rdownes

Brianna you are so right life can be so overwhelming holidays and special days will be hard. I have only dealt with first Father's day that was hard I spent most of the day crying but got up the next day realizing I made it through , I told my family about a month ago I would not be celebrating Christmas this year, but now I am thinking I will wait and see what happens I realize that until I pass away I will only have Kevin here in spirit and in my heart these days are gonna be here every year whether I want them to or not so I will just wait and see what happens you do what you feel is right for you and just explain it to your family.

Brianna I am so sorry it is so bad right now I understand I am only a month further than you. So many times I have cried out I can't do this anymore. I can't take this anymore I want this nightmare to just end I want my Kevibn back. I truly wishthere was something magical I could say to make your pain go away to make everyone's pain go away,none of use wanted this but it is the price we pay for loving someone so much I would never trade this pain for anything now though because if I did I would never of been blessed to of had Kevin and his love I was lucky, you will find your way it takes time. Scream cry,vent whatever it takes to get through those hard times, I am learning that for me sometimes it's all I can do and it won't last, I try to remember his love and how he would not want me with him, he would have traded his soul to the devil to keep me safe.Even if you need to deal with things one breath at a time you will get through this at your own pace and hopefully find your peace. Grief will keep knocking us down over and over again all but I believe that if we hold on to their love and memories we can get back up my heart truly goes out to you HUGS Robin

I just get frustrated because then they shouldn't have said what they said at the viewing if they didn't mean it I was with Kevin longer than any of his siblings were with their SO and we were the couple they thought would never last well proved the wrong we outlasted them all I was Kevin's last love and he is my only love but I have calmed down just have to accept it now and move past it have no time for anger anymore

Brianna am so sorry your SO parents blame you know it was not your fault yes when people are hurting they can lash out on people. I don't know if your SO had a mental disorder but my husband like I said had bipolar I remember the first time he tried and almost succeeded I blamed myself and it took me awhile to understand it was not my fault people even feel guilty when their loved ones just pass away even though death is a natural thing that will happen to everyone we think their is something we could have done. Maybe you should not speak to your SO parents for awhile and just focus on dealing with your grief hugs Robin

First of all let me say how much I feel for you, I do not know how to prepare for someone to pass away, I definitely think spending as much time as possible to let him know how much you love him and so he can share his love with you and yes pictures you will want, cherish the time you have left. I can say that when he is gone you will cherish the memories not at first but in time, know that once he does leave this earth he will still be in your heart and with you in spirit I know that doesn't seem to help now but it will,my husband passed on May 17, 2016 and sometimes all that gets me through is remembering his love and knowing he never truly left me for right now just cherish what time you do have, we will be here for you and you are not alone.

It makes no sense I am so sorry for all of you, I think death should bring you closer it should teach you what is important in life I know it has taught me so much I don't understand people and what the world has come to sometimes I feel Kevin is the lucky one not to be dealing with none of this anymore I can't change people though can only work on myself hugs to you all

I am frustrated with Kevin's family the day of the funeral all they did was say if you if you need anything please let us know we need to be closer. Well here it is almost four months later and I have a reality inspector coming out on Monday have things I need to fix Kevin is gone he always fixed everything if the stuff isn't fixed might say I can't stay so I asked his family to help and no one will. I haven't really gotten angry since Kevin passed but this has my blood blood boiling, I was Kevin soulmate and his kids are their blood I don't understand why would they do thi. Just am so frustrated.

Brianna that was truly a sign an amazing one he is truly still with you, We need to be here for each other sometimes no one else understands our pain and loss you will always be heard and understood here. Hugs Robin

Brianna it is your right to grieve. You will never forget about it or get over it but you will learn to live with it and find your way, no one has the right to rush you not even someone who has been through it because we are all different and our losses are ours no one else's. I love signs from Kevin it brings me such comfort I was at the beach on day with my daughter and grandson and a butterfly flew right over my head. Have had other signs mostly butterflies they truly are a blessing. Hugs

Brianna,I feel you pain and understand. I lost my husband of 26 years on May 17, 2016 what you are going through is not easy and it is a long road with ups and downs but it is the price of love, when I first came to this community I could not see that all I could do was was be angry at the world , feel nothing but sadness and lost. The people here are amazing they care about one another and share their pain in hopes of helping a fellow griever find a way to reach some sort of peace. My Kevin did not die from suicide but he had bipolar and on more than one occasion he did attempt it he almost succeeded in my living room he flat lined but was revived so to some extent I know how you feel and lies I can relate to my husband had a pain killer problem due to self medicating I was lied to one a day basis but I also knew he loved me unconditionally and he was my soulmate no one is perfect try not to dwell on the stuff you can do nothing about anymore hold on to his love and your love for him. I know my love for Kevin and his love for me has got me past many hard days and nights. This is your journey and you will find your way in your own time and at your own pace just take it slowly baby steps if needed know you are never alone he is with you in spirit and we are always here for you. Robin

You are right Kaycee no matter how long we were with our soulmates it could never be enough time because we love them down to our souls we just need to be grateful to of found them and thankful for the time we were granted

You are so right they are not in pain anymore dare I say better place a place with no pain, anger or hurt though those of us left behind miss them so much we forget that and just want them back to ease our pain, and you are right we have to feel everything in order to be able to go on with our life and it can be so hard sometimes but I know we can all find our sense of peace in our own way at our own time.

Let me start by saying I feel for you and your loss I lost my Kevin on May 17,2016 he was 47 we were together 26 years let me start by saying you will have ups and downs you will have days you wanna tear your heart out, you will have days when you feel you are doing ok only to be knocked down again and you will definitely feel lost at times but what keeps me going is hope. Hope that I can live on with my Kevin in my heart and by my side in spirit. It took me along time to get to where I am and while my journey has just begun I am finally finding a desire to want out of this darkness not move on or get over but be able to live with some sense of happiness my Kevin loved me unconditionally and I was blessed to have found that and am thankful for the time I did have though when it first happened I wasn't very thankful just angry. This is your journey and you will find your way that is good for you it just takes baby steps to get there this community is full of amazing people who understand and will always listen I am sorry you have to be here but glad you found it my heart goes out to you.

I agree with Mitch be honest I do when people ask me if it is an ok day I do say I am doing ok most of the time I say surviving which sometimes that's all we can do. It is hard for people to understand unless they have been through it so I feel people honestly just don't know how to talk to us and I am ok with that it used to bother me. I do not pretend to be anything if people can not handle how I answer something they ask then they can chose to not ask me anymore, I will not hide my grief to make other people feel better it is my right to grieve and it is their right to chose if they can be by my side or walk away, I do not hold anything against people because it was not to long ago that I was in their shoes not knowing how to help someone else who lost someone I feel for you and how hard this time is right now I am only almost four months in try and hold onto his love on these hard days remember he is with you if only in spirit hugs to you.

Thank you Kat it is scary but I must keep trying and taking those steps.

Mitch yes you have everyone has helped me in more ways than they will ever know I am truly grateful for this community. I have to try and start piecing my life back together in a way that is do able for me with Kevin gone.

I was sitting talking about plans in the next few months with my one son, once my daughter moves I need to move to a smaller house to bring down my expenses and I could actually talk about it without feeling utterly hopeless but will definitely not be looking past next few months am not quite there yet baby steps but feels better to be taking any steps.

Song by Westlife called " I'll See you Again" please listen this is not goodbye Kevin.

I know it is the waves hitting that I am going to have to get through and still find the drive to move forward which is my biggest obstacle I know a wave will be hitting soon it has been in awhile since that unbearable, uncontrollable feeling has hit right now I guess I am in the call before the storm mode but I do feel like I am learning to deal with and accept things it is still hard though but you guys help me so much in the drive to move forward because I know I am not alone

I am sorry if what I am about to post sounds like babble it is just have so many thoughts. As I look back at the start of this journey I can remember the total feeling of it can't be true this is not happening, the feeling of utter disbelief and denial. I found this group and amazing people shared their pain, struggles, and even their hopes with me and I learned so much and wanted to try and show comfort when I could though being new to grief I wasn't sure how I could help anyone, I know it is the beginning and I have a long journey but it does feel like it is getting better in the fact that I don't dread getting up anymore I may not be a truly happy person anymore but I guess I have accepted this is my life now and I can't walk around like the world has ended anymore, I am watching my family try and put the pieces back together of some sort of life and I have to try to do the same, my daughter is moving out in two months with my grandson, my son is only gonna be here for like two more years I need to find my way, I know it will be hard, I know I miss and love my Kevin down to my soul but I have to find my way out of this darkness. Do I make any sense is it even possible just want more than always feeling this way.

She is with you Butch she truly is even though we can't see or hear them I know our soulmates are with us through everything good and bad. Just close your eyes and imagine her words of comfort I know her spirit is wrapping her arms around you.

She is beautiful can see why she has your heart

I am so sorry for what you are going through my heart goes out to you I don't know how I would cope with another lost right now and you have had three since Mary I know your Mary is with you though her spirit is with you, she knows all you are going through I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that you are given the strength you need during these hard times

He is with you an amazing picture it truly radiates love

Janet I feel your pain and loss and understand I lost my Kevin on May 17, 2016 we we together twenty six years , the loneliness gets so hard it feels like the longer they are gone the more we realize they aren't coming back and the more it sets in. I get by by holding my Kevin as close to my heart as possible, thinking of his unconditional love and imagining his spirit wrapping his arms around me it is all I can do to keep going sometimes I am sorry you are a part of thiscommunity for it means you lost your soulmate but am glad you found it I have learned so much from the people in this community they are in pain but everyone truly cares and understands hugs to you.