lorikelly

Shelley Your are not weird at all. i wish my mom would hug me and then i would feel so much better. pls know that i am sending you a very big hug today. i hope tomorrow is better for all of us. lori

I feel everything you said and more. sometimes it just overwhelms me and i beat myself up about it. i am having a very hard time this week, it was 3 mos last week for my mom and i feel awful. i feel so agitated and just want to scream. i read a post from John (i believe that is the person) and he had wrote a letter to his partner . i read it and it hit home. i decieded to write one to my mom, i am not sure it has helped yet but i put all the positive and negative things in the letter. my positive were much more so i will reread the letter everyday until i can get it in my head and heart. i wish you peace and i pray that for all us this journey will get easier. lori

Lindak i understand about the screaming, today i fell on the floor screaming and crying. i needed to. i had to. i could not stop. it has been 3 mos that my mom is gone and for some reason this week it feels like it just happened. i can only hope and pray that it will get better for us. Derek is right, it is like a roller coaster and no matter how loud you scream you can't get off. if you need meds take them, if not then try something else. i take xanax for the anxiety attacks but only when i am desperate. my prayers are with you. lori

Wow, that is great. you give me hope when i need it so bad. i pray for that day. you should be proud of yourself. lori

i am not sure why but i am feeling as if my mom just died. it was 3 mos last week and by friday i was a mess. i can't shake it and i was hysterical today. i fell on the floor screaming. i just want my mom so bad. thank God i work in the evenings b/c this am i was a wreck. i found myself back to begging God to let me have her, i know she is dead but the sadness is so deep . i feel horrible and pray that i get some relief soon. i am really low and starting to doubt my faith. i am even having some horrible dreams which make me feel worse. please say a pray for me . thanks lori

I understand how you feel. i lost my mom this july and my dad 4 yrs ago. i feel awful alot of the time. some moments are better then others and i hang on to that. i have been real down these last few days. keep coming and writing it will help to know that you are not alone. get your husband to read some of these posts and then he will know what you are feeling is normal. lori

I come to this site at least twice a day in the morning and then at night after work. the weekends are the worst for me so you will see me saturday. lori

Hi i am sorry that you lost your dad. i lost my mom this july and can relate to how you ae feeling. keep coming here the people are great and it does help to write it out and read other peoples posts. you don't feel alone here. take one day at a time that is all we can do. lori

I am so sorry for your losses. i lost my mine this july and my dad 4 1/2 yrs ago. i am older then you with my own family , it must be so hard to be so young with out them. do you have siblings? it is normal to feel depressed you have every right to. you have been through alot in a couple of yrs. take one moment at a time. pls talk to who ever you can and come to this site alot. it really does help to write it out. pls don't worry about making mistakes, we all do. we are only human,as long as we learn from them that is the important thing. lori

I am sorry that ou are having a bad time right now. i know how you feel, i lost my mom in july and the pain somedays is unbearable. i hate the weekends b/c it hits the worse. i have a wonderful husband and two boys but it still hurts so bad. i keep waiting for it to go away ( the pain) but every day i awake and it is there. some days are worse then others and some moments are worse. i just try to take those good moments and hang on to them. i pray for more . i want to be able to wake up one morning and feel good and be ok, i am not sure if that will ever truely happen but i am hoping. my thoughts and prayers are with you. my mom was 79 and sick but it doesn't matter how old they are we still want and love them. i hope tomorrow brings you a ray of sunshine. lori

Just feeling horrible yesterday and today. very sad and crying alot. this week was 3 mos for my mom and i feel so alone. i just don't want it to be this way, why can't i just wake up from it and it be the way it was. i am sorry i just feel so scared that this pain will never end. i am trying but it sometimes gets the best of me and now is that time. thanks for listening. lori

Hi i did this. i answered the ques and i also did the first homework assignment. i figured it they can find out anything to help another person wtih this awful grief then i would do it. i was crying do the first assignment. lori

Hi i lost my mom in july and then my wonderful Spanky on sept 22. my world has fallen apart, both of them gone. i wonder why alot. i feel lost and afraid. afraid that this pain will never end. that there will never be a day when i don't cry. i look for spanky everywhere. he was the one i talked to about mom. i do have a wonderful husband and two boys 11 adn 8 but spanky just had a certain way. i had him 15 yrs and mom was 79 but i wanted them so much more. maybe that is selfish but i don't care i needed and wanted them. lori

John Thank you for sharing,it brought tears to my eyes. what a wonderful relationship the two of you had and i hope that you and tom always remain close. lori

Thank you for writing that post. i am having a bad day today beating myself up about my guilt and then i read your post and it gives me hope. i needed that today. thank you so much. i was my moms caregiver for 18 mos she was bedridden and it was hard emotionally,mentally and physically. i never wanted to believe she would die and was mad at her for not fighting harder. i did my best and gave 100 % but still feel like i should of done some things differently. i also wrote all the neg vs pos things done. my positvie was much more but i seem to just dwell on the neg. thank you for letting me see that others feel this way also and its normal. i get so scared somedays because i think i will never forgive myself. i love my mom so much and the pain is so awful, it has been 3 mos this week. thank you again for helping me. lori

Derek You have given so much to all of us here, i am so happy that i can to this site and found you and all of the other wonderful people. i pray that you have a wonderful trip to South Carolina and i know that karen will be with you the entire time. you have come so far and am so proud of you. Carson is a very blessed boy to have you as a dad. God Bless and may He replace your heart with joy and remove the sorrow,. (i say this numerous times through out the day) lori

I have heard of it. i work for a vet and the crematory that we use offers this service. i also found a great website that makes jewelry with your loved ones picture, i think i will get one for my mom and one for spanky. i think for the lifegem they take some of the ashes to create it, i am catholic and it is against the catholic faith to separate the ashes. they most all remain together so i can't do it. lori

Someone told me i should be relieved b/c i was her caretaker. they said now you can go on with your life. how stupid some people are. now i say death does not skip anyone and one day you to will feel the pain. i am not nice about it anymore. get mad it does make you feel a little better. loir

Leann I am sorry that you were so sick, pls take the time to let your body heal you have gone through alot. I don't want to put up the tree but i have 2 boys 11 and 8 and i know they need it. i am not sure how it will feel. i wish we could jump over nov and dec but we can't so together we will have to do our best. i am starting a support group next week at 7:30 i was suppose to start tonight but i have to work. i hope it helps. lori

I think he does not know how to handle his own grief . he maybe afraid to see you b/c then the grief will hit him real hard. i would call him tell him about the stuff and just wait and see. that is all you can do, if he comes around great if not then you will have to let it go. you have enough to deal with you,you can't worry about his grief. lori

Hi I am at 3 mos for my mom and some days i still think it is a bad nightmare. i also have to look at her urn or her pray card to really believe it. it terrifies me that it is true and not a dream. i just take one day at a time. keep coming back here it will help. lori

Derek I am sorry that the pain is so bad right now for you. i wish i could say something to take it away . i can only tell you that i will pray for you that God will give you the strength. i have never meet you but i can tell from your posts that you are a very caring and giving person. that is why karen loved you so much. you are a wonderful father to Carson and i know that you are making all the right decisions. i am happy to hear that you lay with him at night he probably really needs that and its good for you. you both need each other right now and i know that God will help you get through it. i wish i was right there with you so my family could help yours. pls know that i am always here to listen. God Bless and keep you safe. lori

Dear Deb I am so sorry for your loss and for how you are feeling. i lost my mom and have alot of guilt. i was her caregiver also and was so tired. i beat myself up about it. i could of been more patient , understanding , talked more, said i love you more and could go on and on,. some days the guilt just eats me up. i am working at it everday. today my therapist said whne i am ready to let go of it i will, i pray that day will be soon. i think someone we love being ill takes alot out of us. we are scared and don't know how to deal with it , we also don't believe that they will die. i knew how sick my mom was but thought she would go on forever. i got mad at her b/c i think she stopped fighting and i couldn't understand why she didn't want to fight for me. thats selfish but i didn't want to let go. give yourself time and try not to beat yourself up. keep coming here the people are great.. just keep talking we all understand. lori

Well it is 3 mos since my mom is gone and i feel really sad today. i am not crying alot , i just feel so sad. i feel alone even though i have my husband and my boys i feel alone. i can't explain it. i keep wishing the days away hoping i will feel better. i sit on here almost waiting for something but i can't tell you what. i feel like i a have to do something but not sure what, i can't stand the time when i just sit . my mind just wonders even when i am busy. i almost feel like i am losing it. i feel anxious but not sure why, i sit here and worry that i am going to get sick. not really sick just sick with a cold or the flu, isn't that weird. my therapist says it b/c its the one thing i can control and i had no control over moms death. i am also missing my spanky who is now gone 10 days. i just feel sad and like i am waiting. WAITING FOR WHAT i wish someone could answer that. when does it end,. thanks for listening lori

I will have to go get that book. that really hit home. thanks lori