Trudy1964

Bob, Maybe she's venting to you because she doesn't know how else to handle it. Give her a hug. Sounds like you both need it right now. Maybe it's hurts too much for your wife to see the pain you are going through. Try to talk to her so you can have each other rather than turn away and try and deal on your own. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I loss my Mom 7 months ago therefore I have a grieving heart. My sister and I are very close and yet for the first 6 months after Mom passed we couldn't share our feelings. We couldn't handle each others pain. Acually, we could hardly talk to each other and when we did it was a "How's the weather" type of conversation. I can also relate to many other parts of your story. I come from a broken home and am not very close to my father. I have two stepchildren that I am very close to. I can not imagine what I would do if something were to happen to them, God forbid. Everything your feeling is perfecty normal. Not wanting to do anything is par for the course. All those projects are just not going to be important for quite sometime. Give yourself time. One day at a time. One moment at a time.... Peace to you and your family. Missing my Mom, Trudy

Dear Annie, I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. Grieving for your Mom and in a way grieving for your Dad even though he's still here. Next, I want to thank you for trusting us enough to share your story. I know it's confusing when you find out these kinds of things about your family, but you have to remember that you are the same person inside. NOTHING has changed in that big heart of yours. Your family at this site is always here for you. Keep posting and God Bless. Missing my Mom, Trudy

LoriS - I have your email address. I have to get my 14 year old to help me attach the picture because I am computer stupid. My sister-in-law just brought her pictures to me. Jane - What a beautiful story of all of you sitting around watching the video with her. Her eyes may not have been open but her heart was there. I know the wedding was probably overshadowed with some sadness because you knew your Mom would be leaving soon. Your Mom gave your family the greatest gift ever- she didn't leave until her first grandson was happily married. Kim - Of course, I don't mind if you let your son read my post. We're all friends here sharing. It helped us so much to include our Mom. I think it would have hurt so much more to avoid the fact that she was gone. Good luck to all of you on your future weddings. Missing my Mom, Trudy

Martin, I am so sorry for your loss. Headaches, insomnia, exhaustion, and confusion are all a part of the grief journey we are experiencing. Often I walk into a room only to wonder why I'm there. Many people will tell you that time will heal. I don't think it does. Time only allows you to figure out how to make your way and adjust. My Mom died only 3 1/2 weeks after she was diagnosed with lung cancer. My BIG question was did we miss something. When I posed this question to the Dr., he asked what would my thoughts have been if I had known earlier. My reply was, "Everytime I would have looked at my Mom, I would have known she was dying a little every minute." My Mom lived a full life until she was diagnosed. Shopping, gambling, having fun. Now that I have made my way through some of the pain. I'm glad she didn't know before. Cancer is evil and I will miss her forever. Sure, I would take her back but only if I could have her back healthy and whole. God had a plan for her. I have to trust him. My Mom has been gone 7 months on the 16 of Feb. It took me a long time to be able to get to this way of thinking. The pain is so deep and raw right now for you. Take one day at a time. Sometimes that's too much. It's one minute at a time. Don't expect too much of your self. Missing my Mom, Trudy

Jane, Hit "Add Reply". It's under the "Quote" button your hitting. Don't worry I started out the same way. Hope this helps. Missing my Mom, Trudy

Janine, I see the angel also. How awesome!!! Your Mom is letting you know she was there with you and your family. What peace that must have brought you... Missing my Mom, Trudy

The hospice company that we used for my Mom played that song in the background as a power point of the loved ones that had passed was displayed. It was beautiful. I was kinda on autopilot at the service so I couldn't remember the song. I've been hearing it in my head but couldn't place the song. Thanks for jogging my memory. Missing my Mom, Trudy

So beautiful, Jane. A friend gave me that same poem after my Mom died. I keep it on my fridge and have read it many many times. Missing my Mom, Trudy

When my Mom was still with us, she used to call me on Sunday afternoon. She would ask me to go and get her to come over to my house and visit and drink a cup of coffee. She didn't drive. I would go between doing laundry, dusting, paying bills, etc. If I could only turn back time. I would sit down with my Mom and enjoy a cup of coffee and talk to her. Do what's important. We've all learned a hard lesson. Things change far too quickly. Play with your baby. The dust will be there tomorrow or the day after that. Missing my Mom, Trudy

Janine, I fought the meds also. I went to the doctor with sever migraines 6 out of 7 days caused by stress. The answer was topamax, lexapro, and ambian. I still have the headaches when any little thing rocks my world but it's a lot better. My Mom didn't take any kind of anxiety meds or stress meds. I wanted to be strong like her. This site has been a Godsend for me also. I don't post very often. I mostly read. We all have many friends who listen to us and try to be their for us. Many of them have never experienced the losses and pain that we are going through right now. The friends at this site has. Together we will all get through this. The first thing I do in the morning is check this site. The last thing I do before I go to bed is check this site. We are all in it together Janine. God Bless everyone. Missing my Mom, Trudy

AnnieO, I can only tell you from own experience. When we brought my Mom home from the hosp. to die. I had to put it in the back of my head (and heart) that she way dieing. There was just to much to do. Meds to be given every 2 hours. Trying to give her water. Keep the company quiet. Now when I talk to other people and they tell me that they were surprised when they heard "wasn't going to make it through the weekend." That thought NEVER went through my mind. We had to give her blood to get her home because her blood count was so low. I made the decision to give her blood because I did not want her to die at the hosp. I still didn't get it. Was that denial, or what! My therapist just lets me talk. I don't cry very easily in front of people. He has a way of just letting me talk and cry, talk and cry, and talk and cry. Sometimes when I leave his office I'm not even sure what we talked about because we didn't necessarily talk about my Mom. I just feel so much better when I leave there. Maybe try and find another one or even your minister or priest of your church. Sometimes I think you do what you do to survive. You still have your Dad to take care of. Maybe that's your way of coping with so much going on in your life at the same time. I'll be praying for you and your dad. Missing my Mom, Trudy

I too am on meds and also see a therapist. I tried to handle it on my own but couldn't. We all get in the "rut" I think. It's getting better, but after talking to friends who have experienced this before me, I don't know that life will ever be a "10" again. Don't be too hard on yourself. Everything is still so very fresh for you. My Mom has been gone 6 1/2 months and I feel like I am back at denial and numb. One day at a time and when thats too much---one moment at a time. Take care of yourself and do what you can handle and nothing more. Missing my Mom, Trudy

DoubleJo, I am so very sorry for your losses. I lost my Mom in July 06. I can't imagine dealing with more than one loss at a time. Dealing with my Mother's death was pure hell for the first 6 months. I hate to think of her birthday coming in May and the first aniv. of her death. You've come to the right place. Everyone listens here. Our situations maybe different but I think grief is grief. Keep coming back and posting. We'll always be here for you. God Bless. Missing my Mom, Trudy

Jane, Let me first tell you that I am so very sorry for your losses. I lost my Mom to lung cancer in July of 06. We lost her very quickly. We had only known she had it for 3 1/2 weeks. That July through Jan. were absolutely hell. I can't begin to understand loosing two dear people so close to my heart in such a small amount of time. My heart aches for you. You've come to the right place. Noone wants to belong to our "club". But I sure am glad I found it. Just to know we are not alone in our feelings is a life saver. This is a journey that sooner or later we all have to take. Some of us take different paths. My path found its way to this site as yours has. Please continue coming back. Hoping it helps you as much as the rest of us..... Missing my Mom, Trudy

Walt, I'm not in your shoes so I didn't respond to this situation. I read the postings everyday. I'm here because I lost my Mom in July. The most important thing about this site is everyone can be honest. When reading your reply, there was such emotion and pain involved. We all know you were speaking from the heart. Everyone's circumstances are different. Everyone deals with their pain differently also. I have to tell you that your latest posting made me smile. Your Jeannie must have been quite a character. It made me laugh that she was scolding you in your dreams. I would have loved to have known her. It takes a big man to apologize. You guys were a great couple. I can see why you are so dedicated to her. Rarely, do two people find love like that. Missing my Mom, Trudy

Shelley, I agree with Shell and was wondering the same question. It's ok if you don't want to answer. You know, I've also been thinking, maybe your siblings don't understand your grief. They have their families that keep their minds busy. After work, supper, basketball games, homework, etc.....While your mind just keeps reliving that your parents are gone. Also, maybe your sister can't handle your pain. Maybe she is having to push her grief aside because of her family, she only has strength for her. My Mom has been gone for 6 1/2 months and only now can my sister and I talk about her. We couldn't before. We recently talked about this. I would walk on egg shells when I was around my sister because I was afraid she talk about my Mom because I couldn't handle it. I wouldn't even go to her house to visit. I was "unconfortable" around her. Me and my sister are very close. We are the only 2 girls out of 6 siblings. Peace to you Shelley. Missing my Mom, Trudy

Shelley, I'm so glad you had a good time. I thought about you many times this passed week. I live in South Louisiana. We had nothing but rain. I hope you had better weather than us. I'm glad you found a way to enjoy it with the jerk. With all our prayers going your way from this site, you were bound to have a GREAT time. Trudy

First, let me also say I am so very sorry for your loss. You've found a good place here. We're all going through the same thing. I sleep in my Mom's pajamas. I sleep on her pillow that she used to sleep on. I drink coffee in her mug. We do whatever brings us comfort. Unless your going through it, noone else can understand how you feel. Take one day at a time. Sometimes it will be one minute at a time. That's even too much some days. I will keep you, your Mom, and your intire family in my prayers. Missing my Mom, Trudy

Hi, My Mom has been gone 6 months yesterday. Like Lori, I read everyday. I just don't have anything to say. The first 6 months I knew what I was feeling. Now I just feel empty. I feel lost. Your posts keep me going. Thanks. Missing my Mom, Trudy

Shelley, I'm sending you a great big hug. My heart goes out to you. Your BIL is a jerk. Remember, all your friends back here in cyperspace will be with the whole time your gone. We'll all be praying for you. Missing My Mom, Trudy

Starkiss, My therapist has taught me how to deep breath and picture a very relaxing place in my mind before getting into a very stressfull situation. If you have an ipod, listen to music and picture a very relaxing place in your mind. Remember. your making new memories with your family that your Mom and Dad would want you to do. I'll keep you in my prayers that all goes well. Missing my Mom, Trudy

When I am talking to someone, they start to cry. I feel like they are letting me know it's ok to cry and let it out. They have already been through what I am going through. I don't have to stuff it back in. Those people who rub your arm and say "You'll get over it". You know, the ones you want to punch. I guess this is just another point of how we are all in this together and yet we all grieve differently. Missing my Mom, Trudy

Lori, It was to the left of the minister for everyone at the wedding to see. My brother said he wanted Mom close to him. They didn't get married in a church. They were married by a minister who gave them a beautiful nondenominal ceremony. If you can put you email address in your profile, I'll try to send you a picture of what we did. (With my daughters help of course) Missing my Mom, Trudy

Lori, I'm am very sorry for you loss. It must be hard lossing both parents. My dad is still here with me. I read some of your earlier posts. I'm glad you found this place. Everyone here is going through the same thing, just at different stages. I know you'll find the right thing to do at your daughter's wedding. Go with whatever feels right in your heart. Something that gave you a lot of comfort. I asked my future sister-in-law if we could light a holy candle and put it by Mom's picture. This gave be great peace. I lit this candle through all of the holidays. It was like she right there beside us lighting up a room with her wonderful personality just like she did in life. When my husband's mom died, my step-daughter played her favorite song "On Eagle's Wings" at the wedding. A special flower arrangement was also placed at the reception. My other step-daughter is getting married in Nov. of 07. Coming home from the first hospital stay, my Mom heard the news that Erin was getting married. Her reply was, "I'm going to be at that wedding." It broke my heart right into a million pieces because I knew she wasn't going to be here long enough to see that day. 16 days later she passed away. Even though I will have more time for my heart to heal a little bit, that wedding will be harder to get through than my little brothers. I knew for his wedding we were all feeling the same way. It was a bittersweet wedding. So happy for him but allof us missing her so much. At Erin's wedding, EVERYONE else will be SOOOOOOO happy. I will be happy for her too but my Mom's words will keep ringing in my ears. Peace to you and thanks for the reply. Missing my Mom, Trudy

Friends always ask "How are your doing?". It makes me feel so good. Sure I know they care about me. But more because my Mom is not forgotten. Most of these people didn't even know her. Time goes on for everyone else. We get stuck in grief. Thanks for sharing your stories. Missing my Mom, Trudy