lorikelly

I don't sleep good at night hard for me to fall asleep and then i wake up in the middle of the night. i find myself taking naps when my children go off to school since i work in the evening. i think it is normal. lori

Laurie don't ever feel bad about posting , this place has helped me so much. keep writing it really does help. we all are going through this so we understand. i know the guilt trip we can put overselves on, it is the worst. i know i do it. be patient with yourself and pls keep coming back we all are here for you. i am here if you for you. lori

Kayc Thank you for all the times you answered me and gave me hope. i will be praying for you. i will pray to St.Jude for you he the patron saint of desperate cases. yours is desperate right now. i want you to be able to find a job and stay in your home where you belong. i will be praying. and once again thank you for being my friend. Lori

Thank you Marty . I lite a candle for my mom . lori

Deb I hope you find some peace today and everyday. i pray that God gives you the strength. you have come along way, take one day at a time. lori

God is the best one to listen . he never tell us to shut up, move on or is tired of us. I know i lean on him alot. i always say he probably is laughing says oh boy here she goes again when i start talking. lori

Kayc That "friend" is horrible. i believe nothing good will come to a person like that. i just don't understand people and how they live there lives. why would he have told you this anyway, there was no reason to tell you that. he knew it would upset you. i am sorry kay. lori

Derek How beautiful. i am going to print this and hang it on the refrig. thanks for giving me HOPE lori

Laurie My mom has been gone 4 1/2 mos and i still can't believe she is gone.somedays i try to fool myself into thinking she is still alive. i am not sure when we accept it. maybe the dream was a way to help you . you got to tell him all the things you needed to. all the things you felt bad or guilty about. you got to hold him. maybe you can look at that as a gift, that Sean came to you so you could let go of those things. this time of year is a very hard time for all of us who are grieving. it makes you sadder b/c we want to be with them. i know that i must continue own for my boys but it is hard.i would rather skip over the holidays but i can't. just do the best you can, you are only human. take a day at a time and be kind to yourself. i know this is hard we tend to beat ourselves up. do your best and know that we are all here for you. lori

Kayc I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. you are such a good person and i wish that you didn't have to go through all of this added stuff. losing George should be enough. i will be praying for you that God will give you the strength to get through this mess. lori

I can only say i worry about the craziest things. not about dying or someone dying but sillythings. like i or one of my children are going to get the flu, or that i may get nausea and the list goes on. very stupid things. lori

Shelley I understand because i feel the same way. i feel like i want to give up but what then. what happens, i am afraid of that. i am trying my best and even have agreed to try antidepressants , i know i am desperate now. i hate medicine. noone really understands and i don't have alot of people to talk to. i go to a group on thurs nights it ends next week, i couldn't go last night b/c i had such a anxiety attack and i needed just to lay in bed. i have one real good friend but i can't talk to her always we have different schedules. i email alot to her. my husband is a wonderful man who loves me very much but i just realized yesterday doesn't really understand how bad this is for me. i think he doesn't know what to do and i think i wear him down when i keep repeating the same things over and over again. i go to therapy once a week and that does help somewhat. oh i can feel your pain, i am here for you and I CARE. love lori

Martha The 3 mos hit me hard. i am at 4 1/2 mos and i can only say i feel horrible. the pain and depression is overwhelming. i am back to one moment at a time. i think it is true we are numb in the beginning and now it hits us hard. i miss her so much and can't believe i won't see her again until i die. it is hard to understand. i cry everyday and still yell i want my mom. i wish for you the best. take it slow. lori

Thank you to all of you. i know i have a long road ahead of me. thanks for listening and helping me. John. I printed out your reply so i can reread it and read those books. thanks for understanding. i am doing my best. lori

Thanks i needed to hear that. i dreamt of my mom last night but can not remenber it. lori

I know that i have talked about this before so i am sorry that i am doing it again. my mom is now gone 4 mos and the pain is unbearable. you would think i would be better, i have a husband and two boys. people say i have to do it for them and should be thankful i have them. i am but i still feel a mess. i read others post about losing a child or spouse and think i am selfish to be so upset when i have mine. i just miss her so much. i also can't stop the thoughts of guilt . i loved my mom dearly and she loved me but our relationship was complicated. i don't think anyone has a perfect one. i have taken care of mom for so long that now i feel lost. she was bedridden for 18 mos here and then died in hospice the place i never wanted her to go. i feel like i failed her there. i also was so scared that she was dying that i became mad. mad that she was sick mad that she was going to leave me. i was a mess for those 18 emotionally, physically and mentally. i thought if i didnt except that she was dying it would go away. well it doesn't. i would lose my patience with her, snap at her and say things i should never os said. i never stopped loving her and she new that,i just was weak and could not face her death. i don't know if she understood that b/c she could not face dying either. i want to know so bad that she forgives me that she loves me. i sit here waiting everyday thinking she is just going to pop in and say hi i love and forgive you. CRAZY!!!!! i took good care of my mom and she lived a yr longer then they thought. they said only 6 mos and it was 18mos. i just never spent enough time talking and listening. i spent my time taking care of her (which was alot since she had no use of anything) then i would move on to do my housework,boys,husband and work. i got angry at the situation and i let it come out. i missed out on precious time with her b/c i was to afraid to face the outcome her death. my siblings wanted her in a nursing home from day one.i just could never bring myself to do that. i had made my mom a promise that i would never do that and could not go against that. my siblings and i still don't speak. maybe they were right. maybe i would of spent more time talking with her then worrying about everything else. i just no my mom would of died sooner and been miserable. i am not sure if i made the right choice. i know that i can't go back but i keep replaying it in my mind. i wish i had been more patient and listened more. i can't stop the thoughts in my head. i hope she forgives me. the last thing she mouthed to me was i love you to. everyone says time but these are things i can not make right so how will time help them. how can i forgive myself? i read everything i can but still can not let go. i wrote her a letter and listed all my positive / negative things and the pos are more but it didn't help at all. i am sorry mom , i love you so much thanks for listening. you are a great group of people. lori

Derek I knew something was wrong b/c you haven't been here. i have been thinking of you. i am so sorry that you are feeling so bad. maybe you should not sing in the choir sometimes we have to avoid things that make us really upset. you can still go to church but don't sing. i know that i have to try and avoid things if i can. i can't listen to music b/c for some reason it upsets me. we have to do whatever is good for us . How is Carson? i know it is hard for him right now also. it is hard to take care of yourself and him when all you want to do is hide yourself under the covers and wish it would all go away. i am happy that you have him because he is the one thing that will get you through this. Remenber he is a part of Karen and she lives on in him. I wish i could tell you more , i am praying for you. i pray that God will carry you through this. God Bless and know that i am always here for you. Lori

Haley I can understand , i feel miserable also. it has been 4 mos for me and since about 1 mo ago i have been so depressed and hysterical crying everyday. i am worrying about the craziest things and can't seem to think straight. i can work but i work in the evenings so when my boys leave for school i go back to bed. at least there i may dream of my mom and i don't feel the pain. i am going to start a antidepressant b/c i just can't manage. i am a mess. i am taking a minute at a time. i don't know how else to do it. this time of yr makes it so much worse. lori

Laurie I am so sorry for you. i am at 4 mos since my mom and i must tell you i almost feel worse then the beginning. i have read alot about 3-7 mos being bad. i have decided again that i can only take one MINUTE at a time, i just can't do days anymore. i wish i could tell you something to make you feel better. i can only say i am here for you and i understand. i don't live far from you and i would be happy to help you with anything. even if you just want to get together and talk i am here. just email, maybe we could help each other. i have two boys 11 and 8 i am home during the day and leave for work at 3:30 mon- wed and work sundays. just know that i am here. lori

WOW thats all i can say. lots of tears while reading that. lori

I feel the same way, somedays i feel like i am drowing and slowly going under. it takes to much effort to keep my head above water. today i went to the dr i have a sinus infection and also for the depression. my therapist says i NEED meds and i am slowly starting to agree. i don't think i can make it anymore. i will start next week when i finish my antibiotics, i pray for relief. i have never been so scared in my life, i feel hopeless. i am here for you and at least we are not alone and others feel it. i will be praying for you. lori

I think you should give your self time before you make this big decision. they say big changes in the first year and i do believe that. were you always having problems? why don't you try counseling? i just wouldn't want you to make a quick decision and then regret it later on. think alot about this one. lori

Jane I wish i could tell you something that will make you feel better, i wish i had the magic words. i am sorry i don't. i can only say that you made the first step by coming here and writing, we all understand we are all on this grief journey together. pls continue to come back and write what ever is in your heart, we don't judge just listen. a great group of people come to this site. are you in therapy? how about meds? you need to get one on one therapy, group therapy and possible meds if needed. pls get the help you need. he would not want you to hurt your self. you have alot to give to this world pls keep trying. lori

I don't have hot flashes but have severe anxiety that gets me so worked up my legs shake and i can't sit still. sometimes i have to pace. it also makes me physically sick. its awful that with all this grief we have to have all this other stuff. when i go to mass i sob , i always think people are looking at me. i say to myself it is ok b/c God know why i am sad. just try you best and when you are ready you will go back. God knows what you are going through and he will never leave you. Remenber that. Lori

Martha I am so sorry for your loss. i lost my mom in july and feel how you feel. i took care of her here bedridden for 18 mos so i have all that to deal with it. i would do it again to have her back and not have all this pain. i don't think she would want to be back since i have to believe she is at peace. i miss her terribly. try to take one moment at a time sometimes that is all we can do, give it up to God or what ever higher power you believe in. i said yes Lord, i can't do this anymore and i need you. its a roller coaster of emotions and you never know when that turn or hill is coming. you have found a great place keep coming and sharing for some reason it helps. God Bless lori