widow'15

Ah yes Gwen, it is expensive owning a home and my house is more floor space than I need thus I made the choice to move way back in February 2020. But, thanks to the virus and our illustrious governor shutting down the housing construction business back in the early Spring I have not completed my plans to purchase a new manufactured home. The new home is placed on my son's property but the weather and backups in the county permitting office keeps the brakes on. I do busy myself purging and sorting papers, files and stuff in hopes that the upcoming shutdowns, weather, etc., does not hamper the finalization of my plans. I have already convinced my brain, 2021 will be the time to put my house on the market. So far, here in Tacoma, the housing market is good and am keeping my fingers crossed it remains so. When Bob and I purchased our first home way back in 1965 our first house had sat empty on the market for a year. It was during the time that Boeing was shutting down. You are probably too young to remember the Seattle saying, "The last one leaving Seattle, turn out the lights?" Our little 900 sq ft house cost us $14,000 and I looked on the county website and saw that it last sold for $255,000 in 2016. Even though I am not being rushed to move, just going back through all the memories of stuff, is a heart-breaker. But, my old body is telling me I have to do this as much as it hurts the heart and soul. One step at a time. Dee

Karen: My thoughts are with you as you go through today. Your closing statement hits the nail on the head. My words exactly, "if not a hunting trip", on a "fishing trip". Your Ron sounds so much like my Bob. A true outdoors-man. Hugs, Dee

Gin: So sorry you are facing an anniversary without your Al. I agree with Gwen, you should have been given more time of happiness. Keeping you in my thoughts. Hugs, Dee.

So sorry to read this, kayc. I wonder why they downplay the pain, and limitations surgery usually requires. I have some thoughts only because I have listened to my daughter and her fears of the changes in pain management. She has dealt with chronic back problems for years and watched the changes evolve. I hope you'll be feeling much better soon. Dee

kayc: Good to hear your are home and resting now. Am assuming "they were nuts" refers to other drivers on the road and not the hospital staff? Good thoughts going to you. Dee

kayc: As I read this you are probably at the hospital right now, 3pm Pacific Time. Good luck and best wishes on your recovery. Dee

Gwen: Sending my thoughts to you and a big comforting HUG. Dee

I try to eat properly everyday, so focus on shopping for food that is easily prepared and less kitchen mess. But, there are some days I do falter. On those days I feel my husband would forgive me for overdoing the chocolate cookies for that day or indulging with pizza with my grand kids. What does motivate me to continue on each day is my memory of him wanting to live and enjoy his life as long as he could even though he was facing bladder cancer. He went through bladder removal surgery, came down with an infection and passed away suddenly from a heart attack the night before I was to bring him home after recovering from the infection. His choosing to go through the surgery indicated to me he wanted to live as long as possible. So, I can't devalue that strength. I hope you can find what works for you to continue on. But, each of us are different even though we each have lost the most important person in our life. Dee

Anne: Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. It gives me so much to think about as I go forward on my grief path. And yes, grief is hard work. Dee

Gwen and All of Us Here: So wish we didn't have to exist this way. It is so hard to be strong when there is no one to share our fears. I am thankful for this Forum that reminds me I an not the only one hoping for a happier day, some day. This morning checking up on Facebook, up popped a picture of my Maddie that was taken shortly after she became part of my household. Made me smile, then I cried. Miss her so much as I know you miss your sweet Ally. Those triggers keep on coming don't they? Hugs everyone, Dee.

Oh my goodness kayc this offer from your sister seems like "the straw that breaks the camel's back" for you. I hope you and Peggy can convince Polly that this trip to the coast will not be possible. It is nice that she wants to get together with you, Peggy and your daughter, but maybe a Spring trip more manageable for all can be arranged somehow. I have been following your choice of purchasing a generator. When I ever get the ok to move to my new "Gramma" house on my son's property, I will have to purchase a propane run generator myself. Your system sounds quite adequate and once installed will give you some relief and comfort during the winter months. I am sorry to see you aren't able to sleep. Keeping you in my thoughts. Dee

Joan_s: How awful you are faced with this task especially at this time. Keeping you in my thoughts. I do hope this turns out positive for you. Dee

kayc: This sounds like a good plan. Am glad to hear she offered and you accepted. Good luck on surgery. Dee

scba: Ditto here, too. I set myself up in my recliner and watch TV and eat my meals. 🍴

Gwen: Yes, being married to a meat and potatoes, outdoors man there was always red meat in the kitchen freezer, not to mention a freezer in the garage full of seafood or game. Now, I do try to keep some chicken or ground turkey in the freezer to plop in my slow cooker to eat on . Last year I emptied and unplugged the garage freezer since there wasn't anything left in it to necessitate running the electricity to it. I don't know if it's my age, no incentive, or loneliness that I only seem interested in eating anything to keep something in my stomach. Your requirement to shop and buy is not in my DNA. I still enjoy using my laptop to shop, set up a pick up time, and let them load it in my car. I only have to put the groceries away and call it good. I have tried the frozen microwave stuff, but with my BP issues, the salt content doesn't do me any good. Just keeping the dishes washed and put away seems more than I really care about. But, I totally understand your need to be out in the world and around humanity. We each do what we can do, to get through each day, alone. I just wish you, kayc and others weren't always dealing with such pain. Hugs, Dee.

So far am doing ok, I think. Although, yesterday at 4:30'ish pm, I felt like it was already 10 pm due to early darkness here in WA state. If I was on medications that were closely monitored I can see where it could be a real problem...... one hour either way doesn't affect me. Am thankful for my smart phone that tells the real time and a reminder when to take BP medication. I still have those old fashioned clocks on microwave, oven, car and wall clocks that have to be manually changed. I have to agree with those who would like to stay on DST. Dee

Joan_s: Good to read you find this forum helpful. I, too, find solace in reading how others have managed to live without their loved ones. I don't think I would have made it without their stories. I hope your children are managing as well as they can with your guidance. The comfort of being with others who understand your pain and fears provides comfort. Take care, Dee.

Marg: Yes, sadly just being kin doesn't guarantee harmony in a family. I sometimes wish I didn't know all I know about what happened in our family. It makes me very sad, especially now that I am without my husband and such a small family of my own. I had one brother who was tragically killed in an accident at age 40. I have lost contact with his two daughters years ago. We corresponded for awhile. The only cousin I keep contact with lives in Lafayette, LA, and I was delighted he and his wife came up for a visit a year ago last summer. I am not blessed, like you, with family and close friends nearby. Keep writing your stories. Dee

TheBear: I am so sorry to read why you have joined this Forum, but I feel now that you have you will learn how to begin your path towards dealing with your grief and pain. I hope you will continue to read what others have shared here. Probably the most important thing I have learned here is to only take one day at a time and please know you are in a safe place with people who care what you are going through. My thoughts go out to you. Dee

Marg: I too enjoy reading your stories of growing up in the South. Fortunately, or unfortunately I can relate to a lot of your stories. My family were from North Mississippi. In the early 40's my parents moved to New Orleans where I grew up until I was 19 and was given the opportunity to come to the Pacific Northwest. My sweet Mother grew up in Tennessee and when she was 13 her parents moved her and her four brothers to the most desolate part of the country, nothing but pine trees, no running water or inside toilets. She would tell me when I was growing up how she would sit on the the porch and just pray some human would drive down the dusty road. After my grandparents passed away the 160 acres of pine trees were split up between the kids, less one uncle that died in WWII. Won't go into all sad details this caused in the family, but believe me, there are not a lot of happiness through the years. But, thanks for sharing, love your stories. Dee

Gwen: Good to see you made it home and no visible changes in your back. Keeping fingers crossed regarding "finding''? Sorry you're thinking more referrals in your future. Take care and try to find some rest. Dee

Joan_s: Yes, your survival and healing has begun.....one minute at a time, one breath at a time, one step at a time and one day at a time. Remember, you are not alone on this path. Hugs, Dee

Karen: Like Gwen said, there is only so much room on that key. Ford Motor Company might have cut costs in the key department. Now I'm wondering if these key fobs aren't able to start someone else's car, too. I have heard of garage door openers being able to open other garage doors. Boggles this old mind. Dee

Marg: My exact sentiments - I wouldn't be able to remember how to use it. LOL Dee

kayc: I'm not savvy with the key fob that comes with my 2008 car, but doesn't the fob when used correctly, give off a loud beep and lights flash when car is locked or unlocked. Again, I don't use mine properly, I just lock door with button on door, and when I get to my car I just have to touch the door handle and it unlocks. My kids always tease me that I don't want to know all the bells and whistles. And, they are correct, I could care less. This discussion of finding a car in the parking lot reminds me of a similar situation many years ago when I had taken my son shopping for school clothes at a mall here in Tacoma. I gave my car keys to my son and told him to put the clothes in the trunk and we'd continue shopping. When he returned to where I was waiting, he said Mom, you might want to put some WD40 on the lock cause it was not easy getting the trunk open. Come to find out he had put over $200 worth of new clothes into someone else's Green Taurus. He felt awful. He had found a Taurus identical to our car in the same area and was able to open the trunk with my key to deposit his new school clothes. No recourse cause we had placed clothes in wrong trunk. Life can be fun. Dee