LadyCarrie

Kay, I'm SO happy for you ~ for all of you. How exciting! Tell her to hurry up so your new little one can share my birthday. I would like that. Carrie

Definitely Yes. Thank you, Marty. Carrie

Thanks, Kay. I always need a "Procedure Sheet," such as you gave, from which to work. Butch is so much better at this than I, and since he's having troubles, I really do. Anne and Kay are great at this, Butch. Perhaps there are others as well. I haven't been so brave about making attempts, because I'm concerned that I can't easily remove my boo boos (embarrassing!). I do know that rebooting often helps. When concrete plants are having difficulties, our techs often suggest rebooting before proceeding with trouble shooting. Carrie

Thanks, Kay. Yes, these are the Weebles I had in mind! Seeing them again makes me happy. They bring back such happy, happy memories of playing with Amberly when she was little. Each of us here on the forum is going to be all right. We all both hold onto each other, and hold each other up. The wind beneath our wings ultimately comes from God, but He often provides it through our loved ones and precious friends ~ such as we have here. God also gives us art as a way to create. In the beginning of time, He looked over His creations, was happy about His work, and pronounced us all "good." He wanted us to enjoy that kind of happy, so He gave us a desire to create, and gave us art (and art appreciation). He knew that we were all going to want and need each other, so He gave us Marty. Carrie

Dear Fae, Thank you for your post, and for the suggestion of the movie. I will check it out. I do like and admire Judy Dench. We really enjoyed "As Time Goes By" on TV. Thank you for blessing my life by sharing so much of yours. Thank you for your encouragement. I grab onto every encouraging word said on the forum, and often "copy and paste" them, so I can have them available whenever I need them. I'm trying to learn how to do "this" well. I know everyone here hurts. We hold and uplift each other (we "love one another"). God gives us people, and just the right ones (Thank you, Marty). Blessings, Carrie

Jan, I say allow Kelbi to decide whether he wants to walk, and whenever he feels like it. Perhaps he can walk one mile, rather than two ~ shorter walks, yet often. Of course, I'm judging by my own arthritis, and that of two geriatric Doxies. I didn't like our babies being called "geriatric" at the vet's office either, but the truth is we are a geriatric couple with two (then 3) geriatric dogs. Oh, well. Beauregard could not tolerate his Metacam drops (anti inflammatory), but Callie tolerates it all right. Because she has kidney disease, she can take it only every other day. I wish you and Kelbi well. Carrie

Dear Kay, I'm trying to respond to your post, but things keep changing on me here so fast that by the time I write, whatever I said has changed. I said elsewhere that for tonight I gave up on living in the present, and that I'll try again tomorrow. My today is definitely changing my future drastically, but I'll be all right. Do you remember back in the '70s (when you were a child) a thing called a weeble (or was it a a wobble)? You could knock it over, and it would stand back up again. Amberly had one. Like you, and many others here, somehow, I usually pop back up ~ at some time and to some degree. Some things you just don't get over ~ and popping back up is very difficult. I was writing to you tonight when Amberly got home from work. I had not realized how hard she is taking her Daddy's taking down his electronic parts, disposing of so many of his possessions, and changing so many things. She came in, and sat on the floor beside my bed (I was already in bed), and needed to talk. She said, "I don't want Daddy to remove his parts and things. I sort of hoped he'd leave them where they are, but that would make it harder for you, wouldn't it? She said, "It's so sad that he's doing this." I told her that as hard as this is now, it would be even harder later. She agreed. I knew Amberly was going to hurt, but didn't know she would hurt as badly as she is. While she's at work, she can divert her mind. I'm telling myself that other people get through such as this ~ and much worse ~ so we will manage with God's strength. I do hope this makes sends. Thank you so very much for caring. You have a compassionate heart. Hugs, Carrie

Dear Anne, I'm thinking of you, and I care very much how you are feeling. Tonight, I am not even challenged to live in the present. I gave up. I don't do that very well. I'll try again tomorrow. Warm hugs, Carrie

Regarding Kelbi, perhaps, like me, if he has arthritis, it takes a while for the "morning stiffiness" to become less (doesn't go away entirely anymore). Mornings are slower than afternoons. Hopefully he just had a slow start. Sunlight and warmth definitely help. I hope little Kelbi will get a good report from the vet. I let Callie onto the back deck for about an hour to get sunlight this morning, but this afternoon was too cold for her. She wanted back inside and underneath her light. She'd had enough of the great outdoors. There was rain and snow a few miles "up the hill" at a somewhat higher elevation. We had no precipitation here, but the clouds were promising. Perhaps tomorrow. Beauregard didn't get to go out onto the deck today at all. We have a worker this week who is terracing a small hill with concrete stones for us. Beauregard would have bellowed at the nearby worker like a bloodhound. We would hate to have our much-needed worker walk off the job because he was bellowed at by a hound. Beauregard is little, but is loud and sings bass. Carrie

I thank each of you from the bottom of my heart. Love and hugs,❤️ Carrie

Dear Mitch, All of us here on the forum care very much that you are in such anguish of soul. So many here are suffering terribly, and feel your pain, for your feelings echo their own. Some are hurting too intensely to write, but care very much that you hurt ~ and hurt so deeply. May God uplift you, and may you find peace for your broken heart. I send you hugs. ❤️ Carrie

Dear Persie, I was thinking of you earlier today, and wondered how you are. I'm glad you wrote again. It's all right to cry. You have good reason to cry. Sometimes we need to "cry it out" in order to find release of pent up emotion, so we can regroup, and then have another go at whatever needs to be dealt with. As I was once told by a social worker at a hospital, it's "normal, natural, and necessary." All of us here cry, so you have company. I believe I understand much of what you are going through as you take such good care of your mother. I took care of my mother for twenty years after my father died. The last five years were total care ~ feeding, diapering, batheing, and whatever needed to be done. For one of these years, she called me, Mama". That was not easy to hear, but I adjusted ~ mostly. I understand feeling exhausted. I don't regret my choice to take care of my mother, for it was the right thing for me to do (not right for everyone). Like you, I had my husband's full support, and even encouragement; even so, it was not easy to kiss each other goodnight at the bottom of the stairs, and each of us go in different directions. That hurt. He went upstairs to our room, and I went downstairs where I slept on the couch, and my mother slept in her hospital bed (she could not sleep through the night, so I never knew when I would need to get up with her). I changed her diapers throughout the night, for she was bedridden. Because she had dementia, some nights became rather interesting. Sometimes she called me by names of her relatives she grew up with, but I had no idea who she thought I was at such times until years later when I researched her family history. Through my research, I learned who "Dear ole Belle" was and who earned that sweet smile of my mother's late at night. I did eventually hire a LVN to live with us to share responsibilities (years later, our LVN got hepatitis C from a blood transfusion, and came to live with us, for her family abandoned her. I became caregiver for her, for she was wonderful to my mother and to all of us). You are likely going to need some kind of help, for one person cannot stay on duty all the time. I know that's easier said than done, because it will soon apply to me again likely. I'm wondering how I can manage this myself. The one who gave me his full support and encouragement, now needs my help. Selling your home is a huge stress in itself. You have your hands and your heart full. I'm so sorry you are hurting for your little Rosie. My heart goes out to you, and I send you warm hugs. I agree with you that you need a bit of time to be away to regroup and rest. My husband and I had a favorite motel at Victorville, CA that we liked to go to for short breaks. If you can find a way to have even little breaks, getting away to just be with your husband will help you cope easier and better (based on my own experience). I wrote of my caregiving years to let you know that I understand somewhat of what you are now experiencing. I also want you to know that we here on the forum care that you are hurting, and many of us have been caregivers for loved ones. You are not alone with your grief. Blessings, Carrie

Anne, You must have purchased the last two of Johanna Basford's coloring books (smile). I just recently learned about them, and was considering ordering. After I saw today that you have them, and like yours so well, I told Jerry about them. He handed me his iPad just now, and suggested that I go ahead and get them from Amazon. Both books are out of stock. Ugh! I guess I'll be waiting a few weeks also. . I'm happy you have yours. Have fun, and do share your work with us. I enjoy seeing your photos. I found the mouse. Kay, you are so right in all that you said regarding art, and you said it well. You must feel this in your soul in order to know it. It is the playing in color that I love. Color is addictive, I think. I can get a color "high" with paint on canvas, and not from fumes ~ just the happy in my heart (I have a feeling that a some of you who read this will understand). I like playing with color whether on canvas, in the garden, or on the table. Color was my specialty in my salons years ago. We've been moving things around in the house so that Jerry doesn't need to use the stairs so much. His hip causes him much pain. We moved my office downstairs to the middle level, and his desk, etc. upstairs two levels so that he is just across the hall from our bedroom and his bathroom (Amberly's old room, which we still call her room). Our house is average size. It's just built on a hill with LOTS of stairs inside and outside. It's a split-level house built on five levels, but just under 2400 sq. feet. I think there are about 20-24 stairs from our bedroom to our actual office. The stairs are becoming more and more difficult for him to use. The sound of the thump of his foot hitting the stairs (so slowly and heavily) will be in my memory always. Thud, pause, another thud. The sound is hammered into my mind. It is not a sound I choose to remember. Jerry offered me part of his shop space for my art supplies (he's going through his things with plans to "get rid of things no longer needed" [!!]). I likely won't accept his offer, because this is no time to paint, except in my mind. It's better to put most of my supplies in the storage room for now ~ colored pencils, color books, and sketching materials excepted. It's been a long time since I've used any of these, but I like to look at them and plan. Jerry's wanted me to have an art studio for a long time, as I once had, but even if I had time to paint, I'm not about to be so far away from him. The thought just crossed my mind that he's trying to get me all set up. He's taking his things down for me! I think I know what he's doing. This began with me teasing, and now just listen to me. I could get whiplash from these mood changes. I'll go and give this some thought. I'm not sure what to think. Hugs dear friends, Carrie

I've been wondering, Who gets the beaters, and who gets the bowl?

Dear Kay, Although you were in shock when you sang "It is Well," the words were true and accurate and from your core. God gave you that strength (and the stamina to sing at that time), and He gives you a powerful strenght now. As He strenthens you, you help strengthen others. This is as He intends for each of us (love one another . . .). Like you, my spouse who died never returned to me, and neither did my parents or siblings who have died. My mother said that my father appeared to her; my sister said that her daughter appeared to her, and my friend said that her husband appeared to her. I am content to know that although my loved ones are absent from their bodies, they are present with the Lord. I believe you likely have this contentment also. God is taking care of our loved ones, and He is taking care of us while we wait until we are reunited. Jerry and I have talked about this, and we agree that the one who is left needs to be content to wait, and to be at peace regarding the safety of the spirit of the one who left ~ temporarily. I have a friend whose husband died a few months ago, and she's wondering why her husband has not given her a sign that he is all right. I am no expert at this, but I'm telling her that I believe most people never receive signs, and that even if she (like me) never does, God is still in control of all, and to try to find peace in her soul in this truth. I want so much to comfort her, so I give her what I believe, which is my own comfort. For me, it is enough, and I pray it will be for her as well. Blessings, Carrie

Dear Fae, Thank you for sharing your heart with us, and thank you for the hope that shines through. Your giving hope to the rest of us is a great blessing. You have lived and loved well, and you continue to do so. May God continue to lead and uplift you as you make your way into a new way of being. You will do well. Blessings, Carrie

Harry is "right on." This person is trouble for you for now and always unless you drop him right away. Carrie

Giggle

Persie, I forgot to say that Ashely would have been fifteen years old on June 28, and that we have another little red sable girl Doxie named Calico Rose, called Callie, who also has kidney disease (!!). Her birthday is June 29, just one day after Ashely's. We always celebrated their birthdays together (big party), so this one will be tough for us. We will make sure Callie's day is special nevertheless. We are really dreading losing our little Callie. There is no cure for kidney disease. Hurts! We also have a red smooth male Doxie named Beauregard who just turned fifteen. He still thinks he rules the place. He doesn't know that he's 15, only 8 inches tall at the shoulder, and has only 5 teeth (back of jaw). He likely doesn't even know that he's a dog. We never told any of them, and he never could read well. Our three babies were/ARE cousins. Neither Callie nor Beauregard would be happy if we introduced another Doxie while they live. They're too old to make a good adjustment. Blessings, Carrie

Kay, feel free to call me at 3 a.m., for I'm likely awake ~ or just falling asleep. Either way, you can call. ❤️ Shucks, let's just get Anne up as well. I'll bet that girl has a piece of chocolate cake put back somewhere. We can raid her refrigerator. You guys can come raid mine, but I don't bake. We have a good bakery nearby though, if I know ahead of time. Seriously, I pray whatever is causing you stress will be resolved soon. You, and other precious friends here on the forum, continue to be in my thoughts and prayers throughout the day. Hugs, Carrie

Dear Persie, My heart goes out to you, and I'm so sorry for your loss. I do understand your heart-wrenching pain, as do many others here. Our little Ashely Rose Doxie died of kidney disease last October 10, and even today, I nearly burst into tears when I realized that the noise I heard was not her little toenails on the hardwood floor. I thought for a quick moment that she was going to run into the bathroom with me, and jump into my arms, as she usually did when she realized that I was "missing" when she woke up from sleeping in her bed underneath my desk. Her little bed is gone, but I asked my husband, Jerry, to put her light back. It was just too dark and cold under there. Both of us cry easily still ~ sometimes one of us will remember, talk about her, and cry, and sometimes it's the other one who remembers, and needs to talk out the pain. On an encouraging note though, these episodes are controlled better now than at first. We don't expect to ever stop hurting for our little fur girl, yet we know we must learn to cope. We are coping well, I think, but the crying episodes continue ~ exacerbated because of other grief issues. Come back and talk here anytime you feel you need to, or whenever you'd like. You are understood here, and we all care a lot that you are hurting. You will not need to grieve alone. We are right here with you. Hugs, Carrie and Jerry

I found Kelbi on Anne's Pinterest board. Precious indeed! Carrie

❤️

Harry, I am thinking of you and your family. The roller coaster ride is awful. I understand the roller coaster. For me, for now, the roller coaster ride is preferable to the alternative; still, it hurts. I pray for God to hold and sustain each of you. Carrie

Thank you, Marty, and warm hugs to all, Carrie