tears because I miss my father so very much. Life has completely changed for me. I look back at who I was before his passing and I am not the same anymore. Every moment, every hug, every kiss, every smile, every treat from dad is on my mind. I cannot understand why he was called home so young. I understand what you say about being stuck. It is a familiar feeling for me. The first 6 months I couldn't help it but being stuck , not being able to completely process the dimension of what happened last October. Sure I did go to work, but still, I felt so unable to do much for myself in terms of moving forward with dreams, goals I had set for myself. I even gained weight probably because of anxiety. The pain may ease a bit, but I will miss my father all my life. I know he is ok wherever he is, but I still miss him. Sometimes I wished I could hear his voice telling me everything is going to be ok, like he did when I was a child. I have become a little more of a child in some ways, but also have emerged from this realizing that the only way to keep going is to put one foot after the other and keep on walking. Just know that you are not alone in this, please feel free to vent your emotions here, we all can relate in one way or another. I don't know how I would have handled my grief had I not found this site. It has helped me tremendously. Big hug for you, - L

So sorry you are going through a situation like this. Do not dismay, it is understandable for you to ensure things get done the way your mom would have wanted. I think that is a way of honoring her. I am sure there has got to be a way to solve this. What would you mother have wanted? You guys are a family, not a business. I really hope your siblings can get to understand the magnitude of what happened two months ago. Take it one day at a time, I hope things get better. -L

Grieving a husband I suppose is different than grieving a parent. My dad passed away 8 months ago and today, is mom's bday..the first one without dad. For her I am sure today is hard, since he always did something special for her bday. dad had the nicest gestures with mom, to remind her how much he loved her. I talked to her on the phone this morning, and sure enough she was talking how special dad was with her. It is reality settling in and life reminding her that she is now a widow. I can understand your pain, I have seen it in mom through out this time. She has been very strong, but also she feels the loss differently than I do because she was married to Dad for 33 years. I reminded her Dad didn't leave her alone, she has us, the three children. We all have a little bit of Dad in our own unique way. What I am trying to say with this is that yes, at 11 weeks the pain is raw, and still might be for a while, but take it one day at a time, and it becomes more bearable that way. You will have those firsts...first christmas, mother's day, father's day, bdays, anniversary, etc...it is part of that new reality. I wished i could provide more words of comfort...just know that you are not alone and we just need to keep on going and make the best out of the life we have, even in the middle of our grief. Big hug, -L

Chai, I can understand what you are saying. I have come across the need, the longing for meaning. It is true that the love being shown by our fathers will not be replicated, it is unique. But we also know we are capable of expressing love in different ways. I think we were designed to express our feelings, and there are many ways of doing so. For me, I am grateful for what I have received from God, from my family, my friends. The love is expressed differently, but it is still love. I am grateful to God for the opportunities and experiences I have lived, good and bad because they have made me who I am, and I guess on the bad, I have become a wiser person , and will continue to learn. From my family, they have shown me their love in simple things, which I love. Dad, one time got me earrings for my birthday, it meant so much to me because at the time I was away from home and that was his way of saying I am thinking about you. , the part I loved the most was how he took the time to look around for something for me, more than the material stuff. He would take a cup of coffee to my bed right when I woke up, I don't know it was the little things I loved so much, and still love. Despite my Dad being gone from this material world, telling you these things brings a smile and joy to me. My Dad is somewhere else, where I cant see him just yet, but I know his love is with me always. For the rest of my family, my mom always wants to make sure I am well in terms of health and giving recommendations on taking care of myself. I guess that is what moms do. Mom talks to me about things she has learned through life, gives me advice as Dad would do. I enjoy spending time with her, sharing a cup of coffee, eating breakfast together, talking about how the day went. At times I feel a bit scared when thinking of when she gets called home to God. But I guess it is life. My brothers, I call them,keep in touch about how their lives are going, give them advice when they ask for something. I try to help them out whenever they need it, and by giving, expressing love I feel good. I guess the giving part is part of expressing love and feeling it at the same time. My friends, I give advice when asked for it. The best way they have expressed their love for me is giving me the space I need, being understanding of my situation, my loss even though they dont understand my pain. But knowing they are there for me,is more than enough for me. I truly believe we are designed to express love, to care for others, in different ways. There are many languages of love. I currently live alone, and visit my family very often. In the short term I want to live with my family, to spend as much time as possible with them. Mom just needs to straighten some paperwork stuff from dad's passing and well the goal is for them to move with me or me move in with them. One or the other. Despite coming to an empty home, I don't feel alone. I look back and look at my life and blessings and know I have never been alone. God has been by my side, my family one way or another has been with me. There are times where I get sad, and miss my family terribly, but in that same way I express my love for them in every way possible. For Dad, even though he is not with me physically, his love is with me in my heart, and from wherever he is, he watches over us. I know it is hard to keep on going, to find meaning when our world has been shattered by loss of a loved one. But I also think, somehow we gather the strength to keep on going. We definitely change, and we want to make sure we find ways to focus those changes in a positive way. Will there be times when we are sad, depressed and lonely? Of course, but we know we can keep going, and in time we find that meaning. Each one of us was given a gift, that gift makes part of us, how we relate to others, our personality, etc. We need to make sure we use what is given to us in a positive way. I am also grateful I found this site, because in the middle of my loss, my grief, I see I am not alone, and I am understood, and well, I realize i have been given this to know that we human beings are also connected in grief. It is not something to be joyous about but rather to know that we are not alone. We are understood and despite our loss we need to keep on going, if not for us then for those that departed, our fathers, our mothers, brothers, sisters, friends, etc. That's my 2 cents. -L

I was sad when mom called me to give me the bad news. Grandma was 70yrs old, we all knew one morning she would not wake up but what we didnt know was that it could happen in the next few days or next few years. She survived 3 strokes, she was diabetic and most of her life was so strong. I stayed with mom for this past week not just to comfort her but to keep her company. First my dad, now my mom's mom. I feel a bit numb and a bit scared too. An entire generation has passed onto a different dimension now. Grandma is with grandpa now, and with my Dad. She was happy my mom married such a great man as my father :-) I feel so strange, deep down inside me I wonder...who is going to be next and when? I get a bit anxious and scared. Scared for not being able to spend every single minute with my family. Mom and my brothers. I wonder sometimes about my place here....my place in life. My family and I are trying to adjust to our new reality, but it is hard. This may sound stupid but I wonder if I am doing enough, i want to take care of my family, sometimes I feel that if we had known more about Dad's cancer symptoms, something could have been done to restore his health. The feeling is that of impotence, where at one point or another our loved ones will leave this earth to go somewhere else, and the thought of that separation is unbearable. How is one supposed to feel better or recover after losing a loved one? How is life supposed to have meaning when deep down your heart is sad and heavy? The what ifs of life....I just wished I understood why these things happen and how are we supposed to go on..I am forever changed person and at times I feel helpless. I guess I am crying now because I was numb when I was with mom. I was taking care of her and comforting her. How am I supposed to react to this, I don't want to be wondering oh...now who is going to be next. I know my dad and grandparents are not lost forever, I will see them when my turn comes. How people recover from this? how do people handle multiple losses? I wish I had the answers for everything and wish I knew what to do every minute of my life and that of my family so no time would be wasted. Time is so precious when you spend it with your loved ones, I want to make sure I enjoy every moment spent with my family. Sorry for rambling, I just feel so strange. Thanks for listening -L

Thanks for your words Chai, I know, we have each other to somehow understand what we are going through. This morning I woke up thinking about Dad not being here and knowing that if he could tell me something he would make sure we all kept going. He wouldn't want us to stay depressed or submerged in our grief. Maybe I am having one of those go-getter days...but i always saw dad very focused, disciplined. He lost his parents at an early age, I think he was 16 at the time and he managed to grow up quite well. Mom says he was always very mature, very giving and loving person, selfless, with defects like all of us, but she feels so lucky she married such a good man like him. I also realized that as almost 8 months have gone by, my long time friends do not understand how a grieving person feels. It bothers me a little but I guess if I were in their shoes I could not comprehend how grief can change a person. It has sure changed me. In a way I felt a bit alone by not being quite understood by my friends, nor my boyfriend. I am glad I can vent my frustrations, my worries and express my thoughts here. All of you can relate in one way or another. Losing a loved one definitely changes us to the core. I don't know what I would have done had I not found this site. All my emotions would be probably bottled up. I am not the most avid writer, but at times I can release my anger and sadness here, and it is comforting in a way. About being sympathetic, I thought well why would we have to be that way if we really don't feel like it? It is not like we are blaming the world for how we feel but don't expect us to be cheerful and bubbly about banal things. I wished society in general would be more understanding of this. It angers me a little I must admit. This is coming from me someone who 95% of the time is understanding and considerate of other's needs too. So that 5% I dont want my friends to try to comfort me with phrases that wont change a thing. Just listen to me, that is all I ask, but well some people just cannot do it. Anyway, enough for venting. I am going run errands and go through this day. Thank you all for listening. I hope you all take things one day at a time and setting small goals for yourselves, helps a great deal in this process. ((hugs)) -L

Yes loulou, that's the legacy our daddies left us with. Mom says I am a lot like dad personality wise,and temper as well. I talked to mom on the phone and she was at her best friend's house, they went to college together and it was her hubby's birthday. That is one of the first get together s for her without my dad. He would always go with her to social gatherings and stuff. I feel so nostalgic, daddy is not here. Death is hard to comprehend, the separation is hard to comprehend, why are our parents taken away from us at such young age for them.... To serve a purpose perhaps, it is just that I look at my family photo on the nightstand and everything seems so surreal. My friends are all happy with their lives but none of them has lost a parent yet and all of this is hard. Father's day is a hard one for a daddy's girl like me A year ago I was with Daddy and this year is different. I am strong but tonight all these memories from dad are coming to me and i just wished i understood more about all of this, maybe then it wouldn't hurt as much as it does now. -L

*Sigh*...I miss my dad. Father's day is around the corner and this will be the first one without him. Last year I spent the weekend with him and the family while he was going to his chemo treatments. He was doing OK at that moment. I know my father is some place else, pain free and resting...but I can't help missing him. I know this is rambling, but I wanted to express it out there. I don't cry as much as in the beginning but God, I wish I could hug my daddy one more time. The bond father-daughter is one that cannot be broken despite physical death. I don't know what I will do this Sunday, I just know last year daddy was with me and now he is somewhere else. Life has its cycles and we all go through them. For some, the cycles are longer than for others. I don't know how long I will live or how long will it be until I see my father again. I just know I miss him, and still cant understand, nor will understand how he was called home so soon. My father is part of me, and even though I am like him in some ways, I just wish I could hug him and see those happy hazel eyes. Every time I start writing about dad, tears start flowing down my cheeks. Daddy is in that foreign country that none of us really know about, and I miss him so much. My brother sees him in dreams quite often since he passed...I've had a couple of dreams only. I wish I would see him more often. Hughs to all daughters out there and to everyone who has lost a father. Happy father's day to our daddies, wherever they may be now. -L

I realized for the first time in my grief,Daddy's passing made me react with anger last week. On my return trip from visiting mom, I found myself angry at life and even at God for dad not being here. I felt impotent for not being able to find or do anything to make my dad feel better. Mom is having a hard time with everything, she is strong but we all are realizing the void his passing left in our lives. The day to day stuff, mom takes care of some of the stuff dad use to do, my brother helps out, I help as much as I can but even then it is difficult. I felt angry for that, angry at the fact that I don't have my father here, that I miss his hugs, his words of wisdom. I don't blame him he did more than enough, he was so brave til the end. I still remember the words he said to me 3 days before his passing. He knew somehow his moment was near and that is so difficult to accept. Even at 7 months into my grief, it is difficult to keep on living our day to day things. At times I wished I had the answers to everything, maybe then I could really understand why dad to leave this earth at that precise moment. I know we have no other choice but to accept the fact that our loved ones are not with us anymore, at least not physically. It is just that during this time I have felt like I am just existing and even though I am trying to do what would make my father happy, knowing he is absent makes the road rough. Thanks for listening. -L

Kim, My condolences on your dad's passing. I lost mine to cancer 7 months ago, he was 58 yrs old and even though it was an expected event it does not make it any easier on my grief. My dad was so full of life, never smoked or drank, exercised regularly and was a wonderful father to me. I miss him so much and wished things were different. At 7 months, I just feel there are precious moments my dad is missing out on because he is not here with the family. I do not understand why he was the first one to go. It still hurts, I just wished we would be able to fix things and be able to anticipate events...but we can't. I am taking it one day at a time. I hope you do too. I noticed since Dad left, I have gained weight, about 8-10 lbs. something unusual for me. It is result of not exercising or wanting to do anything. I guess we all have different reactions physical, psychological and behavioral. I am glad you found this website. In the past 5 months, this place has been my lifeline. There are a lot of people that do understand what you are going through, feel free to come by and drop us a line whenever. Big hug for you, -L

Hello, This weekend has been a bit hard on my grief. I am finding it difficult to have the desire to do anything. I had a stressful work week and I had a couple of projects lined up for the weekend, but couldnt get myself to work on them. I found myself missing my Dad so much. I have a hard time understanding who I am anymore. Yesterday I hung out with my friends for a bday party and I felt so strange. I talked to them, I interacted with them but I still felt so out of place. I still cant enjoy the simple things I used to enjoy. I dont talk about trivial things, I just sat there and listened to people talk. I did throw a comment or two but for the most part I felt like I wanted to be away from them. I feel so incomplete with my father not being here. I know it is something I must accept, but I am feeling a bit sad. I know I need to move forward, but at times I feel so stuck with my life. Dad passed and I am having a hard time with things. I do go to work, I do function but at the end of the day I miss him so much. I went to church and just couldn't help but cry. My father was always there to listen to me, to give me advice, to help me. He is not here anymore, I know he lives on in my heart and memories. I get so sad when I see other people, especially couples who got to grow old together. I am not angry at God for it, just sad. I know my father is pain free now and I pray to God that he is in a beautiful, joyous place. People who have lost a loved one, somehow move forward, I guess one step at a time. It is just that today, it is so hard for me to do that. Thanks for listening. -L

This is a great topic, there is so much I miss about my dad...here it goes: - I miss him always asking me about my car, and wanting to take care of it. He was always giving me guidelines on what to do about tires and stuff. - I miss his warnings about crossing the street without holding his hand (I was 6yrs old at the time) - I miss him wanting to take the family on mini-vacations right after the holidays. - I miss his kiss on my forehead before going to bed (even as a grown up...yes I know :-)) - I miss his mischievous laugh ( it was a really funny, contagious laugh). - I miss him giving me advise, he was sooo wise. Always a calm person, and very smart about how to deal with difficult people. - I miss he would take my and my brother to get milkshakes and french fries to this particular place when we were kids. - I miss his generosity not with money but with people in general. - I miss talking to him on the phone and asking him about his day. - I miss him giving me stuffed animals so I could take care of them (what can I say, I felt like a kid even as a grown up). - I miss him picking me up at the airport when I come home. - I miss his beautiful hazel eyes, they said so much without him say a single word. - I miss him teaching me to ride my first bike. - I miss him walking home with me from work. - I miss him referring to his family during sporting events or when he would give speeches. - I miss him calling me by my nickname - I miss him taking my brothers and I to the flower shop to get my mom beautiful flowers. - I miss him taking us on road trips to small towns and teach us about their history. - I miss him telling me about his night school and what he learned there. - I miss seeing him wear cool, modern Dad clothes :-) - I miss talking to him on the car when he was driving. - I miss seeing him listen to sport races on his mini-radio. There is soooo much I miss about my father. He was so precious and so dear to me. There is more I miss from him, but now I have tears rolling down my face. Thanks for coming up with this topic, it brought up so many great memories, Daddy I love you! - L

Niamh, Thinking of you today. I can completely relate, I just wished I had my father with me, and everything feels so surreal, even at almost 7 months. I have been really buy with work lately and a bit stressed that I haven't cried much, but reading the posts here helps me connect with my emotions. For me, I see crying as the healthy way of releasing our grief pain and let our fathers know we love them so much. I know we all wish things were different, but they aren't. Big hug for you, and remember our fathers want us to be strong, to keep going, even if it hurts a little. -L

Missy, Big hug to you. Definitely, the "Firsts" are the most difficult days in grief, because it feels like we relive the story all over again. Does your mother live with someone? Do you have any other brothers or sisters than can be with her on that day? I know all of this must be very difficult for her, I am just trying to think of something that would make it somewhat easier on her, especially on mother's day. -L