Your post hit right to the heart Harry. Yes somone is taken away everyday, for me it was the first and only man so far that I was truly in love with. And he loved me. I waited a lifetime to hear those words. He was taken by bone cancer. A painful, devasting disease. I hear about cancer surviors. I feel jealous that they have survived while my own love lost his life to this horrid disease. It sounds selfish I know, but I wonder why could it not be him that was one of the survivors? I was angry with God for so long until I understood that I will never understand why. Does not make a lot of sense to anyone who has not experienced this first hand. I saw a strong, intelligent man, lose his strength, his mind, his spirit. He was a shell of the person he once was. It is devasting byond any words can fathom. My heart still breaks everyday at his loss. I have tried to go on. Some days it is bearable, other days it is good with the glimmer of hope that happiness may still be out there...but it changes you..I read on somones profile here...you think you have changed your life..but life has changed you. I could not have said those words better myself. It is so true. I feel as though a large part of my heart is gone. It will never be replaced no matter how much time goes by. Does it get better? No. Your right, it becomes "different"..I supposed one can say better, with the intensity of the emotion at a leavel that is manageable. But better? No never. I long to see my Dragon in the afterlife. Sometime so much that I look to my own death as freedom...freedom from the physical bonds that keep me here in this world until I can one day be reunited with him. So that I make this clear, I do not wish to end my life out of depression or desperation. I do not want to end it. I wish it would reach it final pinnacle so that I can once again be by his side. It is only then that my heart will feel whole again.
Until then I will go on. Not as the same person but as one who has loved and lost, forever changed.
Kimberly