WendyJ

Oh Suzanne I have missed you as you and I and a few others joined about the same time. I think we may find that quite a few of us are not doing as well as we had hoped. I know for awhile there I was doing very well but my life changed and it has not been the same since, if anything it just recently got worse again. I think maybe alot of us need to get back to posting as we need more support from eachother than we would like to admit. I am also at 2yrs and three months. Love Always, Wendy

Kay I have to give you credit for getting William to post, even though we are the closest of friends and stay in touch daily I had given up on getting him to post, good job ! You two know I am hanging in there, having a rough time of things but managing. I will find out at some point today if I have the Swine Flu as I have not been well. Life is not easy anymore, not that it ever was after losing Steve but I have had too many slight ups and big downs since then and as you all know it takes a toll on you after awhile. But I just wanted you to know I was here and surviving. Love Always, Wendy P.S. William you are one of my dearest friends and we have been close for years, seeing eachother through alot of bad times. I just want you to know how so very proud I am of your progress and the wonderful relationship you have with Denise. Here is a big (((HUG))) to you and please give one to Denise for me too, you found yourself one wonderful lady ! Love You Gugi !

Chai you will very rarely hear me say anything other than my husband passed. I don't know if the other ways sound too permanant to me or what it is, but I do not like to say them or even write them here....I am right with you ! Love Always, Wendy

I too am very sorry Vicki and sending some (((HUGS))) your way. I too have had many things happen since my husbands death so I do know how you feel, again I am very sorry. Love Always, Wendy

Kathy I am so sorry I missed your Birthday...hope it was a good one ! Love Always, Wendy

Urchin I am so very sorry for your loss, please keep coming here and we will help you in any way we can through this terrible time. Myself I would send the brochure to your friend and leave it to her whether to contact you more. I will make you a bet she is trying to get up the nerve to contact you also and I think you both need eachother very badly right now. Please let us know what happens. Love Always, Wendy

Oh Kay, Have not been on here in quite awhile but I remembered when your anniversary was my friend. As I read your post all I could think of was that George must have had a very funny sense of humor. Honestly I got the feeling that he was trying to make you laugh at yourself on a day where you might otherwise be very sad. Right now, think back to all you just said happened, how would George have reacted if he were there to witness them? I have a very busy weekend ahead, my dad is up from Florida but hoping we can chat at some point this weekend as I miss you dearly. I hope you can get through today with a few smiles remembering more happy times than with too many tears and you know I am here for you my friend ! Love You, Wendy

Deb I am glad it is not just me feeling like that. I thought I was truly over the worst of all this, but no. All it took for me was going to a family party this past weekend where you think I would be most comfortable but that seems to be when it hurts the most as Steve should have been there, I should not have been alone. The drive over my Aunts was lonely, the day was lonely the drive back home at night was lonely. Seems like I start to get a life, then it gets taken away just as soon as I start to feel happy, so like you I feel like just an existance...and a lonely one at that. Love Always, Wendy

Marty I am not sure what happened but when I clicked on the attachment my computer went haywire and had to be shut down completely and started up again, you may want to check into this and make sure it is safe. Love Always, Wendy

Dealing with the unknown is one of the hardest parts of this. From the very beginning I panicked about what if something breaks or who will cut the lawn and what if the roof starts leaking during the night etc etc etc and some of the guys here will tell you I turn to them when I run into these problems but they are not here in Jersey so in reality I have to take care of these things on my own with their advice. My future is shattered, like yours and everyone elses..I have no idea what my future holds. Will I always be alone and having to do everything by myself with one income and struggling ? Or will I meet someone else who makes me almost as happy as Steve did and have all that comfort and love and security back ? Nobody can tell me this. My work has also suffered even after this longer period of time, my attention span is not what it used to be, I have a hard time focusing for more than a minute or so... even at home let things go longer than I would have in the past. I am just not the same person anymore between losing my husband and other things that have happened to me over the past 2 years. You are so right, this is cruel...horribly cruel and I can only hope that someday we can be even remotely happy again so that maybe we can look back at the times with our loved ones and smile instead of crying each and every time. Okay I think I will stop here Boo..this is hard for me too...lets both get back to work...we lose our jobs we have even more problems right ? ***sigh *** Love You, Wendy

Hey Boo, I believe what you are experiencing now is called reality. I have been super busy lately and have not been able to read the posts too much but something tells me that maybe you have also been very busy and now things are slowing down and the reality is starting to hit you like a ton of bricks. My friend it is normal and you will have this for awhile and then you will feel alittle stronger again and then it will hit you again, it is just the way it is. I am past my 2 year mark and I am still hurting like a Son Of A Gun, I will not lie to you. I was driving home yesterday from work and a Beach Boys song came on and all I could think of was Steve and I dating before we got married and how we would drive to the Jersey shore every weekend with the convertable top down and the Beach Boys music blasting....I cried all the way home from work. I am such a truthful person and I wish I could tell everyone things like hang in there and it will get better etc. all I know is this is the hardest thing I have ever been through in my life and honestly I don't think I will ever get over losing my soul mate but I can tell you we have to go on without them as we have others who love us and depend on us and need us to be here as they are hurting too. The great thing I love about this site is that we all understand one another and when someone says they are hurting we know all too well exactly how the other feels. We will make it, somehow...someway with eachothers help. (((HUG))) Love Always, Wendy

Well I am past the two year mark now and I can tell you it still hurts like hell, especially the Holidays. On a weekend like this Steve and I would have gotten together with family, gone for a ride on his Motorcycle, hit a flea market or two, BBQ'd all our food and rented a few movies and relaxed. Instead My nephews are sick this weekend, we are hoping it is not the swine flu as it hit their school system and my mother started chemo again today as her cancer is back. I still prefer to be alone too at times, but did go to a party Friday night at my bosses house and had a blast and realized I do have to get out more, so I am going to be working on that now. Hope you all have a nice relaxful weekend ! Love Always, Wendy

Oh Yes ...Kay is certainly right. Our lives are still such a roller coaster ride still, there is still such an emptiness that has not been filled and sadly may never be. We do not like what we have been given, I should say we hate what we have been given but we have to try to move on regardless. My life seemed to be going better, then I broke it off with a new relationship and yesterday we found out my mothers cancer has returned again. Hang in there my friend, we are right here with you just trying to get through each day the best we can. Love Always, Wendy

John how simply beautiful ! I felt such a sense of peace and love looking at these pictures, I can only imagine what it is like to be there in person. All I can say is WOW and Jack must be feeling so loved with seeing this, you truly are special. Thank you so much for sharing this. Love Always, Wendy

Kath it sounds like they gave you a wonderful birthday surprise, that is so important when we are feeling like we do. Happy Birthday my friend ! Love Always, Wendy

Edward, I am not really sure what advice to give you at this moment but I want you to know you just helped me more than I think you realize. I lost my husband two years ago and just a few months ago lost a love relationship that hurt almost as much, I am in a new relationship now with someone I have known since my childhood, a wonderful man who loves me dearly and was friends with my husband also many years ago. But you made me realize that not that I have been bringing up my husband too much as he misses him too but I think I have brought up this past love relationship entirely too much and I did not realize it till now. This man is very understanding and accepting of this but I think I need to tone it down some as maybe he is not as understanding as I thought. I had told him that this person and I will always remain close, we shared a very special time together and he is accepting of that but I think I do need to stop bringing his name up so much and I want to thank you for your post since it made me realize that. See that you came here for advice but in turn you helped someone else and I thank you for that. I think the only advice I can give you right now is to give it a little more time, maybe it is a combination of her not letting go yet and wanting you to know how things were and what she is used to. Either way I wish you luck and keep coming here we would like to help you however we can, and again thank you for making me see myself in your post. Love Always, Wendy

Oh thank you so much everyone, you all mean the world to me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of your wonderful wishes on my day. It is still hard without Steve here, he used to make such a fuss over me on my Birthday and I am so glad for all my friends and family to help me through. Love Always, Wendy

Okay now, if you have a child/or children under the age of 19 they are entitled to 75% of his disability. My husband was on disability also, but our children were older. Now when I said they are entitled, it means the money can be used by you to feed and put a roof over their heads and clothing etc. I got a couple checks from Steve's benefits also after his passing, believe me some how they find out right away that they have passed and rarely make a mistake, I believe the checks are paid going back and not forward so you should be entitled to them, but just check first. Here is another link you may want to check into. Your best bet is to do like I did which is to make an appointment at the local Social Security office and get it over with. I do remember crying on my way there, crying at the persons desk and crying all the way home, but I did it and so will you even though it is very hard. You need to keep your bills paid to keep a roof over your head okay? Yes you will need the death certificate, and I believe a few other things like birth certificate and maybe Social Security Card. Ask them when you make the appointment what you need to bring so you don't have to go through it twice. Here is the link: Love Always, Wendy http://www.ssa.gov/pubs/10084.html#3

Here is the link having to do with Cobra insurance, I hope this works. It says by law they should have notified you within 14 days of his passing or be fined daily, and the way I do it here at work is regular mail and certified mail. It also states that you and any children will be covered for up to 36 months, the only problem is you are responsible to pay for this but you might want to check with all these new laws that have gone into effect on how much. I know that someone who just got fired here is covered also under Cobra and we have to pay 65% and he only has to pay 35% so the same may be for survivor benefits. Please let me know what you find out. Love Always, Wendy http://www.cobrainsurance.com/COBRA_FAQ.ht...d%20beneficiary?

Teny I am so sorry for all you have been going through, you know I have had one hell of a ride too the last couple years but I have to tell you things do get better, I promise you that. Just take a deep breath and take each day at a time, you are one of the strongest women I know you can do this Teny and just think of your Mom and Yianny looking down on you and being so proud of you and those beautiful grandchildren who need their grandmother. You will get through this, look how far you have come already ! Love Always, Wendy

Timeless I know all too well how you feel as anyone here can tell you. I would go into these panics about things I could not fix or things I did not know how to do and you know what? I still don't but somehow you get through it all and things tend to work themselves out, and for me I just started my third year. You are getting very overwhelmed and I know how that is because I tend to get that way when things pile up on me, if there is too much to do I don't do any of it. But I do know that if I force myself to do at least one thing it does help me to keep going. As far as the cat if you can get yourself out and go to the pet store there is a product called Petromalt that works very well. As far as health insurance you are still covered by law and should have been sent paperwork to continue on Cobra Insurance. I believe it is for a good couple years or so, you will have to check into it by calling where he worked, but by law they have to offer it to you and they are already in trouble by not sending you information, please call them ASAP. Good luck to you, remember we all have or are exactly where you are, you do not have to do this alone. Love Always, Wendy

Thank you to my 2 favorite guys, you are both so sweet and mean the world to me ! Oh dear goodness Fred whatever you do don't sing ? LOL Love You guys, Wendy

Talia my friend I do not remember if you have family near by and/or friends but I do not believe you and I are not that far away. I do not mind making that drive if you need me there with you, please let me know as the time gets closer okay? I will try to mapquest it before hand . Just know we are all here for you any time you need us. Love Always, Wendy

Boo I hope you have a wonderful Birthday and please try to do something special just for you. You are such a sweet and caring person ! Love Always, Wendy

Talia, Teny and Kim thank you so much for your well wishes. I still get sad when I think of what that day would have been like and how wonderful it would have been to have another chance for a wonderful honeymoon, but I am glad now that the day has finally past as I felt it was another milestone keeping me from moving on with my life and starting a new relationship with someone. I now realize that as much as I would do anything to have my Steve back I need to move on and be happy. You are all so special to me and I appreciate you all very much. Love Always, Wendy